Saturday, January 14, 2012

Penises and Vaginas................

What's Up Kiddies ?

Miss me ?

So I wanted to talk about genitalia. Well, not directly.

First of all, this one's for the ladies. Don't you hate it when you get a camel toe ? I know I do. I always make sure I got my shit together before I leave the house, namely that I am not outlining my lady bits for the world to see. And I am very careful. I always make sure I am covered and that I wear underpants. I don't understand how women can go commando in short dresses, and then act all offended when they fall and get complimentary AC up their bits, or they get all offended when they see someone looking. You never know when you will fall, end up ass up, or when someone has a camera under the table. But that is fodder for another post.

But what really burns my biscuits is when I get a forced cameltoe with my workout pants. So Victoria's Secret was having a huge sale on their yoga pants. It's awesome, cuz it makes my big ass look almost as shapely as Kim Kardashian's. So I bought them and got them tailored because I am short.

Then when I put them on at the gym, I noticed that there is a seam right in the middle that goes up the crotch. As if to say to the world "Hey, here is my vag, and in case you still can't tell where it is, this seam will draw the line for you that goes all the way up so you can trace it from my vag to my stomach in case you are really confused !" It's like a connect-the-dots book for men.

Anyway, so the workout pants make my ass look fabulous and highlights the fact that after a month of stairclimbing my thighs no longer rub together when I walk, and so I wear them. I bought a long, tight  tanktop to cover half my ass and vag. Good enough for now.

Let's talk about penises...................

Well, not really talk. Less talk, more showing..............

My gosh, I wish I could pull this off at some of our political debates. The candidates could get slapped across the head with a flying dong each time they lied or said something really stupid.

No wonder most people don't take a huge interest in politics in this country !





12 comments:

LYN said...

OMG..thank you for making me LOL for real..I freaking hate Camel Toes...it's like you can't help but look at them either...

* Ashleigh * said...

Wooohooo getting fit for Fluffy?!? Congrats on all your hard work paying off :)

Riot Kitty said...

Less talk, more show - amen, sister!

I feel pretty naive. I just found out what pocket pool was today. I thought it was a video game!

Miss Stormy Marples said...

Hahaha ...

We have a 40's old woman who comes in no undies bra or panties at coffeehouse (my 2nd job). She likes to sit on patio with her legs open while wearing short skirts. People who come thru drive thru get a lovely see all. I do not know why she does this. The shock of it all I do not know. She is a nice woman though. My men customers r even shocked. What am I suppose to do ask her to wear panties? Thank goodness she is in shape. I would prefer for her to put tight clothes on (camel toe). Some women like this attention. Kudos to u for being a classy lady. StormyDawn

H said...

I for one love the cameltoe, I think its sexy, I can't help it, I LOVE the cameltoe.

Besides what the point of having worked hard to develop your ass only to have it covered by a baggy T-shirt?

Don't be scared of your cameltoe, imbrace it.

Jimmy's Journal said...

I always wonder how people walk when their thighs rub tgether. Seems to me that it would start a brush fire (notice I left the "r" in). Congrats on losing the weight.

I could do thirty minutes on camel toes but suffice to say, many women are well aware of the "condition." Personally, on the right woman, they're fantstic.

As for the flying Pelosi, I thought it was a bit juvenile.

Jimmy

Scarlet said...

The description of your Kim Kardashian pants...priceless!

That flying dildo...couldn't we all use one of those to break up an uncomfortable silence or shut someone up?

mac said...

What's wrong with Camel Toe? I like to see it, it gives me wonderful ideas ;-)

Just telling it like it is said...

"My gosh, I wish I could pull this off at some of our political debates. The candidates could get slapped across the head with a flying dong each time they lied or said something really stupid."

That the truth sisiter!!heheheh

Memphis Steve said...

What's wrong with a nice camel toe on a beautiful woman at the gym? It gives us men something to motivate us. It inspires us to workout harder. It's like saying "hey guys, this is why you sweat and grunt and work so hard, because you want this, but you can't get it if you have a big gut and no muscles." So I say, thank you for your camel toe. It helps me to remember what I'm working out for in the first place.

BamaTrav said...

Women with camel toes are humpin to please.

Angela said...

hey! blog some more please! :)