I can't get no satisfiaction

Hello All,

I am not satisfied with my life anymore. I am not happy with the way I live, nor am I happy with how hard I work for so little. I am just very uncomfortable right now. Something has to change.

I remember last year and early this year I was so miserable while I was in Barcelona. I had a mountain of problems. I was still struggling to understand the Catalans and Spaniards. My roommate was a stalker. I was running out of money. I was homesick. No company would give me a chance. I was applying for residency and all my plans were shot down. One after the other. I felt that my only option was to give up and just go home. One day I got tired of listening to myself complain. And I decided to make changes so that I could feel better.

For starters, I moved out and moved in with coworkers. I also tried even harder to work on getting my papers. I also consulted lawyers. I found more English teaching jobs to help me put more money in my pockets. And in time I felt better and in control.

I am getting burned out very quickly with my job. My passions are travel and foreign languages. My job doesn't offer any of that. I really want to perfect my Spanish and go to Latin America. I also want to learn Chinese.

I want to make more money. I make jack shit. It is so frustrating to be struggling every month. When my next paycheck comes, it will be all gone in 3 days. Then I will have to suffer for another week and a half without money until I get paid again.

I am sick of cleaning cars in my skirt and high heels. I am sick of cleaning the dashboard with freaking 409. That shit doesn't work. They took away my carprep and the carwash is 10 minutes away by CAR. And then when I get there I have to wash it by hand. And the drain is plugged so my shoes get wet. How much more difficult do they have to make this for me? I just wanna wash a fucking car. I am not trying to design the next nuclear weapon.

So why am I still there? The training they provide is wonderful, and they really do teach you how to run a business. I have very little experience and I need to gain more. My short time span of jobs after my degree in college is my enemy. Plus I am a little scared of putting myself out there. But that fear is starting to go away as I am getting more and more fed up. It's a fierce world out there and I have to be fearless.

I clearly came to this company for experience and a chance to prove myself. Too bad I don't get a cut of that when I do perform.

My friend/coworker just quit his job and has another one lined up. I will go out to celebrate with him. He's gonna be enjoying his little vacation.Well, thats all I have to say today. Oh ! And by the way, I think that I am about to have an interesting journal entry about the male species soon, so stay tuned !

 

Sunday Ramblings.

Hello there my lovelies :)

There are some quizzes/surveys floating around that I would like to swipe and answer, but I shall save that for another day.

Today I practiced my dance routines for about four hours. I am slowly getting more flexible and developing more strength in my back, neck and arms. And my waistline is getting smaller and more "hourglass" like. Or at least it looks that way to me. I think that I am starting to get a little jealous of myself when I look in the mirror. If I were me, I would date me. I mean, I am me. I can't date myself. Ewww. Wait, nevermind........

Today I finally had a breakthrough and was able to balance the sword on my head and dance on the floor without it falling off. I mean, of course I have a lot more practicing to do until I get it all right. But this was a start.

And I am supposed to get my new outfit on Tuesday. I just hope it's ready.

I also got a comment on my last journal entry from my cousin in Austria. Apparently she is now reading my blog with my grandmother. And they don't even really speak English. In fact, my grandma doesn't speak English at all. And they still work to understand my entries. How's that for love ? That really made me happy.

My grandma really wants me to have a boyfriend. Last time I was in Austria she asked me in her thick Austrian accent while she was cooking for guests if I can cook and I told her no. "You know Sandra, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Just then a man came over and profusely thanked my grandma and shook her hand for the wonderful meal she cooked. "Einfach wunderschoen." I just told her I would have to find other ways to his heart.

My grandma is kinda traditional and romantic and she wants me to have the same in my life. Thank God I am not leaving it up to her to pick my suitor.

All this talk about "mein Oma " really makes me miss her. She's very much European and very proud of Austria and hates the EU and I really love that about her. She's like my connection to the past almost.  I can't wait to go back to Austria to see her. If any of you have any family not from the US that is proud of their roots you should embrace that.

Anywho, these are my two cents for the day.

Another Saturday

Hello All,

OMG, well today is Saturday and I worked by myself as usual. I overworked myself, but I did very well. This upcoming week we finally have our regional happy hour where we get to eat junk food and drink beer and wine on the company's tab. Too bad I don't like beer or wine. But at least I love the junk food and pool.

Last week I had a serious talk with my boss. In a nutshell told him that I was unhappy working with him and working with him made me miserable. Of course I was very nice about how I worded things. I told him that the way he acts makes me feel like he doesn't like me in the office nor does he care. After all he wouldn't even hold a normal conversation with me, let alone say good morning to me. I told him that although he doesn't have to be my friend, I do at least want us to get along and at least talk to each other.After all, I am human. He said that he was very sorry and appologized and said that he doesn't dislike me. He's just going through personal shit and he wears his emotions on his sleeve. Now he is going out of his way to be nice to me, which I appreciate a lot. I hope it stays like that. The best way to get me to bust my ass for someone is to be nice to me. Simple as that.

Last night I watched "Wedding Date" with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney. I normally don't like mushy romantic movies, but I actually liked this one, even though it was kinda dumb. First of all, it was unreal. But, it was also funny and Dermot Mulroney is so friggin' hot. Watching him take his shirt off was simply divine :) But the message of the movie was wonderful. Mulroney's character said it best: " A woman's current love life is how she choses it to be. When you are really ready to let go of your issues, you will move on and find love." (or at least something to that effect.)

Anyways, enough for now. Ciao

I swiped this off MySpace.

THREE THINGS ABOUT YOU!!!
Copy and re-post into your own bulletin with your 3 things...


Three Names you go by;
1. Sandra
2. Missy
3. Girl


Three Things That Scare You
1. Dings on my credit report
2. Rejection
3. Disease

Three of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Glasses/contacts
2. Cellphone
3. Breakfast

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Pjs
2. underwear
3. um, that's it...

Three of Your Favorite Bands/groups
1. Black Eyed Peas
2. Nirvana
3. Linkin Park

Four Things You Want in a Relationship
1. Not afraid of commitment/loyalty
2. I can make him laugh
3. Honesty and open communication
4.) Gotta have lotsa passion

Two Truths and a Lie (in any order)
1. I have been married before
2. I have never lived in the same place for more than 4 years.
3. I want to travel around the world.

Three PHYSICAL Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You
1. Buffed, manly muscular arms (yum)
2. Nice, olive-toned skin
3. Nice manly voice with a accent. (NY, Europe, Middle East)

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Bellydancing
2. Watching foreign films
3. Sleeping

Three Things You want to do really badly right now
1. Feel better
2. Not work tommorow morning
3. Talk to mary and find out if we're meeting for dance this weekend.

Three Places You Want to go
1. Amsterdam
2. Egypt or Morroco
3. NYC

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Have experienced true love
2. Have a lucratice career
3. To speak 5 languages

Three Ways that you are stereotypically a GIRL/Guy
1. I hate watching sports on TV.
2. I wear makeup, lots of pink, high heels........
3. I love it when men do the heavy lifting for me.

Just Thinking

Hello All,

I gotta say that this week really kicked my ass emotionally. I haven't felt this depressed in a very long time. I remember feeling this low about 4 years ago as I was about to turn 21. The feeling bites, and I do experience mild physical pain. My chest hurts, and I feel like it's squeezing my heart a little. I guess we all go through this sometimes.

This week was very, very slow at work and the weather was so gloomy. Today business picked up a little and the sun came out to shine and lift my spirits a little. During my lunch hour I sat in the sun and felt a lot better.

I also thought about how freaking lucky I am to be alive. I have had so many close calls in cars or in front of cars in the past few years. I could have easily gotten hurt in my last accident. But luckily I was fully paying attention and instead of getting hit and crashing into the huge truck at the stoplight, I was able to steer myself to the right and avoid my car crashing into that 18 wheeler. But I really believe that God lent me a little helping hand that day.

It is so easy for me to think about how unlucky I am. I can bitch about my bad luck with money. ( I really do have bad luck with money, no joke.) Or I can also bitch about my bad dates.

But getting rearended made me think how lucky I am. So far I have been lucky in the health department. I currently have a clean bill of health. I also have my family on my side. Although I bitch about them too, many of my family members are alive. I may not have much longer with my grandparents, but at least they are still around for now. I have the most wonderful grandmothers ever. One of these days I may have a lot of money, but no grandmothers and health problems. And that is very likely.

So, I guess I would say that I don't have it so bad after all.