Fräulein- Señorita

Penises and Vaginas................

2012-01-14T10:41:00.000-08:00

What's Up Kiddies ?

Miss me ?

So I wanted to talk about genitalia. Well, not directly.

First of all, this one's for the ladies. Don't you hate it when you get a camel toe ? I know I do. I always make sure I got my shit together before I leave the house, namely that I am not outlining my lady bits for the world to see. And I am very careful. I always make sure I am covered and that I wear underpants. I don't understand how women can go commando in short dresses, and then act all offended when they fall and get complimentary AC up their bits, or they get all offended when they see someone looking. You never know when you will fall, end up ass up, or when someone has a camera under the table. But that is fodder for another post.

But what really burns my biscuits is when I get a forced cameltoe with my workout pants. So Victoria's Secret was having a huge sale on their yoga pants. It's awesome, cuz it makes my big ass look almost as shapely as Kim Kardashian's. So I bought them and got them tailored because I am short.

Then when I put them on at the gym, I noticed that there is a seam right in the middle that goes up the crotch. As if to say to the world "Hey, here is my vag, and in case you still can't tell where it is, this seam will draw the line for you that goes all the way up so you can trace it from my vag to my stomach in case you are really confused !" It's like a connect-the-dots book for men.

Anyway, so the workout pants make my ass look fabulous and highlights the fact that after a month of stairclimbing my thighs no longer rub together when I walk, and so I wear them. I bought a long, tight tanktop to cover half my ass and vag. Good enough for now.

Let's talk about penises...................

Well, not really talk. Less talk, more showing..............

My gosh, I wish I could pull this off at some of our political debates. The candidates could get slapped across the head with a flying dong each time they lied or said something really stupid.

No wonder most people don't take a huge interest in politics in this country !

Looong Post Including Book Review.......... I gots lots to say !

2012-01-07T19:57:00.000-08:00

Hello There My Little Puppies !

How are you ?

Thanks for your kinds comments on my last post. I was asked to post pics of the retro jewelry my grandmother gave me, and I will once I get off my lazy ass to take pics. I own some special pieces of jewelry from both sides of the family. I am not a jewelry person. I have very small hands and thin wrists and nothing fits. Marilyn Monroe has got it twisted. Diamonds are not a girl's best friend. I could care less about them. If I found them on the street (like that is ever gonna happen) I would sell them immediately to fund a vacation. I am happier in costume jewelry so I don't lose my mind if it gets lost or I get mugged or robbed. It only takes one time of getting assaulted in a public parking lot in broad daylight to rethink what I wear out in public. And I was carrying a cheaply made Coach bag. (I thought it was real, but those bitches ripped it when they yanked it from me.)

I will care about jewelry is when I get an engagement ring followed by a wedding ring and THAT better not be fake. The other time I care is when I inherit jewelry from family members or receive them as gifts from family. The pieces I own are a special part of my family history, mainly coming from happy times in my family members' lives such as gifts of true love, vacation, custom jewelry made by a friend, or a purchase for a party.

So I was going to write more to follow my last post on my depression, but you know what ? It's not going away anytime soon so I will save it for another day because I would rather blog about a book I read so I don't forget.

It is called The Amazing Adventures of A Nobody by Leon Logothetis. Basically, this guy from England leaves behind his corporate job and comfortable yet disconnected life to travel from New York to Hollywood to touch the Hollywood sign. He planned to travel with only five dollars a day and without a car or phone or anything else other than his backpack. To do this he had to depend on the kindness of strangers in a world where we are taught at a young age not to talk to strangers. He had his producer with him, and other staff members staying in hotels while he was doing this. He could have at anytime decided to bow out when things got hard and go back to his comfortable life. But he did stick it out 99%. And I give him credit for that. One can argue that he stuck it out 100%, but I disagree. I wasn't completely satisfied with the ending. And I don't want to spoil it for you in case you are interested. I think he has a TV series based on his experiences.

I looked up the reviews on Amazon. Basically all good reviews, people were "inspired". It was an interesting book, but I wasn't as inspired as everyone else. In fact, part of him annoyed the shit out of me. I understand being bored with life and wanting to travel the world. I have that feeling nagging at me all the time and I still feel like I haven't lived and traveled enough. I can sympathize with that and I admire him for acting on it. Many people don't and regret it.

His "project" was to rely on the kindness of strangers to get from New York to California with $5 a day, no phone, car or credit cards. I did enjoy the book overall and I learned a lot as well. I enjoyed reading about his adventures, because when you are traveling down the path "less traveled" you have to be a little crazy, and I am as well. But I was still annoyed with him.

For example, while he was traveling he came across as mooching and I freaking hate mooching and people that mooch off me. And just because he really has money in real life doesn't make it anymore acceptable than when a homeless person mooches. It's like he thinks he is better and that he can prey on the kindness of others in the name of a project. Thank God he didn't ask for money or take it when people offered. I really would have gone mad.

When Leon was traveling he would get to his destinations by some of the following methods by: hitchhiking, asking for assistance at truck stops, asking for free rooms at hotels, free meals at restaurants. While he was doing this, he would preface his request by saying some of the following:

- "I have a story. Would you like to hear a story ?"

- " I am doing a project on traveling and the kindness of strangers. How would you like to do a good deed for today? You have an opportunity to do something kind for me. "

-When people would sometimes ask him why they should help him he would sometimes respond that they would get good karma from the deed.

I enjoyed some of the book because people did go out of their way to help him. It wasn't always easy, but he did get free places to stay, free food, free rides. It goes to show that people are nice and charitable in a hard world.

I consider myself to be a nice person, and I believe in paying it forward, as well as helping people out when I am in the position to do so. But I will only do it when I really believe the person needs it or is in trouble. Not because of some fucking project. I would be out of my mind to pick up hitchhikers, let strangers spend the night at my house or just hang out with them. Especially when they feed me bullshit lines mentioned above. You never know who you are dealing with.

Above all whenever anyone asks me if I want to hear their story and that they've got a story to tell, I am very suspicious. It's one thing when it comes from a classmate or someone I will be around for a while. It's completely different when it comes from a stranger. When strangers are trying to tell you all about them, it's usually because they have an agenda. They want something from you whether it's assistance, your money, your body or your admiration. And this guy wanted help in traveling, getting his bus tickets paid for, getting a place to stay.

And another thing..................

I understand that he was bored with his life and needed some diversion. But traveling with no money and mooching off others ? Really ? It pisses me off that he had a nice place in England, a job and a decent life in England and he did not appreciate it. He acted like it was a drag. Never did he express being grateful for having that and the means to travel and mooch off others. Why couldn't he appreciate his position in life ? Irritating.

In my life I have busted my ass to get where I am. I am a legal secretary. It may not seem like a huge feat. But I am over thirty, and took for-fucking-ever to get where I am, just to have a job with health benefits that I am incredibly grateful for. I realize that it could be taken from me at any moment, and I am grateful for having what I do. It took me going to school for my bachelors, my AA degree, busting my ass in a couple of free volunteer jobs, and working in retail for about 10 years before I got an office job. And I earned it. I worked hard and met the right people, none of it was handed to me.

And this guy doesn't appreciate the fact that he doesn't have to wait tables, clean bathrooms, rent cars or get shat on by the general public like many others in the real world? Makes my teeth itch when people aren't grateful.

I was definitely most irritated when he mouthed off to a police officer. When he was cited for jay-walking he mouthed off to the cop who wrote him a ticket and asked him why he couldn't be focusing on the real criminals.

I lived in Barcelona for a year on my own with barely any help and I managed to do that in a country with a different language, and I still did not mooch off anyone. I met a lot of kind people. I also did not mouth off to officers, and when men were willing to help me out with food or a place to stay, I had to be very careful because nothing in life is ever really free.

When I was on vacation in Amsterdam, I was stranded for a day. I was completely lost. My friend was supposed to meet me at the airport, but didn't realize that he would really be in a day later than me. I trusted him to make all of the plans so I had no idea where I was staying or what to do.

I was lucky that I met a kind person at the hostel I was at to calm me down and get to the proper hostel. He stayed with me, calmed me down, hugged me and told me I would be okay, and looked out for me so that I was okay. But I really needed it. I wasn't out there looking for kindness, and telling random people my story so they would help me further my trip.

Some other things to consider:

-He is a guy with a large build, there is less of a risk of getting robbed or fucked with.

- When I needed assistance abroad, I really needed it. There was no team staying at a nearby hotel. I did not have a place to stay back at home, nor did I have any money. In Barcelona, there were times I did not know where I would stay the next month, sometimes I didn't know if I would have enough money to last for food, or a place to stay. And I ended up getting more money by getting a job under the table, something he never did. He never worked. Who is he fooling ? Yeah, I know he wanted a little adventure, but it does really change things when you have a stash of cash and a nice home back in your country.

- There were times he put himself in dangerous positions and got confronted by questionable characters in rough neighborhoods. He didn't have to stick his neck out there like that. He could have made better choices and he is lucky he didn't get shot. Things don't always work out like that. People do get hurt.

- He traveled in a country that spoke the same language he did. C'mon now if you are bored with your cushy lifestyle and want adventure, go live in a non-english speaking country. See how far asking for help will get you and good luck explaining the concept of karma.

So yeah, good book, it was interesting to see how it played out and how people reacted to him. I think I will stick to relying on myself when traveling. I would rather fund my own travels, meet people to get to know them and their cultures without asking for anything in return, and I would rather appreciate my office job and a place to stay.

Okay, Imma step off the soap box and go eat and watch trash TV. I love weekends where I am not required to leave the house or answer to anybody.

Bye Bye 2011 !

2011-12-31T11:11:00.000-08:00

Hello Kitty Cats :)

So another year has passed us by. Say hello to 2012 !

I hope you had a nice Xmas ! I saw my family. I had a wonderful dinner with my grandparents. Some of the foods I indulged in were: Spaghetti, cheesy garlic bread, prime rib, vegetables, chocolate silk pie with an oreo cookie crust. My grandparents were cute and in love as always. My grandpa is such a doting gentleman to my grandmother, and it is so precious to see, and I always enjoy reading the love notes he leaves her.

My grandmother told me stories about the good old days, and she showed me some of her jewelry collection. I don't really like jewelry that much, and don't really wear anything unless it's given to me. My grandma gave me some cool retro jewelry. She gave me costume earrings from the 1950s. Not with the clips, but the ones that you have to tighten the post on your earlobe. I also got a necklace her friend made for her, and her prized bracelet that she bought 60 years ago in Italy. Since we both have very tiny wrists, it was a perfect match. I am happy that I will be able to keep this jewelry in the family.

I just had my blogiversary on December 29th. I've been blogging for 8 years now. I can't believe how fast time flies.

This year was good to me (assuming that tonite is uneventful). I was able to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family and I had my health. That is always important, you can't replace family memories or pay for health. I also visited family in Austria over the summer as well as spending time with my friend in the Netherlands. So in a nutshell here is what happened to me in 2011........

-- Moved
-- Got a new job
-- Quit my part time security job
-- Took a vacation

I had hurdles, the biggest being my fight with depression. I decided in January that I would take medication. It took a lot to come to that, since I've battled it out for ten years without meds, but I just decided that it was too much to bear and I got on medication. I really had to swallow my pride and admit that I need help. But unless people suffer from the same thing, they really have no idea what it's like, that it's not a passing phase, and that I can't just get over it.

It's not something I like to admit to having, but anxiety and depression run in the family so I know that it's not all me, and that I am in good company. If I could have things my way, I would never leave the house. I could stay holed up in here forever. I could die alone and not really bat an eyelash. Yeah, when I think about future plans,I wonder if I will ever end up getting married or at least being in a relationship, but on a day-to-day basis I could go home to an empty house every day and not think twice. I could step out of the house with no make-up and shabby clothes and not give a shit. It's a far cry from when I was in my early twenties and had to have my hair and makeup done before leaving the house.

The hardest part of this all for me is knowing I have a lot to be grateful for and having lots of opportunities to be happy, but not being able to feel the full effect of the happiness I should be feeling. I am grateful for what I have, I just wish I could feel true happiness along with it. Sometimes I do, but not as often as I like. For me, a day where I just feel normal is a success. When those days come, I cherish them.

Before I was on medication, my emotions were all over the place. Imagine you are sitting at a red light, and see a car behind you. You know it's gonna hit you, and that you can't go anywhere and just have to sit there and take it. How you'd feel for those seconds before getting hit, was how I was feeling all day, every day. When I would talk to men, I had the urge to hide, I would avoid eye-contact, I would just put out the "don't talk to me" vibes, but then wonder why I was so alone all the time.

The medication has taken the edge off, but it does make you a little numb. I am not feeling the extreme highs and lows right now. But that's okay. I would rather be numb right now than to take a risk and feel anxious all the time like I was feeling. Sometimes I think we are all just a step or two away from going crazy.

When I see shows like Intervention or Hoarders or I see homeless people on the street, while other people are talking about how crazy they are or how they could never end up that way, I think that we are always a step or two away from losing our shit and acting out.

Battling my feelings like this has really humbled be and made me less judgemental and more compassionate to others. It has definitely knocked me down a few notches and made me realize that I don't have all the answers, and that I feel more compassion for people when they lose it. That they can be down and get back up again, and that nothing in life is permanent.

So yeah, that's all for now. Please feel free to leave me comments or e-mail me if you have any questions or want to talk or commiserate.

Have a Happy 2012 and count your blessings :)

Why Is It Wednesday........but on a Sunday

2011-12-18T19:30:00.000-08:00

What's Up Kitty Cats ?

I've just come up with a new theme......... Why Is It Wednesday. But since I will be too worn out to post this on Wed, I will just post it today, Sunday.

So yeah...... Why Is It Wednesday........ Basically shit that happens that make you go ""Why? Just Why?

So now let's get down to business and help me answer this question...................

Why is it that when I am at work have my workspace corner all to myself and want to fart in peace, someone has to come over and insist that they fix my computer ? AT THAT MOMENT ? Why ????? It wasn't important when I first complained.

So yeah, I have a desk corner all to myself, and sometimes I am gassy. I know I am supposed to be a lady and all, but I come from a family that farts, especially in the mornings. I laugh at other peoples' farts too. Especially if the offenders are family members or are old. Bonus if they are both. I know, I am going to Hell.

So I get to work, I don't see anyone in the office and I just had to let a few rip, and since I was early, I just let it out. I'm not gonna lie. SBDs all the way. Don't know what that means ? Google it.

Anyway, the IT guy comes by my office. He is usually not there that early, and he wants to make sure my comp is updated. I was trying to talk to him while I was sitting at my desk so he wouldn't come closer. I even put scented lotion on my hands and fanned my face to hope the lotion scent would spread. But he said it would just take a minute. Since I didn't want to say "Hey man, I just farted, I am waiting for it all to dissolve in thin air, could you please come back"? I just told him to help himself and to take his time and I ran to the kitchen to hide. I couldn't look at him for the rest of the day.

This wasn't the first time something like this would happen. When I was working at Staples and stocked office supplies during Back to School Week, people all of a sudden decided that they just had to ask me about pencils right when I needed to let the honk loose. I mean, this woman came up to me, I answered her question, walked away to fart and she ran right back and had a bunch of questions, following me.

You know when you read a cereal box, it sometimes says on the label that sometimes the contents settle during a freight shipment.

Well, for eight hours or so, my "contents" settle and when I wake up, it's time for some of it to be let out, aka letting the ducks out.

Before you think I am just plain nasty, I make sure that I am all by myself when I do this. Unless I am traveling with my brother, then it's fair game. For the both of us. I've been scolded on how I will never find a man, blah blah blah...... but I don't fart on dates, or in the company of men I am going out with for that matter.

Anyway, that is all for now my little furballs..............

Besitos !!!

Ghettofabulousness !

2011-12-10T22:14:00.000-08:00

What's Up My Little Rosebuds ?

I am gonna make this short and sweet. As you know, I got a new job a couple of months ago. I work in a lawfirm in a nice area, pretty much next to nice neighborhoods. Our office looks kinda retro in a 1970s porno film kinda way. You've got the blue worn down shaggy carpeting, the chintzy mirrored 1970s "executive looking" elevators. All we're really missing is some "bowm chicka bowm bowm" music and a hairy middle-aged man with a handlebar mustache and his woman with a bad bottle-blonde perm and whore red nails and lipstick. I can deal with that. It gives the place character.

What I can't deal with is getting stuck on the fucking elevator. Three weeks into working there, I get stuck. I work on the fifth floor. I get in one morning with my tall Starbucks drink. As I reach the fifth floor, it immediately goes back down, and repeats about 5 more times before I start to panic. It's the ride from Hell. I push the stop button, and it gets stuck. I call the operator. I am telling them I am a little scared because the elevator sometimes moves without opening and I am I am a little claustrophobic. They told me that the elevator guy was on his way, but to just sit there, because I am not going anywhere. No shit Sherlock ! You know how I know that ? The doors are closed and I can't get out !

I got out 30 minutes later, but I was late for work, and while I was waiting to get out, I couldn't even enjoy my morning coffee because I didn't want to have the urge to go to the bathroom. I didn't know when I was gonna get out at the time.

What else......

Ah yes, our bathrooms are skankalicious. I can't believe they charge for tampons, ten cents a pop. Building management tampons/ pads are horrible. It's like shoving cardboard up your snatch. But if you decide to opt for maxi pads instead, it's like ripping out the stuffing from a cheap comfortor and shoving it in your panties. I can't believe they charge for that. Our office pays the lease AND building management gave out free coffee and biscottis to show their appreciation to tenants. Free products for Aunt Flo's visit should be a no-brainer.

Anywhooters, like I was saying about the tampon machine, apparently someone has been raiding the tampon machine. It takes dimes. I recently found a sign affixed to the machine stating that the machine never carries more than 50cents at one time because it is emptied daily. I understand people trying to break into a soda machine, or going after a taxi driver, but a tampon machine when the product quality is so poor, that they chafe your lady bits ? First off, you're not gonna hit it big when you raid the tampon machine, and another thing, no one really buys that shit, so what are you gonna get, $2 ?

Anywhosies, I better log off now, but don't you think for a second that I am done ranting. I have plenty more to say, just not now.

Ciao for now !

Yay ! A Dating Post !

2011-12-04T12:26:00.000-08:00

Hello Lovies !!

Thanks for all your comments, I didn't realize anyone missed me while I was gone. I feel so loved. People in the blogging world are dropping like flies, especially with other social media outlets like Facebook around.

A couple of things happened lately........

1.) I got a new job, as I mentioned,
2.) I had another birthday on Nov. 30th.

Okay, enough chitty chat and down to business !

Dating..............

I have a love/hate relationship with dating. Dating is totally necessary in finding a mate, and it can be a lot of fun when done properly and both parties are behaving. But when it's bad, it's bad, lol. But when life hands you lemons, you make a margarita, right ? I like to take my awkward moments and blog about them and use this as a platform to educate all the ~~raging douchelords disguised as normal gentlemen whom God allows to wander around~~ the men who may need a little assistance in proper dating protocol.

So............. I have been living at my current place for about ten months now. There is this guy directly across from me (and our garages are only a few feet across from each other). We never talked, but I caught him checking out my ass while he was in his car and I was getting something from the trunk.

About 7 months into it, I said hello and introduced myself, and he told me his name, talked for a few minutes, he mentioned his female roommate. Nothing more. Besides, I had a date that night and had to get ready.

A month ago, he pulls up while I am taking out the trash and invites me for "coffee" and I gave him my number. (Hey, he already knows where I live and he is cute).

The next day he texts me and asks me if I am single, and I told him I am. He then tells me that he is not. I asked if his girlfriend lives with him, and he said yes, and that his is on a business trip. So the girl that I thought was his roommate was his girlfriend ? He told my roommate that she was his "adopted sister". Whatevers. I thought that would be the end of his texts.

So a couple of days ago he texts me and invites me over for "coffee". At night. Yeah, um would that coffee be served with a side of your penis by any chance?

I told him I would be interested when he no longer has a girlfriend. He then tells me two things:

1.) I should loosen up, life is short, yada yada.......
2.) He is bored and needs something to do.

I told him, that is a great idea and that to scratch his itch, he should go and find someone other than his neighbor to help him out .

He then got mad and called me "mean". He then told me he was just trying to be friendly and that his intentions were nothing but good. What are we, in grade school now ? Your next door neighbor doesn't want coffee with a side of penis that belongs to some other chick, and now I am the mean one?

And good intentions ? So he hit me up for a "night cap" disguised as "coffee" because he thought that I had a wonderful personality, and it had nothing to do with my ass or boobs he was looking at ? When he said "good intentions" he was probably referring to the good party he was having in his pants.

I told him to take a chill pill and stop whining, and he tried to tell me how I need to have more fun and that I don't know what fun is and ~~boo hoo the next door neighbor doesn't want coffee with a side of the twig and berries~~ and how he can show me what fun is.........

I am no longer responding to his texts and will continue to avoid him aka close the garage immediately once I get home.......

Here is the takeaway of the story.....................

1.) Hot next door neighbors are hawt! Unless that person is taken......... Then its just awkward and creepy.

2.) Always, always, ALWAYS ask if that person is taken, or you know, MARRIED. After I gave him my number, I realized that I forgot to ask him, and just as I was about to ask him two seconds later, his phone rang and he was talking to "one of his boyz" and I didn't feel like standing there like a fool to wait, so I just left. I figured he wouldn't lie or hide the truth since we lived next to each other. Him taking that call in front of me like that and leaving me waiting was another red flag I should have paid attention to.

Ladies, never assume the man you are talking to is single because he is on you like a fly in honey. Men flirt because then can, sometimes it's genuine, sometimes it is a sport. Dating is sometimes like a gym contract being sold to you by one of those "personal trainers" at a franchise gym that needs to meet his quota. You have to do some of your own homework and ask certain questions before signing or in this case, giving out your phone number. Because if you don't, and you find out Mr. Coffee with a side of Penis is really taken, he can easily come back at you and say "Well, I didn't lie, you just never asked". And unfortunately, he is kinda right. Yeah, he made a douche move, but on the other hand, you should have asked.

Now where was I ?

Oh yeah....

#3.) I don't know what it is with men, (male friends AND dating prospects) that call me or text me or IM me and say that they are talking to me because they are bored. Not because they haven't heard from me, or are wondering how I am doing, but because.......THEY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO. They are bored and feel it's okay to say something like that directly to me.

So that means that they have exhausted all of their other possibilities such as going out with their friends, watching sports, spanking the monkey, so now I guess, they will just call me up because it will pass time.

My female friends don't say that shit to me, why do guys think it's okay? And they think this is supposed to make me feel better and jump at the chance to go out or hang out ?

When a guy says something like that, I just turn it down, no matter how bored I am. I could be bored out of my ass, and I am still not jumping at the opportunity to hang out with someone else who felt like I was the last option on earth. I would rather sleep.

So again, moral of the story...................

1.) Don't date your neighbor if he is taken....... Duh !
2.) Make sure to ask prospective men if they are taken or married. And "it's complicated" means that he most definitely taken.............
3.) Avoid "bored" men.

Okay, so this was a long post (yeah, I said "long"). Please feel free to add new ideas. And men, please don't take this post personally or feel like I am beating up on the male population. Please don't tell me how women do the same thing, because I don't care. I know, we can be handfuls too, but I don't date chicks, and I don't break these rules, so please save it...........

Okay, I am really going now.

Peace, Love, Hugs, Shimmies and Kisses !

-Senorita

I'm Back !!

2011-11-27T19:56:00.000-08:00

What's Up Lovelies ?

So I'm back !

I hid my blog because I was looking for a new job, and I got another one, so I am back :) I was a file clerk, and now I am a legal secretary in litigation, so I feel like I got a promotion, and now I will have a lot more responsibility, which is all I wanted. More responsibility.

In December, it will be my 8th anniversary in blogging. Since that time, I have never missed a month until this year. I missed October.

It is now almost the end of November, and I will continue to write. I still have a lot to say, so I am here to
spill.

Besitos for now my loves :)

TMI Tuesday: What Kind of Date Would I Be ?

2011-09-12T18:49:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Flower Petals ?

So, I stole this blog from H, a big Dutch dude that reads my blog, so I am posting the questions and my answers below. Please feel free to snake them for me.......

1. You’re on a speed date. You’ve got 7 minutes with the potential partner. You already know the person’s name. What are the first three questions you would ask?

1. Are you married ?
2. Do you have any children ?
3. Do you have a job?

If we make it that far, then I would love to know his hobbies........

2. Have you ever participated in speed dating? Did you get a regular date/second date out of it?

No, but I think it would be a fun thing to do with my girlfriends. I certainly wouldn't take it seriously.

3. Do you participate in online dating? How many dates have you had as a result of online dating sites/matches?

I used to over three years ago, I don't remember how many dates I had because of it, but it is so easy for girls to get tons of dates via the internetz.

4. You are attracted to:
a. Who people are?

Where do I start ? Latino or Middle Eastern, or form a different background and is connected to his culture, tall (or taller than me which isn't hard to do at all)

b. What people have?

Intelligent, nice pecs and biceps, full head of hair

c. What they can do?

Can he be single and chivalrous ?

5. What “little red flag” will cause you to end a date or immediately decide this person isn’t for you?

If he is married and btw that is a HUGE red one.

6. What do you feel you need to sacrifice or have sacrificed to be a part of a relationship?

If I met the man of my dreams, I would learn to compromise and cook !

7. If you cooked for your date, what would you cook?

Haha, in the past the men I've dated have been better cooks than I, so I didn't really have to. However, I would learn his favorite dish for him.

8. At the end of a first date, how would you kiss your date?

Depends on the date, and I don't kiss and tell...........

Bonus: You just put up a profile on a dating site. You must describe yourself in 10 words or less. What are your 10 words?

I don't use adjectives to describe myself on a dating site. I post my pictures in addition to a witty line or two cuz honestly, they rarely read what I write anyway.

Happy Labor Day !

2011-09-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Labor Day Loves !

I hope you are enjoying the holiday ! I am just lounging around, and I am about to finish the dishes and laundry.

The ten year anniversary for 9/11 is coming up and I am so very disappointed in New York Mayor Bloomberg.

A memorial is planned at the WTC site, but only the victims, families of the deceased and politicians are invited. I can't believe that the first response members such as the fire fighters, EMT and cops are not invited. All due to space contraints.

I verified this on snopes.

Bloomberg said that there would be a separate service for them at later date and location ? (But no dates were given) WTF ? I don't think there should be a memorial service without them present. I think the mayor has totally missed the point. I will not be watching the memorial service on TV.

Had the fire fighters, cops and EMT members NOT been present on 9/11/01, there would be more of a space issue because the would be way more victims. So disappointing.

What's also disappointing, is that religious services are taken out of the ceremony. People turned to God/religion during this time, and now the Mayor wants to get politcal ? Is he doing this to exclude Islamic services ? So that if there are no Christian or Jewish prayers, that Islamic services can't be offered either to keep it equal? I don't know. I think he's excluding relgion as to not offend the Muslim community.

Personally, I would like to see different religous services offered to show that we are still United as a country and embrace peace.

Anyway, I am stepping off my soap box. I had a whole nother post planned, but I felt that I just had to say my peace here.

Besitos !

TMI Tuesday

2011-08-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Cherries ?

I snaked this little bloggy quiz from Hedone. (I'm way too lazy to include the link). But if you like this, please feel free to snake if from me.

1. What's the most annoying song in the world?

"Laffy Taffy" by D4L. I would rather listen to Rebecca Black !

2. What's the saddest song in the world?

"Adam's song" by Blink 182, it talks about suicide, and it is heart wrenching.

3. What's the sexiest song in the world?

"I like it" by Moby. OR J'taime moi non plus" by Jane Birkin & Serge

4. Name a new, to you, band or music artist that you can't get enough of?

My latest favorite artist is Inna, who sings trance.

In Bellydance, I have a bunch of new songs, that I can't even pronounce because I don't speak Arabic.

5. Have you met any famous musicians?

I met Natacha Atlas, who is a Middle Eastern singer when she toured in Europe.

6. What song best describes your life?

"Ironic" by Alanis Morrisette

7. How important is your partner’s taste in music to you?

Not that important............. I tend to look after more important things like.... Is he married ? Does he have children I don't know about ? Does he have a job ?

8. Do you sing in the shower?

Yeah, I totally do, and in the car !

9. What was the last live music show you attended? Did you buy a T-shirt?

The last live music show I attended was in San Francisco with a very talented Middle Eastern band at a Bolivian restaurant. And I was there because I bellydanced while they played. Soooo fun, and no shirts were being sold !

10. What's the sweetest song in the world?

I just can't think of one right now......

11. Can you play a musical instrument?

No, I can't even read music....................

12. Are you in a band or are you a performing solo music artist? If yes, what kind of music do you play?

No, but I do enjoy dancing to a good live Middle Eastern band !

13. Have you ever dated a musician?

Yes

14. Are you a groupie?

No............

Bonus, Bonus: If you listen to the radio, what station and type of music are you tuned to the most?

I listen to the pop channel, alternative station and latin station.

FREE Advice on How to Marry the Love of your Life ! Money-Back Guarantee if not Happy ~

2011-08-27T22:08:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Hearts ?

Miss Me ?

It's been almost a month that I've been back from vacay, and I still have so much to write. I had a wonderful time in Austria and Amsterdam.

Okay so enough trip talk. Let's talk about love !

What if I told that you could get any man or woman that you want ? That if you pay me money and do exactly what I tell you that you could land the sweetheart of your dreams ?

What if you actually believed me ? I would tell you to keep your money because there is no way I could promise to deliver such a thing. I think it is interesting how there are a lot of "love gurus" that promise to help you seal the deal.

You may not always get what you want because the other person you are after has free will, and has a say in the matter too ! I feel most "experts" fail to mention that and act like it is all in our control. I feel like most dating advice out there is about manipulating others into going out with us, that they fail to teach us how to relate and get to know others.

There are so many books and relationship experts out there that promise results. They tell you what scents to wear, how to act, how to play hard to get, how to get him to propose and the list goes on..............

And yet, there are still so many people who have read all of the above out there with no love in their lives. I've read a lot of books. Here is some of the advice I've read from various sources in no particular order.

-- Men love bitches. Be polite, but don't always make yourself so available. Don't cook for him in the beginning, and don't be so available. Always leave him guessing where you are.

-- If a man doesn't marry you in one year of dating two years tops, then he will never marry you.

-- Make him wait for sex or he won't respect you. Make him wait at least 90 days.

--Men go crazy over vanilla scents. You can't go wrong with vanilla.

-- Don't pick up the phone on the first call.

-- Men love straight hair, they don't like it curly

--If you want to marry him and he is not sure about you, give him an ultimatum.

-- All men love sex, and what works for one man will work for the next one. It is so easy to please a man.

-- Wear heels.

-- All men love boobs.

--All men are crazy about sex

-- Just cook for him and he will fall in love with you.

-- Never call a man

--Men should always pursue women

--Women should never pay for a date

Some of the advice is very good, and I believe in some of it, others, not so much ! For example, I strongly believe in never paying for a date, as a woman. I always believe the men should pay. But there are some women out there who don't mind, and actually feel more liberated when they pay for their share, and it works for them !

If I had to give love advice, I would tell you that each man is different, and like women, they can't be lumped together in one category. Most relationship authors/experts that give love advice act that all men are the same, and that if we act one way, that we can land any man. I don't think it works that way.

Contrary to the listed advice above, I've met a lot of people who are happily married now, but dated for over 5 years and may have broken up in between. A LOT of men love curly hair, I've received a lot of compliments on my wavy hair. And since I'm in the Bay Area, boobs aren't as in as they used to be. It's all about the ass where I live. Most men I know would rather take a round, plump ass over a great rack anyday. So I am confused as to why women are getting breast implants, when I see men staring at asses way more than the boobage.

So what advice can I give you ?

--Obviously use common sense, but all I can tell you is to be yourself. If you are yourself and he is still not interested, then he is not the one for you. You may possibly be crazy, and if that is who you are, you need a man who is crazy as you are, or a man that like craziness.

--All the advice out there may be helpful in you getting more dates, but if the guy isn't right for you, then it just delays the inevitable breakup.

And also, there are books and "love gurus" out there that like to throw tough love in your face and tell you that if you are still single, it is your fault, and that you aren't using the Law of Attraction in your favor. They tell you about affirmations, and that if you do your daily affirmations, that it will come to you, and then a bunch of women talk about how Mr. Prince Charming walked into their lives soon after.

The Law of Attraction may be true, and even though it may be, that is a small percentage of why you may be single and looking.

So the only tried and true thing I can tell you is to be yourself, because when you are in your element doing what you love, you become happy and confident, and men notice that. While you are busy being yourself, get to know the man you are dating. When he is talking about himself, listen carefully and see if he is your type of guy. Every guy is different, and get to know what makes him unique.

So that is all for now, lovelies !

Besitos !

Vacation

2011-07-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

Hello There Kittens !

I am sorry that I have been a bad bloggy friend. I am currently on vacation right now. I was in NYC, now I am leaving later today for Amsterdam for a couple of days and then Austria to visit my family.

There has been a massive heatwave here in NYC, and for the first couple of days I had no AC. Long, cold showers were my friend.

I will have to post more when I get back, but here are some things that I did........

-- Experienced the NYC bus, metro and train system....... I went to Grand Central where Sprint has the commercial of the guy doing the Flash Mob dance at the wrong time. That was all I could think about while I was there.

--Stayed in Little Italy in the Bronx, great food by the way....... Had a wonderful Italian dinner, as well as Chinese food.....

-- Went to Central Park as well as Times Square. Took lots of pictures, and I also had a NY pretzel.

-- Went to the M&Ms store in Times Square, I also had a drink at an Irish pub there. I accidentally spilled my drink on my friend, but the bartender (who was hot btw) poured me another one gratis !!!

I have to say thank you to my friend, Henry who went out of his way to make sure I had fun in NYC, and looked out for my well-being.

Anywhooters, time to get my laundry out of the dryer and think about packing for my next leg of the journey.

Besitos !!!!

TMI Thursday Quizzy quiz....................

2011-07-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

What's up my little kittens ?

Miss me ? I snaked this from H's blog............ If you likey, please feel free to swipe it from me.

Besitos !!

1. Which would you rather do and why?

a. yard work or house work

Yard work, I would much rather rake up leaves or mow the lawn than to clean the bathroom or do dishes. Plus I'd burn more calories in the yard, and have a greater chance of socializing.

b. hike or run

Hike, it's more peaceful, and you get to take in all the scenery. Running burns calories, but it bores me.......

c. outdoor sports or indoor sports

More outdoor, but I hate participating in team sports, so as long as the activity doesn't require a team.

d. fast food burger from the drive-thru or sit-down salad

Burger, I am not a salad type of girl.......

e. yoga or aerobics

Yoga, it is more relaxing, and helps me with my dance routines.

f. ice-cream or cake; what kind?

That's easy..... Ice cream cake ! I want to have my ice-cream cake and eat it too !

g. ice cubes or hot wax; where? why?

Hahaha, and to what are we referring ? I would have to say ........ ice cubes, because hot wax hurts like a bitch !!

h. beneath the sheets or on top?

I like to sleep under the blankets....... Oh wait, is this a sexual question ? I am a lady and I will not tell........

2. What was your favorite subject in high school/secondary school/upper school?

Let's just go straight to college, and I will tell you that I really enjoyed my Latin American Studies class, even though my teacher spoke in Spanish before I could even speak the language. How I ended up passing is still a mystery, but I did end up learning a lot.
I also enjoyed my legal classes.

3. Do you get a full 8 hours of sleep a night? Why or why not?

No, because I have poor sleeping habits........

4. What is your favorite comfort food?

Oh wow, I love mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches. If you really piss me off, I will want to eat frosting from the tub........
5. Do you match up your socks after washing and drying them, and before putting them away?

I try to.....
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Yellow, because I feel it brightens up the box. It isn't a rainbow if there isn't yellow......

A Scathing Dating Post I Wrote Weeks Ago and Forgot to Publish.................

2011-07-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

NOTE: THIS WAS WRITTEN A FEW WEEKS AGO, AND I JUST WASN'T READY TO PUBLISH IT. BUT NOW I AM, ESPECIALLY SINCE I RECENTLY HAD THE DATE FROM THE FIERY PITS OF H-E-L-L.........

What's Up My Litte Hummingbirds...................

Flutter...flutter.......

So guess what? I am feeling a little feisty today, so I am gonna bitch about some things that bother me specifically and in general............

First of all, let's talk about dating. You know what bothers me ? Before I tell you, I have to add a disclaimer here that I am not a manbasher and that I am only talking about the male species because I don't date females. So all you male readers, I am not trying to alienate you, it's just that I am feeling feisty today AND...... who really wants to hear about all the nice things men have done for me ? While I like to relive those memories, it is a total snooziefest on a blog!

So here we go !
1.) A guy telling me he has a list or mentions passing a test (certain requirements women have to meet to date him), especially on our first date......... Girls have tests, lists, whatever, and that is annoying on its own. Can you imagine that for a guy? I went out on a date a while back and the guy said that I passed one of his tests, which was that I pet his dog (he had a pitbull), and that his dog liked me. Throughout the night if I said something he liked he then told me I also passed another test. Though he meant it as a compliment (and I smiled and thanked him) it was still annoying. God forbid I said the wrong thing, he was probably docking points in his head.

2.) A guy complimenting me on something that isn't seen as a compliment. Especially when it's embarrassing. For example, sometimes I have a nervous tick. You won't be able to tell if we're sitting across from each other but if I am next to you it becomes more obvious, especially on a bad day when I am really battling anxiety and trust me I am embarrassed. Anyway a guy on our first date told me "I find your twitching attractive". Seriously ? It's like saying " I love that pimple on your forehead, it adds to your appeal." Stop, asshole, you aren't fooling anyone.

It's may possibly be nice when a guy does that down the road as we get to know eachother. But for the first date ? Annoying, and does not seem genuine.

3.) A guy asking me a bunch of questions and then telling me he likes to study psychology and observe people. Basically, asking me questions about myself, and then taking the answers I give him and using that to "educate" me about myself. Annoying. I don't mind people watching with someone, but I don't like being on display, sitting in front of some guy while he is assessing me and then educating me about myself. Annoying !

4.) Men that are joking and text something that would normally be considered offensive, vulgar or just in poor taste and end that sentence with a ;) or a :) thinking that it makes them funny, witty or innovative.

Example: "I don't want children, but I don't mind practicing ;)" Or.......... "I am a lesbian in a man's body :)" Oh yeah, like no one has heard that before !

5.) Men that get philosphical on their profiles or on the first date to make it appear that they are deep, when they are really trying to get deep into your pants. I do want to know what religion a man is, and maybe a few things that are most important to him. But that's really it for the first few dates. What really makes my teeth itch is when I am eating dinner and he is talking about how incredible his beliefs are and how much it changed his life, or he is almost trying to convert me. On a date with one guy, he just wanted to keep on talking about the book "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle. Basically how much it changed his life, and when I wanted to talk about something else, he told me to wait until he got done reading a passage in the book. So corny.

Another guy tried to force his Scientology beliefs on me, even taking me to a recruiting party on New Years Eve, when he told me it would be a party with his friends.

6.) Bad spelling and grammar. THE ONE THING THAT REALLY GETS MY PANTIES IN A WADDED BUNCH IS WHEN MEN WRITE IN ALL CAPS LACK PUNCTUATION AND CANT SPEL IF THERE LIFES DEPENDDED ON IT. COUPLE THAT WITH A PIC THEY TOOK OF THEMSELFS IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT A SHIRT AND THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT TO GROW CLAWZ AND DESTROY THE COMPUTER SCRREEEEN.

Ohh.......................... So enough bitching about little things that annoy me. Let's go onto bigger things.

So I booked a vacay abroad. Spain was one of my destinations (not anymore). One of my friends lives in Malaga and owns a mango farm with his family. Anyway, I met this guy a few years ago in a talent show for our Foreign Language Department. He did Flamenco, and I did Egyptian bellydance. We did go out once, but that ended fast because I left for Barcelona a month later.

I recently reconnected with him on Facebook and he invited me to come out and see him in Spain. He said that I could see my first real Flamenco dance. I was really excited. So I seriously considered making the trip out there. All the way to the south of Spain which is within sailing distance to Morocco.

Anyway, last week he asked if I am coming out. I asked if he would be hospitable and show me around. He said that he wouldn't go with me and see the sights because he doesn't need to, as he already lives there. He told me I could do that on my own. So I asked him what we would do together. He told me that I could help him on his mango farm, and that I would have a place to stay.

Ohhh...... rrrrrly ? So this guy wants me to travel allllll the way to the south of Spain, he won't even pick me up. He wants me to travel all the way to his mango farm so I can supply him with free labor and a license to grope me when he feels like it, and he refuses to even be hospitable and show me around ? No spank you cabron ! I would rather stay home.......

So that is all for now, I am going to go and do something useful like clean the house and walk the dog.

Besitos !

Freaking Tell Me Friday !

2011-07-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

What's Up Loves ?

I've been gone for a while, and it's because I just haven't felt like writing lately. Oh, wells....... But I am back for now and here to do another survey because I am a total survey whore. I forgot where I yanked this from, but if you like it, please feel free to take if for yourself !

1. Everyone seems to have a quirky family situation-- what is something unique about your family dynamic?

Oh wow, where would I begin ? I have a very unique family. But for starters, we have so many cultures and religions in our family. In are family, we have Catholics, Jews, Hindus, a Wiccan......... I also have family in various parts of the world.

2. What is the most stressful aspect to blogging (aside from the network going down)?

When bloggers I love reading stop posting and just disappear. It's even more sad when bloggers pass away.

3. We all end up on a blog at some point in our day, but name your top 3 favorite websites you flock to daily (non blog)

1.) Facebook
2.) Damn You Auto Correct
3.) AOL ( to check my e-mail, don't judge !)

4. What’s your sign? Believe in it or not, does any part ring true to you?

I am a sassy Sagittarius, and I am true to my sign ! I love to travel, I am in the legal field, I am blunt and stick my foot in my mouth, and I am afraid to settle down.

5. Ice Cream!! ICE CREAM!! We all scream for icecream! Name your favorite flavor/brand!

Mint chocolate chip !

We Want to Know Wednesday

2011-06-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

What's Up my little Schmetterlings ? (German for butterflies)

So I was gonna write about my pet peeves in dating, but I didn't feel like posting it, so we will just have to settle for a survey instead. I snaked this one from Steve's Nude Memphis Blog. I would leave a link to his blog, but I am very lazy right now and don't feel like it. Sorry, Nude Stevo !

Anyhooters, not gonna keep you anylonger. If you want to tap into your inner survey whore, please feel free to take this and then post the answers so the rest of us voyeurs can see.

Besitos !

1.) You have been asked to give a 10 minute speech to teenage girls. What is it about?I would tell them what I wish I would've understood as a teenage girl..............

           - Life flies by so fast. Don't always believe older people when they say you have your whole life to accomplish your goals, because all you have is now. If you put off your dreams, you will end up looking back and wondering why you didn't just give yourself a chance when you had the time and no huge responsibilites.
           - I would also tell them that although they've probably grown up being told that they could do anything they set their mind to, everyone faces rejection down the road and they will too at some point. But life can be a numbers game. Sometimes you get what you want because you earned it, sometimes it's by pure happy accident, sometimes it's because you know the right person. When that doesn't happen for you and you get rejected, feel sad about it for a little bit and then move on and don't look back.

{2} Do you have a pet? Tell us about them. No pets? Why?

I don't have a pet, but I look after my friend's terrier mix, Chloe. Chloe is very special to me, and she is highly intelligent and extremely sensitive. Sometimes the best companions are not human.

{3} What is the biggest inconvenience about the place you’re currently living?
                                  The gangbangers that like to jizz out graffiti on our block. I also can't stand the creepy lurker guys in my neighborhood market.

{4} What do you think is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
                           Not marrying my ex-boyfriend, hands down. The break-up was hard for me mainly because I was so uncertain about the future, but looking back, I am thrilled I didn't move across the country to live with him. He has since remarried the woman he started seeing behind my back, and I am glad she got him. I was never in love with him, and in the end she was my way out.

{5} What are the THREE "nevers" of your life? (things you would never do or have never done)

                - I have never been on a cruise
                - I would never willingly eat eggplant
                - I have never ever been able to do the front splits, even though I used to fully be able to do the side splits as a kid.

TMI Tuesday -- Snaked from Another Blogger.......

2011-05-31T23:52:00.000-07:00

1. What time did you go to bed last night and were you alone?

After midnight because I worked the swing shift, and yes I was alone.

2. If you could be given ANY gift what would it be?

Happiness. To be more specific, time and money to travel comfortably, learn more languages and make global BFFs. Oh, and the gift of love.

3. What was the last film that really moved/disturbed/thrilled you and why?

Paris J'taime. I enjoyed it, as I love Paris on film, and I could relate to some of the characters. I really enjoyed my first time in Paris. Another film that moved/disturbed me was Antares, an Austrian film that had a twisted love/erotic storyline to it. I watched it because it was the only Austrian film (half of my family lives there and I wanted to relive my time there) that I heard about, but as the storyline developed, I found it fascinating.

4. What is your favorite way to wake up and what is the first thing you do?

My favorite way to wake up is to realize that I had a deep sleep. I love waking up from a deep sleep, that I barely remember what day it is. The first thing I do is go to the loo. I don't think you need anymore details after that......
5. You’ve been granted an extra hour in the day, what are you going to do?

a. Sleep more

b. Extend a sexual interlude

c. Shop

d. Finally fit in that workout that you usually can’t make time for

Knowing myself, I would probably sleep. However, any of the above sounds good enough for me.......

BONUS: Are you in love or lust?

Neither. I've never been in love, and where are the good looking people at ? I can't remember the last time I've run into anyone I've really been attracted to. Come to think of it, I haven't even cared of anyone was attracted to me.

I do see some good looking people, don't get me wrong, but no one that I look at and think "ooh yeah......".

Oh wells........

Et vous ?

Please do tell............

Little Senorita Updates

2011-05-28T21:50:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Peacocks and Peahens,

What's up ?

I've been really lazy lately with my blog, and so I figure I owe you a couple of updates. I have noticed a couple of new readers in addition to my longtime loyal readers, and thank you all ! Besitos !! I will make my rounds, and I am always greatful to my readers. Even if I am not commenting, I am still reading your blogs.

I have been working extra lately, regular hours at the firm, and part-time doing security. I need the extra cash since I've been going to the doctors more. As you know I have TMD (tempuromandibular disorder) which is a disorder with the joint in my jaw, and for a condition that is not life threatening, it is still a huge pain in the ass, timeconsuming to treat and is very painful if left untreated. I just spent a lot of money for a new splint (insurance does not cover it) as well as physical therapy. I just bought a TENS, which is electrode therapy, which helps some. I did manage to shock myself by accidentally putting my thumb on the electrode. That was interesting.

I am also still battling my depression. It's manageable and under control, but it's still there. I can leave the house, go to work and maybe hang out with my friends and fake it, but it's still there to haunt me when I am done. You can always run away from others, you can't run away from your feelings. I am taking medication, but that is only a fraction of the solution. I also need exercise and dance. I miss dance, and since I've been consumed with work, I've spent less time dancing and I really miss it. I also miss performing. I am scared to get back out there and perform because the girls in my class are really good and you get scared that they judge, but at some point I just need to bite the bullet and do it.

Other than that, I am planning on a vacation this summer if my job permits it. In life, I work to live, and I really start living when I am traveling, and I could really use some time off.

Until next time, lovelies !!!

Besitos !!

Boobies....boobies........boobies........ May be not so safe for work........

2011-05-24T23:16:00.000-07:00

That's all for now....... Besitos my loves !!

Tell Me How you Really Feel...............

2011-05-06T22:47:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Muffins ?

So today I will talk about things I like, don't like, and things that straight up bug the hell out of me.

Fads/Trends/ Popular Products I am NOT into............

iPhone, or any smartphone for that matter --- I have a Motorola Crazr that came out around 2006/2007 and since it still works, I will continue to use it. If I get a smartphone, I will have to pay at least $30 a month more for internet. No spank you, and besides, those phones are getting too big. I like my phone because it is small, and can fit into just about any handbag, or even in my bra.

Twitter-- I will just stick to my blog, I already have followers here and here I can write as much as I want to. Twitter is lucky I am not up there. I would just tweet my bathroom escapades such as every dump I've taken.

Taking pictures of myself and posting them on facebook.-- If you want to show how hot you look, then at least get someone else to take the pic for you, or get the angling right so it looks like you tried not to make it look like a self portrait. Extra douchebag points if you pose with a kissy face. Tack on twattery points to that if you also pose with gang signs or sideways peace signs in addition to your kissy face.

Ipads-- No offense but Apple can suck it. I've never taken to their products. And they are way too expensive.

Fads I am into:

Facebook-- Part of why I don't post so much up here anymore, is I am always busy harassing my FB friends. Want me to harass you too ? Add me.

Reality TV Shows-- I watch most of them : The Real Housewives Series, Mob Wives, Jersey Shore..... You're Mom's a Whore...... Just kidding, there isn't a show like that, and I would never insult your mother. Was just seeing if you were paying attention.

Starbucks- Don't judge me. I am Starbucks loyal and can't stand Peet's. My friend gave me two gift cards for Starbucks, and it was the best gift EVER !

Expensive handbags-- True, I like namebrand handbags, but I will usually score my finds from Goodwill or friends.

--Expensive Foundation for my face. Estee Lauder rules !

--Department store perfume

Trends I am starting to Shy away from..............

- Expensive undergarments. I used to buy my bras only from Victoria's Secret because they used to be the only place that had nice bras with support without making me look like a fat cow with a dangling udder problem. Lately I've been finding nice bras in my size at Target or other discount stores. AND on clearance. So peace out VS Bitches !

-- Expensive shampoo. So I used to only buy top of the line shampoos, but I don't feel like it anymore.

Political Correctness/ Trends in Society , Past and Current that I've never taken a liking to.........

-- Carb diet. Two words: FUCK THAT !!!! I have family in Europe and have lived abroad. We love our carbs over there, and I have never given them up, nor will I do so here. I ate a healthy, well balanced diet in countries like France, Austria and Spain because I also mixed up a lot of veggies in my pasta, ate bread in moderation and did a lot of activities like walking everywhere, hiking or swimming.

-- The Going Green Fad. Don't even get me started. Before this became uber popular here in the US, people in Europe were already sorting their trash, recycling and only using resources such as electricity and water that they needed and it was no big deal. I was brought up to do the same. I am more than happy to sort my trash and turn off the lights after use LIKE I HAVE ALWAYS DONE.

I am just sick of all the babying and media hype to this and how bossy people can become all in the name of "going green". My building at work won't even let us use desk heaters that go under the desk anymore. How companies proudly display that they are recycling and it's supposed to win brownie points (when it should be a given), or how companies can charge more for their products and give you less product because they are "environmentally friendly". And I usually doubt their claims and wonder how "environmentally friendly" they really are. How compostable their materials really are.

--Organic produce. Whatever. To me, fruit is fruit and same with veggies, and if I am really hard up for organic products, I will just grow them myself. But since I am lazy and don't care either way, I am happy to buy produce at the grocery store. I don't believe those bs claims that organic produce is healthier, and I really doubt that produce that is sold in mass quantities is truly "organic". To me, anything grown in the ground and picked is organic, because it comes from the earth.

--People that eat fish or chicken yet still call themselves a vegetarian. No you're not, Stop........

-- Bullying and how the media throws around the term. I am totally against bullying. It breaks my heart when I read in the paper how a child got bullied in school. I was bullied in school. It sucks. I think more should be done to combat that.

What I don't agree with is when adults loosely throw around the term, claiming they were "bullied' just because they got into an argument with another adult or were verbally confronted by a group of other people. If you watch reality TV (such as the Real Housewives) those women are notorious for abusing the term. That is lame.

Charities.... Now please hear me out, I am all for donating. I have volunteered a lot of my time, and I respect people that give. My family is full of people that have donated their time and a lot of money. That's not the problem. The problem I have with it is when people feel entitled to harass you for your money just because "it's going to a good cause."

It always annoys me when I see people on reality TV shows throwing charity parties, and trying to convince everyone they are fabulous because they are donating money, yet there is always petty drama at these "parties". It kind of takes away from the spirit of giving.

It also gets on my nerves when I see "corporate panhandling", like Safeway for example. They raise money for various causes, which tend to change sometimes and sometimes have people posted throughout the store to ask for donations, or post up the names of clerks and how much money they have raised and treat it like a competition. I remember one day they were raising money for people with special needs, and had their employees with special needs posted on each corner of the store to do the asking.

I remember shopping at Ross, and each clerk asked you to donate. And if you donated, they announced your name and said you donated to the rest of the store. How tacky is that ? What about the people that couldn't ? They knew who you were.

I don't believe that all of the money raised would be for charity anyway. Not only are there tax exemptions, but I am sure someone is getting paid a nice, hefty salary for fundraising at a corporation. How much of that money is going to the true cause ? Until I can know that percentage, no way am I parting with my money.

-- Fancy names for low paying jobs. Do you make sandwiches at Subway ? Then you are a "sandwhich artist".

Are you a receptionist ? Then you are a "lobby embassador".

I do security part time, and if you ever call me a security guard, I would have to correct you and say that I am an "officer" or a "Security Specialist". (no I wouldn't)

When I lived in the dorms in college, the janitor introduced himself as the "sanitation engineer."

I guess that due to the bad economy, the high turnover rates in these positions, and the piss poor benefits that these jobs have, the only thing that can be done for these people is to give them flashy job titles.

BONUS*** Things that annoy me about dating............

-- When men take self portraits of themselves in the mirror. Bonus douchebag points if he takes the picture in the bathroom with his shirt off.

--When men write their profiles in all caps or with such poor spelling and grammar.

--When men don't treat me like a lady and pay for my meal and claim it's because the "feminists" screwed it up for the rest of us and that us women cry that we want to be equal.
-- When men tell me about their jobs and nice material possessions, and then label me a gold-digger for asking questions after they were the ones to start the conversation. (Otherwise I don't discuss those things.)

--When men write in their profiles that they enjoy "intelligent conversation". As opposed to what ? Dumbass douchebag babble ?

If you are a man and feel like I am manhating, I am not, and since I am not dating women, I can't really write the annoying shit that women do when dating. But....... I can write annoying shit that women do in general......

Here goes..........

-Women that go to the bathroom in groups. It annoys me when I have to listen to other chicks babble in the bathroom when I am trying to piss or dump in peace.
- Women that walk right behind me (when there is other space) and wear heels that click real loud.

- The women that straighten their hair in the bathroom at work, and it really bothers me when it smells like burning hair.

Okay, that is all for now. Time for me to step off my soapbox and call it a night.

My Dad Wanted Me to Post........

2011-04-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Peeps ?

So what's up ? Miss me ? After I am done posting, I will be making my rounds on your bloggies because that's what bloggy friends do.......... Even though I have been reading, I've been a little lazy on the commenting. Like for example, my BFF Ashleigh's blog......

So my Old Man e-mailed me and told me to update my blog because he is tired of looking at the picture in the post below. You know, that one of the greasy dude with his open heavage or shall I say greasy moobies. So to appease him, I will post other pics......

Is it wrong that I find this hilarious ?

Is it disturbing that even though there is a huge front butt in the picture that I still think that the chocolate chip cookie looks good ?

And if you eat too many cookies, you won't just have a front butt problem. This could also become a reality.........

I mean, seriously...... What the fucking FUCK ? Look, I know that weight can creep up on you over time. I think we've all been there, and then one day you have a serious "oh Hell no" moment when looking in the mirror.

But for some people that moment never comes. Even if your BACK FAT hangs over your mom jeans. I don't think that she tied that herself, so whoever tied the strings together did her a HUGE disservice by even allowing her to walk out of the house. Or maybe that person was mad at her. I guess we will never know.

But, when life hands you lemons, you gotta make lemonade right ? Or shall I say, when life hands you an extra pair of titties (even when they are on your back like that) you gotta make an extra glass of milk ! I guess what I am trying to say, is that there is always a bright side to things. The glass CAN be half full.

Allow me to elaborate.............

1.) This woman can be some man's fantasy........ Men love boobs !! Now men can have titties in their faces at different angles. The man in front of her ? No problem ! The man behind her ? No sweat ! Definitely a crowd pleaser.

2.) With TWO pairs of titties, now she has a greater chance of detecting breast cancer. She can get two mammograms. One from the front and one from the back. Painful ? Yes ! But better earlier detection makes it all worth it.

3.) One guy said it best. He said that this is great for a guy because now he can finally can titty-Fu** a girl while she is laying on her stomach.

So that is all for now my little babies !

Besitos !!!!

Interesting.........................

2011-04-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Daffodils ?

So I wanted to have a little chitty chat about weird things I saw or thought about...............

1.) The other day I was walking by the UPS Store, a place where you can rent a mail box or ship your stuff. They had an ad up that read " Your Package, Your Decision". How could that not register to the people in the marketing department ? I could just picture some douchebag guy like this turning down some larger girls saying "No Fatties ! My Package, My Decision !"

Wow.... Will you just look at that ! Ya think he remembered to lift up his moobage in the shower? Nothing more disgusting that that furry mound of old musty man flesh collecting bacteria.

2.) I picked up my eyedrops, and I learned they are called Lotemax. It is a liquid steroid to reduce the inflammation in my eyes. So if I am being a moody bitch, I can just tell them all to give me a break because MY EYES ARE ON FUCKING STERIODS, BITCHES !!

3.) On my way to Safeway, I saw some guy with a unibrow. Similar to this:

I just wanted to put a hot strip of wax between his eyes and yank it with all of my might.

Anywhoosies, enough pondering for now.

Besitos !!!

Titillating Tuesday

2011-04-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

Well What's Up Buttercups ?

Well, today wasn't that titillating. Just had to get your attention to perk you right up ! And now I shall keep you abreast of what's been going on in my life.

Numero Uno:

My grandmother had to have a valve in her heart replaced, and not only did the operation turn out great, but the doctor and staff at the hospital were wonderful. My grandpa was quite the doting husband, and it was wonderful to see my grandma loved and taken care of and the family together. It was sweet to see them leave the hospital together. The prodecure and product is brand new, it is a trial before it hits the market, and it basically has saved my grandmother's life and I am very grateful for that. Life is not perfect, but we all have blessings in life, and this is one I will always cherish. The doctor said that grandmothers are the glue to families

2.) I have extremely dry eyes that have been bothering me for years. I finally went to the eye doc, and I was prescribed two types of eye drops, one I could only buy at the doc's office and the other that requires a prescription. The drops requiring a prescription would cost over $300 without my insurance. Can you believe that shit ? Eye drops people ! Dry eyes ! Not a fatal disease. Thankfully I only have to pay $30 with my insurance.

3.) Commercials these days are something else. You know how to tell that we as a nation are becoming a fat tub of lard ? When companies like Pepsi advertise that they are using real sugar instead of corn syrup. When real sugar is becoming the selling point, you know we are going to fat hell. I know that while I was growing up, we were taught to stay far away from sodas, sugar and candy. That they rot your teach. And now sugar is seen as a healthier option ?

Same thing with Wendy's fries. They use sea salt as a selling point. Who the eff cares ? It's salt and all that salt is still bad for you. But because it comes from the ocean it's supposed to be healthier ?

Okay, so I am off my sugar and salt box, loves ! Time to finish watching Law and Order SVU.

Scuze Moi ! Could you please move your big, fat naked ass away from my face !?!?

2011-04-02T12:21:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There Kittens !

Miss me ?

So I've been going to the gym lately and in the gym, there is always the lockerroom.........

The women in my lockerroom like to take their sweet time in putting clothes on. They do everything else first, drying their hair, putting on makeup, taking to the person next to them, before...... God forbid they put some underpants on ! And for all you horndogs reading this and wishing that you were in my shoes, not so fast !These ladies are probably not your type.

I am not that bothered by nudity, but I do get a little peeved by seeing naked people sitting on the same benches and chairs that I sit on when tying my shoes or when I put my gymbag down. NAKED VAG ALERT !!!!

You know what else I noticed ? That somehow naked people unintentionally gravitate towards me.

The other day when I came in I noticed a .......how do I say this....... tall, "big-boned" naked chick just taking her sweet naked time drying her hair. When I walked in, I noticed her BIG red ass, mainly because it was facing my direction when I walked in. It looked like it broke out in a little rash. But I was like, whateves......... because she was in the opposite corner from me.

So I wandered over to my bench, and proceeded to sit down. A minute later Baby Rash Ass moseys on over to my section and proceeds to gab with her friend (ALSO NAKED). I couldn't move sections because I needed a day locker, so I just had to get dressed.

So they were gabbing and giggling and I was rushing to get dressed, and then Baby Rash Ass bends down in front of me and my face was a out a foot away from her big ass ! She put everything else on and her panties were the last to go on ! Like WTF !!!!!! What is so bad about putting on underwear ?

Anyway, I just had to let that out. Lately I've been running outside, so I can avoid the gym shennanigans.

I have a lot more to post, but I can't possibly write that in the same blog post that talks about naked butt.

Anywhoosies, I will talk to you later.

Besitos !!!!

How Many Pervs Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb ?

2011-03-20T17:33:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Tulips ?

So as you know, I live in the SF Bay Area, and the weather has been sucking hard lately. Last night, I saw some guy go through the trash across the street to take the trash bag can to use as a raincoat. And the weather will continue to blow huge whale ass like this for at least another week. No likey :(

So anywhooters, I've been doing some cleaning around the house and assembling a lamp for my room.

It's been a while since I've assembled a lamp, so I must've forgotten how dirty it can be......

Allow me to elaborate. Here are a couple of the steps from the instructions.......

-- Screw the lower tube onto the threaded nipple of the base.
-- Screw socket onto upper tube

And remember........ when it gets dirty, don't use polish, wipe it clean with a soft cloth or rag !

If you will excuse me, I have to finish screwing in the light bulb.

Tootles !

TMI Tuesday on a Friday !

2011-03-18T23:51:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Chocolate Chips ?

So I have a survey that I snaked from a fellow reader. It's a little TMI, but whateves.........

Feel free to snatch it from me, after all, it wasn't mine to begin with !

TMI Tuesday questions

1. How old are you?

30

2. What’s your favorite color? I like blue, but no rainbow is complete without yellow

3. First car you ever had sex in? Sorry, I refuse to answer this question because my father reads this blog.

4. Favorite rated R movie? Jackass, all of them

5. Favorite flavor of Popsicle? Lime or orange

6. Banana or apple? Apple

7. Favorite Jersey shore character? Snookie or Pauly D

8. Are your nails painted and if so what color? They are painted a shiny teal.

9. Favorite animal? Currently my friend's dog, who I've been spoiling lately

10. If you could bang a Disney character who would it be? Probably Prince Eric in the Little Mermaid.

11. What time is bed time? Usually too late for my own good.

12. Do you have kids? No, I can barely remember to water my roommate's plants.

13. Last time you bought a toilet brush? Last week

15. Bubble bath or long hot shower? Long hot shower.

16. Can you speak a foreign language? Spanish and German

17. Describe yourself in 2 words? Bullshit Detector

18. How many tattoos do you have if any? None, I could never imagine myself with a butterfly trampstamp that turned into a teradactyl with old age.

19. How do you like your eggs? Poached

20. How do you get rid of a hickey… I've never had to cover one up, but what else is coverup for !

21. Favorite color to wear. Black, it makes my ass look smaller.

Jury Duty and Smut

2011-03-02T00:22:00.000-08:00

Hello There My Little Peeps,

How are you doing loves ?

I am gonna keep this short because I need to get to bed, but I wanna let you know that despite my strong desire to be a recluse, I have been reading some of your blogs. Please forgive me for being such a lousy blog friend. I fully intend to make my rounds soon.

Okay, so enough ass kissing, let me fill you in on the latest................

1.) Doing taxes blows. It really sucks huge whale ass and dinosaur dong. And to add insult to injury, I am getting waaaay less in my refund than last year. Uncle Sam is really bending me over without even a kiss after. :(

2.) What else........ Ah yes, today I went to pick up my mail from my old roommate's house and I got two pieces of mail. Can you guess what I got ? Anyone ?

I got a notice for jury duty and smut. Pretty nice combo, huh ? I got my jury duty notice less than a year ago, and now I got another one.

Then I got smut in a red envelope. On the return address it had "X rated pictures" and some P.O. Box, and when I opened it up, there were cheap 8x10 black and white printouts of some nasty graphic shit. There was no 800 number to call, no advertisement, so to speak, so I wondered what the reason for that was. I swear, I thought my old roommate played a prank on me so I left him with the pictures. We both did have a laugh because the people in those pics looked like the chicks in Girls Gone Wild but 30 years and 50 pounds later.

Fun times, I tell you. And now I must go to bed.

Besitos !

Why Facebook Can Be So Annoying Sometimes....

2011-02-21T21:08:00.000-08:00

What's Up My Little Buttercups ?

So, I've been MIA lately. Been busy being totally lazy. Over the weekend I just completely vegged out in front of the TV and ate. I gained a couple of pounds :(

Then today after work, I was gonna go to the gym, buy I decided to watch The Bachelor instead. Oh wells, there is always tomorrow........

I understand that I've been MIA with your bloggies and I appologize. I will make my rounds soon.

So............... if you didn't know, I've kinda turned into a Facebook whore. I used to swear against it, but I finally jumped on the FB bandwagon.

But still it can be annoying sometimes. And here are my ten reasons why. Please feel free to chime in with your thoughts !

WHY FACEBOOK CAN BE SO FUCKING ANNOYING SOMETIMES.............

1.) People who like their own comments. Seriously ? Of course you like it, you wrote it ! How much more into yourself do you need to be ?

2.) People with someone else in their main picture with them whether it is a friend or significant other. I know you have people that like you or someone that loves you, but save that for the other pictures that are NOT the main profile pic.

3.) People making out with their significant other in their profile picture. Enough said, now you are just trying too hard...........

4.) People who flood their statuses with long "inspirational" quotes that aren't theirs. Really ? Save that shit for the quotation space on the "Info" section. If I want to be profoundly moved by something the Dali Lama said, I will read his book.

5.) Status Chains that tell you to pass it along or else you will have bad luck for the next 8 years............. I will take my chances.

6.) People that post pictures of their dinner. Steak usually looks all the same in a small facebook update, so please spare me.

7.) Political or religious rants. Seriously, please just stop. I don't want to hear about OMG, Jesus is so great and how you are feeling the Lord! Or about how you feel about abortion or illegal immigration. I will admit that if someone posts a heated rant that I agree with, I don't mind. But most of my friends on Facebook have different viewpoints than I do and while I don't mind discussing views once in a while in person with someone, Facebook is not the place for heated political debates.

8.) Getting hit up for money, whether it is being invited to a Mary Kay party, or some "charity". Do you know how often we all get hit up for money ? In addition to all the bills and taxes we pay, we are always getting mobbed by advertisements, people at traffic lights, people in front of the store, and the cashier asking you to donate to the store's charity, which I usually doubt they donate most of the money they collect to the cause.

So you can probably understand that the last place I want to be mobbed is by my friends

9.) People asking me to "like" whatever they are peddling, such as their business or favorite store. I usually do because it's no effort and they are my friends, but it still annoys the shit out of me. Please like my stuff, please tell me how fabulous I am so others will believe it ! I don't like to ask people to like something, I don't like to ask for compliments, and I hate that it's become okay do do so on Facebook.

10.) Invites to farmville.

So what about you, loves ?

Do share !

Senorita's Siete

2011-02-13T18:42:00.000-08:00

What's Up My Little Doves ?

1.) I almost got run over today by a tow truck while crossing the road. The light turned green for me to cross the road, and the douchelord behind the wheel saw me cross and stayed put to let me pass. Then as I was walking through, he started driving and as I was getting closer to the other side, so did he and he wasn't slowing down and nearly clipped me. Had I not jumped out of the way, he would've hit me. And everyone across the street got to witness the foolery. As he was driving me away, he looked at me like I was crazy. Unbelievable.

2.) Today I got together with the girls in my dance troupe and we worked on sewing costumes. I can't sew for shit, and my only task was to sew velvet over my bra. Total fail. I kept sticking myself with pins, and the bra looks like something a 5 year old would put together. However, after trying it on, I realized that it would be okay in the end because half of it will be under a vest. Not bad for first try.

3.) I fell of the workout bandwagon for the past week and I totally feel it. I attempted the gym for a half hour today and it was rougher than normal. Oh well, I will have to try again tomorrow.

4.) Last week I spent a lot of money on Estee Lauder products. I usually buy drugstore makeup, but I will splurge on foundation or brushes.

5.) I love collecting luxury handbags. I have scored a free Gucci bag from a friend, a cheap Coach bag from a second hand shop among a few others. I am always on the lookout.

6.) I can't wait to watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion tonight

7.) I desperately need a vacation.

Back for a Min..................

2011-02-07T22:31:00.000-08:00

Aloha My Bitches !

Miss Me ?

So how are you loves ?????

As you know I moved last week. I am still not completely unpacked. But I am slowly getting used to the new place. I love it a lot more than my old one, that is for sure.

I live in the SF Bay Area and we had the most incredible weather ever over the weekend. On Saturday after bellydance, I just sat at an outside cafe, ate a crepe, drank a latte and the mosied on over to get a manicure and pedicure. I know, such a hard life, right ? It was very relaxing, and I just enjoyed the moment.

And by the way, my fingernails and toenails look hot ! Love the color.

What else.................. Well, a lot has been going on which is why I haven't stopped by to post lately, but I will try to post more. Now time to read your stuff and tell you how fabulous you are !

Besitos !

The Senorita Seven

2011-01-29T22:17:00.000-08:00

What's Up My Little Muffins ?

1.) It's my last weekend here at my place before I move out on Monday.

2.) I've gotten rid of so much stuff, and it's very therapeutic. I've been hanging on to stuff from the past way too long. Old letters from friends. Old birthday cards from people. I guess I felt a need to hold onto it because I am afraid of being alone. At least if I am alone now and in the future, I can look back and see that someone cared. But I've realized that you need to sometimes get rid of things to welcome new relationships and experiences in your life.

3.) Remember that douchelord I blogged about a couple of weeks back ? Well, he texted me yesterday, wondering if I wanted to "catch up". I told him I was too busy moving. He can go catch up with his penis for all I care.

4.) I am currently reading "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle. Expect a book review soon.

5.) I just ate Chef Boyardee raviolis, and it's been so long since I've done that. It was delish !

6.) It turns out that I am not the only one moving in my building. I ran into a guy I would have random conversations with that lives three floors below me. I hadn't seen him in months, but we ran into each other in the elevator while we were both hauling our respective shit. He's moving out because he got a new puppy and I'm moving because my roommate is getting married. It's so interesting how life changes so fast. I was in such a different place when I moved in last year.

7.) This year has certainly gotten off to an interesting start. Last year I ventured out of my comfort zone and a lot happened for me. I got hired, I traveled, I made new friends.

However, this year is the year I am dealing with all of the emotional issues I've tried to ignore for years. I decided that I was going to a lot of self-reflecting and deal with the past, and it hopefully get it right this time. And once you open that can, it can whoop your ass.

8.) BONUS: I wish I could write about these issues and my childhood and just how not normal of a childhood I had. Maybe one day.

Sex Tips

2011-01-23T11:32:00.000-08:00

So What's Up My Little Love Muffins ?

So I told you that this year I would give reviews on things. Last blog post I reviewed a tarot card reading. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, who really cares about a card reading when I could be talking about sex moves ?

Who wants to know about reading cards when you could learn about sex?

Need some help in the sack ?

Senorita's got your back !

Two people with expertise here. The first guy was kind of experimenting here, but the second guy traveled all the way to India and knows all of the right moves.

What if you want to spice things up and add another partner ? No problem !

Namaste !

It may come true, or you may just your ass kicked.

2011-01-21T20:53:00.000-08:00

What's Up My Little Bananna Splits ?

So I've been spacing in and out of blogland, but I am back. Or at least for now. Thank you for all your well wishes ! It means a lot that you care.

So here in my blog, I write about whatever the hell I feel like. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's serious. This year I would like to do more reviews on things, like books, products, experiences.......

So here goes.........

Today I will be reviewing Tarot Card Readings. I do get flamed by some for getting them,. but whatever. I don't just randomly chose the reader. I get referrals from people I trust and that is how I make my decision.

I've seen the same person for the past few years. I trust the person who referred me, and the reader did a great read for the person who referred me. I got my first reading from her in 2007, and she got me through a really difficult time and most of the things she said came true.

So last year in January (2010)I got another reading. One of the things she kept mentioning was that there would be a new man in my life that year. Maybe not the first guy I drew in, but definitely the man I would spend the rest of my life with. She described him as olive-skinned, he was a writer for his job but did something else as his career, had a heart of gold, looooved to travel........

So the first half of the year passed and I met no men whatsoever. I did meet someone during the summer, but he lived too far away. I met another guy on Halloween, and we saw eachother for a couple of months, but I eventually broke it off in December because I was not really into him. It was hard to do, but I did it.

Once I resigned myself to the fact that 2010 would be another year passing me by with no one special and felt confident about the next year, I got an e-mail from a guy from a travel website that I am a part of.

This guy just moved to my area and wanted to know if I would like to meet up with him to learn how to play shuffleboard or go salsa/merengue dancing. I looked at his profile and loved reading about all of the things he had done. Then he added me on Facebook, and I saw all of his travel pictures and read about his
adventures.

I really loved his pictures and his profile and he was handsome. Not the stereotypical handsome, but my specific type of handsome. This guy traveled all over the world, and did things I would only dream about. He was into volunteering, he had wonderful references on his travel site from people about what an excellent host he was, he seemed to have an upbeat personality. He was also a writer, but has a law degree and recently stopped practicing. On paper he was everything I was looking for.

Then it clicked.

That must be the guy ! So I figured, I would give him a chance. I haven't met any men I've been remotely attracted to in a few years anyway and I was really attracted to this guy and felt we had a lot in common.

He contacted me in the middle of December and in the beginning he seemed eager to meet, was polite. I gave him my number and told him to call me.

He never called me. And I wasn't going to call him either.

We did meet up, about a month after he first wrote me, but he never called but he would message me and say that he was busy but would keep in touch, and that he was excited to see me and looked forward to getting to know me in the new year.

We finally met a week and a half ago. He contacted me through Facebook and he invited me to have drinks at a bar. Originally he was excited about teaching me how to play shuffleboard and going dancing ( love going dancing) but when we met, he just wanted to drink.

He invited me to one of the cheapest bars in town. I read the reviews, and they had the nastiest bathroom in town, apparently. I decided to just go with the flow and have a drink. While we were talking, he would ask me questions like: Why do you have a gap in your tooth ? Why do you blink your eyes a lot ? And when I told him why, he didn't believe me and questioned me further. He was very polite about how he asked me, so I didn't mind it so much ( I am not to self conscious about those things anyway), but still...... awkward !

He was also about 20-30 minutes late. I texted him what time I would be there and he still was late.

After I told him I didn't really like to drink, we went to the hookah lounge, but he complained about not having enough money and told me to chose the cheaper option.

He was agressive in making moves on me. When I pulled away he started asking what it was about ?

Basically, this guy was a total jerk, and the date ended in the most awkward way ever.

So yeah, I got my ass kicked.

But would I get another reading from that woman ? Yes.

She gave me information, the information I was meant to know. That man was a total dillhole, but he was a man I very much needed to meet. I can't really explain it without getting into details I don't really want to discuss, but I will tell you this..... While I was upset, and although I hope I never run into him again, I am so glad I met him. And I am glad it's over.

He acted as a mirror I needed. After that "date" (it really wasn't) I suddenly realized all of the dating mistakes I've been making and it all became so clear to me how to deal with the next one. And I am glad I learned my lesson on someone that was never serious to begin with. And c'mon, he had the same name as my ex, so that should have been a clue.

When I was looking through all of his travel pictures before we met, he reawakened my passion to get out and travel to other countries besides the ones in Europe, to go see the world, to live life in the moment. And even though he was definitely not dating material for me, at least I knew that there were still men in the world that I am attracted to. That men that I am looking for do exist. It is so frustrating to go out in the world and not feel any attraction out there. For the past four years, I feel like I've been living in a bubble. So at least, I know that there are dudes out there I am attracted to.

So while he is out of the picture, my desire to be more adventurous and give love another try isn't.

I firmly believe that if you are looking for information, you will get information, and it may not be what you are looking for. But it doesn't mean it isn't useful.

Also, truthfully, if I am going to meet someone special, I wouldn't want to know when anyway. And I really think that the man above or "the universe" or whatever verbiage you want to insert, knows that. I don't want to know. I want it to be a surprise.

So that is my review. Take it for what it's worth.

Why admit something like that ?

2011-01-19T20:42:00.000-08:00

What's Up Buttercups ?

Let me just say that I hope I do not ever have a repeat of today. I am on new medication and holy crap. I blanked out in the shower. I saw white clouds, stars and my head started ringing like mad. I could not see or hear anything else. For a second I thought that I was having a Come To Jesus moment and that I was gonna meet my maker. And if I wasn't, I sure wished I did for about 30 seconds. Holy fucking shitballs ! I felt better for the rest of the day, but not because of the medication, but because anything else was better than that white cloud of hell. I was just thrilled to go about my day without any more incidents.

But I gotta give props to my dad. I called him because the doctor disconnected the phone, and my dad got me through it. He even offered to come and pick me up. I really have been feeling alone in this whole ordeal, and it was nice to know that my dad would have taken the four hour drive to take care of me. I wanted to call off work, but I didn't because I still have to make a living. I am glad I stuck it out. I had a decent day at work and kept busy.

But that is not why I am writing this blog entry.

I am writing because on the way home, they had a segment on the Latin radio station in Spanish and English about confessing. So basically, you call up and tell the world what bad habits you have, or show your closet skeletons. I was expecting someone to talk about their freaky sexual exploits. Or how they had sex on their boss's desk.

But some woman comes on the air and says that she only dates married men and doesn't like single men. She doesn't even sound remorseful. She's loud and proud and her reason for doing that is because she doesn't want the responsibility of cooking, cleaning and ironing for him. Hell, neither do I, but damn ! At least the men I've dated don't require me to do that. I didn't in my last relationship.

I am a woman so I know that the fastest way to getting judged and disowned by your own kind is to mention something like that. She must hate other women.

She got her ass chewed out of course by another female caller, she got called a homewrecker, una "cualquiera" aka whore. The male announcer asked her if she felt bad, if she was breaking up a family, or taking another woman's man. She didn't feel bad because she said it was the man's decision to be with her.

How do I feel about it ?

I feel it's wrong, but the reason I decide not to be with married men is out of self-respect, not because I am thinking of other women or families. Other people do not factor into my equation. I feel that if I were with an attached man like that, I wouldn't be getting what I deserve which is someone all to myself, a healthy relationship, something we all deserve.

I also wouldn't hang out with a woman like her. I would just avoid her like the plague and so would my friends, even though they have wonderful husbands. Even though you may trust your husband, I still think it's completely foolish to stop occasionally keeping an eye on things. And lets face it, it gets tiresome having to have to constantly keep watching your back.

In my legal classes, my teacher always told us women to keep an eye on things, to be involved in the finances, to see where the money is going. Not necessarily tracking every penny, but knowing what is going on. My grandmothers have been loving women to my grandpas, yet remained involved in the finances. And when my Opa in Austria passed away, my Oma knew how to take care of herself. And when another man came along and tried to take advantage, she threw his ass out on the street.

Anyway, but the woman in question does have a point. The husbands she sleeps with made the decision to break their vows. As much as people want to hate her, she still owes nothing to the wife or children. It's the unfaithful husband that owes his wife and kids. The woman, although she should know better bears no responsibility to the wife and kids.

The way I see it, if a man is going to cheat, he will cheat.

Anywhooters, this post has gotten longer than I originally intended, so I am going to log off and take my meds.

Besitos !

Snaked From Shoesies ......................

2011-01-17T00:24:00.000-08:00

1. if you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?

Members of my family, of course !

2. if you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

True love

3. what is the one thing most hated by you?

Deception, bring lied to

4. what would you do with a billion dollars?

-Change my phone number
-Quit my job
-Travel the world
-Hire an excellent tax attorney and a lawyer
-Help my family members
-Run a charity so I can manage where the funds go myself

5. what helps to pull you out of a bad mood?

Usually bellydance, but if that doesn't work I just call it a day and hope the next day is better.

6. which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

Both are equally important in my book. There is no point if it's not being returned.

7. what is your bedtime routine?

I always brush my teeth and remove my makeup.

8. if you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?

Currently single and bilingual.........

9. if you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?

Myself, I always enjoy making up a dance routine and seeing it through, I love blogging and getting comments...........

10. what kinds of books do you read?

Currently I am reading The Power of Now, and I have mixed reviews on it......

11. how would you see yourself in ten years time?

Seriously ? I can't even predict tomorrow, so asking me this question is just outrageous.

12. what’s your fear?

Living the same lifestyle that I do forever........

13. would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?

Fuck no, for a thrill I would rather skydive ! There, I found my loophole.

14. would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?
It all depends.....

If the marraige is a good one, I would rather be married and poor. But thank God, I don't have to choose.......

15. what’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

After opening my eyes, I turn off the alarm clock......

16. if you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?

Well hopefully I wouldn't have to want to change anything about who I love.............

17. if you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

I am fine with what I've got....... And I love my last name......

18. have you ever been betrayed by a family member to the point it broke your heart? What did you do to get through it and go on with life? What made it better? would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

Oh totally, by my mother...... Got over the heartbreak a long time ago, I've accepted the circumstances and maintain as little communication as possible. I have forgiven her, but I would be a fool to forget. What makes it better, is that she has little interest in communicating with me too, so it works out.

19. if you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
Buttercream frosted cupcakes.......

Give the man some privacy for the love of Jesus ................

2011-01-10T22:40:00.000-08:00

So What's Up My Little Wieners ?

So if you male readers out there had problems in the sack and needed assistance, where you would you go to rectify that ?

Would you go to Walgreens ?

Because some poor schmuck did, and I stood right next to him in line today.

So here's how it went down................

I was returning perfume before my bellydance class. Was in line minding my own business, not giving a flying fuck about my surroundings. Some guy stands right behind him and I give him the "I was in line first, bitch" glare.

So while I am returning my stuff, the guy puts his stuff down next to me and I STILL didn't notice.......

UNTIL the older Phillipina clerks started talking about how to do a return or exchange or a rebate or whatever on the Extenze and Libido. And they kept mentioning "Extenze" and "Libido" a few more times.

I was like......Omg..... wtf ???

So I look over, and within a couple of minutes I get to learn that he has a small penis and and has a libido problem. And not because he showed me or said anything, but the products were staring at me and I couldn't look away.

My back was to him, so he couldn't see the smirk on my face. I am proud of myself, that I kept my shit together.

I know we all have problems, and I am not really laughing at that man's problems.

It's that fact that he boldly walked into Walgreens and didn't even seem that embarrassed. Or maybe he thought I didn't notice as we were the only two people in line. I think he was doing an exchange or something. It was like he was buying eggs or milk.

First of all, if I were to buy something personal like that, I would do it online. Or even if I were brazen enough to buy it in a store, if I bought the wrong thing, I would suck it up and cut my losses, because we all know how long and hard (and not in a good way) returns at Walgreens could be.

I also think they could've been more sensitive to his situation.

So anywhore, that was my day in a nutshell.

How was yours ?

Besitos !

Senorita's Seven

2011-01-09T18:45:00.000-08:00

So What's Up My Little Biscuits ?

How was your weekend ? Mine was decent, although I wish there was more excitement. I worked and stayed in all day today. I didn't feel like going our or anything like that. I really needed a day off all to myself. I finally got it, alone, all to myself.

Anywhooters......... Here is the Senorita Seven. Basically, I don't feel like writing in paragraphs, so I will just give it to you in a list.

Here goes...............

1.) I am eating the chocolates my Swedish host gave me last weekend. So delicious ! They are called Droste, and they are Dutch and not Swedish, but who cares ? Soooooo good.....

2. ) I am watching the newest Bachelor with Brad Womack. Wow, Brad is friggin' HAWT ! I am normally not into blondes (Senorita likes her some olive skin) but he is smokin'.

So I hear that he rejected two women from the past seasons and he's getting a lot of heat for it. I think one of the women slapped him. I didn't watch that season, so I can't say for sure. I think that the heat he got was a little unfair. I think he did those ladies a favor by sending them home if he couldn't commit. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it and the sooner you cut the ties, the kinder you are being. I understand that the women felt they were being led on, but in romance aren't we all at some point so we can figure out if we are making the right decision or not ?

Do I think he is kind of a commitment phobe and has issues ? Maybe, and that is his problem, but can you honestly expect to find love and have it last on a TV show ? No, so I applaud him for owning up to his feelings.

All is fair and love and war. I truly believe that. Feelings will get hurt at some point, even though most of us start out with good intentions.

3.) I am moving by the end of the month and found a new place. I put down the deposit and got the key. Let the moving begin. Now I need to find some muscles to help me move.

4.) I am dancing in a troupe again this year at Rakassah (biggest bellydance festival in the world) and I got us a spot after spending all day on the phone. I haven't danced in a troupe since 2006, so I am nervous dancing with a big group of girls again. I've danced alone for so long. We shall see how things go. I am looking forward to getting a new costume.

5.) I am seriously thinking about galivanting around Europe this summer. I would like to travel to other places in the world like Latin America and the Middle East, but at this point it is difficult to find others to travel with me, so I really only feel comfortable traveling alone to Europe.

6.) I got my passport picture taken, and I look like a pimp smacked me up. My eyes are tired, my hair is hiding my tank top so it looks like I am not wearing any clothes, and I just look more Eastern European than I ever have before. I mean, I know my heritage is mainly Eastern European, but damn, it came out in that picture. I am scared to get that passport back.

7.) I really wonder what 2011 holds for me this year. If you had to make any predictions for me, what would you say ?

So that is all for now, loves.

Love, hugs, kisses and shimmies !

-Senorita

Couchsurfing Hostess Extraordinaire !

2011-01-04T22:42:00.000-08:00

Hello My Little Chocolate Chip Cookies !

What's up ?

So this weekend I hosted my first Couchsurfer. He was from Sweden, and he stayed with me for two nights. I have always wondered what it would be like to host a complete stranger, and now I know ! Prior to this, I was hosted in Paris by three different people.

My guest wanted to stay with me because I live very close to the Sharks Stadium and he wanted to watch the hockey game. What I didn't realize was that he was coming not to cheer for our San Jose Sharks, rather the opposing team, Vancouver, because they have Swedish players. I thought it was hilarious to imagine him sitting all by himself cheering for the opposing team amongst the Sharks fans in their Jerseys. I told him to curb his enthusiasm so he wouldn't get beaten to a bloody pulp.

Anyway, on Sunday he arrived and we drove up to San Francisco. We drove to Lombard Street and took pictures, walked down to In and Out Burger and had lunch. I had to introduce him to a proper American hamburger, none of that McDonalds shit that you can get even in Sweden. While we were enjoying our burgers, I noticed that Hooters was right across from us. I told him that he would love Hooters. We were sitting next to a family with children, but that didn't deter me from explaining to him why Hooters was famous and why he would enjoy it.

So yeah, he was more than willing to go to Hooters and he got a good look at our waitress. He also got a picture with her, and he was very pleased with the view. We had chocolate cake while he got to stare at the boobies galore.

After that we walked around Pier 39 and then we took a cable car back up to Lombard Street and drove his car back down. I stuck my head out like a dog while he did all the turns. Then we proceeded to go to the Golden Gate Bridge. It was waaaaaaay too cold to walk across, but we did take pictures. We also drove through Haight-Ashbury. I've been to SF many times, but I had never been through the Haight. That was interesting. I will have to go back.

Lombard Street

Danger lurks........

Hans from Sweden.......

I'm hungry......

The weather sucked huge whale ass, but at least it didn't rain on us while we were there.....

Twin peaks......

So yeah, that was my weekend in a nutshell. It's always interesting to see your city from a tourist's point of view. I was amused each time he whipped out his camera to take pictures of the cable cars or things on the streets, or when he pointed the camera at me.

It was also nice to finally practice my German.

Also it was interesting talking to him in English because it reminded me of my relatives in Austria and the way they express themselves. It's very systematic, very logical.

Some of my favorite quotes of his..........

"We don't need to worry about parking. I am a lucky Swede."

"I like Taco Bell, Mexican Food and Hooters"

"You just took pictures of me with those birds" ( He meant the chicks at Hooters)

Anywhooters, that is all for now. I briefly relinquished my passport because I am renewing it and getting a new one. When that one comes in the mail, I look forward to breaking it in and doing some more globetrotting myself.

But before I do that I hope that 2011 can be the year that I meet some of my fellow bloggers in person.

Besitos !

New Years

2011-01-02T10:20:00.000-08:00

Hello There My Little Fluffy Kittens !

Happy New Year !

Wow, where do I begin ? My New Years Eve was interesting to say the least. Last year on New Years a guy at work fell off a ladder when I arrived.

This year, we had a fire on my street. I heard people screaming and running into the street, and the apartment across from mine was on fire. Smoke was just pouring out. Luckily I didn't see any flames and thank GOD the fire department arrived on time. WOW. I was scared shitless for a moment. I am so thankful the fire department had everything under control. They totally rocked ! And to think our government is scaling back on their services.........

After that fiasco, I met at Heidi's house and we were on our way to a nice dinner in the hills at a restaurant called The Grand View. And what a grand view it was. But before we got there, her transmission went out and we had to push the car. I was in heels, and the other guy with us was 79 and had a bad knee. What a hot mess. Luckily we didn't have to push that hard, and luckily we had a couple of big strong cowboys to come outside and help us. Dinner was lovely, we had a wonderful view, and I ate a LOT.

After that, we went to Santana Row to a trendy bar called the Blow Fish. They were gonna charge us $20 each to get in, but they ended up letting us in for free. I was there to meet an old friend of mine and his buddies. We didn't see him for a while, so we just went off to the corner and danced. We put our purse and jacket down next to us in a little corner and just danced. Now I haven't danced at a club like that in about 7 years so it was a lot of fun.

I should mention that while we were at this trendy club from start to finish, we had a creepy lurker/stalker guy follow us. I don't know what his deal was but when he saw us he decided to latch on and not let go. He asked us if he could join the party with us while we were in line and we just looked at him and ignored him. After we got in for free, somehow he got his creepy ass in too and found us dancing on the floor. He just danced next to us for the ENTIRE time, which was about an hour. It was creepy, because I was wearing a dress that bared my shoulders and his cold and clammy hand would kinda graze across it "accidentally" while we were dancing.

But you know what ? That guy didn't steal my joy because I was so into dancing with Heidi and bringing in the New Year that I didn't give a flying creepy fuck about what Mr. Creepy McCreeperson was gonna do. And it was fabulous. That hour of dancing with Heidi was the highlight of the evening and a great way to bring in 2011.

Then I went to meet up with my old friend and his crew. Wow, they were good looking and waaay better then the crowd at where we were dancing. They asked me to stay and drink, but I didn't feel like it and I wanted to lose Mr. Creeperson so we politely declined and left.

Then Heidi and I went back to her place and had a huge pillow fight and made out. Hahaha..... no we didn't. We just lit a candle and talked about the new year and our hopes and dreams.

Anywhooters, that was my new years eve in a nutshell. Yesterday Heidi and a couple of our friends had a nice dinner.

So that's all for now. Got's to go.

Besitos !

2010 -- A Review

2010-12-31T12:30:00.000-08:00

Hello My Little Turtle Doves...........

Happy New Years !

2010 was definitely not dull.......

Here are some things I did or that happened to me in 2010 the year I will have to kiss good bye tonite................

-- I moved
-- I joined a new gym and enrolled in bootcamp class
-- I made a new years resolution to work out continuously and kept it all year long
-- My thighs no longer rub together when I walk.
-- I got hired in my field after busting my ass volunteering for 3 years for no pay and facing two years of continuous rejection. And I got hired in a difficult sector to get into, by a boss that wants me to learn everything slowly.
-- I made two new girlfriends, I met one last year, but she came back into my life this year
-- I got back into bellydance after a few years of what I felt like was an artistic block
-- I went skydiving
-- I saw my favorite comedian and danced with my bellydance idol.
-- I took a wine tour in Napa
-- Went to Lake Tahoe
-- Traveled to Paris and Amsterdam
-- I went to Paris alone and fell in love with the city. It's such a cliche but I fell in love with Paris and it truly is full of romance. I left a little luggage lock on the bridge to symbolize my love for it. I took the key with me. I met my French BFF. I talked to people on the streets, I ate wonderful food, I just let myself enjoy the experience. And I truly lived.
-- Traveled to Amsterdam and met my Amsterdam BFF. What started out as a trip from hell leaving me feeling defeated, ended up as a wonderful ending. I was really greatful for the kindness strangers showed me.
-- I finally wore my prized dress to our firm's party this year. After years of no holiday parties, I finally got to go to one. I also got my first bonus.

Who knows what 2011 will bring................

But I will keep it simple and make a few resolutions.....

-Devote myself to bellydance again. Join a troupe and start performing again.
- I want to wear my two-piece on a French beach
- I want to see my friend's new apartment in Amsterdam
- I want to stop being so addicted to the Internet
- I want to get on a sleep schedule

And the rest is still unwritten. My wants are modest, I just want to be happy and live a fulfulled life with lots of love, happiness, friendships and laughter. And that all became clearer to me after I turned 30 last month.

So goodbye 2010, thanks for your kindness and sense of humor.

Hello to 2011, I am coming to you with an open heart and mind...................

Senorita's Seven

2010-12-28T22:33:00.000-08:00

What's Up Kittens ?

Meow !

So, I am just gonna tell you what's going on in my world in a little list, and then I will have to expand upon it next post. Here goes........

1.) My grandparents are renewing their vows in a couple of weeks. I wouldn't miss that for the world. The marriage they have is something I could only hope for and something they have always wanted for me. I will be such a teary mess that day and I look forward to it. If you don't already know, I love my grandparents so much.

2.) I am going to wear a ring that I inherited from my Oma.( Austrian grandma) to that ceremony, My mom's parents never got to attend the wedding when my folks married, and I know my Oma would have loved my Grandma. Basically the ring I will be wearing is a smoky topaz (topaz is my birthstone) and my Opa saved up and bought it for my Oma. When my Oma passed, my mom and aunt decided it should go to me. They were the loves of eachothers' lives. And I will be wearing that to my other grandparents vow renewal ceremony. My Oma was always optimistic about love.

3.) My blog is turning 7 tomorrow. I can't believe I've been writing nonstop for 7 years. I started when I just turned 23 and this blog has been there for me when I graduated from college, lived abroad, struggled to find out what I wanted to do, when I went back to school, graduated again, and finally got hired in my field.

4.) I have made some wonderful new friends this year that I am so thankful for. I made two wonderful girlfriends, and I have always wanted more female friends in my life. And I made them at a point in my life where I finally understood what it means to be a great friend in return.

5.) 2011 is the year I will start devoting myself to dance again. I have had what feels like an artistic block for the past four years and I don't want to feel hindered any longer. This will be the year that I get back into a troupe and performing more.

6.) I was real happy that I was able to see my dad, brother and grandparents this year for Xmas. I was happy that my brother got to ride with me, so I didn't have to make the trip alone.

7.) Ever since I turned 30, I feel like life is passing me by and if I don't wake up and make it exciting, it will pass me by. Even though I have done a lot of things, I still feel like I am missing out on so much.

Seven is a lucky number, so I will just leave it at that for now. I will have to come back and blog on my blogiversary (sp?) tomorrow.

Besitos my loves !

Boob Apron-- Dream Robber for Men

2010-12-26T22:47:00.000-08:00

What's Up my Buttery Muffins ?

Aloha, Bitches !

So I had a wonderful Xmas with my family. Got to see my dad, brother and grandparents. It was a lovely dinner, and nothing like having the grandparents all to ourselves. Also had a lovely breakfast with my dad.

I had this elaborate post in my head about how thankful I am for the wonderful things that happened this year, I was going to review my goals for 2010 and how I accomplished them, and then set new ones for 2011. But you know what ?

Fuck it, I don't feel like it right now. That will just have to wait because I feel like showing you this instead. I laughed my ass off watching this. You know where I got this from ? Yep, my dad.

Enjoy.............

Shit my Old Man says..............

2010-12-22T21:53:00.000-08:00

Bonsoir my little fluffy marshmallows !

What's Up ? Miss Me ?

I have been stopping by less and less because I just haven't had anything interesting to say lately. I have an assload of shit going on right now between my full-time job, my part time job and the fact that I am moving. Not to mention that my plans keep getting postponed or broken. I can't even make definite plans for one day. How am I supposed to plan things out a month from now ?

I am reaallllly looking forward to visiting my dad, grandparents and brother for Xmas. Road trip time, bitches !!!!

What else ? Oh yes, let's talk about my dad...... You know why I love my Old Man ? Because he will intelligently articulate what he has to say whilst calmly inserting vulgarity and profanity. Now tell me that isn't talent !

My dad also made an interesting observation about religion.

"Religion is like a penis. I know you have one, I know you are proud of it and dying to tell me all about it. But please don't whip it out and shove it down my throat !"

Anywhooters, that is all for now. I hope you all have a safe Christmas and New Years.

Besitos !!!

Back for a min..............

2010-12-18T01:23:00.000-08:00

So What's Up My Little Frosted Flakes ?

Miss me ?

Sorry, been so out of touch for a while. It's just that sooooooo much is going on right now and blogging has kind of taken a back seat.

Did I tell you that I am moving again ? So I have to look for a new place. I have been at this current place for a year now. I need to be out by February, and everything is up in the air. I am not finding anything that I am happy with, but I still have another month.

I had my company holiday party last weekend. I should post a couple of pictures up here. For those of you fellow bloggy whores on Facebook, I posted a couple of shots there. My boss arranged for a shuttle to take us up to a winery in Napa. The sunset on the busride to San Francisco was absolutely stunning. The sun was setting with clouds in the background, and you could see the sillouhettes of the SF buildings it was gorgeous.

Dinner was fabulous, and the wine was flowing. I took my friend Ashleigh as my date, and a good time was had by all. I won a $25 gift card to Macy's. I will use it to buy my favorite perfume at the Estee Lauder counter.

Other than that, the weather here in California blows huge whale ass and 2011 is right around the corner. All I know is that I really, REALLY would like to take another vacation.

That is all for now my little sweet treats, I will be sure to stop by your bloggies soon.

Love, hugs and kisses !

-- Senorita

Out of the cave and back onto the internetz............

2010-12-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

Hello There My Little Egg Nog Lattes !

So what's up ? Miss me ?

Just a little warning in advance, I may take this blog private for a couple of weeks, so if you see that my blog is private, it will only be temporary. Long story short, I got interviewed for an article in a newspaper, and my other two blogs will remain public, but not this one. I don't want my boss to somehow end up here.

Sorry I've been MIA. I have just felt uninspired to write lately. Since I last posted, I celebrated Thanksgiving with my family and my 30th bday on November 30th. I am very thankful that I got to see my grandparents again, and I will be going up to see them for Christmas hopefully.

I drove up to see my family with my brother. He kinda lives in the 'hood so when I pulled up to his place and waited for him, I saw a thuggish looking guy hop over the fence behind the construction outhouse, into his brokedown car from the eighties with rims and him and his homies pulled right up next to me to hit on me. The sped up and real fast and pulled up next to me (I thought they were gonna shoot me the way they were driving and looking at me) and asked me if I had a boyfriend. when one of the guys smiled at me, he had no teeth. The car smelled like it was burning, and they guys smelled like weed, cigarettes and booze.

Driving up with my brother was interesting because he had to pee, and I mistakenly passed the last gas station for a while. So looking for a spot on the side of the road for him to piss was pretty interesting. He kept singing songs of how he had to pee, and sang "The Hills Are Alive" from the sound of music, except that the hills were alive with the stream from his pee pee. He managed to crack me up.

A couple of other interesting things happened during that trip....... My uncle sat in a pile of cat hair on my dad's bed and I helped him vacum his pants. It was awkward, but it would have been worse watching him try and use it on himself.

Also on the way back, we almost got into a carcrash because it was raining and my tire hit some oil or something. I tried to brake, but realized that my car wasn't going to stop and I swerved into the next lane. Somehow by the grace of God, there was no one in that lane next to us, especially since the highway was crowded. Luckily I didn't freak out and slam on the breaks, I somehow calmly let the car swerve and brought it back into the lane. I don't know how we got through that, but we did and I am so thankful we make it back safely.

My birthday was a nice one. I had dinner with my coworkers and then after work, my friends took me out. I hope that 30 will be kinder to me. And over the weekend my friend took me to the hookah lounge two blocks from my house to go for a hookah smoke. It was a lot of fun. The flavor we smoked was called "after sex" and it was real interesting telling our server what we order. Kinda got a wink out of him. But you know what ? That flavor was delicious.

Did you know that my blog will be turning 7 by the end of the month ?

Time to log off for now. I will be reading your bloggies and commenting............

Besitos !

Happy Spanksgiving !

2010-11-24T19:38:00.000-08:00

Hello There My Little Buttered Biscuits !

Did I tell you that I had Pillsbury biscuits over the weekend ? Sooooo bad for you, but so bad in an oh so good sort of way. I even dipped them in frosting. Wow! You know where else you can get orgasm worthy biscuits from ? Red Lobster ! I should know because I used to work there for four years and I never grew tired of them. But be careful, because good biscuits can give you a fatter ass, and while bigger cushion can be good for the better pushin', mac truck asses are NOT in.

So what's up ? I hope that you all are enjoying the holiday. I know that I intend to.

Every year I like to think of the things that I am thankful for. I plan on visiting my grandparents, dad, aunts, uncles and cousins. I pray for a safe trip of course, but upon the safe trip, I will be most thankful to see them again.

I cherish every time I get to see my grandparents again, especially since they are the glue that bonds our family together during the holiday season. Grandparents are special.

What else am I thankful for?

-The fact that at least at the moment I am healthy
-That I made some new, wonderful friends this year and maintained my other friendships
-That at the moment I still have a job
-That for the first time in my career I got a bonus, and my boss let us out early today.

So with that said, let's just hope that the above stays the same for a while.

Anywhoosies, Happy Thanksgiving !

Awardy-ward Whore

2010-11-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

What's Up My Little LOLCats ?

How was your weekend ?

Mine was decent. I worked, but I also got to sleep in. Did I also tell how badly the weather here in CA sucked ? Probably why I stayed indoors all weekend.

Anywhoosies, enough chitchat time to get down to business !

Jenni nominated me for the bloggy award above. In order to participate correctly I have to do three things.

1.) Thank the person that gave it to me. Thanks Jenni !

2.) Tell everyone 7 things about me that you probably don't know. Seriously ? I think you all pretty much know everything there is to know about moi.

3.) Nominate other people for the award.......

So.............. Here are the seven things that you may already know about me ( Since I've probably already told you everything).

1.) When I was in Paris I tried beef tartare. Raw beef with a raw egg on top with onions and pepper. I ate it with a glass of red wine. It was delicious. Sometimes I had it with french fries, and sometimes I had it with bread. You really have to eat it slowly, I couldn't imagine wolfing down raw meat.

2.) I had a very unusual upbringing that has really left a lot of psychological damage. I wish I could write about it and share my experiences, but most people don't understand it and instead I end up looking like the crazy one. So, I don't write anything ( I did but I took it all down). It is easier to just move on and pretend it never happened.

3.) I rarely ever donate money to causes. I believe in volunteer work and I will gladly volunteer my time, but I don't donate money and have no problem walking past someone at a booth. I have volunteered with good agencies out there and know they exist, and many agencies may have funding, but lack volunteers. Hey, we can't all throw money around.

4.) I am thankful for what I have in my life right now and that's when people become happy; when they are happy with what they have and realize they are blessed. Life is never a guarantee.

5.) My favorite TV shows are: All of the Real Housewives series, Law and Order SVU, Jersey Shore, Desperate Housewives, and Brett Michaels Life as I know it.

6.) I am open-minded to tarot card readings, psychics, past life regressions, but none if it has ever really worked on me, although I still believe others when they tell me their experiences. I can't get hypnotized and the biggest predictions I had going for me this year haven't happened and the end of the year is too short for it to manifest. Maybe it's better that I find things out unexpectedy. I am open to that too.

7.) I am about to turn thirty, and I certainly feel like I am not in my twenties anymore. I have done a lot of reflecting and I have definitely had some growing up to do. I hope that my thirties are full of blessings.

So Now............... Time to select 7 of you little furballs to be survey whores. Sorry, I am way too lazy to link your blogs to your mentioned names, so please don't take it personally, and just shut up and do the Goddamn survey okay ???

Thx.......

Anywhooters here goes................

1.) My one and only Mama Cita Ashleigh, the snarkiest chica with the bestest lines ever when we hang out together. She is my bloggy friend and my friend in real life.

2.) H. That is his name, H. A ripped Dutch guy who is the biggest pervo out there. I would be shocked if he took this survey since it's not sexual, but with him, it could be. Let's see what he comes up with.

3.) My friend Shoesies aka Red Shoes ! I love professors with a sense of humor. I was lucky to have a few in my college career. Shoesies is a perv too !

4.) Mac, the Atheist Perv............................

5.) Riot Kitty. Meow !

6.) Joey at Joey's Pad.

7.) Lulu !

Have fun kittens ! Meow !

Yes, I am nasty, and it runs in the family

2010-11-16T20:04:00.000-08:00

Hello There my Little Buttered Muffins !

So what's up ? How is your week ?

Guess what ? I turn the Dirty 30 at the end of this month. OMG, I hope it's fabulous that's all I have to say ! My twenties have been a mix of ups and downs, a LOT has happened, and I hope that life will be kinder in the next decade.

Some people have asked me about my sign. I am not a scorpio. I am a sassy sagitarrius ! I was due Nov 20th, so I was due in the scorpio timeframe, but I was born a sag. I love my sign and am true to it 100%. I love to travel, I am a bad liar, I always put my foot in my mouth but hate hurting others' feelings and I have to know the truth even if it kills me.

Although, part of the scorpio is with me. I don't hold grudges too often, but when I do decide to fight, I can hold a Scorpio grudge like the best of them. But that is rare.

Anywhooters, enough talking about me because I want to post something nasty. I've been looking at my past postings, and I thought " My Lord, I am a twisted girl "!

And today is no different, my little buttery treats. And you should know that I am not the only dirty bird in my family.

Take this for example......... My brother posted this on his Facebook. I laughed my fucking ass off ! If you find people saying "cocksucker" over and over hilarious, then this is for you. But the ending is the best ! A happy ending in my book !

Ooh, and before I go, here is something my dad forwarded to me. He rarely ever gets speechless, but this did it for him. This was found on the Smoking Gun. I laughed my ass off so hard, I couldn't fucking believe this shit even happened !

NOVEMBER 16--The West Virginia woman who last month pulled a knife on two men and announced, “Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat,” pleaded guilty today to assault and was sentenced to 90 days in jail.

During an appearance this morning in Jackson County Magistrate Court, Melissa Lee Williams, 41, also received a 90-day suspended sentence and was ordered to pay $185.80 in court costs, according to a plea form. Williams, pictured in the mug shot at left, is currently in custody at the South Central Regional Jail.

Williams was arrested last month following a bizarre incident at the 77 Motor Inn, where she was living at the time. According to an October 22 Jackson County Sheriff’s Department report--excerpted here--Williams waved a knife at two men who declined her demands to engage in sexual conduct (one of the men was Danny Williams, her estranged husband).

Deputies reported that Williams, who was living four doors down from Danny Williams, showed up at his residence and asked him and another man to “eat my pussy.” While Danny Williams “declined said invitation,” the other man, Adam Watson, told cops that he “agreed to perform at her request,” according to Deputy Ross Mellinger.

However, as Watson approached Williams, “he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams.” As a result, Watson “declined to proceed any further.”

At this point, Melissa Williams “produced a lock-back folding knife,” opened it, and pointed the weapon at her estranged husband. She then uttered a line that has since ricocheted across the Internet: “Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat.”

When Deputy Mellinger arrived at the motor inn, he discovered Williams “nude from the waist down and sitting in a living room chair.” He also noted that “all subjects appeared to be intoxicated and smelled badly of an alcoholic beverage.” (3 pages)

This is the woman with the nasty pootang ! Would you want to get near her bits ? I didn't think so !

Well my loves, I would love to stick around and chat more about cocksuckers and nasty pussy, but I do have to get to the gym.

Besitos !

Insulting People is Delicious !

2010-11-13T17:39:00.000-08:00

So What's Up My Little Chocolate Chips ?

How are ya ?

My week was busy, but I did go out with my Mama Cita Ashleigh on Wednesday and we had a bitch fest. We ate fried food, dessert, and I had a nice pomogranate mojito with mint and sugar. I don't really care for pomogranate, but it was good in that drink !

Anywhooters, enough chitchat because I want to talk about insulting people...............

So as you know, "twat waffle" is my favorite insult to hurl at someone. For instance, when I am behind the wheel and some ass clown drives waaay to slow, or cuts me off, I like to honk my horn and call that person a twat waffle.

So I was discussing this with a coworker and he concluded that in order to be creative with insults you take a sexual or taboo organ and pair that with a dessert or pastry. And to make it really stick, use the derogatory form of the organ.

Hence....... twat waffle.

While practicing this together, we came up with "taint twinkie."

Ooh........... how about ass clown ?

Just kidding, that was to see if you were paying attention..............

Some other delicious insults I've heard.............

Cunt muffin
nipple cake
fruit cake

Now you try, and please feel free to share with the class.

Besitos !

About a week late................

2010-11-07T19:08:00.000-08:00

Hello There My Little French Hens...............

So how are ya ?

You have a nice weekend ? Mine was decent, even though this weather today effed with my mood. I am a sunshine person !

So as you know, the elections here in the US were last week. So many issues to choose from. Democrat or Republican ? Economy... health care......global warming...... the list goes on.......

But I think men can all agree on one thing. Whether you are a Manocrat or a Manpublican, come together and unite for the Fellatio Movement. I've posted this before, and I will post it again.............

Meow !!!

2010-11-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

Whassup My Bitches ?

Miss me ? Sorry I've been away for about a week. The truth is, I just had no energy to write.

Forgive me please ?

Guess what ? Tomorrow is Erection Day. Oh my bad, ELECTION day. Voting can be so hard.......

Anywhore, How was your Halloween ? I had a blast. I went to a party with my friend above. She makes a hot witch doesn't she ? Before then I hadn't gone to a Halloween Party in 5 years. It was nice to dress up and go out. I have better pictures on Facebook. I can't post them here because I don't post pics of people without their prior knowledge.

At the party there was a live band and I danced a lot. It was awesome. I saw one dude just waltz in as a fairy A manly looking dude with a beer in one hand and dressed like a girly fairy with green wings. While he was dancing, I did a "grab and dash." It's a move that I had to take out of my war chest and dust off since it's been a while.

Basically my loves, while he was dancing with his back turned to me, I grabbed his ass kinda hard. I got a big chunk of his fairy ass in my hand for about a second before I turned around and disappeared back into the crowd. I did a very good job because by the time he turned around I was busy dancing and he looked at my friend. She tried to convince him it wasn't her but I don't think he believed her. Can you blame me for trying to get a little pixie dust for myself ?

What else........................

Other than that I've been busy with work. Did I tell you that we now have a new tenant in our hall ? Like we needed more people to share oxygen with.

I mean, I already hate sharing the bathroom with the bitches on my floor. Not only do they kind of ignore me, but they stink up the bathroom AND they like to gather themselves in there and talk.

I hate talking in the bathroom. I don't understand why a lot of women feel the need to have chats in there. But these beezies like to stand around, straighten their hair (the smell of burning hair is not appealing) and talk about God knows what. The only reason I don't know what they are talking about is because they are speaking another language. I wouldn't care so much, but we all know they speak English really well, yet when they see me they immediately switch into Japanese, as if I am going to hold it in longer just so I can stand there and listen to them. No thanks, I would rather drop the kids off if you know what I mean.

So yeah........... sorry, got off track for a second.

Our newest tenants are mainly men. Not just any men. Neanderthals.

Last week I caught one of them picking his nose. Really digging for gold. While he was waiting for the elevator, he was kind of facing my reception desk, which I was sitting behind. Now I know I am short, so maybe he didn't think I was sitting behind the computer working. But c'mon, if you are gonna give yourself a fucking lobotomy Total Recall style, the least you can do is take two seconds to scan your environment.

So anyway, he was facing the elevator, but turned towards my direction to pick his nose, thinking I wasn't there. So he makes a swirling motion with his index finger, like he was looking for gold and scratching a bad itch at the same time.

I just sat there, still not believing what I was witnessing. In the middle of his dig-fest, he looks up at me, while his finger was still in his nose. Yeah, we definitely had a moment. A very awkward one. He immediately turned around and got the eff of our floor. Aaaaawwww.... wonder if he'll come back.

I thought an incident like that was just a one-time thing. Oh no...... The next day a guy burped real loud while waiting for the elevator. He was short, so he had a lot of power packed in there.

I shudder to think what may be next................ Ball adjustments ? Ass scratching ? Farting ? Wedgie picking ? Oh the possibilities......................

But don't you worry my little kittens, you can be sure I will tell you all about it.

Okay, so I will be making my way around your bloggies in the next couple of days. Gotta go watch trash TV.

Besitos !

I can finally post it !

2010-10-23T16:13:00.001-07:00

Hi My Little Turtle Doves !

I am posting my dance vid through facebook. My profile is private, but this video is public. But only for a while. I will make it private in a week or two.

My stage name is Amira, it's not my real name.
Enjoy !

I Was Happier Without It

2010-10-22T23:03:00.000-07:00

Hello My Little Kittens !

How was your week ?

As you know I got a Facebook. I broke down because my friend in Amsterdam convinced me to get one, he was the one that pushed me over the edge so to speak. Also, my Mama Cita has been asking me for a while now.

I found a lot of people that I haven't seen for a while. But the best thing that happened to me was that I found a distant cousin from Russia who my Aunt told me about. Nice guy and he has a lot of memories with my grandfather that I want to hear about.

I also found my other half (girl I used to work with at Red Lobster with my name) and we can catch up now. She up and moved to Vegas 8 years ago and has done well for herself.

What else....................... I have gotten to see you, my readers and learn your names. It is always nice to put names to the faces and personalities. When you blog, it's just you, but it's nice to learn about your families and what your day-to-day life is like. And write dirty messages on your walls.

Did I tell you I reconnected with a few dancers I used to dance with ? Us bellydancers, you know who we are, we love to post our photos of us in motion.

While Facebook has helped me connect, I am still not completely comfortable with it. For starters, it is addicting. I have this blog, and adding Facebook to the mix is exhausting especially when I work fulltime and have a parttime job. I would rather blog. Here, we take the time to write longer entries instead of posts, we put more energy into this and into getting to know other bloggers. Not so much on Facebook.

The internet really makes you disposable. I write people that have asked me to join Facebook or have asked me to friend them and they don't write back. I talked to an old classmate in the same field and professional circles as me and wrote him detailed messages on who he can contact to apply for legal positions since he is looking for a job and he just decided not to write back.
And I know the people above have been on Facebook because they continue to post on their walls. Otherwise I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

Before Facebook, I just communicated with friends over the phone or by e-mail and it was fabulous. My summer social calendar was full. I went dancing, worked out, went to peoples' houses and all without Facebook. I traveled to Europe and met wonderful people that don't even have a profile on FB.The people that really mattered were in my life because we made efforts to stay in contact and it was a joint effort. And if that means I only interact with a handful of people vs hundreds of "friends" then I am okay with that.

I think I am giving myself another week or two, a month tops. Besides, most of my family up there don't even check their profiles that often. They are busy traveling, caring for newborns, or taking care of family. I am going to get the proper contact info of people I've reconnected with and bolt.

This blog is a better idea. People that really care visit this blog. I've given this address out a LOT, 90% of those people never make it over here. And I would prefer that to being ignored on Facebook.

Sorry my little furballs, just had to vent. I will dish out the snark and sarcasm another time.

Besitos !

The Nifty Fifty Minus a Few

2010-10-19T22:47:00.000-07:00

So What's Up My Little Cookies ?

So as you know I joined Facebook a couple of days ago. I find that I can't say what I really feel like because people like my Grandma and my really Christian aunt might see it.

Anywhooters, it's survey time, bitches !! There were supposed to be 50 questions, but I deleted a good chunk out because well, I thought they were lame.

Here goes.....

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

Wow, my waist looks a little smaller.

2. How much cash do you have on you?

I'm overdrawn at the moment, so I actually have a negative amount. I have I-O-Fucking U written all over me.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

WHORE ! Did you really think I was going to pass that up?

4. Favorite planet?

Reality

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

I feel you by Depeche Mode

7. What shirt are you wearing?

Shirt I wore to work.

8. Do you label yourself?

No, but if I had one, it would say "Made in the USA"

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?

Shapeups by Sketchers

11. Did you do anything to celebrate John Lennon's 70th yesterday?

No, but I noticed Yoko Ono and Lady Gaga have become BFFs. What a hot trainwreck mess.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Was checking out Facebook

16. What’s a word that you say a lot?

"twatwaffle" because I am immature and it makes me laugh.

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

My grandma and my dad

18. Last furry thing you touched?

Your mom's chest hair.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

Xanaflex (not to be confused with Xanax) and Celebrex.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

25 was a very adventurous year and my metabolism hadn't slown down yet.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

I've already skydived, give me a million dollars, baby !

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

Sleeping in my dorm room.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

If no one else is around, I hit and kick the machine.

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

Yes, I am actually a nice person, just as long as you don't ask me what I am really thinking.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

I don't like tattoos but if I did, it would probably be on one of my asscheeks. No tramp stamp for me.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

If I got to learn a new language it would be French.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

Mai, Oui !

39. Are you touchy feely?
No

40. What’s your life motto?

I don't really have one, I just like to get out there and live life without making excuses as to why things can't be done.

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

Keys, Cell, Chapstick

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

My dance lesson

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

No, that's what men are for ! Now shut up, get under the hood of my car and change that oil ! And don't talk back ! ::Raises Hand::

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

I recently traced back my great-great grandparents on my dad's side in the Canadian Census.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

My wrists, my jaw, my head. Damn TMJ !!!

Okay, so I am not going to tag anyone, feel free to snake this from me and do it yourselves.

Time for me to log off and watch trash TV. I need to unwind. Today kinda sucked balls, and I am hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Besitos !

Wanna be my Friend ?

2010-10-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Profiles !

I did something I've said that I wouldn't ever do for the past 3 years, and I joined Facebook ! My friend in Amsterdam convinced me to do it, and I gave in.

I would love to be friends with you all. My e-mail address is Wallstreetsmart at aol dot com.
Besitos !

Love,

Senorita

And four more for the survey whore !

2010-10-17T15:28:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Buttercups ?

So, happy weekend to you all ! I have a lot of catching up to do on your bloggies, please be patient as I will get around to them. This week has been a 7 day workweek for me and I am kind of exhausted. But I do get a day off next week.

I am really trying to pay off that vacation. But in the midst of that, my car broke down, my favorite bellydance instructor came out for a workshop that I just had to take AND there was huge sale at Kohls. Oh and did I mention that my car insurance is due and they are withdrawing automatically from my checking account?

:(

I think that I should be fine though. At least my credit card bill isn't increasing............

What else...... Yes, I got to practice dance this weekend. I totally needed it, and it was a good workout. Plus I talked to my FBFF in Paris (French BFF) and he promised to send me a birthday card soon, as I did the same for him as his birthday is sooner than mine. I also talked to my friend in Amsterdam. He is from the SF Bay so I mailed him his favorite burrito sauce. I just hope he gets it. It took a lot just to get my fat ass to the post office to mail it. The lady at the post office was definitely amused, I hope it doesn't get lost.

Okay, so enough chatter, Joey did a survey, and you know me, I am a huge survery whore so here I am. I have to go to work in a few minutes and I am too lazy to tag any of you, so those of you that are survey sluts like me, bring it bitches !!!!

Here goes.......

4 Things in my handbag........
1.) Keys
2.) Cellphone
3.) Chapstick
4.) Wallet

4 Things In/On my Desk
I am assuming this is at work so here goes...........

1.) Stacks of papers to be filed
2.) Oatmeal and raisins
3.) Files
4.) Lotion

4 Favourite Things in my Bedroom:

1.) My Shoe rack with shoes
2.) Laptop
3.) Bellydance outfits and sword
4.) Picture of my grandparents
BONUS: My bed ! A girl's gotta sleep and I've been tired lately.

4 Things I've always wanted to do (But haven't yet):

1.) Travel to Egypt for the Nile Festival and take bellydance workshops with the best !
2.) Travel the world with someone special. I have done it alone, but would like to create memories with someone abroad,
3.) Write a book
4.) Have my own place, live by myself.

4 Things I Enjoy very much at the Moment:

1.) Blogging
2.) Bellydance, practicing and going to festivals
3.) Eating cake and cupcakes
4.) Spending time with my familys

4 Songs I Can't get Outta my Head

1.) Only girl in the world by Rihanna
2.) I Like It by Enrique Iglesias
3.) Hey Baby by Pitbull
4.) Loca by Shakira

4 Things you don't know about me:

I think you already know everything................. But let's try......

1.) Politcally I am in the middle, I can't find a candidate that believes in what I do on most things so voting is quite a task for me. I am very liberal in some areas, quite conservative in others. I despise political correctness, even though I am politcally correct in a professional setting.

2.) I have quite the potty mouth, but I am really all bark and no bite. I may spew a lot of innuendo, but I rarely, if ever actually act on it. I am very shy around men.

3.) I am naturally a brunette, I was blond for a few years in college, but now my hair temporarily has deep red highlights.

4.) I love being American, I love living here in California (and always get homesick when away), but I would love to live in another country. I wish I could take a job somewhere internationally, or move with a significant other to his country. I don't want to be rooted in one place for the rest of my life. I guess that is the Sag in me, we love our freedom and we love to wander !

Today was my lucky day !

2010-10-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Furballs ?

So today it was hotter than Satan's asscrack outside. OMG ! While I was driving back to work from my lunchbreak, my car stalled at the traffic light. Now this has been happening for the past few months, and I would just start my car again. Not today.......... Today my car would not start and I was left in the middle lane. Even though I had my hazard lights on, the douchelords behind me honked at me. I rolled down my window and told them I couldn't start so they would lay off me.

I could not just move my car to the side because there was no room, and I was not going to try and cross the large intersection all by myself pushing my car. So I got out of the car with my phone in my hand and called my insurance company to come and tow the car and so people could clearly see I wasn't sitting on my thumbs.

I was hoping the first few guys behind me would stop to help me push, but they didn't. One guy told me there was a gas station ahead and to just push it there, but that was a big intersection to cross alone and I did not want to chance it. How did he think I could do that alone ? He could see I was visibly upset and scared. Whatever, I just thanked him and got back on the phone.

Luckily another guy saw me, parked his car ahead and ran up to help me. He pushed my car into a U-turn while I steered and got me to a safer area. I was really thankful he helped me. A couple of minutes later I was able to start my car. (Oh the irony) I took it to the mechanic and got it fixed. Now I don't have to worry about stalling in traffic anymore, thank God ! That is such a relief !!

What else...............

Oh........ my coworker bought some labels from a medical supply store just for shits and giggles. The sticker reads : "For rectal use only". He found our other coworker's protein shakes and proceeded to stick them above the little metal foil opening. It was priceless. While he was doing that, I was standing outside the kitchen, making sure that no would disturb him.

And today I would have been there to witness the other dude drinking his proteinshakes with the rectal labels, but I was busy getting stalled by the intersection. But when I returned I heard that he was truly perplexed and thought that someone in the factory put it there. I thought he would've figured out it was just a joke, but he said that the stickers looked so legit that he was actually confused and brought them to my boss to have a look. Priceless !

Well my loves, that is all for now. Time to go watch trash TV and think about getting some sleep.

Besitos !

The Skinny, The Shimmy

2010-10-14T01:17:00.000-07:00

What's Up My Little Love Muffins ?

So what else is new with you all ?

Been busy in my neck of the woods. Been working a lot lately. Trying to pay the credit card bills from my vacation.

I took a workshop over the past weekend with my bellydance idol Tito Seif which you can find a picture of us on my sidebar. It was over three hours of dancing with a cane, and I went barefoot, so my feet got blistered. But I did not care because I love Tito ! Then I took a private lesson with him for an hour on Tuesday. I've always wanted to dance next to him and I finally got to do it. I was ready to travel all the way to Egypt to take his workshop, but luckily I didn't have to since he came here.

While he dances, he smiles and sings and his energy is contagious, and that's what it's all about, this is why I dance. He makes me fall in love with the dance. I don't know Tito outside of dance, and after his workshops, I don't think much about him, but while we dance, I feel I like I am in love, like I know what love is. His English is limited, but he was able to tell me to smile, to move my hips more and said "your hips, very good !". It wasn't about choreography, or counts. I freaking hate dancing to counts ! I like to just follow and move.

Dancing with him may have been crossed off on my bucket list, but I still would like to go to Egypt and meet other authentic Egyptian dancers. My first bellydance teacher was from Egypt as well. She may have been crazy, but she make performers out of us and introduced us to all types of bellydance. Bellydance with a sword, with candles, with a veil, with drums, with zills............... most dancers only teach you one thing. She threw it all at us.

You already know I suffer from anxiety and depression. I took meds once and didn't like it. I've tried a lot of different activities, but the only thing that has consistently helped me through it is bellydance. It helps me process my emotions, and it helps me heal because dance is a way of interpreting my feelings and I can let them out and no one has to know what I am feeling. I have danced off and on for the past 8 years and my world has always been brighter when dance was a part of it. I struggled the most when I wasn't dancing. It doesn't matter if I work out hard and sweat it out at the gym, if I am not bellydancing, I still don't feel complete.

Anyway, time for bed !

Red Light District

2010-10-09T18:59:00.000-07:00

So What's Up My Little Voyeurs ?

Time to talk about the Red Light District ! Le Porkstar aka Porkalicious and I paid for a Red Light District Tour and boy what that a lot of fun. We took the English tour even though we could have taken it in Spanish (because Le Porkstar is Brown). But I just decided to just stick with the English tour because I wanted to be sure to understand all of the sexual terms and didn't want to lose anything in translation, so Porky compromised and went with me and told me to translate this "Vamos a mirar tu mama trabajando"!

Our tour guide was Australian, and had quite the sense of humor. He gave us a history of Amsterdam and how the Red Light district came to be and walked us by the windows with the working girls and showed us some of the sex shops. Stores where you could buy things cheaply and in bulk. He asked us if we needed to stock up on any buttplugs or lube. Such a nice guy !

The streets are narrow and we did see a guy in his SUV scrape the side of his car. There was a crowd of us and we witnessed it all, and he definitely sped off after that. Turns out the damage wasn't that bad.

But the highlight of our tour was when we were in front of a DVD display. There is something for everyone in Amsterdam. Any fetish you may have, they cater to that and displayed the selection of DVDs behind glass. So while our guide was standing in front of the window with DVDs advertising a variety of fetishes, some ~~old perverted bastard~~ old man with gray stubble and a joint in his right hand just saunters over to the window and stares at the glass because not only is he horny but he was probably baked out of his fucking mind. Our guide proceeded to say hello and asked what he was into and sarcastically asked if he liked the golden showers.

This old bastard cracked us all up because he didn't pay us any attention or even look at the guide, he just put both hands on the glass, leaving the joint in his right hand and then with his free left hand while looking at the DVDs, made fingerbanging motions with his fingers. We all lost it and we all laughed our asses off.

This guy was old and looked like he just didn't give a fuck or have a care in the world. And to him I say Bravo ! Because if you don't have much time left in the world, why not go out with sex and a joint ?

Here are some pictures of Moi very close to the Red Light District...........

This is a male oriented store, most likely a very gay one at that. I came to this conclusion because I saw a couple of gay bars around, but also, look at the guy. What straight man would ever pose like that in his right mind ? Even though he would probably never bark up my tree, I wanted to tell him that it's okay, we can still be friends................

Just look at that. This was at a waffle shop called Australia. We had been walking around looking for waffles. Mine was drenched in syrup with tons of whipped cream and ice cream. And because we were walking all day, I could afford to eat all those calories. Delish !

Gotta love the blatant sexual advertising. This would never fly in the US, and it's a flipping shame. If you look closely, you can see my face beween her tongue and the ice cream and I am staring at the ice cream.

Well loves, it is time for me to bounce for the evening. I still owe you pictures from Paris. I'm saving the best for last of course !

Besitos !

Let's Fondle In The Park

2010-10-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Picnics,

So it's picture time !

Le Porkstar and I have a favorite word in common: Fondle. It's like our code word. Don't ask, we're just pervs, and I think the word sounds funny.

So imagine how happy we were when we arrived in Vondel Park aka Fondle Park in Amsterdam. Seriously, I don't know what they were thinking when they named this park, supposedly it's named after someone. But their wierd names are our photo opportunity, right ?

People looked at us wierd, stradling the gate and each other and giggling like school children, but not a single fuck was given.......

And this isn't the last of the photos in my war chest.

Say, wouldn't you like to hear some stories of what happened in the Red Light District ?

Gots to go to the gym now.

Besitos !

Let's Go Dutch, Shall We ?

2010-10-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

Well Good Evening My Little Stroopwafels,

So what's up ?

I am gonna make fun of the Dutch now. I am not politically correct so if you are Dutch and I offend you (or if you feel the need to get your panties in a wad in general), feel free to just bite me okay ?

I am kidding, as a little disclaimer, let me just say that while I was in the ~~Netherregions~~ Netherlands, I was amazed by the hotness of the Dutch male species. They are tall, built, strong, and have nice features. I was gawking every chance that I could. Plus they tend to have deeper voices and their thick accents, me likey. OMG, need I say more ? Just goes to show that I like men manly, no metrosexual b.s. While I was in Paris, I thought that the men were handsome and impeccably dressed, and yeah I liked it, but in the Netherlands, my primal urges, biological desires or whatever the hell you want to called it kicked in.

Anyway, moving along.......enough nice talk about Holland.

Let's talk about their language okay ? Thank God the men are hot, because the language is not.

I don't speak Dutch, I speak German, and there are some similarities between the two. Neither is a beautiful language. For example, Tits in German literally translates to "breast warts" so you can get an idea of how unsexy the language is. But in my opinion, German is prettier than Dutch which says a lot.

In Holland you can bank with Rabo Bank. To me it sounds like Rob-A-Bank. With so many tourists and English practically their second language, why didn't they get a second opinion on this ?

I was also informed that in Portuguese "Rabo" translates to "ass". So hey, bend over cuz it's time to make a deposit and withdrawal okay ? I hope you have late hours, because I will be sliding my bank card often.

And my ~~brown~~ friend Le Porkstar told me that in certain Latin countries "rabo" translates to "cock". Oh really ? So hey, now you have a choice right ? Ass or cock....... A bank where there is something for everyone. Would it be too greedy to ask for both ?

While I was at the theater and glancing at the subtitles, I saw the word "donker" a lot. My friend couldn't find his Dutch dictionary so I was left to keep on wondering what it meant. I sounded like "ba donk a donk" which reminded me of ass. So now I just want to tell people that piss me off to just shove it in their donker !

When I got back, I looked up the word and learned it means "dark" or "darkness" so hey, I guess I wasn't too far off, as it is a place where the sun don't shine.

I also learned a few basics in Dutch, like "hello" and "thank you very much". "Dank u wel" means thank you. But you know what ? IMHO the Dutch weren't that hospitable during my stay, so I modified that and put a personal touch on it for them.

Fuck u wel ! And I said it fast and with a smile !

I am kidding, I never uttered such a thing, I was always polite, but I did have a couple of rude encounters (the canal tour guy singled me out), but I chalk that up to their city being overrun with tourists 24/7.

And to him I said. "You can take your attitude and shove it up your donker ! Fuck u wel ! (No I didn't)

Okay, enough for now my little caramel cookies........

Besitos !

Do You Shave Your Sex ?

2010-10-04T18:56:00.000-07:00

Whassup my bitches ?

After yesterday's post, I bet you thought I was gonna get all deep or philosophical on you again....... NOT !

While I was in Paris I made a FBFF (French Best Friend Forever)

We were discussing the French and if they like to go bare or au natural...............

He said "You mean do we shave our sex ?" in all of his French accent glory.

It was like I offended him or something.................. "No..... zis is crazy, I would never shave my sex !"

Apparently in French you would say "to shave sex your sex organs" or something like that, but whatever my friend was saying, something was obviously lost in translation.

I take it the French are a little more natural shall I say. But my FBFF kept rambling about how he would never shave his sex and how could people shave their sex ? Why would they want to ? No, no, no, ! zis iz crazeee to shave zee sex !

The more he kept rambling about shaving the sex, the more I lost it and I could not stop laughing. While he was in shock from me talking about shaving zee sex, he was also perplexed as to why I was curled up in a ball and LMFAO on the floor. I had tears, and OMFG, I had to explain to him that sex in English is an action, and you can't shave an action.

Anywhooters, I owe you pics, and I just need to dig out my camera.

French kisses my loves !

I Thought I Saw Her

2010-10-02T12:30:00.000-07:00

Hello Loves,

This entry will be brief.

As you know, my Oma (grandma on my mother's side) passed away on August 31, 2006. I remembered every year until this year. That day this year, I completely forgot. I couldn't believe it. What was interesting, was that I was thinking about her, and remembering the funeral, but when August 31st came and went this year, I didn't remember that it was the day she passed away. I don't know if I should feel guilty or not. Those who know me know that I loved her very much. My mother did not raise me to speak German, but my Oma stepped in and made sure I knew my Austrian heritage, and through her and my aunt, I learned German and learned about Austrian culture. For that I am very greatful.

On the way back to San Francisco, as I was checking in my baggage at the airport in Amsterdam, I thought that I saw her. There was a woman sort of to the side where I couldn't see her face that looked exactly as how I remembered my grandma. Same figure (she had a distinct figure), same hair, same overcoat, same pants, it was really something because I remember my grandma wearing the same coat she was wearing. Also, did I mention that the last memory I have of my Oma is saying goodbye to me at the airport when she dropped me off before I flew back to the US a year before she died ?

It just caught me off gaurd and I froze for a second. Of course when I looked at the woman's face, she looked nothing like my Oma, but it was like I saw my Oma all over again and I almost wanted to go up and tap the lady's shoulder. It was wierd.

This isn't the first time it has happened to me. I have seen her in my dreams before, and usually when this happens to me, it's a happy event, and I am not sad nor do I feel like I really miss her. I just know that she isn't here and that she's happier wherever she is. And that is fine by me. I already said goodbye to her and she had a beautiful funeral with Mozart music and a lot of flowers surrounded by the Austrian mountains and fresh air. Best of all, she is resting in peace next to my grandfather, the love of her life.

More Trip Talk

2010-09-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There My Little Belgian Chocolates,

I slept like a baby last night, and I will go to bed soon after downing some Nyquil. I will be sure to have coffee tomorrow to battle the jetlag.

I got my hair cut and dyed again today. My stylist gave me some hot bedroom hair. RAWR !

Anyway, more talking about my trip.............................

I met a couple of people that I plan on keeping in contact with. One in Paris, one in Amsterdam, and one from the plane to Amsterdam. While I was waiting at the Paris Airport to go to Amsterdam, I met a nice woman and her husband. Her husband was causing quite the scene and complaining about how the airport staff was incompetent and how he wanted to go back to the states. It was embarrassing and there I was behind them with my American passport in hand, and I hoped that I wouldn't receive bad treatment after that.

When we were on the shuttle to the plane, she turned to me and introduced herself and found out that our mothers are both from the same town in Austria and that we both have American fathers. It was quite a coincidence and she gave me her card and told me to write back.

Its always amazing who you can meet and talk to while you are traveling, even if you don't stay in communication.

While I was at the hostel we met a variety of different people. For the most part people were to themselves, and I am sure I was too, but it was always nice when someone came up to me and wanted to talk about their travels.

Before I sign off, I wanted to talk about the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam, as it was one of the first things that I visited in Amsterdam.

In middle school I started reading The Diary of Anne Frank and loved it. As a young girl, I felt that I could identify with her. Since then I had always wanted to visit her hiding place. I finally did it last week. While I liked it, I was still a little disappointed.

While reading her diary, she would describe the view of the chestnut tree outside. I wanted to see the view of the street and of the tree in the area behind the house, and that wasn't possible because the museum covered up all of the windows and it was impossible to see the outside world, the same view Anne Frank had years ago while she was in hiding. But they did have artifacts there such as letters, Annes diaries, and other things that belonged to the Franks. I am guessing they had to keep the light out so that the items on display woudn't get ruined form the sun.

Also, the rooms have no furniture, as that is what Otto Frank wanted when the museum opened. This is because after the Franks were arrested, everything was cleared out by the Nazis, so he wanted to leave the rooms empty.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the museum, but it felt more like an art gallery than a hiding place. Everything was remodeled and painted over a million times. Remodeling is necessary, but as you keep remodeling and are tearing down parts of the old, you are taking that spirit of the place with you.

At the end of the museum, there was a gathering place where you could vote on issues. The TV screen presented several things happening in the recent news, and we had to vote on whether the right decision was made. For example, in one of the issues, head scarves were banned in a public school and then we as the audience had to vote and decide if the best decision was made. It definitely got people coming together and talking about issues.

So that is all for now.

Besitos my loves !

Out of the Netherregions and back to your regions

2010-09-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Wooden Clogs,

So guess what ? Mistress Senorita is back bitches !! I will promptly make my way around your bloggies. No more excuses, it's not like I'm out flirting with any French men or posing suggestively next to statues. I do have pics of that, would you like to see ?

I am back home in Cali, and I have been up since 7am this morning in Amsterdam (8 hours ahead of California), so the whole plane ride was sunny and I did not sleep. I am waiting for the exhaustion to hit me.

I can not tell you how thrilled I am to be alone in my own room on my bed in my shorts, and you know why I am in my shorts ? It's fucking hot outside. I came from the cloudy, cold, rainy Netherlands into the bright, sunny, hotter than Satan's asscrack hot weather, and I love it ! I was absolutely thrilled to look outside the airport window and see sunshine.

The weather in Holland got me sick, so I will be sure to drink a lot of Nyquil. I have the day off tomorrow, so I have a lot of errands to do before I go back to work.

I have so much to write about, but my last day in Amsterdam was spent going to the movies at the Tuschinski theater watching Wallstreet: Money Never Sleeps. That movie totally rocked, I thought that the first one couldn't be matched, but Michael Douglas did an excellent job, and there were a few surprises that I won't give away. Luckily the movie was in it's original version of English with subtitles in Dutch. Before the film I did get to sit through Dutch movie previews and advertisements. I bought some Stroopwaffeln as souvenirs, but oopsies, I had a couple during the film

My flight was fairly uneventful, Thank God ! Well, except for dealing with my baggage. I was lucky to not be sat next to the screaming children. The airline had a wide selection of films, and I watched the foreign films, one was Dutch and one was in Italian. I just decided, oh hey, this looks interesting, let's give it a watch. Turns out they both had long, graphic sex scenes, and I was seated in the middle with another woman on each side of me. I know that they had to catch a glimps of what I was watching. The directors in these films seemed to to great lengths to show a lot of T&A.

So anywhooters my babies, that is all for now. Time for me to chill out and watch things I've missed out on for the past couple of weeks like Jersey Shore and the Real Housewives.

Besitos !

Last Day in Amsterdamp

2010-09-28T03:05:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Tulips,

So what's up ? Today is my last day, I am leaving tomorrow back home. Today I am taking it easy as I am starting to feel sick. My friend is on a bus tour to Belgium, and I was going to go, but I decided to opt out for a couple of reasons: I am not feeling well, the ride is about 4 hours each way (in rainy weather) and I would rather save my money, oh and also the tour ends at midnight, and I don't want anything getting in the way of me going to the airport tomorrow morning.

So I am chilling out at the hostel at the moment using my internet time up. I am supposed to go to a movie later.

1.) I did rent a bike the other day and we went on a bike ride around Amsterdam and a little into the Amstel region. Beautiful houses and boats along the river and it's country living with a view of the city life. Very nice, and we saw an old windmill.

2.) We did go through the red light district and took a tour. Our tour guide was hilarious. But they definitely go out of the way to say that all of the women there are doing their job voluntarily and not forced aka trafficked in from poorer countries. I don't quite believe that ( I think a good percentage are trafficked), and neither does the Dutch government because they are trying to reduce the size of the Red Light District and buy out the window owners. I would be all for what is going on in the RLD otherwise. Being that our American govt is quite restrictive, I do believe that there should be areas of sin like Amsterdam and thank God Americans have Vegas. But I don't condone the violence that takes place and that is being hidden from tourists. Our tour guide was informative, but in a touristic sort of manner where it was obvious certain bits of information were being hidden.

3.) We met a couple of people from our hostel and walked around the city and ate junk food at different places. A few in our group tried the coffeeshops, but me and the other guy in our group did not. I don't like tobacco or marijuana, and there is no point in trying to like it now, especially since it's illegal in the states and I have a profession I am serious about.

4.) I saw the Van Gogh museum and liked it a lot. The musem did a great job in giving a history of his work, his sources of inspiration and his life. I loved his style even though the man was insane. His paintings are full of life, and inspiration, especially his art from Paris, and especially after spending time in Montmarte, where he spent some of his time.

Of course I have done more, but I am going have to write about that later. Did I tell you how happy I am to go home ? The weather here in the Netherregions is not friendly, and I am tired of the hostel environment. Don't get me wrong. This hostel, Stayokay has been great. I've seen the other rathole-fleabag hostel our friend spent the night in, and I feel greatful that this one has been decent. But still, I miss having my own room. I have been in a mixed dorm because my friend is a dude, and I was not fond of other dudes walking around in their boxers and taking race-horse style pisses in our shared bathroom. Luckily they were nice though and not drunkards or smoking weed in the room which was the case in the first hostel I went to.

Of course, I am also not going to lie and say that I am not happy that this leg of the tour is coming to an end. The trip really was off to a rotten start and I have still not forgotten. I may have made the best of my trip and managed to enjoy myself while I was here, but being stranded in that airport left a bad feeling that I can't seem to shake off. I would love to come back here and see more of the Netherlands and experience Dutch culture more, but under different circumstances, more finances, and no hostels. Just means that I have to work harder, get a promotion and save more money.

Have any of you heard about the book Undutchables ? I am going to buy that when I get home.

Okay, time to log off for now. Besitos !

Love, hugs, clogs and tulips !

Travel Reflections

2010-09-26T13:47:00.000-07:00

So what's up my little rose petals ?

Miss me ? My internet connection has been very sparse here, and I've been trying to get out and enjoy the Netherregions.... I mean Netherlands, so I have been a bad blog friend. But when I get back I will be sure to read your bloggies and tell you all how wonderful you are and leave witty and sarcastic remarks.

The Netherregions are so wet and unpredictable.

My trip is coming to an end soon, and I went through a lot during this trip. I really don't feel like I am living until I am out traveling, meeting people, making mistakes and getting my plans ruined. (There was a huge strike the day I left Paris, half of the transportation was shut down, traffic was crowded and 40% of the flights were cancelled)

Some things I did...................

I couch surfed in Paris (avoided paying any lodging costs) This needs a separate blog entry and I could go on and on about this one. But I did stay in beautiful apartments for free.

I am staying at a hostel in Amsterdam. This also requires a separate post. Luckily this hostel is decent, but still, it is an experience. Thank God I have shower shoes, and praise Jesus I had the good sense to bring a towel.

I made friends in each country. I met the nicest guy ever in the legal field in Paris and he is now my FBFF (French Best Friend Forever). Then I met a guy from my area in California who is moving to Amsterdam. Through these guys I feel that I was able to get an insight into French and Dutch cultures.

I visited the Eiffel Tower and met a guy while we were snapping our cameras and we ended up touring the city together. So if you see me posing questionably with statues, it was because he was there to snap the pictures.

I took suggestive pictures with statues, signs and advertisements, something I always love to do in a foreign country.

I ate a lot of French food. I tried Beef Tartare ( raw ground beef with a raw egg on top) and I loved it with a glass of red wine. I would never eat this on my own in the US and I don't usually enjoy red wine.

I have had some unmentionable experiences that I won't mention because some are super freaking embarrassing, some are outright awkward and the rest are private.

By the time my vacation is over, I will have used up all of my vacation time for this year, and I will have to wait until next year for the next destination.

Anywhooters, off to think about sleeping.

Besitos !

Amsterdam

2010-09-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

So whats up? Pls excuse my typos as Im on an a little Apple notebook.

My first day here was so hard and everything went wrong. While I was at the hostel feeling defeated I Was sitting next to a guy who ended up realliy looking out for me. He is from my area in california and is in the process of living here.

This guy calmed me down, took me out to eat since I hadn,t eaten all day, let me use his email and phone, helped me sort out my hostel info and walked me to my hostel and up to my room knowing I was anxious about my first night here befrore he went back to his hostel. He came back the next morning and kept me company until my friend came from the airport.

I also had a lof of support from people on COuchsurfing offering me a last minute place to stay. It was so nice to feel that people cared.

Since then I went to the ANne Frank House and bikeriding all day along the canals and little town outside AMsterdam.

Okay, gots to go.

Total Turnaround

2010-09-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

So Paris was wonderful. No complaints. Total hospitality from people I stayed with and I was blessed with beautiful weather.

I am in Amsterdam. My friend was supposed to meet me. Didn't show, I was left wandering around for a few hours like an idiot trying to find him. Turns out his flight is tomorrow, and we even discussed this.

I broke my bank just to get in contact with him and I got an answering machine.

He reserved a hostel for us before the trip, but I decided to stay at a hotel outside Amsterdam which now I realize was a mistake. I just wanted a quiet place to sleep alone, and I didn't want to sleep in a hostel alone. The lady at the airport failed to mention how far it is.

I am going to try and contact the airline to go home early, I just don't have the money to keep tossing around like this. Paying extra to get out of here will be worth it for me. I miss home, I miss being in control.

I will try to see the Anne Frank museum before I leave though.

Sorry, but I am really upset and hurt right now. I planned my trip out to a tee to Paris, and for Amsterdam I placed my trust in someone else thinking my back would be covered and now I am a complete sitting duck and I have learned my lesson the hard way. I usually don't end up this defenseless.

Anyway, that is all for now.

Paris Day 4

2010-09-20T01:22:00.000-07:00

Hello Loves,

So I am still in Paris, and I have been a bad blog friend. I promise that when I get back home I will catch up on your blogs.

I finally slept yesteday and got in 11 hours. It felt so good ! My host took me around Montmarte and we walked to Sacre Couer.

I have also been to the Eiffel Tower and watched it light up and sparkle at mignight.

I have so much more to do. But so far I have enjoyed walking around this romantic city.

There is a bridge here by the Seine River called Pont des Arts near the Notre Dame Cathedral where lovers leave their locks and write their names on it and throw the key into the river. I thought it was so romantic but apparently the French govt doesnºt think so. In May of this year, they took them all down. But this is September and people continue to leave their locks and hearts in Paris.

While I was looking at the fence on a beautiful Friday evening a couple of things happened to me. First, a Russian woman by herself asked me to take her picture. I took her picture and we went our separate ways. But like me, she was by herself and it´s always interesting how many people from around the world come to Paris to either be with their sweeties, or at least hope it rubs off on them. She and I were both alone and I felt like we had something in common.

Then I was approached by two men totally hitting on me and asking me to join them for a drink. Nice guys a little cute even, but they told me they were Parisian and for some reason I didn´t believe them. I donºt go anywhere by myself with more than one man. I also was waiting for my host to take me to eat. After they left, an old woman came up to me and started talking to me. She was looking at the locks and we spoke in my awful broken French. She wanted to know where I was from, how old I was, and if I was going to leave a lock. She had been living in Paris for over 54 years. I always love talking to older folks aka walking historians. She was so nice, and then my host came and interrupted me and I had to leave. As I left, she was there looking at the locks and smiling at me as I waved back.

I am not in love, but I did leave a lock, as I had an extra on that day. I still have that key, I didnºt throw it into the river like people sometimes do. I donºt mind leaving my heart in Paris.

Before I came to Paris I thought the city was a walking cliche. Although the city may be dirty and maybe the French arent so warm and open, but Paris is really romantic. People kissing everywhere, holding hands, enjoying dinner, holding hands and strolling in the park. It was really is nice.

Three more days left here, and then off to the Netherregions........ I mean Netherlands.

Kisses from Paris !

Paris Adventures

2010-09-18T04:18:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Croissants,

This will be a relatively short post. I have been having a lot of adventures here in Paris, some good, some bad, some unexpected.

So far other than walking around Paris at night ( the Louvre is amazing by night) I have been to the Eiffel Tower and Sacre Cour. At the Eiffel Tower I met a guy from Scotland and we ended up touring the the city together, taking pictures (perverted pictures with naked statues included) and talking about out travel experiences.

I stayed with a French host for the first two nights, and now I am with my host from Portugal.

Time to log off and see the city with my host.

Ciao my little breakfasts !

Made It to Paris

2010-09-16T07:01:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Chocolates,

So I am in Paris, in an internet cafe. I am not out seeing sites because I am forced to haul my luggage around town until I meet my host. Our firm here is busy with clients right now so I can't say hi or ask them to hold my luggage for a couple of hours.

My flight was fine. I flew Air France. Nice flight staff, and since I know many of you male readers have a thing for hot French women, I know that you wouldn't have been disappointed. The things I didn't like about the flight was using the bathroom in that plane, somebody kept farting in my row and it was frequent and totally ninja style. I would be sleeping and BAM ! it just snuck up on me. Oh, that and the food. Their dinner and breakfast was totally disgusting. I thought food on Delta sucked ass. I was wrong.

The guy next to me was cool though. I sat next to a guy from Sweden who I ended up talking to for most of the flight about anything from politics in our countries to our jobs to his family and kids. He helped me learn how to use the remote on our TV and he was kind enough to wake me up for dinner and breakfast. I thought it was really kind of him. I always like it when I end up having a nice conversation with the person next to me. I am so happy I wasn't stuck next to some screaming baby.

I did get accosted by some guy I am willing to bet is a gypsy at the train station. He saw me reading a sign and asked me for 50 cents. I looked at him, said no and walked away. He started saying "that's right...........ruuunnnnn.....runnnn little girl ! with him rolling his r's. Totally lame.I almost told him to fuck off, but I am in a foreign country and I really don't want trouble.

The lines for the train to the metro and the metro to the city were insane ! The luggage consignment was all full and I was very close to the cutoff line.

Basically lines are everywhere so if I can deal with that I should be fine.

Okay, time to go get something to eat.

Besitos !

Bad, Bad Blogger !

2010-09-14T00:41:00.000-07:00

Hello My Little Roses,

So this is it for a while, I am busy as hell right now, just trying to get things in order at work and things at home packed for my trip. I am sorry, but I have and will be a bad bloggy friend for a while.

I leave on Wed, and will be back by the end of the month. I don't know how much access I will have, as I tend to be pretty old-school while traveling. There is no way that I am hauling a laptop around, just so I can worry about it getting stolen. In fact, I tend to travel like a pauper, and I am also covering all my guide books so I don't stand out like a sore thumb. I don't want the beggars and thieves to instantly spot me.

I don't know if I will have a phone, or how much internet access I will have. I hope as little as possible. Because that means if I am not on the internet or phone, I am out seeing sites, and that is what this trip is all about.

I just hope for a safe trip where I meet a lot of people. My firm has an office in Paris so I look forward to meeting my Parisian colleagues and bringing them American candy and crossword puzzles. I brought blow pops (minds out of the gutters) and jollyranchers. I don't like hard candy, so this is a no-brainer. If I were to bring chocolate, it would all be gone by the end of my flight.

And then after Paris, I am looking forward to meeting my global BFF Sergie in Amsterdam. One of the first things I want to do is visit Vondelpark aka "Fondle Park" and take pictures of my groping him under the park sign. I read that it is actually legal to ~~bang the living shit out of someone~~ make love in that park, but that it's illegal to let your dog off a leash. Hahahaha ! Gotta love the Dutch ! But there are stipulations...... apparently you can't smush next to the actual playground area, or during broad daylight. You would have to do it at night. I mean, now that I think about it, that's actually kinda creepy. But nothing different than what you would find in the San Francisco parks. It's just that here it's technically illegal.

Okay, that is all for now !

Love, hugs, French Kisses and NO Dutch ovens !

Tired and sick..........

2010-09-12T13:40:00.000-07:00

Hello My Little Chicks,

Okay, so this will be a short post.

Basically I am behind on your bloggies, and I have to pack.

But I am sick, and this really blows. I have the headache from hell, congestion, achy bones...... I am in bed all day today, because I have to work the two days before my trip. Because if I call in sick before my trip they will surely think I am full of shit and I don't want them to think they can't trust me. Also, I don't have any extra vacation days. I need the money.

Did I tell you I took a notary class all day yesterday? All day, and because I felt like shit and it was hard to sit still for hours, I am not sure I even passed the test. I will find out in a couple of weeks.

At least my friends brought me hot tea and medicine today. It's been such a long time since that has happened.

So that is all for now, I will try to stop by your bloggies soon if I don't get knocked out first.

Besitos !

It's getting closer.........................

2010-09-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

So What's Up My Little Furballs ?

The above picture is not of an lolcat. It is of a trollcat. Big difference, because trollcats are supposed to be meaner and more unpolitically correct. I mean, how would you like someone or shall I say, something telling you that you're fat AND have a small dick ?

Moving along.................................

I am leaving in a week from today, and I am pretty much working all this weekend. I will be so effing tired. I am taking a notary class all day and I have a nice long test after. It may be long, but I hope it's not hard. Harder is not always better in every situation.

I have been slowly preparing for my trip, and I just hope that I am ready. I did take a French class a couple of months ago before I even thought I would be actually buying a plane ticket. I didn't study too hard because I was busy and I realized that I wasn't going to be close to being fluent anyway as we have very little French speakers in my area. The French will know that I am American anyway so I decided to just enjoy my French class for the experience and not stress out over blending in.

I haven't even planned a single thing in Amsterdam because I will be meeting up with my global BFF Sergio over there and we are looking forward to meeting up with others and seeing where the trip takes us. Except for the week I was in South Korea with family, I have never really had a travel companion. Sergie will be my first and supposedly he said I will be his first too, so we will be popping eachother's travel companion cherries overseas.

Other than that loves, I think that's it. I need a haircut to tame my wild tresses. I was hoping to do that before my trip, but I think I am better off saving my cash.

Anywhooters, that is all for now !

Love, hugs and French kisses !

Organic TMI

2010-09-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There My Little Fat Cats,

So what's up ? Miss Me ?

Anywhooters, Riot Kitty usually is the one with the brilliant lolcats, but I could not help but post this lolcat pic I swiped off Google somewhere. It made me laugh.

I hope you all enjoyed your holiday weekend. I hung out with friends and was lazy as possible today. I did manage to workout. Then I decided to give into the sugar craving I had and could not shake off. I walked to the store for a slice of cake. I ate about half, and then decided to get a small gelato because it was hotter than Satan's asscrack.

I feel better, maybe a little guilty, but I am certainly not one of those people to cut sugar out of my diet. I as an Austrian would be betraying my family if I didn't enjoy cakes, pastries and delicious coffee drinks ! When I lived with my Oma in Austria for the summer back in '98 she always spoiled me with confections and she loved her sweets too. She loved her iced coffee with ice cream and as a gift she drove me to the Mozart chocolate factory and we bought the famous Mozart chocolate balls in bulk.

So what else.................

Ah, yes........... Maybe it's a little TMI, but a few months back I was shopping at Whole Foods aka Whole Paycheck with my friend. It seems that buying everything organic is the thing to do ~~and my dad told me there is a sucker born every minute.~~

So while my friend was off buying her stuff, I decided to look at the stuff in the feminine care aisle. I decided to buy the tampons made from organic cotton and recycled paper wrappers. Totally earth friendly, but not so friendly for your snatch.

Seriously people, this idea was a total fail. I like using Tampax Pearl with the nice soft cotton, and plastic applicator that is easy to grip. It's easy, I am already bitchy so let's not make the experience anymore complicated than it needs to be okay ?

The organic cotton Tampons from Whole Paycheck not only felt like I was using newspaper, but the cardboard applicator sucked. It kept getting stuck and the cotton felt like sandpaper.

And their only strong selling point is that it's "environmentally friendly"? Fuck that.

Saying your product is "environmentally friendly" is the new cop-out for companies nowadays. Your product could be crappy but it doesn't matter, you are saving the environment by buying it, and if you don't buy it, you will be at fault for the melting icecaps and the burning rainforests in the Amazon.

Does Tampax get their cotton from a mom and pop farm that practices free trade ? Probably not. Do they care that the cotton plants are happy ? Probably not. Do they chemically treat the cotton ? Most likely, and I don't give a shit. They make a decent product, and to make myself feel better, I recycle the cardboard box it comes in.

Well, that is all for now loves. Have a happy week !

Besitos !

Thank GOD this isn't my grandma

2010-09-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

So What's Up My Little Macaroons ?

Below is a picture from Lamebook. Clearly it is a trainwreck that I could not look away from. I love my grandmother to pieces and could never imagine her in a picture like this.

My first reaction upon looking at that was:

I mean, I am nasty, and when I get old and gravity forces my tits to sag and hang into my shoes, I am sure I will be bitchy, sarcastic and plain old dirty and maybe even goose a hot paramedic or fireman that hauls my old ass to the hospital. But you will not ever catch me sucking on a long dildo with anyone (grandchildren included) whilst cupping my old granny titties. I mean, seriously......... What the FUCK !?!?

Here it is............ Probably not work safe.

But upon further inspection of the photo, I realized I have to give granny some props. She's wearing a nice diamond ring, along with whore red fingernails. I am sure she had and is still having a happening sex life with her husband. Maybe not all the parts are in good working order, but she's still got hands and a mouth, right ? Now that the teeth probably come out, I bet it's easy for her man too, right ? " Hey baby ? Would you like me to finish you off with or without teeth tonite ?" The guy gets a choice ! How many of you men out there reading this get a choice ? Chances are you're stuck with teeth.

And for being in her eighties I think she looks great. And we know she's not racist either ! Equal opporunity baby !

Okay, time for me to think about going for a little run.

Besitos mis amores !

Asswipes anyone ?

2010-09-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

So What's Up My Little Snozzleberries ?

I am a little behind on reading your bloggies, so please forgive me if I've missed you. Been a little hectic around here.

I in a random mood, so I will randomly talk about whatever I feel like talking about................

1.) A week or two I bought asswipes online. I don't think you could get more obvious because they are called (Tushwipes) You have no idea what a godsend these are. They are individually packaged, and they are perfect because these are big wipes, unlike the little squares that can buy get at Walmart. AND they are flushable and soothing. This will really help me keep my ass wiped overseas, especially since I HATE dry toilet paper, and the last time I was there the stuff I used felt like it was going to give me splinters.

Anyway, they finally came in the mail and I had to pick them up (I have a separate mailbox). I drove all the way on my lunch break to pick up my asswipes. That and the book on logic I also ordered. Oh, the irony. Would you like a dose of logic with those asswipes ?

I was chatting with the mailbox dude while holding my medium-large-sized box of asswipes ( I bought them in bulk so I could save on shipping). Luckily he didn't ask me about the contents of my box.

2.) I sometimes try to blowdry my hair or straighten it with a flatiron. Because if I don't my hair can get wavy, frizzy and untamed. RAWR ! Anyway, my coworker came back from a 2 month trip from overseas and he asked me about my new "hairdo". I used to get up early and make sure my hair was tamed. Now, not so much, I have kind of let it go. So I smiled and told him I stopped blowdrying and straightening it. So yeah, I got asked about my messy hair.

3.) I was listening to the new Chris Brown song where he was singing about an ex, and it was directed at her. Basically said that he found something better, that she should get over it, and oh by the way, he wishes her well.

You know where else I heard something like that ? From Alanis Morrisette in her song "You oughta know" She started out by saying "I wish you well " and it went from that to "does she know you went down on me in a theater" and she's hoping that next time she's having sex with another guy and digs her nails down his back, she wants her ex to feel it. Nice, huh ?

I've also seen that on reality TV between feuding castmates like Jill Zarin or Bethenny.

You know where else I've heard such a line ? From someone in my immediate family that I've fought with off and on and off and on with and our quarrels have sometimes gotten nasty. ( Luckily this is now past us for the most part) We have a long argument or something, but it usually begins or ends with "I wish you well." Gee, thanks ! What else would you like to say to me ? Don't hold back now..............

Has anyone ever uttered such a line to you ? Please tell me I am not the only one.

Or better yet, are YOU the one that says such a thing like that ? I won't judge..............

Anywhore my loves, time to go and attempt exercise.

Abrazos y besitos !

Ten Random Tidbits About Moi

2010-08-31T22:38:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Peaches,

Guess what loves ? I don't have too much to report at the moment. Although did I tell you that when my BFF Ashleigh was here last week and we went out to eat that some homeless dudes were hollering at us from behind the bushes at night ? Talk about the winners in my hood. This was right across the street from my apartment.

I worked out last night in effort to deflate my ass before my vacay abroad (what's the point, I plan to eat a lot over there anyway). I wanted to use the bike. I saw some creepy fat dude (he had a pervy twinkle in his eye when he smiled) sweating all over it. I promptly went into the other room to attempt the plank.

Anywhore, when I came back he was gone. There are three bikes, and the other two were broken so guess what ? I had to use the same one he sweated on. Look, I know that we all use machines people previously sweated on. But the nasty image of him was already burned in my brain, and the image of my ass parked where his sweaty ass was, just did not bring peace, love and happiness to my psyche. No namaste for me !

Let's talk about something else, shall we ?

Oh yes, I am getting sidetracked. Ten random pieces of info for you about me.....................

1.) My phone and iPod are over 3 years old and I have no plan of upgrading anytime soon. I have a Crazr and have no need or desire to upgrade to a Droid or an iPhone. $30 extra a month for internet access is a little excessive IMHO. But to some people it could be worth it. My friend used his to watch porn.

2.) Did you know that there is a specie of bird called the "bearded tit" ? That doesn't really have to do with me, but I thought I would throw that out there. You're welcome.

3.) I just can't get on the Facebook bandwagon.

4.) I still pay for AOL service. I don't know why I don't cancel. I just can't.

5.) I like cooking for myself, but I am way to embarrassed to cook for others. I refuse to do it. I feel my tastes are slightly different and I don't think others would like the way I prepare dishes.

6.) If you give me an expensive cake or the cake from the supermarket with buttercream frosting and cheap dye, I will take the supermarket cake anyday.

7.) I LOVE shows like Jersey Shore, 16 and Pregnant and the Real Housewives series. I can't wait to see The Situation dancing on Dancing With The Stars. I wish I could call in sick, watch all those shows and eat ice cream under the covers. Unfortunately I don't have cable, I have to go to work, and my ass doesn't need the ice cream.

8.) I used to want to be famous. Now I don't think I want to be famous. Money can't buy you freedom and happiness. I prefer most people not knowing who I am.

9.) I can make chocolate chip cookies that will knock your socks off.

10.) I got paid today, but I am broke already. 90% went to rent and what's left sure ain't enough.

I am now a Spiritual Survey Whore

2010-08-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

So what's up my little turtle doves ? Shoesies has done a spiritual survey and has begged us all to do it, and I just couldn't resist. I've always been a survey whore, but now it's just a little more spiritual. Namaste !

Feel free to answer these questions. I am too lazy to play tag. Enjoy !

1.) We all dance with the seven sins from time to time. Which of the seven sins do you dance with most frequently, and why? They are wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.

Well at the moment I am dancing a duo with sloth and gluttony. Mainly gluttony though. Bad combo if you ask me. I need a better sin to tango with. Lust would be a better option. It wouldn't give me a fatter ass.

2. If you could live for a week in the body of someone famous, who would it be? You would still be you, but you could access their need to know info as you needed to know it. Of course, the kicker is that they would live in your body and have the same privileges.

I would live in Adriana Lima's body for sure (she's my fave Victoria's Secret model). Don't know who she is ? Google her. She doesn't disappoint !

3. Do you believe that angels walk among us? That there are true psychics, mediums, or anyone who is more connected to God than the average person?

Absolutely, just as much as I believe that the the devil and his helpers are among us. I do believe in true psychics, but I don't think there are as many out there as the media portrays. I think true psychics are a rare find. And only the information you are meant to know will be correct information you will be given by the
"psychic" or "medium". For example, I have visited a few "readers" and while they have predicted some things correctly, no one could seem to correctly predict when I would get a better job or meet someone special. I believe those are things I am not supposed to know and I am okay with that. I did get hired this year by a firm I am happy with, and it came completely out of left field. Very unexpected and not in my reading. The dates I was given by the "medium" that I would find a job were wrong. I got turned down for the positions in the time frame I was told I would find a job and found something else on my own.

Also, I don't think anyone is more connected to God. I think we all have the same access, it's just a matter of connecting with ourselves to tap into that power.

4) Have you ever dreamt about a future event that happened, a past event that happened when you were but a very young child, or anything that was just so real, but otherworldly, that you felt its truth in your soul? If so, I'm listening.

First of all, I don't remember my dreams as a child except that most of them were nightmares. Luckily most of the dreams I have aren't literal, rather symbolic. In my dreams almost all of my family has died (different members at different times of course) and they were so real I cried when I woke up. Or I am about to jump off a building.

But the one dream the I will never forget was when I went skydiving and could vividly experience the fall. I could clearly see the ground get closer and right before landing I woke up. That was cool !

5) Do you feel like you have a gift that you aren't using? It could be for anything. Design, writing, art, photography, decoration. The list is endless.

All the time. I wonder if I am letting talents go to waste. I love photography, writing and dance. I have a photo blog, I have this blog, and I give belly dance performances a couple of times a year.

I do all three, but I have not seriously pursued any of them other than as hobbies.

6) Is there someone that you are unwilling to forgive? Is it weighing on your heart? Eating you up on the inside? This is a yes or no. If it is yes, I hope you make the choice today to want to forgive and then let it go. Throw out your desire into the universe.

No, I think I am able to forgive eneryone. I took the weight off my heart last year and resolved what was eating me up inside. I may not have forgotten, but I have forgiven. Life is really too short, I don't want anger to consume me and regret it on my deathbed.

7) If we were able to take away or add one element into the heart of each and every man, which one would be the one that would make the most difference in making this world a better place to live?

Simply accepting each other. I think it really starts there.

Bonus Questions !

1. What item of yours has the most sentimental value, and why?

My Oma's necklace and ring set I inherited. It is smoky topaz (topaz is my birth stone) and it was her prized jewels. My grandpa saved up to buy her that set and they were the loves of each other's lives. It was given to me because Oma has always wanted me to find true love.

2. What is the best compliment you've ever received?

I have received a lot of great compliments, but the best one was when I volunteered (we helped get UVisas for abused undocumented women) and she told me that I am a beautiful person inside and out in Spanish. I always love receiving compliments in foreign languages.

But other compliments I have always cherished were people complimenting me on my dance moves. When women my age compliment me on the way I move it really makes my day.

Brain Cell Killage

2010-08-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little French Hens !

So What's Up ? I don't have too much to talk about. My weekend was nice, but not the most eventful.

I stayed in and watched MTV's 16 and Pregnant. My coworker who graduated from an ivy league school and reads music and speaks French and is so refined and polite turned me onto this show as if I didn't already have enough brain cells to kill off. So I killed off quite a few on Sat night while watching this show and trying to find junk food in the house.

Basically my little feathered friends, this show is about teenaged chicks in high school that get knocked up because they didn't want to listen to their parents, they thought the pull out method was effective enough, they thought that they could just pawn the baby off on their parents, probably a mix of all of the above.

I will tell you one thing. Thank God my parents didn't have to worry about me. For starters I was a total late bloomer and didn't get all of my curves till maybe my junior or senior year. Also, I was very awkward and a total loner in high school. I was teased a lot in the beginning of high school.

So luckily, getting knocked up and raising a kid wasn't a worry of mine in high school. I also didn't even think about getting pregnant because 1.) I didn't want a child and 2.) I knew my parents wouldn't enable me and raise the kid or let me move back in. I would've been on my own.

I watch shows like this and realize how dumb teenagers can really be sometimes (with even more stupid parents). I look back on my own teen years and realize that yeah, I was dumb too ! And very naive ! I may have made a lot of mistakes, but luckily getting knocked up early wasn't one of them.

Other than the brain cell massacre, I went to bellydance class with my friend and had a good shimmy and shake session. I really love bellydance and I miss performing. It is the only thing that really makes me feel alive. I am so glad I found this dance early on.

I am still slowly planning my trip to Paris and Amsterdam. Any travel suggestions ? Want to meet up with me ? If you are in either city while I am there (Sept 16-29) please hit me up and let's have a cup of coffee together.

I will go to Paris alone, and then meet up with my Global BFF Sergio in Amsterdam the following week. I hope for great weather and lots of great memories.

That is all for now my loves.

Besitos !

Well, That Was Sufficiently Awkward !

2010-08-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Furballs !

What's Up ? Miss Me ?

Remember my last post where I was talking about how I caught a dude looking at my nether regions ? Well, it isn't just men. I caught my female coworker looking down there yesterday. She did it three times. I had to look down and make sure my fly wasn't open. Awkward ! I have come to the conclusion that while it looks like people are looking at my nether regions, that they are probably just looking down in that direction, not necessarily at my bits especially since they are covered up in baggy pants. Still awkward though. I always get scared that my fly is open. It happened to me once while I was on a flight. My fly was open and people on the plane could see my hot pink underpants. But to my credit, at least I was wearing underpants.

Anyway, that isn't really why I am writing today's posting. For the past couple of days I've been dogsitting for my friend. As I was walking one of the dogs, I hid my cellphone in my bra. I didn't have enough room in my pockets, but I had enough room in my cleavage.

Anywhore............ As I was walking down the street minding my own biz, some dude asks me if I have a phone because he locked himself out of his house. I pretended I didn't hear him and asked him to repeat himself to buy more time. I wanted to say no, but I felt bad, I didn't want to leave him stranded on the street. Especially since he looked so ridiculous.

This guy managed to lock himself out of his house wearing black spandex pants and no t-shirt. And the spandex pants just looked wrong. I don't know if they were for biking or scuba diving or what but I am sure his nuts had no breathing room. And it looked like he trimmed his chest hair. I was like WTF????

The guy stood there and told me he felt like a total idiot for locking himself out, and I sort of laughed at him, and told the dog right in front of him that he locked himself out. I also told him the dog was skiddish around men. I really know how to make 'em feel good, don't I ?

I wasn't all mean, of course I let him use my phone and he wasn't offended by me. It was awkward having him see me pull out my phone from my bra. But hey, at least the phone wasn't cold. What was also very awkward was when he was trying to make friendly conversation with me. Asking me if I was from around this area. Of course, bitch, I am walking dogs. I have to be accessible to them ! Wearing retarded spandex pants+no shirt on a street + lame questions= not a winning combination.

I told him I was not from around (even though I worked a block or two away) and I politely wished him luck. Plus you should have seen his front yard. Very well taken care of. He had to be married or at the very least involved.

So that is all for now loves. Sorry if I offended any men out there that may wear nuthugger pants.

Besitos !

Hey Man, What do you think you're looking at ????

2010-08-23T00:55:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There My Little Tulips !

So what's up ? Have a nice weekend ?

Anywho, my car did not get a good smogging yesterday. I took it to the shop down the street for a quote and the dude there ~~tried to get me to bend over and grab my ankles~~ told me that it would cost me $58 for a smog check.

W...T.....Efff ???????

Look, I know I am a chick, but come the Hell on ! It's a smog check. It's basic car care and I do know that smoggings cost less than 58 fucking dollars, that's for sure. I just smiled and told him that I would be back.

NOT ! I hope he's not holding his breath......

Today I was working at my other job and I sat in a small pile of purple flowers without even knowing it. I was wearing ~~the ugliest uniform that makes my ass look fat~~ khaki pants, and I even helped a contractor that came in the building. I was just walking around until my coworker asked me what the Hell was on my ass.

It was purple but could've been confused for another dark color, and it looked like I either had an old stain or I forgot to wipe my ass. So embarrassing !

But that wasn't the reason I wrote today's blog either.

Men, while you were in the middle of having a conversation, have you ever had a woman look down at your crotch ? Like you'll be talking about the weather or Obama or whatever, and midconversation, you'll catch her eyes at your jewels. Or Hell, it doesn't even have to be a chick. It could be a dude. Have you ever caught a man sneeking a little peak at your bulge ?

What do you think about that ? Do you play it off like you don't notice ? If the offender is a chick, do you feel proud ? Stare at her boobs to retaliate ?

I know it's wierd of me to come out of nowhere and ask such questions, but check this out...........

I have caught a few men looking straight at my crotch while I am talking. (Like my boss at my security job and I was wearing baggy pants) Look, if men stare at my boobs I am way more forgiving because well, I am a chick and that's what men do. Plus, I mean, c'mon, I am a little large for my frame. It's like not allowing a dog to lick himself or sniff another dog's ass, it's what they do ( and I don't mean to compare men to dogs so please calm down)

But my nether regions are off limits ! I make damn sure I don't have a camel toe before stepping out and I've been pretty vigilant about that. My business is always covered and I rarely wear tight pants out. But what's wierd is I get more stares when I am wearing baggy pants. WTF ? You can't see anything, I am certainly not asking for it, what the eff are your eyes doing down there? It's one thing if someone looks at a man's crotch. It's a bulge, and when it pops up to say hello, people do notice ! But as a chick, I ain't got nothing going on. No party in my pants, what business does someone have looking down there ?

The last time this happened to me my boss at my security job parked his eyes right there and I looked down and my pants were zipped, so I looked right back up and asked him if my fly was down. Luckily he changed the subject quickly. So awkward. And this hasn't been the first time this has happened to me.

Ladies, does this happen to you ?? Please do share.

Senorita Shennanigans

2010-08-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There My Little Chocolates !

You know what ? I've been a little MIA and I SO need to make my way around blogland here. I need to catch up on your bloggies and please don't think that I forgot you. Because I haven't forgotten my lovelies !

Gimme a kiss !

So here's the latest in Senoritaland:

-My friend from my legal classes came back from Russia and we went to have a hookah smoke at a Greek Restaurant. So much fun ! I started smoking hookah after I started bellydance a while back (a date introduced it to me). It's fruit flavored tobacco and I like a good smoke a couple of times a year. The place we went to (Thea) was a little overpriced, but I've always wanted to go because my teacher performs her bellydance routines there. Did you know that they have Ed Hardy flavored tobacco ? I was like W...T... Eff ?????? My friends didn't understand. I had to explain that Ed Hardy is a label caters to bonafide douchebags, pantywastes and cocknozzles. And that we were not going to try Ed Hardy hookah smokes.

Anyway, it was a lot of fun because in true Senorita fashion I told dirty jokes and was a little vulgar with the pipe. I would plop it down on her like a penis, but at least she wasn't offended. And that was just the tip of the iceberg with my shennanigans (I just said tip).

At first I looked around and thought we were being dumb, maybe offensive, but then I didn't feel bad because the table across from us wasn't any better. The girls were really pretty, but one girl kept talking about Victoria's Secret models and how Alessandra Ambrosio is so "bangable" and how she would "holla" at that. At one point in the conversation they were talking about finding sugar daddies. When I looked over at them, you could see up the chick's skirt. I was like OMG ! To her credit, she had a napkin covering her, but not really, it was bunched up and between her legs and it looked all wrong. It was so sad because when I sat down, I initially thought that the girls at the table were really pretty and exotic looking. And then they had to ruin it by opening their mouths.

But you know, I shouldn't stand here in my beautiful glass mansion and throw rocks, right ? I have no doubt at ALL that people have thought the same thing about me. Keep in mind that I may be verbally offensive, but I usually wear pants, and if I wear a skirt, I always keep my business covered and my legs crossed !

But I didn't give a shit last night about how people perceived me because I was out to have fun with my friend and she and her hubs had a blast with me and loved my jokes.

On Thursday I went salsa dancing with my friend and THAT was a blast too. Total partner swapping going on, so I got to dance with a new man ever minute. Total sausage fest as the men outnumbered the chicks. I am getting a lot better at the moves and I see a lot of the same people there every week, so it is cool that we are all getting better together.

Although it was a little wierd because one of my partners was as short as me (NOT used to that, I am 5 ft). Anyways, my hands were on his shoulders, and my arms kinda brushed up against his arms. I felt something prickly. Turns out this dude shaved his arms. I have never brushed up against a pair of shaved man arms. Wierd.

Okay, so time to cut this short because my car needs to get smogged. Oh yeah, my car is gonna get smogged good ;)

Besitos !

Hey, stuff your fat ass into this !!!!

2010-08-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

So Whats Up ?

Guess what my little French kisses ? I am leaving to Paris in less than a month. That means that I am starting to make plans. I will scan my passport and start backing up my emergency info, calling my credit card company and memorizing my pin numerically. Because guess what ? There are no letters on ATMS in Europe so if you don't get that together, you are fucked and not in a good way.

I am also looking for a place to stay there. God help me.

What else ?

Oh yes, amazingly I lost a couple of pounds over the weekend. Go me !

You know what else ? I bought a pair of Assets. They are made by the founder of Spanx, but cheaper than Spanx. Basically it's like a girdle for your thighs, butt, hips and stomach.

So I broke down and bought one. I figured, what the hell........

Totally hilarious. Imagine a pair of stockings for a three year old with a little room on top for your stomach and that's what you've got. While I was trying to stuff my fat ass into this small elastic space, I felt ridiculous. I wonder what other women who are larger than I try to look like stuffing their duffs into this ridiculous contraption. And does it work for them ? Honestly, I don't think so. And besides, it's false advertising. Men hate that shit. They're gonna find out sooner or later right ? Especially those freaks that like to do it with the lights on. Nothing wrong with that though, gotta find out what you're getting into, dontcha think ? Oooh, that was a pun and it was totally unintended !

Anywhooters, when I was done sucking in my stomach and trying to pull it up, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and guess what ? I still looked the same size. I mean, the fat is still there, right ? Where's it gonna go ? Suffocate your organs. My thighs weren't any farther apart. And I actually felt fatter and bloated because I had stuffed myself into something that looked like your little baby niece would wear.

I understand that this is supposed to help you look smoother, but I was not flabby to begin with. I just need to lose ten pounds. I will try it tomorrow under my work clothes and see if I look smoother, but honestly, who gives a shit ? I don't dress to impress at work. I have a lot of bending down and heavy lifting to do and not the good kind.

Anyway, that is all for now my loves !

Love, hugs and French kisses !

Back !!!

2010-08-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Pastries !!

So I just got back from my weekend trip in Lake Tahoe. I went with my friend and her guy friend I'll just call ER. That poor guy. He drove us up there and it was nonstop vulgarness the whole way there.

We had a great time. We stayed for free at Harvey's across from Harrah's. We gambled, ate at the buffet, and went to the comedy show. Well, my friend did the bulk of gambling, I tried my hand at the slot machine and of course lost all of ER's money ($30) I put in. We all did poorly, but whatevs. But ER and I made up for it by gettin' down on the dance floor. That was fun, I haven't gone dancing in a while.

The comedy show was the best I've ever seen. The lineup was Howie, Joel Lindley and Marc Price. The most offensive and vulgar combo, but it was fun.

Did I tell you we tried to run ? But we attempted this feat on an empty stomach with no water, on a hot day and in high altitude. We ended up just walking, and unfortunately that was our lame attempt at exercise.

I saw my fair share of chicks with muffin tops, streaked hair, tramp stamps and the good ole ankle branding tattoos. There were a lot of bachelorettes up there too.

I enjoyed the trip, I REALLY needed to get away for a weekend and just relax. But I am also glad to be back at home. I love to eat, and we did enjoy the buffets, but there is only so much casino and buffet environment that I can take.

Okay, that's all for now. I owe you all visits on your blogs, I will be making my way around soon.

Besitos !

Random Senorita Blather

2010-08-12T23:19:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There My Little Rose Petals,

So what's up ? Miss me ?

So today I went salsa dancing and met up with my friend. I showed up a little late because the website was wrong about the hours. Turns out I was 45 min late, but I still had enough time to get down. And I still got it ! My moves weren't that bad. And a lot of partner swapping going on because we rotated often ( I needed an excuse to say partner swapping). Sucked for the boys because the club cupeth overflowed with men (total sausage fest ) and it was funny to see the dudes look at eachother and walk away because they couldn't bear the thought of dancing together.

Yesterday my BFF/Mama Cita came down to visit and of course to celebrate her birthday. We had so much fun ! Total debauchery and I totally needed that especially since I've been in a sour mood lately. We are loud, proud and vulgar. We talked about everything from kittycat waxes to old boyfriends to the waitress we were sure snorted a line or two in the bathroom. We didn't care if others could hear us. I left a decent tip for the server though.

After dinner we went to another restaurant for dessert. Over a hot brownie with icecream which we both scarfed down (it was my idea to share and it was a bad idea) we decided to people watch and Ashleigh decided to provide witty commentary regarding the men around us like the metrosexual dude with long bangs. She would tell me where to look like "dude with a faux-hawk at 9 o'clock when she really meant 3 o'clock" and I would be looking in all the wrong directions.

It was hilarious when a couple of meathead guys walked in with their chests puffed out and she blurted out " OMG ! Moobs !" She couldn't stop talking about the moobies on the guy and thank God they didn't hear us. Those guys were kinda buffed, but they did have a little going on in the chest. But of course nothing to make me jealous.

But supposedly next week Ashleighta and I have a date to have a little booze and play a little chatroulette. I will be sure to get back to you on that. At the very least it will provide blog fodder, and no I will not be flashing anyone.

On another note, today is sorta an anniversary. Three years ago, this was the day I hit rock bottom. I guess we've all been there. Luckily I am in a much better place now.) That one day that sucks so hard that you are forced to take a good look at yourself and make changes. I was at my heaviest, so much in debt, for sure I thought I would lose my job, everyone around me was happy, while I felt like a failure and I was in a relationship that wasn't working out. I was so absolutely miserable in addition to the family drama at the time.

In true anniversary fashion, this hasn't been a happy time for me either, as it seems that every insecurity that I thought I've buried has come back up to haunt me.

And this is why I am looking forward to getting away this weekend. I am supposed to take a road trip to Tahoe. I really need to chill out.

Okay, time to finish the laundry and paint my nails !

Ciao

Survey Sluttiness

2010-08-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

Well Bonsoir my little crepes !

So, I am gonna do a long survey. The only long thing I'll be doing today. I realize that I may be losing out on readers when I do long surveys like this, but I just can't help myself. So read through it all if you dare. If you are feeling particularly bold, then go ahead and do it too and then share with the rest of the class. Bet it's been a long time since you've had show and tell, right ?

You know what's always fun ? To do these surveys and then go back and read them a few years later. I am going on seven years in this blog, and it's always interesting to go back and read my old surveys a few years back.

Anyhoochie, the questions are below with my answers. If you notice that the numbers aren't all in order, or that some are missing, it's because I probably cheated and deleted out a few questions that I thought were lame.

101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically? I feel completely relaxed, I can feel myself smiling, no tension in my back.

102. List five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most. I wouldn't dare, especially since my family reads this and I don't play favorites with them.

103. How many movies have you gone to see this month? To the cinema? None

104. If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?
That my grandparents' health would be better.

My family would be financially provided for and healthy

No more war in the world.

105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense? Exercise, bellydance, blog

106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the springtime and get out of the car? One billion dollars. Seriously money can't buy me like that, and I would rather have my dignity.

107. Have you ever killed an animal? Maybe a mouse when I was younger ?

108. Have you ever lost someone close to you? Yes

109. What do you think of cloning? I'm not a fan.

110. Do you read or watch TV more often? Read.

111. With all this talk of terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety? It all depends. What rights are you talking about ? This is a huge gray area so let's go over the fine print.

112. What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive? Throw him in the slammer with a few big buffed pervs that would make him their bitch.

113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body? Oh God no !!!

114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV? I called in the radio to ask a question once.

115. Have you ever won a lottery, or sweepstakes? No.

116. Have you ever won a contest or competition? I won a few scholarships based on essays.

118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living? Grandma in Austria did real estate and worked on the same street where Mozart was born. Grandma here invested, helped manage a few apartments, but now owns a bed and breakfast with my grandpa who is an architect.

Great grandparents on my dads side-- Great Gpa was a stockbroker and suffered in the Market Crash of 1929. Great Gma I hear was a teacher and she volunteered a lot of her time with the American Red Cross.

119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history? A aunt of mine, or great aunt (a lady in my family by marriage) was the treasurer of the US many years ago. My greatgrandparents were Jewish came to the US 100 years ago to escape persecution. My great uncles fought in WWII.

120. Is there anyone you trust completely? I would trust my father the most. Then maybe my brother. Everyone else, sorry................

121. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye? Yes, my grandmother, but I did thank her and I told her I loved her before she passed.

122. How do you feel about women in politics? They should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen serving their husbands ! Seriously ? How do I feel ? The same way I feel about men in politics. I don't look at gender, only the ability to do the job.

123. Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool? Indoor jacuzzi

124. What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own? Foreign languages, travel, Jewish history

125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? I get by...............

126. Would you consider yourself to be wise? For my age maybe, but I still have a lot to learn.

127. Have you ever given or received a lap dance? I plead the fifth !

128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person? LOL, just like any other person !

129. Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? No.

133. Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star? A total rockstar ! More people to tell me how fabulous I am, and I would also get more action !

134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote? Never wrote one.

135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise though the mail? I used to all the time.

138. What are the best bands or songs to listen to while driving? Nirvana for sure........

140. What could a member of the opposite sex do to impress you? Intelligent, educated, traditional, financially responsible, and is the pursuer. If I could find all of the above wrapped wrapped into one man that is NOT MARRIED, I would be impressed.

142. What's your favorite thing to do online besides write in your diary and hang out at this site? Bellydance, hang out with friends, check out my ass in the mirror. Okay, I was kidding about the last one.

143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Cobain) killed himself or was it a conspiracy? I think he killed himself, but I have no doubt that Courtney Love drove him batshit insane.

144. Have you ever though about hitchhiking across the country? Oh no way, only if I wanted to get aggressively fondled in the backseat of some creepy guy's car.

145. Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip? If I decided to hitchhike, I would bring Porkstar, my male BFF so he could ward off the creepy male grabbers.

147. If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married? I'm single and ready to settle down and get married whenever Mr. Right shows up. Otherwise I am perfectly content the way things are.

148. Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time you will ever see them? All the time.

150. What is your quest? To have as much fun as possible and live an honorable life.

Senorita's Ten

2010-08-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There My Little Bluebirds !

Here are my ten thoughts of the day in no particular order........................

1.) I took a hike yesterday at Rancho San Antonio, and the above pics are just a few of the ones that I took. I went hiking with my dear friend, and it was a good workout. It was really nice walking alongside the streams, and up the hills. We did see a deer skeleton and a what looked like a rattlesnake. Well, at least it looked like it had a rattle. I didn't go close enough to check it out. The last thing I wanted to do was piss that damn snake off.

2.) I just realized that I have a plane ticket to Paris, I will be traveling alone and I have no fucking clue as to what I will be doing or where I will stay. I think I have lost my mind. I have a few ideas as to how I can occupy my time. I just hope that I can pull this off without having to sleep on the street.

3.) Here are some things I want to do during my trip to Paris and Amsterdam
- Watch the sunrise by the Eiffel Tower, visit it, see the fireworks by it at night
- Picnic by the Seine River
- Take Bus #29, I hear it's more of a scenic route, and of course it's cheap, it's public transportation
- Take a tourbus tour around the city, the one you can get on and off without any additional charges
- Of course visit the museums
- Hopefully meet new people and take a lot of pictures
- Eat a lot of French food, drink a lot of coffee
- Do a little French shopping, hopefully buy a new perfume, or a few pieces of clothes

4.) I feel like time is passing me by so fast and if I don't hurry up and live I will be old faster than I know it with a lot of regrets.

5.) I am looking forward to meeting up with my BFF Sergio in Amsterdam. OMG, I feel so sorry for anyone that will be a witness to our shennanigans. I embarrassed the living shit out of him last time he visited me in SF, and I hope the Dutch can handle us. Last time he was here I made fun of his foreign accent on the streets of SF (of course offending our politically correct locals), and now we are going to be foreigners together.

6.) In Amsterdam I want to see the Anne Frank House, the Jewish quarters, the Van Gough museum, and I hope to eat a lot of Stroopwafels. Maybe learn a few dirty words in Dutch. Although, I got a good headstart when one of my Dutch readers left a very dirty comment for me recently, and of course I figured it out thanks to my German and Google.

7.) I am feeling the blues a little. I can't help it. I am definitely trying to keep it together, and I hope that my little trip this weekend will make me feel better. Sometimes I feel like no one understands me. Or maybe no one wants to hear me whine.

8.) I can't wait for payday on Friday. I need the money so bad.

9.) I miss bellydance. I still practice, but I need to get out more, and maybe I would feel a lot better if I got out there more.

10.) I just drank a Bellini, it was fabulous, and nothing better than a little alcohol.

Besitos !

Saturday Ramblings...................

2010-08-07T18:45:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There My Little Minxes....................

Happy Saturday ! I just couldn't help myself, I had to post the little lolcat picture featured above. I snaked it from icanhazcheezburger.com

So I hope you're enjoying your weekend. I am working at my other job ( and no I am not turning tricks) to help me save up for my vacation next month in Europe. Did I also mention that I have bad cramps and I am feeling lethargic and cranky ? Soooo not feeling the love. I would feel better if I could sleep in all weekend and just eat. But you know what ? I am broke right now and I can't even afford to go to the store. So all I can do until Friday is finish cleaning out what I already have in the fridge. And it isn't even that good. I suppose I could always go shopping and charge it to my credit card, but I really don't want to rack up another bill. Especially when I am trying to pay off my plane ticket and other purchases I made prior to that. It's a huge bill and bigger is not always better :(

Other than that, nothing much else going on for me right now.

But look at what I found off Lamebook....................

Apparently this is a car wash station at the New York New York station in Manchester England,. But they have a better term for a car wash......... "hand job". And apparently they're so impressed with New York. Dare I ask why ? You should try them out because guess what ? You've already tried the rest, so it's now time to try the best hand job ever at New York New York. I wonder if they had to fight off frustrated American tourists.

I was aware of the New York attitude, but I guess the New York handjob is one of their best kept secrets. Wouldn't want foreigners trying to imitate it.

Come to our survey circle......... we have cookies !

2010-08-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

Hello There My Little Chocolate Eclairs,

Happy Friday ! There is another bloggy ~~STD~~ meme being passed around bloggyland. It's a survey of 5,000 questions. You really have to be a total meme whore to attempt to do this.

But fear not my chocolate delights ! I am not actually answering all of this in one sitting, what people in blogland have been doing lately is answer about 50 questions at a time. I answered them below.

I am too lazy to tag anyone, especially since half the people I tag don't respond. So how about you just respond if you are a survey slut like me ? No protection required ! Just have fun and pass it around !

Besitos !

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words...

Fruitgoogle: Google for gays ?

Ambytime: Someone who doesn't know how to spell "anytime".

Asscactus: Someone who is so cranky it's like he got a cactus shoved up his ass.

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands?

A payment at the gas station. What did you expect me to say ?

53. What was your favorite toy as a child?

I don't remember :(

54. How many TV’s are in your house?

One, in the living room, another in my roommate's bedroom, and we don't get cable. So we just stick to watching our shows online.

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside?

Walk, windowshop, run

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow?

Hopeful

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true?

No, and that is a good thing, because I usually have nightmares.

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader?

I actually have, and they're not always right so do your homework and keep an open mind.

59. What is your idea of paradise?

Traveling the world without financial constraints.

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like?

I do believe in God, and that is all I am going to say because I don't like to discuss my religious views or debate them here.

61. Do you believe in Hell? Yes, the hell that we create for ourselves.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't?

Oh God, where do I begin ? One of the things I did this year was skydive.

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done?

I don't remember, I try to be kind on a daily basis and not keep track.

64. Are you a patient person?

Not really, but I have gotten better.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? Tell Someone to Fuck Off With No Consequences Day. Bonus points if it qualified for holiday pay too !

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does?

As long as I don't have to work that day, who the hell am I to judge ?

67. What's the best joke you ever heard?

I'm not repeating them here because any joke that makes me laugh is probably really sexually offensive, sexist, racist, or a healthy mix of all three.

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been?

Barcelona, Spain

69. Is your hair natural or dyed?

Temporary red dye that has probably faded out by now.

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front?

Since I talk waaaaay too much, it seems that I have probably told everyone all my business. But I also keep a lot of things to myself. Not so much dark, just private.

71. What is under your bed right now?

I don't have space under my bead to keep anything.

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home?

Go home, back to reality.........

73. If you drive do you frequently speed?

I plead the fifth.

74. What is the world's best song to dance to?

Teach Me how to Dougie by Cali Swag District

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone?

Last time I danced with a partner was in Salsa class, I don't remember the song.

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? Warner Brothers by far.............

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo?

I don't know, I don't care so much for the zoo.

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?

I can be.

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off?

If we all stopped smoking crack you think we could get back to reality ?

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it?

Bellydance, and I have made sacrifices to do it.

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick? The right to be a total douchebag.

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole?

Equator, definitely. Total bikini season, I think people are better looking there too !

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television?

Television.

84. What do you think makes someone a hero?
Someone who does the right thing, even if it means risking his/her life, and not bragging about the good deeds that they do.

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in?

Tweety Bird

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach:

The bitches in my office that I have to share the bathroom with. They stink it up. Not only by dropping deuces but also by straightening their hair in the bathroom, and make the rest of us suffer by burning their hair.

87. What was the last thing you paid for?

Gas

88. Are you a coupon clipper?

I don't actually clip coupons, but I do keep an eye out for good deals.

89. Get anything good in the mail recently?

A check

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling?

Dancing

91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So...Is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends?

I am not answering this fucking lame question. Sorry to all you Star Trek fans.

92. What insects are you afraid of?

I hate cockroaches. Not scared, just hate them.

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say?

I once saw a guy on the Conan O'Brien show walk across the stage in the background while Conan was speaking in a T-shirt that simpy read "Pubes". Totally priceless !
94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn?

Pleather black pants, tropical flower shirt, my dyed blonde hair and hooker red lipstick. This was ten years ago, I have clearly evolved since then.

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be?

Korean BBQ ribs

96. What are your parents interested in?

My dad is interested in your mom, and my mom.................... she likes Mozart.

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet? Have you ever caught and tamed a wild animal?

No and fuck no !

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans?

Wishes that inspire plans, which inspire reality.

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest?

After I drink coffee and take a biblical dump. Namaste !

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring?

Smores, a sleeping bag, water, and probably a gun to ward off predators. I know, that was four, but what are you gonna do ? Shoot me ?

Why I am so picky in relationships

2010-08-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

Well Bonsoir My Little Peach Cobblers !

So Happy Hump Day ! Miss me ? Last time I blogged, I ripped on bad kids. But let's not forget that apples fall from the tree and there are sooooo many rotten trees on Facebook. If the pics below seem blocked by my blog format, just click on the picture to see it in its entirety. As you already know, I found them off Lamebook, a site that displays the lamest of Facebook. My new favorite site.

I have been told that I can be picky in relationships. Damn straight I am ! I know that I don't want children right now and maybe never, but when I date, a small part of me is looking for a man that would make an excellent father if things were to progress further. Call that the biology in me. I guess I can't help it because I have a set of childbearing hips. (Gifts from my grandmothers on both sides of the family). I would rather be single forever than connected to a bad seed for life because we had a child together. I know that nothing in life is guaranteed, but that doesn't stop me from trying to make the right choices.

Anyway, my point is, I'll be damned if I get knocked up by someone like this..................

WTF ?? Is this part of his midlife crisis ? Where he wants to feel young again and think he can actually party with his kids ? Thank GOD my parents both act their ages.

Or how about this...................................

I have no words.................

I would rather hang myself than get knocked up by a guy that thinks this is funny, even if it is plastic, and then posts it on Facebook.

Before you think I am ripping only on men, fear not my peachy desserts !

You know what sucks even harder ? Is that this woman or shall I say twat, is representative of some of the types of young parents here in the San Francisco Bay Area. We have a lot of gangs, and therefore a lot of wannabees. Did I tell you that I used to intern for the Office of The Public Defender ? I thought it would make me more liberal and open minded. Fuck no !

Or how about this ?

If you can't read this, I think you can click on it twice to make it larger. Let me just say that it's too bad that the pull-out method didn't work for her because now her daughter is paying for it. PRAISE BABY JESUS that my mother isn't like this. Unfortunately a lot of women like the one above in the picture live here in the SF Bay. God help us all !

Even though my mother is still young (I'm almost 30 and she is in her early fifties), she comes from a different era. She listens only to classical music, she speaks proper English, she never says "huh ?" or "what?", rather "pardon?" or "excuse me"? if she didn't hear you. She never understood anything I was into growing up, but you know what ? This has paid off ! Because you won't see her trying to compete with me for a boyfriend, she doesn't wear tight pants that show a camel toe, and thank God she doesn't post her sexual exploits on Facebook.

Okay, well that is all for now my lovelies ! I got a new reader ! Thank you to those of you that read and comment. I try to make my rounds, but sometimes I don't always make it to all of you, but I will keep trying.

Love, hugs and kisses !

Why My Baby Making Factory Is Closed for Business

2010-08-03T00:04:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There My Little Baby Foxes,

I am sure many of you have children. I don't. Do you know how many women have told me all these horror stories ? Oh, but that it's soooooo worth it ? (probably the same women that would turn around and judge me for how I would raise my child) Guess what ? My biological clock is obviously broken and I haven't seen the light. I would rather sleep in till noon. Did I tell you what I did on Sunday ? Absolutely nothing. I woke up, watched Law and Order in my pjs, ate, napped by the window like a cat, and after I woke up again, I ate some more. I think I gained a pound. I didn't even leave my apartment. I didn't shower (I did today though) and I only got up to take a dump or go to the kitchen.

I am not willing to have my vagina ripped just so I can give birth to someone that will mouth off to me and humiliate me on a daily basis like the kid above. OMG, I feel so bad for the parents. His parents must be getting dirty looks and "what about the parents" comments on a daily basis.

Poor mother who wrote that. What she doesn't realize, is that that kid will probably get high fives for watching porn and smoking. I bet he's more popular now.

Someone go and give her a hug.

Oh and P.S........ I got this off Lamebook.com. Basically it's a spoof on Facebook. People submit funny/lame things found on Facebook. So hilarious. I love that site, and I guarantee you will too. So glad I am not up there.

Okay, bedtime for me, my little loves.

Besitos !

Meme Whore Monday !!!

2010-08-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

Well Hello There My Little Lattes,

So technically it's not really Monday, it's still Sunday, but here is a little meme to kick off the week. I've been seeing this passed around blogland like an STD on a dirty college campus. And I want in, so here we go !

I am too lazy to actually tag anyone, so if you feel so inclined, please post your answers and share with the rest of the class, okay ?

Merci beaucoup !

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing that you thought? OMG, my thighs aren't rubbing together like they used to ! ( I haven't worked out all weekend though, so back to the gym tomorrow)

2. Do you miss anyone right now? No not really, I stay in contact with loved ones via the telefono, so I don't feel like we're that far apart.

3. If you could move anywhere else, would you? I love living here in the SF Bay, but I would love to live in another country once again. Especially in Europe.

4. If you could choose, what would your last meal be? BBQ Korean Ribs, extra fatty, Mud Pie, cupcakes with buttercream frosting, the list could go on........

5. What famous person, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with? I dunno, my list changes all the time. But for now, I would love to dine out romantically with Eduardo Verastegui.

6. What was the last book you read? Europe 2010 by Rick Steves.

7. What was the last movie you watched? Antares

8. What was the last song you heard? I don't remember

9. What’s your dream vacation? Paris and Amsterdam, oh wait ! I already bought the tickets !

10. What is the next trip you’ll take? I'm supposed to go to Lake Tahoe in a couple of weeks, hopefully that happens.

11. Did you ever go to camp? Yes I did, as a third grader. How else would I find girls my age to help me apply "hooker makeup"?

12. Have you ever been in love? No, can't say I have.

13. What do you want to know about the future? Now, nothing. I was told about a couple of things that were supposed to happen but haven't. It's better to let everything unfold on its own time.

14. Where is your best friend? You mean my BFFs ? Not my day to watch them.

15. How is your best friend? Fine, thanks for asking.

16. Who is the biggest gossiper you know? I don't out anyone like that on my blog.

17. What does your last text message say? Ashleigh wanted to know how a dress looked on her.

18. What are 3 things you’ve always wanted to do, that you still plan to accomplish? Write a book, get promoted in my job, travel the world.........

19. What is one thing you’ve learned from your parents? My Old Man passed down his award-winning personality to me.

20. What is one thing you hope to teach your own children? Well, I don't have any but if I did.........

1.) Manners
2.) They will be held responsible for their own actions
3.) As long as they don't do anything illegal I will support anything they decide to do.