Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day

Hi Loves,

I hope you are enjoying the Memorial Day Weekend ! For the first time in years, I don't have to work and I am getting paid for it.

I took a little nap yesterday around 4pm and then woke up at 11pm. I then went back to bed at midnight and woke up around 9. Some much needed sleep.

I spoke to my grandma and grandpa yesterday and it's always nice to talk to them. You all know how much I love them. My grandma is turning 90 this July, and she was telling me that today she is going to think about her brothers who fought in the war. Luckily they came back to live full lives, but they did serve and I grew up hearing about their adventures.

My grandpa was in the Navy (very handsome military picture he has) and my other grandpa was a dentist in the Coast Guard.

My great-grandmother's charity of choice was the American Red Cross and her and my grandmother put in a lot of hours there.

I was born and raised in this country, and I am proud to be an American. I am also very grateful to these men and women that have died fighting for our country, because not only do we have the freedoms that we do because of their sacrifices, but I don't have to fight, because they stood up for me.

I will be very honest and say that I am against war, and I don't fight when I don't have to. If it is required of me, I will do my duty. But since I don't have to, I don't, and I am grateful to the people who have and continue to do so. I don't always agree with the choices that the president and congress make. I don't always agree with how our men and women are being sacrificed. But I will always be on the side of the troops. They are the ones who actually do the job, the ones who ultimately pay the price and for that I am grateful.

Before I log off, I would like to show appreciation to a couple of people:

1.) KrippledWarrior- I know Memorial Day honors the fallen soldiers, but although he is still with us, he has fought for our country. I am assuming from his blog name that he probably got injured in the line of duty for us. If I am wrong, please let me know. I have a tremendous amount of respect for this man. God Bless him !

2.) My friend Henry served his time in the Marine Corps and now works as a federal officer in the veteran's hospital. This guy is a pistol and I love his snark and wit. I feel sorry for those that get on his bad side. I have known him for about 5 years now, and he is a true gentleman, which is a rarity nowadays. I visited him in NYC and him and his mother were fabulous hosts to me. His mother is a wonderful woman, and I had a wonderful time talking to her. She makes the best pancakes.

That is all for now. I am going to try and get a workout in.

Besitos !

Saturday, May 29, 2010

I'm an honest douchebag !

Hello There My Little Fauxhawks !!!

Guess what my bitches ? Mama is back with another "manslation" !

Before I give it to you (oh yeah, that's what she said) I need to get on my soap box and discuss the topic of honesty in dating.

What's up with the "let's just be honest" thing in dating ? I believe in honesty such as "I'm still married" or "I've got genital herpes" or "I don't really look like my picture". Things like that.

What I don't believe in is when men ( I am saying men because I date men) don't even try to put their best foot forward in dating anymore, no more finessing. They feel a woman should accept them for them, so they decide that if they are douchey up front and a woman still decides to stick with him become a complete doormat then she is worthy of him and he will treat her better. Or not.

In my dating world, I've had men treat me like a lady so I am not all complaints. ( Did I tell you that recently while I was driving on the road, one of the guys fixing the road tipped his hat to me ? Total gentleman !)

However, there were also some dudes that decided that they didn't want to "waste their time on games" with me. They just decided that they should be "honest".  Fun times, my friends...........

Anyhooters, the douche du jour's ad is below (It was posted on Craigslist around Mother's Day) You know the scoop. Blue is my interpretation of what he probably means. Red is what I am saying.

Blatent Honesty: Sympathy Sex Today I've been begging for sex for so long, someone please pity me and bang me.


Date: 2010-05-09, 6:55AM

Well, why not try honesty for a change.

I'm 40 45 yo, WM, tall, sexy my dog humped me, very fit average build with some muscles, sane I have a pulse, cute, handsome even says my mom upstanding meaning that I like to have sex standing up citizen with high libido but ability to focus on something other than sex too :) I can breathe and have sex at the same time.

This is my first Mother's Day separated still married  from my family, and it's surprisingly hard my penis that is. I miss them she kicked me out of the house , even though the evil b-tch continues to torture me from afar I am still married. I don't want to complain, nor to find a soul mate (not ready for that by a long shot). I do want you to blow me because you feel sorry for me.

BUT, some making out, a warm bed (yours or mine), sharing a massage I will go straight to your naughty parts and some awesome, awesome sex with a douchey, douchey man would go a long way to improving my mood and making this a good morning !  For me that is, I won't bother to ask how you are doing.

Let's have each other for brunch. ooh, the love buffet. How original !

Me: 6ft 5'7, 180 200, blue eyes, dark hair what's left of it., great body, skilled and love to please and be pleased I go muff diving, but I am not good at it. I do expect a blow job for my troubles.. Neither an axe murderer nor a drug fiend nor an alcoholic...gainfully emplyed obviously not that gainful, I can't even spell in fact have to work later today. Creative, kind, did I say sexy and sexual and cute? ::vomits::

you: nonsmoker, at least somewhat sane just have two tits and a pulse, teeth are negotiable, openminded, kind and horny too. What does kindness have to do with fucking ?

Friday, May 28, 2010

My Random List of Thoughts

Hello My Little Marshmallows,

It's been about a week, and as you know Bret Michaels won Celebrity Apprentice. I was super stoked for that ! He was really the only reason I watched it. One of his tasks was to come up with a new Snapple Flavor, which he did. It's called Trop-A-Rocka. Among the mix is peach, vanilla and a hint of cinnamon. Because he is diabetic and was competing to win for the American Diabetes Association, he used sweetener instead of sugar. I am not a fan of aspartame, but I did think the drink was great. I bought it.

If you don't already know, I love Bret Michaels. I started watching him on Rock of Love. He has got to be one of the dirtiest, skankiest rockstars out there, and his antics always make me laugh. He said he is one hot perverted trainwreck and I love that about him.

One of the things I love most about him is that he is always in a good mood and always has a smile on his face. He is always positive and super nice to people and his fans. During the show, he said " I am here to win this based on merit. I want to win this competition with what I've done, not because I've thrown someone under the bus." The whole competition he didn't throw a single person under the bus. And he won. Even though in the last challenge Curtis conned him out of the good flavors for his drink, he still used what he had and made it work. And I love the drink. I didn't think I would, but I do !

But the thing that makes me his biggest fan is his sheer will to live and hit the road again. I hope that if I ever have to fight for my life, that I can have the same attitude he does.

Anyway, enough about him.................

Yesterday after work I saw the brightest rainbow I have ever seen. I was driving by the hills. In front of the hills was a field full of yellow flowers (thanks to the rain) and over it all was the brightest rainbow I had ever seen with another one over it. The rainbow was so bright and was kind of draped over the hills with the sun starting to set and frogs in the background. I had never seen anything like it. I have a picture on my camera phone but it doesn't do what I saw justice. I wish I knew how to download it.

For a few minutes I felt like I was one with nature and it made me feel happy to be alive. The last time I had a moment like that was when I watched the sunset on the beach in Mendocino. It was so powerful and I just couldn't help myself. I think we should all go out there once in a while and take in nature alone. I really felt one with nature that day and thankful to be alive.

Other than that, nothing else is really going on with me. I was supposed to go out this week, but I ended up being a recluse at home. I've been tired lately and I just wanted to relax a little more. Hopefully I will go out more this weekend.

And before I go, here is a sex tip from Bretty himself:



Okay, off to your bloggies !

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Hump Day Hotness !

Hello There Kittens !

Happy Hump Day ! Look at this man candy by the name of Daniel Sunjata below...............




Ladies, you would remember him from Sex and the City, the Lousiana sailor from Fleet Week week who was good on the dance floor and probably in bed too.

He also starred in episodes of Law and Order SVU as the lab technician or the Puerto Rican firefighter from Rescue Me.  I think I need to be rescued right about now.............  ! Ay, me encanta papi chulo !



Anyhooters, for you men that could care less about me salivating over hot man candy, this little clip is dedicated to you............. Clearly sometimes in life we give too much of a fuck ! Kinda like Don't give a Fuck Friday, but on a Wednesday...........

Oh, if the screen is too small or some of it is cut off, just click on it to make it bigger. ( That's what she said !)

Monday, May 24, 2010

Senorita's Songs..................

Songs that Elicit Emotions.................

Miss You by Everything but the girl.
1.) It was popular in Austria and Germany when I spent the summer with my grandma who has since passed away. How I wish I could relive the summer of 1998 and get a chance to do what I did again. I am so glad I took her invitation to learn more about my Austrian heritage. She is the reason I speak German like a proud Austrian.

The song also reminds me about the many people that have come in and out of my life, people I thought I would be around forever, people I thought were family. I will pass by my old houses that I used to live in (I moved a lot), or old hang out spots and remember the days that I wanted to grow up so fast and I thought I would never grow up, I hadn't been to college yet, I hadn't even really traveled. Where my brother and I loathed each other and I never thought I would miss him and that we would live far apart. You know what they say, cherish your siblings because in the end all you will have is each other.

I think about the friends I have now and I wonder if we will continue to be in each others' lives or if they too will just become a memory.

How often are you forced to walk by places that used to hold so many memories but are now empty regular places because everyone has moved on? Streets your best friend or sweetheart lived on but has since moved away and all you are left with is that house occupied with people you don't even know ? I feel I am unnecessarily sentimental and while people come and go, buildings and places are solid and I get a lot of feeling and emotions from them. A couple of years ago I drove by one of the first houses we lived in when my family moved to the SF Bay Area, and the last one we all lived together as a family. A mean looking lady saw me in the street and gave me a nasty stare. It was hard looking at that place, knowing that so many years went by and other people are occupying your house (even though wasn't really mine).

Some places and their memories fade, but then again some never will.

My life is so completely different than it was growing up or even in college. Then I walk by places I used to live, or places I would hang out at all the time and it beings back all the memories, feelings I thought I had long forgotten about, the excitement, the fear, everything. I included the music video because I feel that it captures how I feel so well.



2.) Blurry by Puddle of Mudd
This song came out when I went through my first real bout of depresson in college around 2001 and was one of the reasons I got into Alternative music. It helped me get through it and feel a little better. Alternative music helped me heal lot. I used to see this music video on TV and just put my head on the pillow and let the music move me for a few minutes.



3.) Alive by POD".

After I listened to Puddle of Mudd, this song would make me feel better. Very uplifting, and another reason I got into Alternative music. Wonderful message.

4.) Hotel California by The Eagles. This song was one that was a staple in our household growing up with my parents and their friends. We would either listen to it while someone was playing the guitar or we would sing along to it.

Then wouldn't you know it, this past Thanksgiving, my cousin played it again on his guitar. Definitely an oldie but a goodie that will never go out of style in my book.

5.)And for good measure....... Freaks of the Industry by Digital Underground
Brings back memories of High School. In my senior year, I was put in Christian school where we were preached to over and over and over about saving sex for marriage. We had bible study, we were taught to be model Christians. But when prom time came around, we were belting this out word for word. "Cheek for cheek, pound for pound, you taxin' it, you waxin' it, and workin' it around till her booty start makin' that clappin' sound......" Yes, that's where my parents' hard earned dollars went.

Feel free to tell me your songs.............

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Who Do you Think You Are ? A long review in tracing family history.

Hello There My Little Manifests,

So I am a total reality TV junkie. I love the most mindless TV. However, I've been watching the show Who do You Think You Are which is actually really informative. Basically celebrities trace their lineage. And as in "they", I mean a whole team of experts that have all the resources at their hands. (Something I don't have access to at the moment) Some celebs I got so see this season: Sarah Jessica Parker, Susan Sarandon, Brooke Shields, Emit Smith, Spike Lee, Matthew Broderick and Lisa Kudrow. You can find an article about it here.

I enjoyed watching these celebrities look through old records and travel back to where their ancestors came from. It was an emotional show. I think most of us want to know where we came from and feel connected somehow. Susan Sarandon went back to Italy, and Emit Smith traced his slave ancestors back to Africa.

I was fascinated by this show. The show is a walking advertisement for Ancestry.com. In reality you need way more than access to that site to successfully trace your lineage. These celebs went waaaaay back. I consider them lucky to have the records that they did. Some people aren't so lucky.

I don't know why, but I get emotional when I start to trace my family roots. Probably because there are a lot of dead ends and will I ever get the answers to my questions ? I wasn't the first one who decided to have a look into our family past. My dad and aunts did too, and they've hit a bunch of stops and I was warned. But I still hoped that with newer technology, more documents would be uploaded into Ancestry.com. Which is true, but nothing that really answers my questions.

Also, are all those stories you've been told all your life about family members actually true ?
My relatives each told me different stories about relatives that don't match up. Some details match, some don't. Who to believe ? But that's because my aunts and grandma have different recollections because they talked to different people and had different earlier experiences.

For example, I was told that my great-grandparents came here through Ellis Island. Not only could I not find them in the records, but when I questioned the family members who told me, they said that they really weren't sure after all. Maybe they never arrived in New York, maybe they stopped somewhere else first. I've had these tidbits of info I was told as a child, but how do you know those tidbits are correct ? Who is right and who is wrong ? I went to Ellis Island thinking I was standing where my great-grandparents did, and maybe it never happened. Maybe they stood somewhere else first and I totally got it wrong.

Plus, once you get some information, what do you do with it ? It can be very overwhelming. There is soooo much information and I forgot how easy it is to get confused. It's easy to get discouraged. For example, my Russian great-grandmother's name is 11 letters long, but phonetically spelled a million different ways. How do you trace that ? It was spelled differently on records that I saw.

Here are some new things I learned while perusing the site.............

1.) My last name appeared a lot in the Jewish registry and I got to see a lot of people with the same last name who immigrated from Lithuania and Belarus in the late 1800s. (I thought it was just a Russian last name) I grew up being told that my last name was cut short by officials at Ellis Island. I thought our last name was very uncommon. I thought if anyone had the same last name as us, that we were related. I am not sure about that anymore.

2.) My grandmother's side was easier to trace thanks to the Census records. Those census records are interesting. They showed up in the Census in the twenties and thirties. What was interesting was looking at my great-grandparents in the Canadian Census as far back as 1916, possibly further.

My Russian great-grandparents never appeared in the censuses. I know that they lived here and died in the US. I don't know why they didn't show up. Perhaps they didn't trust the Census employees ? Maybe they were ashamed of their English ? Maybe they were too busy working and never were home to talk.

Just keep in mind that just because you can't find the records does not mean that they don't exist. At Ancestry.com you can find some interesting things, but you won't get the complete picture. If you want to do that, prepare to talk to a lot of relatives, and hire some experts to help you. And have a lot of patience.

Some interesting things I found.........

-- My brother's birth certificate but not mine. They actually showed a picture of it. Mine is really hard to get for some reason.
-- Old addresses which come up from voting records. So if you vote, I am pretty sure that people know where you live.
-- Old directory listings (waaaay outdated) My old college address was there because I think I took the census at the dorms back in 2000.
-- My parents marraige certificate numbers. The numbers I would need to get the actual document if I wanted to. No pictures were offered of it. (Their divorce wasn't listed)
-- My grandparents divorce listing back in the sixties as well as documents about their other marriages. Not much information really, but a starting point if you wanted to dig deeper.
-- A picture of my biological grandpa's ex-wife's (not my grandma) headstone in the cemetary, which was found in a Jewish database. I had no idea that pictures of headstones were recorded.

--Speaking of Census, I still need to turn it in. My roommate got the papers a couple of months ago but never turned them in. We even had a guy come by our place, but I was at work. I guess I need to call him. I want to leave some sort of trail for people down the road who are looking for me after I am long gone.

--I also need to have more talks with my family that's still around. My grandmother has been a wealth of information. She's already told me a lot of information. But I think I may have hurt her feelings a little. I've been fixated about finding some sort of information on my grandpa's side from Russia, but not hers as much and she asked me why I never asked her. I feel so bad because I do want to know, but she was right. I focused more on what I didn't have in front of me and less than what was in front of me, which was her and her family's history. I was asking her a lot of information about my grandpa's side and not hers. I guess you also want to know things that you don't have access to. I have a lot of immigration history in my family. But my paternal grandmother is American as apple pie, and her side has been here the longest. Her mother's family can be traced all the way to Iowa, at least on paper. I know that way before that they came from France.

This can probably explain that while I love traveling across the world. I was not only born here, but have long roots here in the Good Old US of A and while a lot of relatives fought for for their countries in Europe, I have a lot of ancestors that shed a lot of blood for this country as well. No matter what, I am proud of the USA and never called myself a Canadian (even though there are some traces) while traveling to hide that I am American. I was born and raised here and love this country for better or for worse. Plus, while I traveled people were nice and respectful to me. Probably because I make all attempts to speak their languages and keep the political talk to a minimun and show interest in their cultures. That and smile a lot. I got the occassional jab at our presidents, but I didn't take it personally. They were mad at decisions, not at the country and it's people.

Anyway, I hope this review has been somewhat useful for you. While I watched episodes of Who Do You Think You Are, I felt like I was along for the ride. I wonder if the celebs knew what they were signing on for. Some people had very fortunate families. Brooke Shields' family was traced directly to Henry V with other Italian and French royalty along the way. Lisa Kudrow discovered her great-grandmother was torched by the Nazis and went to the field where it happened. Great-grandparents aren't that far apart, especially since I was able to meet mine who passed when I was 16. You really don't know what you will stumble upon, and families are like businesses as well. You sort of inherit what is passed down to you. If your ancestors did something atrocious, you bear a little of the shame as well. You don't know what you can find, whether your family was normal and just lived normal lives, whether they were heroes, or villains.

I can say that I am proud of my roots on both sides, my mother's in Austria and my fathers here. I came from lineage of strong, proud women and men did all they could to be successful and contributing members of society. I hope I can be half of what they were.

Anyway, I apologize if my thoughts are scattered. Please share with me your experiences. I really want to know. What are your thoughts ? Have you tried researching your lineage ? Did you use Ancestry.com ? Did you make new discoveries or did you stop at dead ends ? I hope you can either leave comments for me or share your own experiences in your own blogs and tell me about it.

Here is a picture of my paternal grandma who is not only the matriarch of the family and the reason we all gather for the holidays, but she is also the link to our family's past. The other young lady is my cousin from India and Molly, my grandma's dog who gets treated like a spoiled human child.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Survey Whore Time

Hello There My Little Cinnamon Buns,

Bev gave me this award.



To fulfill my award duties, I will be taking a little survey.......................


 1. What is your most embarrassing moment of all time? That one time I passed gas in a crowded nightclub ? Seriously, my most embarrassing moments of all time are things that are way too inappropriate for my parents who lurk here to read. Let's just leave it at that.

I really did fart in a nightclub though  about 7 years ago and lemme just say that I can out toot any man. I looked fabulous that evening so no one guessed it was me. Since no one was blaming me, I guess it wasn't that embarrassing after all now was it.


2. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Buttercream frosting

3. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 21

4. What is your browser's home page? Your mom

5. What color do you never, ever wear? White. I always spill things over white clothing. That and orange. Orange makes me look fat.

6. Are you a nature-lover or a city-slicker? A nature-lovin city slicker.

7. If you were granted 3 wishes, what would they be? (none of that "more wishes" crap!) I'm not dying for anything right now, isn't that wierd ? I guess I am just living in the moment. I would have to say true love. But I don't want it to be granted to me because I asked for it. I want it to just happen when I am ready.

Otherwise, I would just make sure that I am guaranteed happiness and financial freedom. I don't like living a planned life so knowing what will happen takes away from the fun.

8. Do you have any scars? How'd you get them? 1.) Sunburn scar on my upper right forehead that won't go away 2.) Mosquito bite scars from my summer in Barcelona from the summer of 2004. 3.) I may have scar tissue

9. Ever seen a ghost? No, but I've seen my Oma in my dreams and she has helped me after death in ways that no one else has. I can't explain it.

10. What is your dream job? My field that I am in now. Either that or an embassador or a bellydancer that tours the world.
 



And because I am such a survey slut, I will answer some more questions that the Bev threw out there but weren't part of my award.
 




1) A night in or a night out?


I need more nights out.


2) Movies at the theater or in your own home?

At the theater by myself on a weeknite after work across the street from my job.


3) If you found your Ex on Facebook/Myspace would you stalk their page?

Im not on FB.

But if I were I would probably be checking them out. I know that they would be doing the same.


4) Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall?

Summer


5) Do you tell your best friends EVERYTHING?

If you are implying that I lavish them with disgusting TMI tidbits, then yeah, they know everything. Otherwise, even though I talk a lot, there is some mystery to me, if you can believe that.


6) Does your family know about your blog?
Yes


7) Are you a mysterious person or a tell all person?
Anyone that knows me would tell you that I tell them everything. But there is quite a bit of information that I keep to myself


8) Why do you blog?

Because I am such a whore, a blogging whore that is.


9) What are some issues you refuse to blog about?

Sex, men that I am dating, problems my friends are having



10) HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME? ;)

Senorita loves you long time !


I will nominate ten of my fellow whores. Blogging whores that is.......

1.) Red Shoes
2.) Mac
3.) Ashleigh
4.) HMC in Cali
5.) Fireblossom
6.) Riot Kitty
7.) Illy
8.) Danielle
9.) Mindy
10.) Don Juan Quixote

I know, I know, I am too lazy to pimp you all out and link your names to your blogs. So bite me.

Love, hugs and kisses !

Senorita

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Fellatio Truth Movement

Hello My Little Hanging Chads,

So the California elections are coming up. For those of you that aren't painfully aware, California is in the shitter and has been for quite some time. The budget isn't balanced, imporant school programs continue to get cut ( our children aren't the brightest thanks to our school districts), prisons are overflowing, criminals are released earlier, and on top of that we are in a recession.

If were to have this guy in office and  if he put in as much effort into running the state as he does as getting a blowjob, the budget would be balanced, we'd have a surplus instead of a deficit, and the environment ? Clean as a fucking whistle. What oil spills ? What pollution ? Not to mention brighter students, and safer streets.

This guy is a crusader ! And you know what ? Whatever he says, he does ! The sad thing is that he probably does more than the current people in office.

P.S: California election day is June 8th. Make that vote count !

For those of you that want the t-shirt I was talking about yesterday look here.

Oh, and in case the screen in the video below is cut off, just click the video once or twice to enlarge it to a full screen.

Twaddle

Hello There My Little Marshmallows,

I don't have any wisdom or insight for you today. Also, I am behind on reading your bloggies, but I will catch up. I don't always comment, but I do read.

So instead, I wanted to share some little nuggets and quotes that make me smile. We always have those quotes. Here are mine.

1.)I found this picture from my dad. I don't know why, but it made me laugh silly for 5 minutes. My dad has always been one to call bullshit, so this is definitely appropriate for him.


2.) As I left for the day at work, my boss decided to talk to me about people with wierd names.  He's from Texas and has an accent like G Dubbya. He told me that he once knew a guy named Hairy Nuts. Just hearing him say that with his accent made me lose it. Then he pulled out a flier for a machine tool company named Climax, which makes portable machine tools. Total "That's What She Said" moment. I couldn't help myself. I took that flyer and started making jokes. One of their quotes on the website is

" When success is non-negotiable, let Climax be your partner. We’ve been there."

 Oh yeah, we've all been there.

I took that flier like a kid takes candy from a candy store. He told me to take it and have fun.

Before I go to bed, some unnecessary quotes that make me smirk:

1.) "Shush girl, shut your lips ! Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips." 3OH!3

2.) "I'm the Mozart of huge balls." -- Jon Lajoie

3.) If I'm not back in five minutes........ just wait longer ! -- Ace Ventura

4.) If you want to have sex with a lot of girls, or if you're a girl, have sex with a lot of girls, you should buy a Jon Lajoie T-Shirt or hoodie. We guarantee that you will get laid or we'll keep your money!
                                                                                                  -- From Jon Lajoie's website

Nite nite my loves ! Besitos !

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Juvenile, Immature, Me.

Hello My Little Turtle Doves !

Happy Sunday ! I have a lot to write today. First of all, my readers rock ! Thank you for all of the comments you left on my last blog, offering up your own experiences. It meant a lot. Sometimes it's easy to feel isolated, but we're really not alone.

Anyway, I have two little nuggets for you,  my little feathery friends. The first one is my favortite Beavis and Butthead music video review which is filled with so much vulgarity, stupidity and ignorance all wrapped into one, that I couldn't help but laugh. At least I didn't laugh like them........... But Butthead is right, no one should get a chance to suck. Tell that to the music industry today.




The second is a personals ad given to my by one of my readers, Loving Annie. She found a personals ad on Yahoo from her former personal trainer. Here is what I've come up with.................. Enjoy !


"I'm a fitness professional and entrepreneur who is extremely dedicated to his profession and business. You won't be getting much time outta me.  When I'm not engrossed with my business, I'm usually engrossed with my kids -- they are my lifeline and number one priority. My kids are important, but not as much as I wouild like you to think, more of my time is spent sculpting my abs at the gym in front of the mirror and doing some skirt chasing.  But I do enjoy spending time with a quality woman who shares similar interests and lifestyle when I have some downtime. That sounds bad, but the reality is, I'm extremely busy. It's all about me, and when you need me to be there for you, I will run and hide behind my "business and children." I run a business 50-60 hours a week and I have 50% custody of my 2 daughters. I would be best with a similarly busy woman who is independent, and not in need of my constant attention. Basically a woman who will have sex with me and leave after. She shouldn't even like to cuddle afterwards.
I'm a very aesthetic and visual person. I am drawn to a woman initially by her looks and body. I'm very picky about looks and body, call it superficial, but that's just the way it is. Basically sweetheart, I am one shallow son-of-a-bitch and just said it in three different sentences. So if you are dumb enough to contact me, you deserve to get criticized.  Blame it on my profession. It's the gym's fault. That's the first hurdle with me. If you clear that hurdle, then I can start to look at what's on the inside of you. I will never look at what's inside of you, because I'll always be standing in front of a mirror looking at me.

From me, you will not just get an aesthetically pleasing individual, but one that is going to keep it real with you. So not only am I a meathead, but I will also tell you that you look fat in those pants. I don't play games or cater to the drama. I will tell you what I think I have no filter. If I don't tell you what I'm thinking, and you're not sure what I'm thinking, then just ask. I will give you the truth You should never ask me anything, I have nothing nice to say. You may not like what the truth is, but you will nonetheless get it. If there is drama, I will leave, and you will probably never see me again. I've been hurt before I can't handle emotions. I will use any excuse in the book to bail on your ass.  I do not partake in drama or want it brought into my life. The only drama we will partake in is mine I know how to cater to a woman (in all ways) I tell women I go down on them and call it catering, and I expect the same in return. I value independence in a woman, and if you're looking for a sponsor, I'm not the guy. I own my own business and call myself an entrepreneur, but expect to go dutch on dates.
That's just keeping it real..."

Miss Annie, if you get a chance, go ahead and forward this to him.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Second Chance Anniversary

Hello Loves,

Just a quick note before I go to bed....................

So today is the 10 year anniversary of my second chance at life. It was this day ten years ago that I got into a serious car accident and my friend and I walked away without a scratch. Basically, I was teaboned at a traffic light, and my car spun out into the intersection. I still remember the feeling of spinning out of control. It was totaled, and had it hit my car just a couple of inches towards me, I could have easily been in a hospital or killed. For sure I could have easily had a life full of aches and pain ahead of me.

My friend that was with me was my college roommate and best friend. She is having a baby soon. Our lives have gone in separate directions, but we still talk and visit at least once a year. We really don't talk about that accident.

I think about that accident a lot. No one got hurt, and I feel like I got a free pass in life. Anything can happen, and I hope that I live an injury-free life. But I can say that I didn't take these ten extra years that I've been given for granted.

If you are healthy and can walk, be appreciative of that and take advantage of what you do have. How sad would that have been had I gotten seriously injured without getting the chance to be appreciative of my blessings in life ? I would've never known what it is like to feel thankful.

I have been real busy lately and haven't posted much. But I will be making my rounds on your blogs. I have not forgotten.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

How to Speak "Married Man" on Craigslist

Hello There My Little Wedding Bands,

The question du jour is.......... are you a repressed married man ? Are you looking for a little excitment and can't find it in your household ? Are you too cheap to go to Ashley Madison ? Never tried Craigslist ? Well don't worry, I am here to help you create a unique ad on Craigslist, just like every other boring married man up there, without actually disclosing that you are married.

Ready ?

Here is what you will need...........

 1.) Special vocabulary which I will help you develop.
 2.) A wad of cash so you can claim you are loaded or generou$$$$$.
 3.) To be married to someone else.

Moving along.................

So let's start with that vocabulary, shall we ? Every married man needs certain vocabulary in his vocabulary speed dial.

Some Words to Describe yourself: Benefactor, Mentor, Upscale, Generous (or Generou$ for more emphasis), Sugar Daddy. Tip: Use two or more of the above adjectives for an added effect. Or hell, use them all. Example: I am a generous, upscale benefactor and mentor.

Some Words to Describe your "target market": College girls, students, no BBWs, Asian women, girls-next door.

** Be careful with "girl next door", as that could mean anything. You ever see the girl that lives down my hall ? Rude, fat pot-smoker. You want that showing up to your encounters ? I don't think so.

Some Words to describe what you are looking for: Mutually beneficial arrangement, proposal, companionship, friendship, discreet. The more you use business labels, the more loaded she will think you are. 

Now that you've properly labeled the important characters (you and the girl) and what you are looking for, the next step would be convincing her that bumping uglies would be worth her while. What you can do:

1.) Take out that wad of cash I told you to have. Offer to pay a few bills, such as her utilities, for her textbooks or a shopping spree. Who can resist a shopping spree ?

2.) Offer to donate to her favorite charity. Even better, you could make a donation to PETA in her name ! Who doesn't believe in charity fucking around for charity is a fairly new concept on Craigslist.  Best thing of all, is that if you can't afford #1, this option would work out better for you because it's not like you have to prove you donated. Remember, you don't have to answer to her, you are not in a serious relationship ! You could just say you did and she would have to take your word for it.

3.) Tell her how you admire her hopes and dreams of the future. Admire her going to college. Reminisce about your college days which happened decades ago. Make her feel important, like she is a strong, independent woman for advancing her education and that you look up to her when she is riding you like a cowgirl.

4.) After you're done making her feel important, offer to support her and mentor her. Because you are older probably an old bag you have more life experience to draw from. Assure her you want to lend her a listening ear and penis.

And last but not least................

So you've spent all this time and effort into setting up this "arrangement" but she is starting to have second thoughts a rude, loud wakeup call from her consience. Now we can't have any of that.

Here's what to do.....................

1.) Tell her that you normally don't do this sort of thing, that this is new territory for you just like it probably is for her.

2.) Assure that it's okay ! No matter what you will still want to be with her. Tell her she can be married too! So not only will she feel at ease, but if she has someone, then she can never point a finger at you !

3.) Tell her that you are sincere and honest. An honest cheating man.

Poor Ashley Madison. Their business will totally tank once their clientele discover that they can just use my fabulous and free pointers. Craigslist will thank me though.

And you can thank me too. Just donate to my favorite charity: Me.

*** totally kidding about giving me money.

Is it wrong ............................?


That every time I come across this image I think of MAC ? I just can't help it.

So I'm sorry my little loves, that I've been MIA for the week. I just haven't been feeling so inspired to write. Total writer's fart.

Anyway, work has been busy as usual. I made a little blunder on Friday. Fed Ex shipped us a big box of files, and it was my job to record and file everything because I am the newest office bitch. Well, I got stressed and without thinking, said "My office is a mess and I got a huuuuuuge package on my desk." The guy across from me busted up laughing real loud and by then I realized my mistake.

I also did not know the saying, "That's What She Said" aka TWSS. Apparently it's a phrase that's used to turn a normal phrase or conversation into something sexual. Now how could I not know this ????? Especially since perverting conversations is a special talent of mine since mommy and daddy stopped washing my mouth out with soap.

Example: Me and a group of friends were at a Mexican food restaurant and when the food arrived one of the girls exclaimed "There's too much meat in my taco!" TWSS.


See how that works ? If you want to inform yourself further, look here.
 
Anyway, my coworker has a TWSS bucket. Anytime someone says "That's What She Said" coinage is dropped in.
 
Anyways my little cupcakes, tomorrow is Mother's Day, so be good to your mom and call her. Mine is un Europe, so I guess any plans of talking are nixed.
 
Besitos and Happy Mothers Day to all you proud mommies out there !
 
 

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Big Pimpin' and Dancing !

Hello There My Little Truffles,

So, over the weekend I went to a Persian birthday party with a couple of friends. We were the decorations. It was fabulous. Our job was to dress up and dance, and we had a blast. We practiced a LOT, so the routines came out great, and the audience was happy and threw out a lot of compliments to us. The birthday girl turned 80 and she looked 60. I gotta tell you that Persians know how to party and live it up ! The venue was nice and there was a lot of food, music and dancing. You really never know what can happen when you dance at a party, whether the audience will like you, or if the guests will behave. But I was very pleasantly surprised on Sunday.

As you can guess, I am in the middle, and other two ladies are dear friends of mine. The gal to the left, HMCinCali, has her own blog and is brand spanking new to bloggy world. So please stop by if you get a chance and show her some love. Show her what a big, happy, incestuous family we are and feel free to grope her show her how much you care.


There is me again, the lighting isn't the best, but I actually have good posture in that picture, and I love the outfit. Did I mention that we all worked real hard ? And for the first time in four years I am finally happy with how I look in a picture?

Okay, enough talking about me, I am off to go and leave you little brown turdlets comments on your blogs.

Love,

Senorita

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Sunday's Quickie

Hello My Little Birdies,

Happy Sunday ! I am about to go dance at a birthday party, and I am typing this as I am waiting for my nails to dry. Here are my random thoughts in no particular order.

1.) It will be 10 years on May 14th that I got a second chance at life. I walked away without a scratch from a serious car accident, that I still think about, and will probably think about for the rest of my life. My best friend in college was with me, and we both were unharmed. You could call it luck or probability, but I won't. I am still greatful to be alive.

Last year I witnessed an accident like mine right in front of me, where one of the people wasn't so lucky, and for sure she had to be hauled off in an ambulance to a hospital. I blogged about that before.

I will have to blog about this further as that date gets closer.

2.) I miss my grandma and grandpa. I definitely owe them a phonecall.

3.) I've been feeling the blues lately. I can't help it, and I hope it passes. Especially since summer is around the corner. Depression is one mean bitch that just creeps up on me and will always be behind me (especially since I am not on meds), a whisper or shoulder tap away from me, ready to help me feed into my insecurities.

4.) I had the best pancakes ever yesterday after our 3.5 mile run. They were so good. I also ate roasted potatoes after.

You have no idea how satisfying those pancakes were. Warm, fluffy, topped with powdered sugar, butter and syrup. My friend reminded me about my weight loss goals, but I didn't give a shit then.  I was thinking "fuck it" That breakfast was totally worth it, but we did more dance routines and I ate small, healthy meals after that.

Okay my little featherballs, that is all for today !

Besitos !