Saturday, December 31, 2011

Bye Bye 2011 !

Hello Kitty Cats :)

So another year has passed us by. Say hello to 2012 !

I hope you had a nice Xmas ! I saw my family. I had a wonderful dinner with my grandparents. Some of the foods I indulged in were: Spaghetti, cheesy garlic bread, prime rib, vegetables, chocolate silk pie with an oreo cookie crust. My grandparents were cute and in love as always. My grandpa is such a doting gentleman to my grandmother, and it is so precious to see, and I always enjoy reading the love notes he leaves her.

My grandmother told me stories about the good old days, and she showed me some of her jewelry collection. I don't really like jewelry that much, and don't really wear anything unless it's given to me. My grandma gave me some cool retro jewelry. She gave me costume earrings from the 1950s. Not with the clips, but the ones that you have to tighten the post on your earlobe. I also got a necklace her friend made for her, and her prized bracelet that she bought 60 years ago in Italy. Since we both have very tiny wrists, it was a perfect match. I am happy that I will be able to keep this jewelry in the family.

I just had my blogiversary on December 29th. I've been blogging for 8 years now. I can't believe how fast time flies.

This year was good to me (assuming that tonite is uneventful). I was able to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family and I had my health. That is always important, you can't replace family memories or pay for health. I also visited family in Austria over the summer as well as spending time with my friend in the Netherlands. So in a nutshell here is what happened to me in 2011........

-- Moved
-- Got a new job
-- Quit my part time security job
-- Took a vacation

I had hurdles, the biggest being my fight with depression. I decided in January that I would take medication. It took a lot to come to that, since I've battled it out for ten years without meds, but I just decided that it was too much to bear and I got on medication. I really had to swallow my pride and admit that I need help. But unless people suffer from the same thing, they really have no idea what it's like, that it's not a passing phase, and that I can't just get over it.

It's not something I like to admit to having, but anxiety and depression run in the family so I know that it's not all me, and that I am in good company. If I could have things my way, I would never leave the house. I could stay holed up in here forever. I could die alone and not really bat an eyelash. Yeah, when I think about future plans,I wonder if I will ever end up getting married or at least being in a relationship, but on a day-to-day basis I could go home to an empty house every day and not think twice. I could step out of the house with no make-up and shabby clothes and not give a shit. It's a far cry from when I was in my early twenties and had to have my hair and makeup done before leaving the house.

The hardest part of this all for me is knowing I have a lot to be grateful for and having lots of opportunities to be happy, but not being able to feel the full effect of the happiness I should be feeling. I am grateful for what I have, I just wish I could feel true happiness along with it. Sometimes I do, but not as often as I like. For me, a day where I just feel normal is a success. When those days come, I cherish them.

Before I was on medication, my emotions were all over the place. Imagine you are sitting at a red light, and see a car behind you. You know it's gonna hit you, and that you can't go anywhere and just have to sit there and take it. How you'd feel for those seconds before getting hit, was how I was feeling all day, every day. When I would talk to men, I had the urge to hide, I would avoid eye-contact, I would just put out the "don't talk to me" vibes, but then wonder why I was so alone all the time.

The medication has taken the edge off, but it does make you a little numb. I am not feeling the extreme highs and lows right now. But that's okay. I would rather be numb right now than to take a risk and feel anxious all the time like I was feeling. Sometimes I think we are all just a step or two away from going crazy.

When I see shows like Intervention or Hoarders or I see homeless people on the street, while other people are talking about how crazy they are or how they could never end up that way, I think that we are always a step or two away from losing our shit and acting out.

Battling my feelings like this has really humbled be and made me less judgemental and more compassionate to others. It has definitely knocked me down a few notches and made me realize that I don't have all the answers, and that I feel more compassion for people when they lose it. That they can be down and get back up again, and that nothing in life is permanent.

So yeah, that's all for now. Please feel free to leave me comments or e-mail me if you have any questions or want to talk or commiserate.

Have a Happy 2012 and count your blessings :)

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Why Is It Wednesday........but on a Sunday

What's Up Kitty Cats ?

I've just come up with a new theme......... Why Is It Wednesday. But since I will be too worn out to post this on Wed, I will just post it today, Sunday.

So yeah...... Why Is It Wednesday........ Basically shit that happens that make you go ""Why? Just Why?

So now let's get down to business and help me answer this question...................

Why is it that when I am at work have my workspace corner all to myself and want to fart in peace, someone has to come over and insist that they fix my computer ? AT THAT MOMENT ? Why ????? It wasn't important when I first complained.

So yeah, I have a desk corner all to myself, and sometimes I am gassy. I know I am supposed to be a lady and all, but I come from a family that farts, especially in the mornings. I laugh at other peoples' farts too. Especially if the offenders are family members or are old. Bonus if they are both. I know, I am going to Hell.

So I get to work, I don't see anyone in the office and I just had to let a few rip, and since I was early, I just let it out. I'm not gonna lie. SBDs all the way. Don't know what that means ? Google it.

Anyway, the IT guy comes by my office. He is usually not there that early, and he wants to make sure my comp is updated. I was trying to talk to him while I was sitting at my desk so he wouldn't come closer. I even put scented lotion on my hands and fanned my face to hope the lotion scent would spread. But he said it would just take a minute. Since I didn't want to say "Hey man, I just farted, I am waiting for it all to dissolve in thin air, could you please come back"? I just told him to help himself and to take his time and I ran to the kitchen to hide. I couldn't look at him for the rest of the day.

This wasn't the first time something like this would happen. When I was working at Staples and stocked office supplies during Back to School Week, people all of a sudden decided that they just had to ask me about pencils right when I needed to let the honk loose. I mean, this woman came up to me, I answered her question, walked away to fart and she ran right back and had a bunch of questions, following me.

You know when you read a cereal box, it sometimes says on the label that sometimes the contents settle during a freight shipment.

Well, for eight hours or so, my "contents" settle and when I wake up, it's time for some of it to be let out, aka letting the ducks out.

Before you think I am just plain nasty, I make sure that I am all by myself when I do this. Unless I am traveling with my brother, then it's fair game. For the both of us. I've been scolded on how I will never find a man, blah blah blah...... but I don't fart on dates, or in the company of men I am going out with for that matter.

Anyway, that is all for now my little furballs..............

Besitos !!!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Ghettofabulousness !

What's Up My Little Rosebuds ?

I am gonna make this short and sweet. As you know, I got a new job a couple of months ago. I work in a lawfirm in a nice area, pretty much next to nice neighborhoods. Our office looks kinda retro in a 1970s porno film kinda way. You've got the blue worn down shaggy carpeting, the chintzy mirrored 1970s "executive looking" elevators. All we're really missing is some "bowm chicka bowm bowm" music and a hairy middle-aged man with a handlebar mustache and his woman with a bad bottle-blonde perm and whore red nails and lipstick. I can deal with that. It gives the place character.

What I can't deal with is getting stuck on the fucking elevator. Three weeks into working there, I get stuck. I work on the fifth floor. I get in one morning with my tall Starbucks drink. As I reach the fifth floor, it immediately goes back down, and repeats about 5 more times before I start to panic. It's the ride from Hell. I push the stop button, and it gets stuck. I call the operator.  I am telling them I am a little scared because the elevator sometimes moves without opening and I am I am a little claustrophobic. They told me that the elevator guy was on his way, but to just sit there, because I am not going anywhere. No shit Sherlock ! You know how I know that ? The doors are closed and I can't get out !

I got out 30 minutes later, but I was late for work, and while I was waiting to get out, I couldn't even enjoy my morning coffee because I didn't want to have the urge to go to the bathroom. I didn't know when I was gonna get out at the time.

What else......

Ah yes, our bathrooms are skankalicious. I can't believe they charge for tampons, ten cents a pop. Building management tampons/ pads are horrible. It's like shoving cardboard up your snatch. But if you decide to opt for maxi pads instead, it's like ripping out the stuffing from a cheap comfortor and shoving it in your panties. I can't believe they charge for that. Our office pays the lease AND building management gave out free coffee and biscottis to show their appreciation to tenants. Free products for Aunt Flo's visit should be a no-brainer.

Anywhooters, like I was saying about the tampon machine, apparently someone has been raiding the tampon machine. It takes dimes. I recently found a sign affixed to the machine stating that the machine never carries more than 50cents at one time because it is emptied daily. I understand people trying to break into a soda machine, or going after a taxi driver, but a tampon machine when the product quality is so poor, that they chafe your lady bits ? First off, you're not gonna hit it big when you raid the tampon machine, and another thing, no one really buys that shit, so what are you gonna get, $2 ?

Anywhosies, I better log off now, but don't you think for a second that I am done ranting. I have plenty more to say, just not now.

Ciao for now !

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Yay ! A Dating Post !

Hello Lovies !!

Thanks for all your comments, I didn't realize anyone missed me while I was gone. I feel so loved. People in the blogging world are dropping like flies, especially with other social media outlets like Facebook around.

A couple of things happened lately........

1.) I got a new job, as I mentioned,
2.) I had another birthday on Nov. 30th.

Okay, enough chitty chat and down to business !


I have a love/hate relationship with dating. Dating is totally necessary in finding a mate, and it can be a lot of fun when done properly and both parties are behaving. But when it's bad, it's bad, lol. But when life hands you lemons, you make a margarita, right ? I like to take my awkward moments and blog about them and use this as a platform to educate all the raging douchelords disguised as normal gentlemen whom God allows to wander around the men who may need a little assistance in proper dating protocol.

So............. I have been living at my current place for about ten months now. There is this guy directly across from me (and our garages are only a few feet across from each other). We never talked, but I caught him checking out my ass while he was in his car and I was getting something from the trunk.

About 7 months into it, I said hello and introduced myself, and he told me his name, talked for a few minutes, he mentioned his female roommate. Nothing more. Besides, I had a date that night and had to get ready.

A month ago, he pulls up while I am taking out the trash and invites me for "coffee" and I gave him my number. (Hey, he already knows where I live and he is cute).

The next day he texts me and asks me if I am single, and I told him I am. He then tells me that he is not. I asked if his girlfriend lives with him, and he said yes, and that his is on a business trip. So the girl that I thought was his roommate was his girlfriend ? He told my roommate that she was his "adopted sister". Whatevers. I thought that would be the end of his texts.

So a couple of days ago he texts me and invites me over for "coffee". At night. Yeah, um would that coffee be   served with a side of your penis by any chance?

I told him I would be interested when he no longer has a girlfriend. He then tells me two things:

1.) I should loosen up, life is short, yada yada.......
2.) He is bored and needs something to do.

I told him, that is a great idea and that to scratch his itch, he should go and find someone other than his neighbor to help him out .

He then got mad and called me "mean". He then told me he was just trying to be friendly and that his intentions were nothing but good. What are we, in grade school now ? Your next door neighbor doesn't want coffee with a side of penis that belongs to some other chick, and now I am the mean one?

And good intentions ? So he hit me up for a "night cap" disguised as "coffee" because he thought that I had a wonderful personality, and it had nothing to do with my ass or boobs he was looking at ? When he said "good intentions" he was probably referring to the good party he was having in his pants.

I told him to take a chill pill and stop whining, and he tried to tell me how I need to have more fun and that I don't know what fun is and boo hoo the next door neighbor doesn't want coffee with a side of the twig and berries and how he can show me what fun is.........

I am no longer responding to his texts and will continue to avoid him aka close the garage immediately once I get home.......

Here is the takeaway of the story.....................

1.) Hot next door neighbors are hawt! Unless that person is taken......... Then its just awkward and creepy.

2.) Always, always, ALWAYS ask if that person is taken, or you know, MARRIED. After I gave him my number, I realized that I forgot to ask him, and just as I was about to ask him two seconds later, his phone rang and he was talking to "one of his boyz" and I didn't feel like standing there like a fool to wait, so I just left. I figured he wouldn't lie or hide the truth since we lived next to each other. Him taking that call in front of me like that and leaving me waiting was another red flag I should have paid attention to.

Ladies, never assume the man you are talking to is single because he is on you like a fly in honey. Men flirt because then can, sometimes it's genuine, sometimes it is a sport. Dating is sometimes like a gym contract being sold to you by one of those "personal trainers" at a franchise gym that needs to meet his quota. You have to do some of your own homework and ask certain questions before signing or in this case, giving out your phone number. Because if you don't, and you find out Mr. Coffee with a side of Penis is really taken, he can easily come back at you and say "Well, I didn't lie, you just never asked". And unfortunately, he is kinda right. Yeah, he made a douche move, but on the other hand, you should have asked.

Now where was I ?

Oh yeah....

#3.) I don't know what it is with men, (male friends AND dating prospects) that call me or text me or IM me and say that they are talking to me because they are bored. Not because they haven't heard from me, or are wondering how I am doing, but because.......THEY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO. They are bored and feel it's okay to say something like that directly to me.

So that means that they have exhausted all of their other possibilities such as going out with their friends, watching sports, spanking the monkey, so now I guess, they will just call me up because it will pass time.

My female friends don't say that shit to me, why do guys think it's okay? And they think this is supposed to make me feel better and jump at the chance to go out or hang out ?

When a guy says something like that, I just turn it down, no matter how bored I am. I could be bored out of my ass, and I am still not jumping at the opportunity to hang out with someone else who felt like I was the last option on earth. I would rather sleep.

So again, moral of the story...................

1.) Don't date your neighbor if he is taken....... Duh !
2.) Make sure to ask prospective men if they are taken or married. And "it's complicated" means that he most definitely taken.............
3.) Avoid "bored"  men.

Okay, so this was a long post (yeah, I said "long"). Please feel free to add new ideas. And men, please don't take this post personally or feel like I am beating up on the male population. Please don't tell me how women do the same thing, because I don't care. I know, we can be handfuls too, but I don't date chicks, and I don't break these rules, so please save it...........

Okay, I am really going now.

Peace, Love, Hugs, Shimmies and Kisses !


Sunday, November 27, 2011

I'm Back !!

What's Up Lovelies ?

So I'm back !

I hid my blog because I was looking for a new job, and I got another one, so I am back :) I was a file clerk, and now I am a legal secretary in litigation, so I feel like I got a promotion, and now I will have a lot more responsibility, which is all I wanted. More responsibility.

In December, it will be my 8th anniversary in blogging. Since that time, I have never missed a month until this year. I missed October.

It is now almost the end of November, and I will continue to write. I still have a lot to say, so I am here to

Besitos for now my loves :)

Monday, September 12, 2011

TMI Tuesday: What Kind of Date Would I Be ?

What's Up My Little Flower Petals ?

So, I stole this blog from H, a big Dutch dude that reads my blog, so I am posting the questions and my answers below. Please feel free to snake them for me.......

1. You’re on a speed date. You’ve got 7 minutes with the potential partner. You already know the person’s name. What are the first three questions you would ask?

1. Are you married ?
2. Do you have any children ?
3. Do you have a job?

If we make it that far, then I would love to know his hobbies........

2. Have you ever participated in speed dating? Did you get a regular date/second date out of it?

No, but I think it would be a fun thing to do with my girlfriends. I certainly wouldn't take it seriously.

3. Do you participate in online dating? How many dates have you had as a result of online dating sites/matches?

I used to over three years ago, I don't remember how many dates I had because of it, but it is so easy for girls to get tons of dates via the internetz.

4. You are attracted to: 
a. Who people are?

Where do I start ? Latino or Middle Eastern, or form a different background and is connected to his culture, tall (or taller than me which isn't hard to do at all)

b. What people have?

Intelligent, nice pecs and biceps, full head of hair

c. What they can do?

Can he be single and chivalrous ?

5. What “little red flag” will cause you to end a date or immediately decide this person isn’t for you?

If he is married and btw that is a HUGE red one.

6. What do you feel you need to sacrifice or have sacrificed to be a part of a relationship?

If I met the man of my dreams, I would learn to compromise and cook !

7. If you cooked for your date, what would you cook?

Haha, in the past the men I've dated have been better cooks than I, so I didn't really have to. However, I would learn his favorite dish for him.

8. At the end of a first date, how would you kiss your date?

Depends on the date, and I don't kiss and tell...........

Bonus: You just put up a profile on a dating site. You must describe yourself in 10 words or less. What are your 10 words?

I don't use adjectives to describe myself on a dating site. I post my pictures in addition to a witty line or two cuz honestly, they rarely read what I write anyway.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Happy Labor Day !

Happy Labor Day Loves !

I hope you are enjoying the holiday ! I am just lounging around, and I am about to finish the dishes and laundry.

The ten year anniversary for 9/11 is coming up and I am so very disappointed in New York Mayor Bloomberg.

A memorial is planned at the WTC site, but only the victims, families of the deceased and politicians are invited. I can't believe that the first response members such as the fire fighters, EMT and cops are not invited. All due to space contraints.

I verified this on snopes.

Bloomberg said that there would be a separate service for them at later date and location ? (But no dates were given) WTF ? I don't think there should be a memorial service without them present. I think the mayor has totally missed the point. I will not be watching the memorial service on TV.

Had the fire fighters, cops and EMT members NOT been present on 9/11/01, there would be more of a space issue because the would be way more victims. So disappointing.

What's also disappointing, is that religious services are taken out of the ceremony. People turned to God/religion during this time, and now the Mayor wants to get politcal ? Is he doing this to exclude Islamic services ? So that if there are no Christian or Jewish prayers, that Islamic services can't be offered either to keep it equal? I don't know. I think he's excluding relgion as to not offend the Muslim community.

Personally, I would like to see different religous services offered to show that we are still United as a country and embrace peace.

Anyway, I am stepping off my soap box. I had a whole nother post planned, but I felt that I just had to say my peace here.

Besitos !

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

TMI Tuesday

What's Up My Little Cherries ?

I snaked this little bloggy quiz from Hedone. (I'm way too lazy to include the link). But if you like this, please feel free to snake if from me.

1. What's the most annoying song in the world?

"Laffy Taffy"  by D4L. I would rather listen to Rebecca Black !

2. What's the saddest song in the world?

"Adam's song" by Blink 182, it talks about suicide, and it is heart wrenching.

3. What's the sexiest song in the world?

"I like it" by Moby.  OR J'taime moi non plus" by Jane Birkin & Serge

4. Name a new, to you, band or music artist that you can't get enough of?
My latest favorite artist is Inna, who sings trance.

In Bellydance, I have a bunch of new songs, that I can't even pronounce because I don't speak Arabic.

5. Have you met any famous musicians?

I met Natacha Atlas, who is a Middle Eastern singer when she toured in Europe.

6. What song best describes your life?

"Ironic" by Alanis Morrisette

7. How important is your partner’s taste in music to you?

Not that important............. I tend to look after more important things like.... Is he married ? Does he have children I don't know about ? Does he have a job ?

8. Do you sing in the shower?

Yeah, I totally do, and in the car !

9. What was the last live music show you attended? Did you buy a T-shirt?

The last live music show I attended was in San Francisco with a very talented Middle Eastern band at a Bolivian restaurant. And I was there because I bellydanced while they played. Soooo fun, and no shirts were being sold !

10. What's the sweetest song in the world?

I just can't think of one right now......

11. Can you play a musical instrument?

No, I can't even read music....................

12. Are you in a band or are you a performing solo music artist? If yes, what kind of music do you play?

No, but I do enjoy dancing to a good live Middle Eastern band !

13. Have you ever dated a musician?


14. Are you a groupie?


Bonus, Bonus: If you listen to the radio, what station and type of music are you tuned to the most?

I listen to the pop channel, alternative station and latin station.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

FREE Advice on How to Marry the Love of your Life ! Money-Back Guarantee if not Happy ~

What's Up My Little Hearts ?

Miss Me ?

It's been almost a month that I've been back from vacay, and I still have so much to write. I had a wonderful time in Austria and Amsterdam.

Okay so enough trip talk. Let's talk about love !

What if I told that you could get any man or woman that you want ? That if you pay me money and do exactly what I tell you that you could land the sweetheart of your dreams ?

What if you actually believed me ? I would tell you to keep your money because there is no way I could promise to deliver such a thing. I think it is interesting how there are a lot of "love gurus" that promise to help you seal the deal.

You may not always get what you want because the other person you are after has free will, and has a say in the matter too ! I feel most "experts" fail to mention that and act like it is all in our control. I feel like most dating advice out there is about manipulating others into going out with us, that they fail to teach us how to relate and get to know others.

There are so many books and relationship experts out there that promise results. They tell you what scents to wear, how to act, how to play hard to get, how to get him to propose and the list goes on..............

And yet, there are still so many people who have read all of the above out there with no love in their lives. I've read a lot of books. Here is some of the advice I've read from various sources in no particular order.

-- Men love bitches. Be polite, but don't always make yourself so available. Don't cook for him in the beginning, and don't be so available. Always leave him guessing where you are.
-- If a man doesn't marry you in one year of dating two years tops, then he will never marry you.
-- Make him wait for sex or he won't respect you. Make him wait at least 90 days.
--Men go crazy over vanilla scents. You can't go wrong with vanilla.
-- Don't pick up the phone on the first call.
-- Men love straight hair, they don't like it curly
--If you want to marry him and he is not sure about you, give him an ultimatum.
-- All men love sex, and what works for one man will work for the next one. It is so easy to please a man.
-- Wear heels.
-- All men love boobs.
--All men are crazy about sex
-- Just cook for him and he will fall in love with you.
-- Never call a man
--Men should always pursue women
--Women should never pay for a date

Some of the advice is very good, and I believe in some of it, others, not so much ! For example, I strongly believe in never paying for a date, as a woman. I always believe the men should pay. But there are some women out there who don't mind, and actually feel more liberated when they pay for their share, and it works for them !

If I had to give love advice, I would tell you that each man is different, and like women, they can't be lumped together in one category. Most relationship authors/experts that give love advice act that all men are the same, and that if we act one way, that we can land any man. I don't think it works that way.

 Contrary to the listed advice above, I've met a lot of people who are happily married now, but dated for over 5 years and may have broken up in between. A LOT of men love curly hair, I've received a lot of compliments on my wavy hair. And since I'm in the Bay Area, boobs aren't as in as they used to be. It's all about the ass where I live. Most men I know would rather take a round, plump ass over a great rack anyday. So I am confused as to why women are getting breast implants, when I see men staring at asses way more than the boobage.

So what advice can I give you ?

--Obviously use common sense, but all I can tell you is to be yourself. If you are yourself and he is still not interested, then he is not the one for you. You may possibly be crazy, and if that is who you are, you need a man who is crazy as you are, or a man that like craziness.

--All the advice out there may be helpful in you getting more dates, but if the guy isn't right for you, then it just delays the inevitable breakup.

And also, there are books and "love gurus" out there that like to throw tough love in your face and tell you that if you are still single, it is your fault, and that you aren't using the Law of Attraction in your favor. They tell you about affirmations, and that if you do your daily affirmations, that it will come to you, and then a bunch of women talk about how Mr. Prince Charming walked into their lives soon after.

The Law of Attraction may be true, and even though it may be, that is a small percentage of why you may be single and looking.

So the only tried and true thing I can tell you is to be yourself, because when you are in your element doing what you love, you become happy and confident, and men notice that. While you are busy being yourself, get to know the man you are dating. When he is talking about himself, listen carefully and see if he is your type of guy. Every guy is different, and get to know what makes him unique.

So that is all for now, lovelies !

Besitos !

Friday, July 22, 2011


Hello There Kittens !

I am sorry that I have been a bad bloggy friend. I am currently on vacation right now. I was in NYC, now I am leaving later today for Amsterdam for a couple of days and then Austria to visit my family.

There has been a massive heatwave here in NYC, and for the first couple of days I had no AC. Long, cold showers were my friend.

I will have to post more when I get back, but here are some things that I did........

-- Experienced the NYC bus, metro and train system....... I went to Grand Central where Sprint has the commercial of the guy doing the Flash Mob dance at the wrong time. That was all I could think about while I was there.

--Stayed in Little Italy in the Bronx, great food by the way....... Had a wonderful Italian dinner, as well as Chinese food.....

-- Went to Central Park as well as Times Square. Took lots of pictures, and I also had a NY pretzel.

-- Went to the M&Ms store in Times Square, I also had a drink at an Irish pub there. I accidentally spilled my drink on my friend, but the bartender (who was hot btw) poured me another one gratis !!!

I have to say thank you to my friend, Henry who went out of his way to make sure I had fun in NYC, and looked out for my well-being.

Anywhooters, time to get my laundry out of the dryer and think about packing for my next leg of the journey.

Besitos !!!!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

TMI Thursday Quizzy quiz....................

What's up my little kittens ?

Miss me ? I snaked this from H's blog............ If you likey, please feel free to swipe it from me.

Besitos !!

1. Which would you rather do and why?

a. yard work or house work

Yard work, I would much rather rake up leaves or mow the lawn than to clean the bathroom or do dishes. Plus I'd burn more calories in the yard, and have a greater chance of socializing.

b. hike or run

Hike, it's more peaceful, and you get to take in all the scenery. Running burns calories, but it bores me.......

c. outdoor sports or indoor sports

More outdoor, but I hate participating in team sports, so as long as the activity doesn't require a team.

d. fast food burger from the drive-thru or sit-down salad

Burger, I am not a salad type of girl.......

e. yoga or aerobics

Yoga, it is more relaxing, and helps me with my dance routines.

f. ice-cream or cake; what kind?

That's easy..... Ice cream cake ! I want to have my ice-cream cake and eat it too !

g. ice cubes or hot wax; where? why?

Hahaha, and to what are we referring ? I would have to say ........ ice cubes, because hot wax hurts like a bitch !!

h. beneath the sheets or on top?

I like to sleep under the blankets....... Oh wait, is this a sexual question ? I am a lady and I will not tell........

2. What was your favorite subject in high school/secondary school/upper school?

Let's just go straight to college, and I will tell you that I really enjoyed my Latin American Studies class, even though my teacher spoke in Spanish before I could even speak the language. How I ended up passing is still a mystery, but I did end up learning a lot.
I also enjoyed my legal classes.

3. Do you get a full 8 hours of sleep a night? Why or why not?

No, because I have poor sleeping habits........

4. What is your favorite comfort food?

Oh wow, I love mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches. If you really piss me off, I will want to eat frosting from the tub........
5. Do you match up your socks after washing and drying them, and before putting them away?

I try to.....
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Yellow, because I feel it brightens up the box. It isn't a rainbow if there isn't yellow......

Monday, July 4, 2011

A Scathing Dating Post I Wrote Weeks Ago and Forgot to Publish.................


What's Up My Litte Hummingbirds...................


So guess what? I am feeling a little feisty today, so I am gonna bitch about some things that bother me specifically and in general............

First of all, let's talk about dating. You know what bothers me ? Before I tell you, I have to add a disclaimer here that I am not a manbasher and that I am only talking about the male species because I don't date females. So all you male readers, I am not trying to alienate you, it's just that I am feeling feisty today AND...... who really wants to hear about all the nice things men have done for me ? While I like to relive those memories, it is a total snooziefest on a blog!

So here we go !
1.) A guy telling me he has a list or mentions passing a test (certain requirements women have to meet to date him), especially on our first date......... Girls have tests, lists, whatever, and that is annoying on its own. Can you imagine that for a guy? I went out on a date a while back and the guy said that I passed one of his tests, which was that I pet his dog (he had a pitbull), and that his dog liked me. Throughout the night if I said something he liked he then told me I also passed another test. Though he meant it as a compliment (and I smiled and thanked him) it was still annoying. God forbid I said the wrong thing, he was probably docking points in his head.

2.) A guy complimenting me on something that isn't seen as a compliment. Especially when it's embarrassing. For example, sometimes I have a nervous tick. You won't be able to tell if we're sitting across from each other but if I am next to you it becomes more obvious, especially on a bad day when I am really battling anxiety and trust me I am embarrassed. Anyway a guy on our first date told me "I find your twitching attractive". Seriously ? It's like saying " I love that pimple on your forehead, it adds to your appeal." Stop, asshole, you aren't fooling anyone.

It's may possibly be nice when a guy does that down the road as we get to know eachother. But for the first date ? Annoying, and does not seem genuine. 

3.) A guy asking me a bunch of questions and then telling me he likes to study psychology and observe people.  Basically, asking me questions about myself, and then taking the answers I give him and using that to "educate" me about myself. Annoying. I don't mind people watching with someone, but I don't like being on display, sitting in front of some guy while he is assessing me and then educating me about myself. Annoying !

4.) Men that are joking and text something that would normally be considered offensive, vulgar or just in poor taste and end that sentence with a ;) or a :) thinking that it makes them funny, witty or innovative.

Example: "I don't want children, but I don't mind practicing ;)"  Or.......... "I am a lesbian in a man's body :)" Oh yeah, like no one has heard that before !

5.) Men that get philosphical on their profiles or on the first date to make it appear that they are deep, when they are really trying to get deep into your pants. I do want to know what religion a man is, and maybe a few things that are most important to him. But that's really it for the first few dates. What really makes my teeth itch is when I am eating dinner and he is talking about how incredible his beliefs are and how much it changed his life, or he is almost trying to convert me. On a date with one guy, he just wanted to keep on talking about the book "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle. Basically how much it changed his life, and when I wanted to talk about something else, he told me to wait until he got done reading a passage in the book. So corny.

Another guy tried to force his Scientology beliefs on me, even taking me to a recruiting party on New Years Eve, when he told me it would be a party with his friends.


Ohh.......................... So enough bitching about little things that annoy me. Let's go onto bigger things.

So I booked a vacay abroad. Spain was one of my destinations (not anymore). One of my friends lives in Malaga and owns a mango farm with his family. Anyway, I met this guy a few years ago in a talent show for our Foreign Language Department. He did Flamenco, and I did Egyptian bellydance. We did go out once, but that ended fast because I left for Barcelona a month later.

I recently reconnected with him on Facebook and he invited me to come out and see him in Spain. He said that I could see my first real Flamenco dance. I was really excited. So I seriously considered making the trip out there. All the way to the south of Spain which is within sailing distance to Morocco.

Anyway, last week he asked if I am coming out. I asked if he would be hospitable and show me around. He said that he wouldn't go with me and see the sights because he doesn't need to, as he already lives there. He told me I could do that on my own. So I asked him what we would do together. He told me that I could help him on his mango farm, and that I would have a place to stay.

Ohhh...... rrrrrly ? So this guy wants me to travel allllll the way to the south of Spain, he won't even pick me up. He wants me to travel all the way to his mango farm so I can supply him with free labor and a license to grope me when he feels like it, and he refuses to even be hospitable and show me around ? No spank you cabron ! I would rather stay home.......

So that is all for now, I am going to go and do something useful like clean the house and walk the dog.

Besitos !

Friday, July 1, 2011

Freaking Tell Me Friday !

What's Up Loves ?

I've been gone for a while, and it's because I just haven't felt like writing lately. Oh, wells....... But I am back for now and here to do another survey because I am a total survey whore. I forgot where I yanked this from, but if you like it, please feel free to take if for yourself !

1. Everyone seems to have a quirky family situation-- what is something unique about your family dynamic?

Oh wow, where would I begin ? I have a very unique family. But for starters, we have so many cultures and religions in our family. In are family, we have Catholics, Jews, Hindus, a Wiccan......... I also have family in various parts of the world.

2. What is the most stressful aspect to blogging (aside from the network going down)?

When bloggers I love reading stop posting and just disappear. It's even more sad when bloggers pass away.

3. We all end up on a blog at some point in our day, but name your top 3 favorite websites you flock to daily (non blog)

1.) Facebook
2.) Damn You Auto Correct
3.) AOL ( to check my e-mail, don't judge !)

4. What’s your sign? Believe in it or not, does any part ring true to you?

I am a sassy Sagittarius, and I am true to my sign ! I love to travel, I am in the legal field, I am blunt and stick my foot in my mouth, and I am afraid to settle down.

5. Ice Cream!! ICE CREAM!! We all scream for icecream! Name your favorite flavor/brand!

Mint chocolate chip !

Thursday, June 16, 2011

We Want to Know Wednesday

What's Up my little Schmetterlings ? (German for butterflies)

So I was gonna write about my pet peeves in dating, but I didn't feel like posting it, so we will just have to settle for a survey instead. I snaked this one from Steve's Nude Memphis Blog. I would leave a link to his blog, but I am very lazy right now and don't feel like it. Sorry, Nude Stevo !

Anyhooters, not gonna keep you anylonger. If you want to tap into your inner survey whore, please feel free to take this and then post the answers so the rest of us voyeurs can see.

Besitos !

1.) You have been asked to give a 10 minute speech to teenage girls. What is it about?I would tell them what I wish I would've understood as a teenage girl..............

           - Life flies by so fast. Don't always believe older people when they say you have your whole life to accomplish your goals, because all you have is now. If you put off your dreams, you will end up looking back and wondering why you didn't just give yourself a chance when you had the time and no huge responsibilites.
           - I would also tell them that although they've probably grown up being told that they could do anything they set their mind to, everyone faces rejection down the road and they will too at some point. But life can be a numbers game. Sometimes you get what you want because you earned it, sometimes it's by pure happy accident, sometimes it's because you know the right person. When that doesn't happen for you and you get rejected, feel sad about it for a little bit and then move on and don't look back.

{2} Do you have a pet? Tell us about them. No pets? Why?

I don't have a pet, but I look after my friend's terrier mix, Chloe. Chloe is very special to me, and she is highly intelligent and extremely sensitive. Sometimes the best companions are not human.

{3} What is the biggest inconvenience about the place you’re currently living?
                                  The gangbangers that like to jizz out graffiti on our block. I also can't stand the creepy lurker guys in my neighborhood market.

{4} What do you think is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
                           Not marrying my ex-boyfriend, hands down. The break-up was hard for me mainly because I was so uncertain about the future, but looking back, I am thrilled I didn't move across the country to live with him. He has since remarried the woman he started seeing behind my back, and I am glad she got him. I was never in love with him, and in the end she was my way out.

{5} What are the THREE "nevers" of your life? (things you would never do or have never done)

                - I have never been on a cruise
                - I would never willingly eat eggplant
                - I have never ever been able to do the front splits, even though I used to fully be able to do the side splits as a kid.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

TMI Tuesday -- Snaked from Another Blogger.......

1. What time did you go to bed last night and were you alone?

After midnight because I worked the swing shift, and yes I was alone.

2. If you could be given ANY gift what would it be?

Happiness. To be more specific, time and money to travel comfortably, learn more languages and make global BFFs. Oh, and the gift of love.

3. What was the last film that really moved/disturbed/thrilled you and why?

Paris J'taime. I enjoyed it, as I love Paris on film, and I could relate to some of the characters. I really enjoyed my first time in Paris. Another film that moved/disturbed me was Antares, an Austrian film that had a twisted love/erotic storyline to it. I watched it because it was the only Austrian film (half of my family lives there and I wanted to relive my time there)  that I heard about, but as the storyline developed, I found it fascinating.

4. What is your favorite way to wake up and what is the first thing you do?

My favorite way to wake up is to realize that I had a deep sleep. I love waking up from a deep sleep, that I barely remember what day it is. The first thing I do is go to the loo. I don't think you need anymore details after that......
5. You’ve been granted an extra hour in the day, what are you going to do?

a. Sleep more

b. Extend a sexual interlude

c. Shop

d. Finally fit in that workout that you usually can’t make time for

Knowing myself, I would probably sleep. However, any of the above sounds good enough for me.......

BONUS: Are you in love or lust?

Neither. I've never been in love, and where are the good looking people at ? I can't remember the last time I've run into anyone I've really been attracted to. Come to think of it, I haven't even cared of anyone was attracted to me.

I do see some good looking people, don't get me wrong, but no one that I look at and think "ooh yeah......".

Oh wells........

Et vous ?

Please do tell............

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Little Senorita Updates

Hello There My Little Peacocks and Peahens,

What's up ?

I've been really lazy lately with my blog, and so I figure I owe you a couple of updates. I have noticed a couple of new readers in addition to my longtime loyal readers, and thank you all ! Besitos !! I will make my rounds, and I am always greatful to my readers. Even if I am not commenting, I am still reading your blogs.

I have been working extra lately, regular hours at the firm, and part-time doing security. I need the extra cash since I've been going to the doctors more. As you know I have TMD (tempuromandibular disorder) which is a disorder with the joint in my jaw, and for a condition that is not life threatening, it is still a huge pain in the ass, timeconsuming to treat and is very painful if left untreated. I just spent a lot of money for a new splint (insurance does not cover it) as well as physical therapy. I just bought a TENS, which is electrode therapy, which helps some. I did manage to shock myself by accidentally putting my thumb on the electrode. That was interesting.

I am also still battling my depression. It's manageable and under control, but it's still there. I can leave the house, go to work and maybe hang out with my friends and fake it, but it's still there to haunt me when I am done. You can always run away from others, you can't run away from your feelings. I am taking medication, but that is only a fraction of the solution. I also need exercise and dance. I miss dance, and since I've been consumed with work, I've spent less time dancing and I really miss it. I also miss performing. I am scared to get back out there and perform because the girls in my class are really good and you get scared that they judge, but at some point I just need to bite the bullet and do it.

Other than that, I am planning on a vacation this summer if my job permits it. In life, I work to live, and I really start living when I am traveling, and I could really use some time off.

Until next time, lovelies !!!

Besitos !!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Friday, May 6, 2011

Tell Me How you Really Feel...............

What's Up My Little Muffins ?

So today I will talk about things I like, don't like, and things that straight up bug the hell out of me.

Fads/Trends/ Popular Products I am NOT into............

iPhone, or any smartphone for that matter --- I have a Motorola Crazr that came out around 2006/2007 and since it still works, I will continue to use it. If I get a smartphone, I will have to pay at least $30 a month more for internet. No spank you, and besides, those phones are getting too big. I like my phone because it is small, and can fit into just about any handbag, or even in my bra.

Twitter-- I will just stick to my blog, I already have followers here and here I can write as much as I want to. Twitter is lucky I am not up there. I would just tweet my bathroom escapades such as every dump I've taken.

Taking pictures of myself and posting them on facebook.-- If you want to show how hot you look, then at least get someone else to take the pic for you, or get the angling right so it looks like you tried not to make it look like a self portrait. Extra douchebag points if you pose with a kissy face. Tack on twattery points to that if you also pose with gang signs or sideways peace signs in addition to your kissy face.

Ipads-- No offense but Apple can suck it. I've never taken to their products. And they are way too expensive.

Fads I am into:

Facebook-- Part of why I don't post so much up here anymore, is I am always busy harassing my FB friends. Want me to harass you too ? Add me.

Reality TV Shows-- I watch most of them : The Real Housewives Series, Mob Wives, Jersey Shore..... You're Mom's a Whore...... Just kidding, there isn't a show like that, and I would never insult your mother. Was just seeing if you were paying attention.

Starbucks- Don't judge me. I am Starbucks loyal and can't stand Peet's. My friend gave me two gift cards for Starbucks, and it was the best gift EVER !

Expensive handbags-- True, I like namebrand handbags, but I will usually score my finds from Goodwill or friends.

--Expensive Foundation for my face. Estee Lauder rules !

--Department store perfume

Trends I am starting to Shy away from..............

- Expensive undergarments. I used to buy my bras only from Victoria's Secret because they used to be the only place that had nice bras with support without making me look like a fat cow with a dangling udder problem. Lately I've been finding nice bras in my size at Target or other discount stores. AND on clearance. So peace out VS Bitches !

-- Expensive shampoo. So I used to only buy top of the line shampoos, but I don't feel like it anymore.

Political Correctness/ Trends in Society , Past and Current that I've never taken a liking to.........

-- Carb diet. Two words: FUCK THAT !!!! I have family in Europe and have lived abroad. We love our carbs over there, and I have never given them up, nor will I do so here. I ate a healthy, well balanced diet in countries like France, Austria and Spain because I also mixed up a lot of veggies in my pasta, ate bread in moderation and did a lot of activities like walking everywhere, hiking or swimming.

-- The Going Green Fad. Don't even get me started. Before this became uber popular here in the US, people in Europe were already sorting their trash, recycling and only using resources such as electricity and water that they needed and it was no big deal. I was brought up to do the same. I am more than happy to sort my trash and turn off the lights after use LIKE I HAVE ALWAYS DONE.

I am just sick of all the babying and media hype to this and how bossy people can become all in the name of "going green". My building at work won't even let us use desk heaters that go under the desk anymore. How companies proudly display that they are recycling and it's supposed to win brownie points (when it should be a given), or how companies can charge more for their products and give you less product because they are "environmentally friendly". And I usually doubt their claims and wonder how "environmentally friendly" they really are. How compostable their materials really are.

--Organic produce. Whatever. To me, fruit is fruit and same with veggies, and if I am really hard up for organic products, I will just grow them myself. But since I am lazy and don't care either way, I am happy to buy produce at the grocery store. I don't believe those bs claims that organic produce is healthier, and I really doubt that produce that is sold in mass quantities is truly "organic". To me, anything grown in the ground and picked is organic, because it comes from the earth.

--People that eat fish or chicken yet still call themselves a vegetarian. No you're not, Stop........

-- Bullying and how the media throws around the term. I am totally against bullying. It breaks my heart when I read in the paper how a child got bullied in school. I was bullied in school. It sucks. I think more should be done to combat that.

What I don't agree with is when adults loosely throw around the term, claiming they were "bullied' just because they got into an argument with another adult or were verbally confronted by a group of other people. If you watch reality TV (such as the Real Housewives) those women are notorious for abusing the term. That is lame.

Charities.... Now please hear me out, I am all for donating. I have volunteered a lot of my time, and I respect people that give. My family is full of people that have donated their time and a lot of money. That's not the problem. The problem I have with it is when people feel entitled to harass you for your money just because "it's going to a good cause."

It always annoys me when I see people on reality TV shows throwing charity parties, and trying to convince everyone they are fabulous because they are donating money, yet there is always petty drama at these "parties". It kind of takes away from the spirit of giving.

It also gets on my nerves when I see "corporate panhandling", like Safeway for example. They raise money for various causes, which tend to change sometimes and sometimes have people posted throughout the store to ask for donations, or post up the names of clerks and how much money they have raised and treat it like a competition. I remember one day they were raising money for people with special needs, and had their employees with special needs posted on each corner of the store to do the asking.

I remember shopping at Ross, and each clerk asked you to donate. And if you donated, they announced your name and said you donated to the rest of the store. How tacky is that ? What about the people that couldn't ? They knew who you were.

I don't believe that all of the money raised would be for charity anyway. Not only are there tax exemptions, but I am sure someone is getting paid a nice, hefty salary for fundraising at a corporation. How much of that money is going to the true cause ? Until I can know that percentage, no way am I parting with my money.

-- Fancy names for low paying jobs. Do you make sandwiches at Subway ? Then you are a "sandwhich artist".

Are you a receptionist ? Then you are a "lobby embassador".

I do security part time, and if you ever call me a security guard, I would have to correct you and say that I am an "officer" or a "Security Specialist". (no I wouldn't)

When I lived in the dorms in college, the janitor introduced himself as the "sanitation engineer."

I guess that due to the bad economy, the high turnover rates in these positions, and the piss poor benefits that these jobs have, the only thing that can be done for these people is to give them flashy job titles.

BONUS*** Things that annoy me about dating............

-- When men take self portraits of themselves in the mirror. Bonus douchebag points if he takes the picture in the bathroom with his shirt off.

--When men write their profiles in all caps or with such poor spelling and grammar.

--When men don't treat me like a lady and pay for my meal and claim it's because the "feminists" screwed it up for the rest of us and that us women cry that we want to be equal.
-- When men tell me about their jobs and nice material possessions, and then label me a gold-digger for asking questions after they were the ones to start the conversation. (Otherwise I don't discuss those things.)

--When men write in their profiles that they enjoy "intelligent conversation". As opposed to what ? Dumbass douchebag babble ?

If you are a man and feel like I am manhating, I am not, and since I am not dating women, I can't really write the annoying shit that women do when dating. But....... I can write annoying shit that women do in general......

Here goes..........

-Women that go to the bathroom in groups. It annoys me when I have to listen to other chicks babble in the bathroom when I am trying to piss or dump in peace.
- Women that walk right behind me (when there is other space) and wear heels that click real loud.

- The women that straighten their hair in the bathroom at work, and it really bothers me when it smells like burning hair.

Okay, that is all for now. Time for me to step off my soapbox and call it a night.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

My Dad Wanted Me to Post........

What's Up My Little Peeps ?

So what's up ? Miss me ? After I am done posting, I will be making my rounds on your bloggies because that's what bloggy friends do.......... Even though I have been reading, I've been a little lazy on the commenting. Like for example, my BFF Ashleigh's blog......

So my Old Man e-mailed me and told me to update my blog because he is tired of looking at the picture in the post below. You know, that one of the greasy dude with his open heavage or shall I say greasy moobies. So to appease him, I will post other pics......

Is it wrong that I find this hilarious ?

Is it disturbing that even though there is a huge front butt in the picture that I still think that the chocolate chip cookie looks good ?

And if you eat too many cookies, you won't just have a front butt problem. This could also become a reality.........

I mean, seriously...... What the fucking FUCK ? Look, I know that weight can creep up on you over time. I think we've all been there, and then one day you have a serious "oh Hell no" moment when looking in the mirror.

But for some people that moment never comes. Even if your BACK FAT hangs over your mom jeans. I don't think that she tied that herself, so whoever tied the strings together did her a HUGE disservice by even allowing her to walk out of the house. Or maybe that person was mad at her. I guess we will never know.

But, when life hands you lemons, you gotta make lemonade right ? Or shall I say, when life hands you an extra pair of titties (even when they are on your back like that) you gotta make an extra glass of milk ! I guess what I am trying to say, is that there is always a bright side to things. The glass CAN be half full.

Allow me to elaborate.............

1.) This woman can be some man's fantasy........ Men love boobs !! Now men can have titties in their faces at different angles. The man in front of her ? No problem ! The man behind her ? No sweat ! Definitely a crowd  pleaser.

2.) With TWO pairs of titties, now she has a greater chance of detecting breast cancer. She can get two mammograms. One from the front and one from the back. Painful ? Yes ! But better earlier detection makes it all worth it.

3.) One guy said it best. He said that this is great for a guy because now he can finally can titty-Fu** a girl while she is laying on her stomach.

So that is all for now my little babies !

Besitos !!!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011


What's Up My Little Daffodils ?

So I wanted to have a little chitty chat about weird things I saw or thought about...............

1.) The other day I was walking by the UPS Store, a place where you can rent a mail box or ship your stuff. They had an ad up that read " Your Package, Your Decision". How could that not register to the people in the marketing department ? I could just picture some douchebag guy like this turning down some larger girls saying "No Fatties ! My Package, My Decision !"

Wow.... Will you just look at that ! Ya think he remembered to lift up his moobage in the shower? Nothing more disgusting that that furry mound of old musty man flesh collecting bacteria.

2.) I picked up my eyedrops, and I learned they are called Lotemax. It is a liquid steroid to reduce the inflammation in my eyes. So if I am being a moody bitch, I can just tell them all to give me a break because MY EYES ARE ON FUCKING STERIODS, BITCHES !!

3.) On my way to Safeway, I saw some guy with a unibrow. Similar to this:

I just wanted to put a hot strip of wax between his eyes and yank it with all of my might.

Anywhoosies, enough pondering for now.

Besitos !!!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Titillating Tuesday

Well What's Up Buttercups ?

Well, today wasn't that titillating. Just had to get your attention to perk you right up ! And now I shall keep you abreast of what's been going on in my life.

Numero Uno:

My grandmother had to have a valve in her heart replaced, and not only did the operation turn out great, but the doctor and staff at the hospital were wonderful. My grandpa was quite the doting husband, and it was wonderful to see my grandma loved and taken care of and the family together. It was sweet to see them leave the hospital together. The prodecure and product is brand new, it is a trial before it hits the market, and it basically has saved my grandmother's life and I am very grateful for that. Life is not perfect, but we all have blessings in life, and this is one I will always cherish. The doctor said that grandmothers are the glue to families

2.) I have extremely dry eyes that have been bothering me for years. I finally went to the eye doc, and I was prescribed two types of eye drops, one I could only buy at the doc's office and the other that requires a prescription. The drops requiring a prescription would cost over $300 without my insurance. Can you believe that shit ? Eye drops people ! Dry eyes ! Not a fatal disease. Thankfully I only have to pay $30 with my insurance.

3.) Commercials these days are something else. You know how to tell that we as a nation are becoming a fat tub of lard ? When companies like Pepsi advertise that they are using real sugar instead of corn syrup. When real sugar is becoming the selling point, you know we are going to fat hell. I know that while I was growing up, we were taught to stay far away from sodas, sugar and candy. That they rot your teach. And now sugar is seen as a healthier option ?

Same thing with Wendy's fries. They use sea salt as a selling point. Who the eff cares ? It's salt and all that salt is still bad for you. But because it comes from the ocean it's supposed to be healthier ?

Okay, so I am off my sugar and salt box, loves ! Time to finish watching Law and Order SVU.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Scuze Moi ! Could you please move your big, fat naked ass away from my face !?!?

Well Hello There Kittens !

Miss me ?

So I've been going to the gym lately and in the gym, there is always the lockerroom.........

The women in my lockerroom like to take their sweet time in putting clothes on. They do everything else first, drying their hair, putting on makeup, taking to the person next to them, before...... God forbid they put some underpants on ! And for all you horndogs reading this and wishing that you were in my shoes, not so fast !These ladies are probably not your type.

I am not that bothered by nudity, but I do get a little peeved by seeing naked people sitting on the same benches and chairs that I sit on when tying my shoes or when I put my gymbag down. NAKED VAG ALERT !!!!

You know what else I noticed ? That somehow naked people unintentionally gravitate towards me.

The other day when I came in I noticed a do I say this....... tall, "big-boned" naked chick just taking her sweet naked time drying her hair. When I walked in, I noticed her BIG red ass, mainly because it was facing my direction when I walked in. It looked like it broke out in a little rash. But I was like, whateves......... because she was in the opposite corner from me.

So I wandered over to my bench, and proceeded to sit down. A minute later Baby Rash Ass moseys on over to my section and proceeds to gab with her friend (ALSO NAKED). I couldn't move sections because I needed a day locker, so I just had to get dressed.

So they were gabbing and giggling and I was rushing to get dressed, and then Baby Rash Ass bends down in front of me and my face was a out a foot away from her big ass ! She put everything else on and her panties were the last to go on ! Like WTF !!!!!!  What is so bad about putting on underwear ?

Anyway, I just had to let that out. Lately I've been running outside, so I can avoid the gym shennanigans.

I have a lot more to post, but I can't possibly write that in the same blog post that talks about naked butt.

Anywhoosies, I will talk to you later.

Besitos !!!!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

How Many Pervs Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb ?

What's Up My Little Tulips ?

So as you know, I live in the SF Bay Area, and the weather has been sucking hard lately. Last night, I saw some guy go through the trash across the street to take the trash bag can to use as a raincoat. And the weather will continue to blow huge whale ass like this for at least another week. No likey :(

So anywhooters, I've been doing some cleaning around the house and assembling a lamp for my room.

It's been a while since I've assembled a lamp, so I must've forgotten how dirty it can be......

Allow me to elaborate. Here are a couple of the steps from the instructions.......

-- Screw the lower tube onto the threaded nipple of the base.
-- Screw socket onto upper tube

And remember........ when it gets dirty, don't use polish, wipe it clean with a soft cloth or rag !

If you will excuse me, I have to finish screwing in the light bulb.

Tootles !

Friday, March 18, 2011

TMI Tuesday on a Friday !

What's Up My Little Chocolate Chips ?

So I have a survey that I snaked from a fellow reader. It's a little TMI, but whateves.........

Feel free to snatch it from me, after all, it wasn't mine to begin with !

TMI Tuesday questions

1. How old are you?


2. What’s your favorite color? I like blue, but no rainbow is complete without yellow

3. First car you ever had sex in? Sorry, I refuse to answer this question because my father reads this blog.

4. Favorite rated R movie? Jackass, all of them

5. Favorite flavor of Popsicle? Lime or orange

6. Banana or apple? Apple

7. Favorite Jersey shore character? Snookie or Pauly D

8. Are your nails painted and if so what color? They are painted a shiny teal.

9. Favorite animal? Currently my friend's dog, who I've been spoiling lately

10. If you could bang a Disney character who would it be? Probably Prince Eric in the Little Mermaid.

11. What time is bed time? Usually too late for my own good.

12. Do you have kids? No, I can barely remember to water my roommate's plants.

13. Last time you bought a toilet brush? Last week

15. Bubble bath or long hot shower? Long hot shower.

16. Can you speak a foreign language? Spanish and German

17. Describe yourself in 2 words? Bullshit Detector

18. How many tattoos do you have if any? None, I could never imagine myself with a butterfly trampstamp that turned into a teradactyl with old age.

19. How do you like your eggs? Poached

20. How do you get rid of a hickey… I've never had to cover one up, but what else is coverup for !

21. Favorite color to wear.  Black, it makes my ass look smaller.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Jury Duty and Smut

Hello There My Little Peeps,

How are you doing loves ?

I am gonna keep this short because I need to get to bed, but I wanna let you know that despite my strong desire to be a recluse, I have been reading some of your blogs. Please forgive me for being such a lousy blog friend. I fully intend to make my rounds soon.

Okay, so enough ass kissing, let me fill you in on the latest................

1.) Doing taxes blows. It really sucks huge whale ass and dinosaur dong. And to add insult to injury, I am getting waaaay less in my refund than last year. Uncle Sam is really bending me over without even a kiss after. :(

2.) What else........ Ah yes, today I went to pick up my mail from my old roommate's house and I got two pieces of mail. Can you guess what I got ? Anyone ?

I got a notice for jury duty and smut. Pretty nice combo, huh ? I got my jury duty notice less than a year ago, and now I got another one.

Then I got smut in a red envelope. On the return address it had "X rated pictures" and some P.O. Box, and when I opened it up, there were cheap 8x10 black and white printouts of some nasty graphic shit. There was no 800 number to call, no advertisement, so to speak, so I wondered what the reason for that was. I swear, I thought my old roommate played a prank on me so I left him with the pictures. We both did have a laugh because the people in those pics looked like the chicks in Girls Gone Wild but 30 years and 50 pounds later.

Fun times, I tell you. And now I must go to bed.

Besitos !

Monday, February 21, 2011

Why Facebook Can Be So Annoying Sometimes....

What's Up My Little Buttercups ?

So, I've been MIA lately. Been busy being totally lazy. Over the weekend I just completely vegged out in front of the TV and ate. I gained a couple of pounds :(

Then today after work, I was gonna go to the gym, buy I decided to watch The Bachelor instead. Oh wells, there is always tomorrow........

I understand that I've been MIA with your bloggies and I appologize. I will make my rounds soon.

So............... if you didn't know, I've kinda turned into a Facebook whore. I used to swear against it, but I finally jumped on the FB bandwagon.

But still it can be annoying sometimes. And here are my ten reasons why. Please feel free to chime in with your thoughts !


1.) People who like their own comments. Seriously ? Of course you like it, you wrote it ! How much more into yourself do you need to be ?

2.) People with someone else in their main picture with them whether it is a friend or significant other. I know you have people that like you or someone that loves you, but save that for the other pictures that are NOT the main profile pic.

3.) People making out with their significant other in their profile picture. Enough said, now you are just trying too hard...........

4.) People who flood their statuses with long "inspirational" quotes that aren't theirs. Really ? Save that shit for the quotation space on the "Info" section. If I want to be profoundly moved by something the Dali Lama said, I will read his book.

5.) Status Chains that tell you to pass it along or else you will have bad luck for the next 8 years............. I will take my chances.

6.) People that post pictures of their dinner. Steak usually looks all the same in a small facebook update, so please spare me.

7.) Political or religious rants. Seriously, please just stop. I don't want to hear about OMG, Jesus is so great and how you are feeling the Lord! Or about how you feel about abortion or illegal immigration. I will admit that if someone posts a heated rant that I agree with, I don't mind. But most of my friends on Facebook have different viewpoints than I do and while I don't mind discussing views once in a while in person with someone, Facebook is not the place for heated political debates.

8.) Getting hit up for money, whether it is being invited to a Mary Kay party, or some "charity".  Do you know how often we all get hit up for money ? In addition to all the bills and taxes we pay, we are always getting mobbed by advertisements, people at traffic lights, people in front of the store, and the cashier asking you to donate to the store's charity, which I usually doubt they donate most of the money they collect to the cause.

So you can probably understand that the last place I want to be mobbed is by my friends

9.) People asking me to "like" whatever they are peddling, such as their business or favorite store. I usually do because it's no effort and they are my friends, but it still annoys the shit out of me. Please like my stuff, please tell me how fabulous I am so others will believe it ! I don't like to ask people to like something, I don't like to ask for compliments, and I hate that it's become okay do do so on Facebook.

10.) Invites to farmville.

So what about you, loves ?

Do share !

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Senorita's Siete

What's Up My Little Doves ?

1.) I almost got run over today by a tow truck while crossing the road. The light turned green for me to cross the road, and the douchelord behind the wheel saw me cross and stayed put to let me pass. Then as I was walking through, he started driving and as I was getting closer to the other side, so did he and he wasn't slowing down and nearly clipped me. Had I not jumped out of the way, he would've hit me. And everyone across the street got to witness the foolery. As he was driving me away, he looked at me like I was crazy. Unbelievable.

2.) Today I got together with the girls in my dance troupe and we worked on sewing costumes. I can't sew for shit, and my only task was to sew velvet over my bra. Total fail. I kept sticking myself with pins, and the bra looks like something a 5 year old would put together. However, after trying it on, I realized that it would be okay in the end because half of it will be under a vest. Not bad for first try.

3.) I fell of the workout bandwagon for the past week and I totally feel it. I attempted the gym for a half hour today and it was rougher than normal. Oh well, I will have to try again tomorrow.

4.) Last week I spent a lot of money on Estee Lauder products. I usually buy drugstore makeup, but I will splurge on foundation or brushes.

5.) I love collecting luxury handbags. I have scored a free Gucci bag from a friend, a cheap Coach bag from a second hand shop among a few others. I am always on the lookout.

6.) I can't wait to watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion tonight

7.) I desperately need a vacation.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Back for a Min..................

Aloha My Bitches !

Miss Me ?

So how are you loves ?????

As you know I moved last week. I am still not completely unpacked. But I am slowly getting used to the new place. I love it a lot more than my old one, that is for sure.

I live in the SF Bay Area and we had the most incredible weather ever over the weekend. On Saturday after bellydance, I just sat at an outside cafe, ate a crepe, drank a latte and the mosied on over to get a manicure and pedicure. I know, such a hard life, right ? It was very relaxing, and I just enjoyed the moment.

And by the way, my fingernails and toenails look hot ! Love the color.

What else.................. Well, a lot has been going on which is why I haven't stopped by to post lately, but I will try to post more. Now time to read your stuff and tell you how fabulous you are !

Besitos !

Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Senorita Seven

What's Up My Little Muffins ?

1.) It's my last weekend here at my place before I move out on Monday.

2.) I've gotten rid of so much stuff, and it's very therapeutic. I've been hanging on to stuff from the past way too long. Old letters from friends. Old birthday cards from people. I guess I felt a need to hold onto it because I am afraid of being alone. At least if I am alone now and in the future, I can look back and see that someone cared. But I've realized that you need to sometimes get rid of things to welcome new relationships and experiences in your life.

3.) Remember that douchelord I blogged about a couple of weeks back ? Well, he texted me yesterday, wondering if I wanted to "catch up". I told him I was too busy moving. He can go catch up with his penis for all I care.

4.) I am currently reading "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle. Expect a book review soon.

5.) I just ate Chef Boyardee raviolis, and it's been so long since I've done that. It was delish !

6.) It turns out that I am not the only one moving in my building. I ran into a guy I would have random conversations with that lives three floors below me. I hadn't seen him in months, but we ran into each other in the elevator while we were both hauling our respective shit. He's moving out because he got a new puppy and I'm moving because my roommate is getting married. It's so interesting how life changes so fast. I was in such a different place when I moved in last year.

7.) This year has certainly gotten off to an interesting start. Last year I ventured out of my comfort zone and a lot happened for me. I got hired, I traveled, I made new friends.

However, this year is the year I am dealing with all of the emotional issues I've tried to ignore for years. I decided that I was going to a lot of self-reflecting and deal with the past, and it hopefully get it right this time. And once you open that can, it can whoop your ass.

8.) BONUS: I wish I could write about these issues and my childhood and just how not normal of a childhood I had. Maybe one day.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sex Tips

So What's Up My Little Love Muffins ?

So I told you that this year I would give reviews on things. Last blog post I reviewed a tarot card reading. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, who really cares about a card reading when I could be talking about sex moves ?

Who wants to know about reading cards when you could learn about sex?

Need some help in the sack ?

Senorita's got your back !

Two people with expertise here. The first guy was kind of experimenting here, but the second guy traveled all the way to India and knows all of the right moves.

What if you want to spice things up and add another partner ? No problem !

Namaste !

Friday, January 21, 2011

It may come true, or you may just your ass kicked.

What's Up My Little Bananna Splits ?

So I've been spacing in and out of blogland, but I am back. Or at least for now. Thank you for all your well wishes ! It means a lot that you care.

So here in my blog, I write about whatever the hell I feel like. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's serious. This year I would like to do more reviews on things, like books, products, experiences.......

So here goes.........

Today I will be reviewing Tarot Card Readings. I do get flamed by some for getting them,. but whatever. I don't just randomly chose the reader. I get referrals from people I trust and that is how I make my decision.

I've seen the same person for the past few years. I trust the person who referred me, and the reader did a great read for the person who referred me. I got my first reading from her in 2007, and she got me through a really difficult time and most of the things she said came true.

So last year in January (2010)I got another reading. One of the things she kept mentioning was that there would be a new man in my life that year. Maybe not the first guy I drew in, but definitely the man I would spend the rest of my life with. She described him as olive-skinned, he was a writer for his job but did something else as his career, had a heart of gold, looooved to travel........

So the first half of the year passed and I met no men whatsoever. I did meet someone during the summer, but he lived too far away. I met another guy on Halloween, and we saw eachother for a couple of months, but I eventually broke it off  in December because I was not really into him. It was hard to do, but I did it.

Once I resigned myself to the fact that 2010 would be another year passing me by with no one special and felt confident about the next year, I got an e-mail from a guy from a travel website that I am a part of.

This guy just moved to my area and wanted to know if I would like to meet up with him to learn how to play shuffleboard or go salsa/merengue dancing. I looked at his profile and loved reading about all of the things he had done. Then he added me on Facebook, and I saw all of his travel pictures and read about his

I really loved his pictures and his profile and he was handsome. Not the stereotypical handsome, but my specific type of handsome. This guy traveled all over the world, and did things I would only dream about. He was into volunteering, he had wonderful references on his travel site from people about what an excellent host he was, he seemed to have an upbeat personality. He was also a writer, but has a law degree and recently stopped practicing. On paper he was everything I was looking for.

Then it clicked.

That must be the guy ! So I figured, I would give him a chance. I haven't met any men I've been remotely attracted to in a few years anyway and I was really attracted to this guy and felt we had a lot in common.

He contacted me in the middle of December and in the beginning he seemed eager to meet, was polite. I gave him my number and told him to call me.

He never called me. And I wasn't going to call him either.

We did meet up, about a month after he first wrote me, but he never called but he would message me and say that he was busy but would keep in touch, and that he was excited to see me and looked forward to getting to know me in the new year.

 We finally met a week and a half ago. He contacted me through Facebook and he invited me to have drinks at a bar. Originally he was excited about teaching me how to play shuffleboard and going dancing ( love going dancing) but when we met, he just wanted to drink.

He invited me to one of the cheapest bars in town. I read the reviews, and they had the nastiest bathroom in town, apparently. I decided to just go with the flow and have a drink. While we were talking, he would ask me questions like: Why do you have a gap in your tooth ? Why do you blink your eyes a lot ? And when I told him why, he didn't believe me and questioned me further. He was very polite about how he asked me, so I didn't mind it so much ( I am not to self conscious about those things anyway), but still...... awkward !

He was also about 20-30 minutes late. I texted him what time I would be there and he still was late.

After I told him I didn't really like to drink, we went to the hookah lounge, but he complained about not having enough money and told me to chose the cheaper option.

He was agressive in making moves on me. When I pulled away he started asking what it was about ?

Basically, this guy was a total jerk, and the date ended in the most awkward way ever.

So yeah, I got my ass kicked.

But would I get another reading from that woman ? Yes.

She gave me information, the information I was meant to know. That man was a total dillhole, but he was a man I very much needed to meet. I can't really explain it without getting into details I don't really want to discuss, but I will tell you this..... While I was upset, and although I hope I never run into him again, I am so glad I met him. And I am glad it's over.

He acted as a mirror I needed. After that "date" (it really wasn't) I suddenly realized all of the dating mistakes I've been making and it all became so clear to me how to deal with the next one. And I am glad I learned my lesson on someone that was never serious to begin with. And c'mon, he had the same name as my ex, so that should have been a clue.

When I was looking through all of his travel pictures before we met, he reawakened my passion to get out and travel to other countries besides the ones in Europe, to go see the world, to live life in the moment. And even though he was definitely not dating material for me, at least I knew that there were still men in the world that I am attracted to. That men that I am looking for do exist. It is so frustrating to go out in the world and not feel any attraction out there. For the past four years, I feel like I've been living in a bubble. So at least, I know that there are dudes out there I am attracted to.

So while he is out of the picture, my desire to be more adventurous and give love another try isn't.

I firmly believe that if you are looking for information, you will get information, and it may not be what you are looking for. But it doesn't mean it isn't useful.

Also, truthfully, if I am going to meet someone special, I wouldn't want to know when anyway. And I really think that the man above or "the universe" or whatever verbiage you want to insert, knows that. I don't want to know. I want it to be a surprise.

So that is my review. Take it for what it's worth.