Saturday, April 30, 2011

My Dad Wanted Me to Post........

What's Up My Little Peeps ?

So what's up ? Miss me ? After I am done posting, I will be making my rounds on your bloggies because that's what bloggy friends do.......... Even though I have been reading, I've been a little lazy on the commenting. Like for example, my BFF Ashleigh's blog......

So my Old Man e-mailed me and told me to update my blog because he is tired of looking at the picture in the post below. You know, that one of the greasy dude with his open heavage or shall I say greasy moobies. So to appease him, I will post other pics......

Is it wrong that I find this hilarious ?

Is it disturbing that even though there is a huge front butt in the picture that I still think that the chocolate chip cookie looks good ?

And if you eat too many cookies, you won't just have a front butt problem. This could also become a reality.........

I mean, seriously...... What the fucking FUCK ? Look, I know that weight can creep up on you over time. I think we've all been there, and then one day you have a serious "oh Hell no" moment when looking in the mirror.

But for some people that moment never comes. Even if your BACK FAT hangs over your mom jeans. I don't think that she tied that herself, so whoever tied the strings together did her a HUGE disservice by even allowing her to walk out of the house. Or maybe that person was mad at her. I guess we will never know.

But, when life hands you lemons, you gotta make lemonade right ? Or shall I say, when life hands you an extra pair of titties (even when they are on your back like that) you gotta make an extra glass of milk ! I guess what I am trying to say, is that there is always a bright side to things. The glass CAN be half full.

Allow me to elaborate.............

1.) This woman can be some man's fantasy........ Men love boobs !! Now men can have titties in their faces at different angles. The man in front of her ? No problem ! The man behind her ? No sweat ! Definitely a crowd  pleaser.

2.) With TWO pairs of titties, now she has a greater chance of detecting breast cancer. She can get two mammograms. One from the front and one from the back. Painful ? Yes ! But better earlier detection makes it all worth it.

3.) One guy said it best. He said that this is great for a guy because now he can finally can titty-Fu** a girl while she is laying on her stomach.

So that is all for now my little babies !

Besitos !!!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011


What's Up My Little Daffodils ?

So I wanted to have a little chitty chat about weird things I saw or thought about...............

1.) The other day I was walking by the UPS Store, a place where you can rent a mail box or ship your stuff. They had an ad up that read " Your Package, Your Decision". How could that not register to the people in the marketing department ? I could just picture some douchebag guy like this turning down some larger girls saying "No Fatties ! My Package, My Decision !"

Wow.... Will you just look at that ! Ya think he remembered to lift up his moobage in the shower? Nothing more disgusting that that furry mound of old musty man flesh collecting bacteria.

2.) I picked up my eyedrops, and I learned they are called Lotemax. It is a liquid steroid to reduce the inflammation in my eyes. So if I am being a moody bitch, I can just tell them all to give me a break because MY EYES ARE ON FUCKING STERIODS, BITCHES !!

3.) On my way to Safeway, I saw some guy with a unibrow. Similar to this:

I just wanted to put a hot strip of wax between his eyes and yank it with all of my might.

Anywhoosies, enough pondering for now.

Besitos !!!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Titillating Tuesday

Well What's Up Buttercups ?

Well, today wasn't that titillating. Just had to get your attention to perk you right up ! And now I shall keep you abreast of what's been going on in my life.

Numero Uno:

My grandmother had to have a valve in her heart replaced, and not only did the operation turn out great, but the doctor and staff at the hospital were wonderful. My grandpa was quite the doting husband, and it was wonderful to see my grandma loved and taken care of and the family together. It was sweet to see them leave the hospital together. The prodecure and product is brand new, it is a trial before it hits the market, and it basically has saved my grandmother's life and I am very grateful for that. Life is not perfect, but we all have blessings in life, and this is one I will always cherish. The doctor said that grandmothers are the glue to families

2.) I have extremely dry eyes that have been bothering me for years. I finally went to the eye doc, and I was prescribed two types of eye drops, one I could only buy at the doc's office and the other that requires a prescription. The drops requiring a prescription would cost over $300 without my insurance. Can you believe that shit ? Eye drops people ! Dry eyes ! Not a fatal disease. Thankfully I only have to pay $30 with my insurance.

3.) Commercials these days are something else. You know how to tell that we as a nation are becoming a fat tub of lard ? When companies like Pepsi advertise that they are using real sugar instead of corn syrup. When real sugar is becoming the selling point, you know we are going to fat hell. I know that while I was growing up, we were taught to stay far away from sodas, sugar and candy. That they rot your teach. And now sugar is seen as a healthier option ?

Same thing with Wendy's fries. They use sea salt as a selling point. Who the eff cares ? It's salt and all that salt is still bad for you. But because it comes from the ocean it's supposed to be healthier ?

Okay, so I am off my sugar and salt box, loves ! Time to finish watching Law and Order SVU.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Scuze Moi ! Could you please move your big, fat naked ass away from my face !?!?

Well Hello There Kittens !

Miss me ?

So I've been going to the gym lately and in the gym, there is always the lockerroom.........

The women in my lockerroom like to take their sweet time in putting clothes on. They do everything else first, drying their hair, putting on makeup, taking to the person next to them, before...... God forbid they put some underpants on ! And for all you horndogs reading this and wishing that you were in my shoes, not so fast !These ladies are probably not your type.

I am not that bothered by nudity, but I do get a little peeved by seeing naked people sitting on the same benches and chairs that I sit on when tying my shoes or when I put my gymbag down. NAKED VAG ALERT !!!!

You know what else I noticed ? That somehow naked people unintentionally gravitate towards me.

The other day when I came in I noticed a do I say this....... tall, "big-boned" naked chick just taking her sweet naked time drying her hair. When I walked in, I noticed her BIG red ass, mainly because it was facing my direction when I walked in. It looked like it broke out in a little rash. But I was like, whateves......... because she was in the opposite corner from me.

So I wandered over to my bench, and proceeded to sit down. A minute later Baby Rash Ass moseys on over to my section and proceeds to gab with her friend (ALSO NAKED). I couldn't move sections because I needed a day locker, so I just had to get dressed.

So they were gabbing and giggling and I was rushing to get dressed, and then Baby Rash Ass bends down in front of me and my face was a out a foot away from her big ass ! She put everything else on and her panties were the last to go on ! Like WTF !!!!!!  What is so bad about putting on underwear ?

Anyway, I just had to let that out. Lately I've been running outside, so I can avoid the gym shennanigans.

I have a lot more to post, but I can't possibly write that in the same blog post that talks about naked butt.

Anywhoosies, I will talk to you later.

Besitos !!!!