Saturday, May 30, 2015

If I could be a survey whore .....................

If you could…

  1. Travel anywhere, where would it be? MIDDLE EAST, LATIN AMERICA TO BE VAGUELY HONEST
  2. Meet anyone, who would it be? PITBULL
  3. Bring anyone dead back to life, who would it be? MY OMA
  4. Be anyone for a day, who would it be? SOFIA VERGARA
  5. Get anything for free for the rest of your life what would it be? RENT ? MORTGAGE ?
  6. Change one thing about your life what would it be? MY THINKING
  7. Have any superpower what would it be? I WOULD FLY (LIKE A BIRD)
  8. Be any animal for a day which would you be? A HOUSE CAT
  9. Date anyone who would it be? ANTONIO BANDERAS DURING HIS DESPERADO DAYS
  10. Change one thing about the world what would it be? NO WAR
  11. Live in any fictional universe which would you choose? SORRY, I LIVE IN REALITY AND CHOOSE TO STAY HERE
  12. Eliminate one of your human needs which would you get rid of? GOING TO THE BATHROOM
  13. Change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be? I WOULD LOSE A FEW POUNDS
  14. Change one of your personality traits which would you choose? I WOULD BE MORE OUTGOING
  15. Be talented at anything instantly what would you choose? BALLET/ OR MUSICIAN
  16. Forget one event in your life which would you choose? I WOULD ERADICATE MY TEENAGED YEARS
  17. Erase an event from history (make it so it never happened) which would you choose? WHERE WOULD I EVEN BEGIN ? HOW ABOUT WORLD WAR II ? 
  18. Have any hair/eye/skin color, which would you choose? I LIKE WHAT I HAVE
  19. Be any weight/body type, which would you choose? I LIKE MY SHAPE, I JUST NEED TO LOSE A FEW BOUNDS
  20. Live in any country/city, where would you choose? I WOULD GIVE VARIOUS COUNTRIES IN EUROPE A TRY
  22. Be any height, which would you choose? I WOULD BE A FEW INCHES TALLER FOR SURE
  23. Have any job in the world, which would you choose? I WOULD LOVE TO BE AN AMBASSADOR OR WORK FOR THE FOREIGN SERVICE
  24. Have anything appear in your pocket right now, what would it be? A CHECK FOR AN OBSCENE AMOUNT OF MONEY ? NO ? OKAY, I WILL SETTLE FOR A DOLLAR OR A STICK OF GUM.........

Saturday Laziness

Well Bonjour My Little Buttercups !

How art thou ? Did you all have a lovely week ? I have been dogsitting a very cute dog for the last week and a half named Tico (pronounced Chico, because his owner is Brazilian). Tico loves to play, but has destroyed all of his toys. I bought him a few toys, but they didn't last more than a few hours.

How can you resist that face ?

So what else ?

I am slowly catching up and making the blogrounds, but I see that over half of the people I used to follow has stopped blogging.  It makes me a little sad, but life does go on ! After all, I was gone for a year and wasn't sure if I was gonna come back and blog. I am glad I did. I am happy to see those of you that are still here, and meeting new readers !

I always think about what I am gonna write, and then when I finally sit down to blog, it's like I have constipation of my mind. I am blogstipated...................

I will just talk about five things to get rid of my brain fart:

1) I slept until 2 p.m. this afternoon, and so did the dog. It was glorious, then I had coffee. This is what weekends are about. Tico likes to put his hind legs and butt in the general vicinity of my face to greet me when I awake. Isn't he so sweet and thoughtful ?

2) I was thinking about my life in the past couple of years, and it is funny how much I have changed. I have changed most about my opinions about life, it's crazy.

3) Speaking of which, I had this crazy notion back in my twenties that I had an idea of how life works. Now I am approaching my mid-thirties and all I can think is what the hell was I thinking, and how do we really know anything ? I feel like I don't know anything, I am re-learning life. I think having depression and anxiety has really thrown a monkey-wrench into everything. Blogging really does help with looking back and getting some perspective.

But I also think sometimes that when we are young, our over-confidence and delusions help us power through life. It gives us confidence to power through life, because it never gets easier and we do need all the help we can get. We need to bite off more than we can chew sometimes and learn a few things.

4) I have had this blog since December of 2003. It's funny to look back at some of these posts and wonder what the hell I was thinking ? A couple of years ago I found my old written journals from 1998 and 1999. I was so ashamed,  I think may have burned them. I still don't regret the decision.

5) I grew up in a cult and never really discussed it on this blog, but I think I should. It is still a taboo in society that really no one understands. It's really the extreme cases that make it on television. The Duggars, the scientologists, Warren Jeff....... It's like you have to get raped and have some leader's baby, or barely escape with your life to make it on television. Or get starved. None of that happened to me, but what did happen still defies all the confines of logic and reasoning. And it should be discussed.

The best way to manipulate someone is to control them mentally and leave no physical scars. This takes time, but once you are able to control someone's mind and convince them that your delusions are their dreams that they think they thought of, you are unstoppable as a leader. And if that person wakes up and starts acting against you out of rightful anger, you can calmly sit back and call the other person crazy. Of course you react as a maniac in private, but publicly you grab your followers, and you all call the defector "crazy" and that you wish they would get the help they need and "pray for them."

Okay, that is all for now.

Besitos :)


Saturday, May 23, 2015

Survey I took in in July 2008 with the answers from back then and today (in red)

1.  Your First Name and Where do you Live?
My name is Senorita and I live in the Bay Area, California
Senorita-- Somewhere in South Florida
2.  Children/Grandchildren?
No and No
 No and No
3.  Planning a Summer Vacation? 
No, but I am planning a long travel excursion with my friend, Henry in a year or two.
 Possibly, not entirely sure.......
4.  Occupation?
5.  Have you ever had a miracle happen to you? 
If so, tell us about it.
My Oma who passed away in 2006 has been showing herself to me in various ways since she died.

Same as above, and I walked away from a horrible car accident once without a single scratch.
6.  Your favorite TV show.
Law and Order SVU
7.  If you had one wish that would come true,
what would it be & why?
I have two wishes:
1. To have my fabulous career
2. To find true love
         Same but I would like to completely eliminate my depression
8.  Do you have a hobby and if so, tell us about it?
                               Same and blogging
9.  Do you go to casino & if so,
what is the biggest amount you have won?
I don't believe in casinos
                                   I still don't.
10. What is your most prized possession?
My Oma's things that I inherited, my sword for dance and my competition grade ice skates
11. What is your most memorable vacation?
The time I lived in Barcelona for a whole year
My trips to Paris
12. Are you afraid to Fly?
Give me wings first, then we can discuss the flying part
 I went skydiving in 2010 and it scared the piss out of me.

13. What is your biggest fear in life?
To be where I am now when I am in my thirties and forties
                           What's funny is that my biggest fear then came true, lol. It's not so bad and things are getting better.
14. What kind of car do u drive
& what kind do u wish u drove?
I drive a 2004 Nissan Sentra. I wish drove a Prius so that I could save on some gas
Why the hell did I want to drive a Prius ? My Sentra crapped out and left me stranded in the middle of nowhere in 100 degree weather. I now have a little Fiat.
15. Will you be voting in Nov. &
are u a decided voter
<u dont have to tell us who>?
I still am not decided on which party I should belong to. And I am still deciding on a candidate.
I didn't vote in the last Florida election because I barely knew the candidates and their stances.
16. Do you do any volunteer work,
if so for what charity?
Up until this year I volunteered for Community Legal Services in East Palo Alto. We helped undocumented people facing abuse get legal status. Very rewarding work.
When I first got to Florida I started volunteering with Dade Legal Aid, which did pro-bono work for the poor. It really sucks when you are poor, need a lawyer and are stuck on a mile long waiting list.
17. What is your fav kind of food?
I love Spanish food, Catalan food, Korean food......
                             I still love these things
18. What is your most memorable childhood memory?
The time I lived in Austria when I was 10 with my aunt, uncle and cousins.
19. What do you enjoy receiving the most on The List?
On the List??
What list?
20. Anything else you want to share with us?
I am a total survey whore........
                             And I still am
21. If you have a pic of yourself,
please insert it here..
Look to the left of my journal and you shall have a glimpse of moi !!
                    If you don't see it on my blog, add me on Le Facebook !

Eff Me Friday................ UNPUBLISHED DRAFT FROM OCT 2009

Hello My Little Raspberry Truffles,

So today is Saturday, but I want to talk about yesterday, Friday where I missed taking my dose of Fukitol.

I was so sore from yoga that I was literally waddling my way around at work today, and today was the day that I had to lock every office door (a couple hundred of them) and check every lab.

I've also been sick, and recently acquired allergies. I've been sneezing, sniffling and tearing up.

I've blown my nose so hard my nose and lips are dry.

So at work, I asked the janitor if she had lotion, and she gave me her white lotion.

I rubbed a little of it on my nose and over my upper lip.

When I talked to my boss, him and my coworker were giving me dirty grins but wouldn't tell me specifically why. I went into the bathroom, and it looked like I had a little drop of naughty naughty on my face.

The last thing I wanted: Waddling around sneezing with white glob on my face.

Open Yoga Letters--- UNPUBLISHED DRAFT from 2009

Dear Mr. Hotness.............

So I was sitting on my yoga mat, waiting for the instructor to show up. You know how it is, yoga class at the gym....... it's usually a clamfest with a hint of old sausage.

And then you showed up. Nice, fit man with nice pectorals. Now I know that you work out, and I am willing to bet that you eat your leafy greens and take your vitamins. Now you are opening your chakras. Good for you !

It is so rare that men show up to a yoga class, let alone a good looking man. Last week, there was this wannabe thug-looking guy who came to the class and could barely hold a pose. But that didn't really count.

Anyway, yes, I was totally staring at you, trying to be sly about it. No, I do not care if you saw me. I am shy and would never have worked up the nerve to talk to you anyway. So I was enjoying the view, and admiring your nice broad shoulders, and moving down your arms until.............. BAM !!! I saw a thick gold wedding band. It's like you smacked me with that gold band. Next time, why don't you just aim for the heart ?

Would you please go do the downward dog in someone else's class ? I don't want to be distracted when I should be focusing on my breathing and thinking pure thoughts.


The girl three mats over.

Dear woman in the wrong yoga pants,

Hi, I don't know your name, but that's not really relevant. You won't want to know mine after I am done enlightening you.

So I was just getting ready for class when you walked in. First of all, you are a thin woman and those pants you have on make you look kinda flabby, when you really aren't.

Also, they hug your body in the wrong places. Those pants have a knack for making you look flabby while giving you a huge camel toe. I didn't know that such a thing was possible.

And no, I was not staring at you. You were a sight that just could not be avoided. Please keep in mind that when I looked up you were walking in my general direction AND........ the whole room is surrounded by mirrors. So we were all treated to different angles of what you were displaying.

Just an FYI..........


Dear yoga instructors,

Keep up the great work ! Thank you for not making us do the Crow.

Namaste !


Hello My Little Marshmallows,

I did a couple of interesting things this weekend. For starters I practiced dance, which was therapy for my soul. I have a performance coming up next month. While I have no idea what song I will dance to, or what moves to do, I at least got out there and practiced for two hours at the gym. I got to use the workout studio. People look at me wierd because I carry my dance sword, but I don't care.

While I was cleaning out my old letters and journals I came across a letter that I wrote myself after I broke up with my lastest ex-boyfriend. His was my first break-up, something I never experiened as a teen, since I didn't date until I was in college. Anyway, I wrote out all the reason I felt like it would never work out, why breaking up was a good thing, and why I was heartbroken in the relationship. I filled the paper front to back and put it away.

I found it and read over it a couple of weeks ago and couldn't believe how unhappy I was and how I couldn't see past the feeling of heartbreak. Sometimes when you're overcome with emotions you can't see things objectively.

So I finally burned the sheet of paper this weekend. No more hard feelings, no more of that lingering in my past. I burned it over the toilet and flushed it down.

I also found my $2 bills that I used to collect while waitressing. To me they signified good luck. I currently keep them in my personal journal. But I don't know if I should hold on to them or spend them. My customers would tip me with them, and I never wanted to spend them. I know that they are still circulated, but I just did not want to spend them.

Bellydance Post Pics from March 2010-- Taken by the fabulous Michael Baxter

The Latest............ UNPUBLISHED POST WRITTEN IN Jan 2011

What's Up My Little Blueberry Pancakes ?

How are you doing, loves ? Having a nice weekend ?

My thoughts are scattered, so I will discuss the latest in list form.....

1.) This is my last weekend, my last hurrah here at my old place before I move into the new one on Monday. I always get a little anxious moving into a new place.

2.) I am currently reading "The Power of Now". I got introduced to that book by the most awkward date ever with someone I initially really liked. I blogged about a couple of weeks. If you don't know, you can catch up here. I truly believe I was meant to meet that guy. I've been making the same dating mistakes over and over, without realizing it and when I made them on him, I finally realized what I've been doing all this time.

That guy, although he turned out to be a royal douchelord to the tenth power, came with lessons that I really needed to learn. So glad we met, so glad I learned my lesson, so glad he is out of my life now.

3.) I have mixed feelings about "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle. I have made it through the first few chapters. The heart of what he is trying to say is really good so far. Basically, he is talking about living in the moment and describes how you can do that.

Some problems I have with the book...........

-I am uncomfortable when authors try to lump deities like Buddha and Jesus together in a paragraph or interchange them. It's a subject that I think should be treaded on lightly. New Age leaders that cherrypick from religions and take what they want and form their own thoughts and then have followers make me very nervous. It's a breeding ground for cults.

- Tolle (author) claimed that he was miserable to the point of suicide and claimed that he heard a voice, inner voice or whatever tell him to live in the now near his thirtieth bday. And so he did. I don't think it went down like that. I don't think he came to all the realizations he talked about in the book all by himself. I think he had help from other sources that he did not properly cite. I think he sounds a little like a cult leader. ( I was raised in one, I should know.)

-His tone of voice comes across as Master/Grasshopper. He really dumbs down the concepts and makes the readers feel so simple. At least that was how I felt.

HOWEVER, I will keep on reading because at the end of the day, the message is clear, it's a message that although I don't like the package it came in, the concept is an excellent one. I have been carrying the past with me for so long, that I haven't made room for living in the present moment. And at the end of the day, this is just a book, I am not interested in meeting Tolle or following him.

There you have it.

Besitos !



What's Up My Little Easter Eggs ?

Fads/Trends/ Popular Products I am NOT into............

iPhone, or any smartphone for that matter --- I have a Motorola Crazr that came out around 2006/2007 and since it still works, I will continue to use it. If I get a smartphone, I will have to pay at least $30 a month more for internet. No spank you, and besides, those phones are getting too big. I like my phone because it is small, and can fit into just about any handbag, or even in my bra.

Twitter-- I will just stick to my blog, I already have followers here and here I can write as much as I want to. Twitter is lucky I am not up there. I would just tweet my bathroom escapades such as every dump I've taken.

Taking pictures of myself and posting them on facebook.-- If you want to show how hot you look, then at least get someone else to take the pic for you, or get the angling right so it looks like you tried not to make it look like a self portrait. Extra douchebag points if you pose with a kissy face. Tack on twattery points to that if you also pose with gang signs or sideways peace signs in addition to your kissy face.

Ipads-- No offense but Apple can suck it. I've never taken to their products. And they are way too expensive.

Fads I am into:

Facebook-- Part of why I don't post so much up here anymore, is I am always busy harassing my FB friends. Want me to harass you too ? Add me.

Reality TV Shows-- I watch most of them : The Real Housewives Series, Mob Wives, Jersey Shore..... You're Mom's a Whore...... Just kidding, there isn't a show like that, and I would never insult your mother. Was just seeing if you were paying attention.

Starbucks- Don't judge me. I am Starbucks loyal and can't stand Peet's. My friend gave me two gift cards for Starbucks, and it was the best gift EVER !

Expensive handbags-- True, I like namebrand handbags, but I will usually score my finds from Goodwill or friends.

--Expensive Foundation for my face. Estee Lauder rules !

--Department store perfume

Trends I am starting to Shy away from..............

- Expensive undergarments. I used to buy my bras only from Victoria's Secret because they used to be the only place that had nice bras with support without making me look like a fat cow with a dangling udder problem. Lately I've been finding nice bras in my size at Target or other discount stores. AND on clearance. So peace out VS Bitches !!

-- Expensive shampoo. So I used to only buy top of the line shampoos, but I don't feel like it anymore.

Political Correctness/ Trends in Society , Past and Current that I've never taken a liking to.........

-- Carb diet. Two words: FUCK THAT !!!! I have family in Europe and have lived abroad. We love our carbs over there, and I have never given them up, nor will I do so here. I ate a healthy, well balanced diet in countries like France, Austria and Spain because I also mixed up a lot of veggies in my pasta, ate bread in moderation and did a lot of activities like walking everywhere, hiking or swimming.

-- The Going Green Fad. Don't even get me started. Before this became uber popular here in the US, people in Europe were already sorting their trash, recycling and only using resources such as electricity and water that they needed and it was no big deal. I was brought up to do the same. I am more than happy to sort my trash and turn off the lights after use LIKE I HAVE ALWAYS DONE.

I am just sick of all the babying and media hype to this and how bossy people can become all in the name of "going green". My building at work won't even let us use desk heaters that go under the desk anymore.  How companies proudly display that they are recycling and it's supposed to win brownie points (when it should be a given), or how companies can charge more for their products and give you less product because they are "environmentally friendly". And I usually doubt their claims and wonder how "environmentally friendly" they really are. How compostable their materials really are.

--Organic produce. Whatever. To me, fruit is fruit and same with veggies, and if I am really hard up for organic products, I will just grow them myself. But since I am lazy and don't care either way, I am happy to buy produce at the grocery store. I don't believe those bs claims that organic produce is healthier, and I really doubt that produce that is sold in mass quantities is truly "organic". To me, anything grown in the ground and picked is organic, because it comes from the earth.

--People that eat fish or chicken yet still call themselves a vegetarian. No you're not, Stop........

-- Bullying and how the media throws around the term. I am totally against bullying. It breaks my heart when I read in the paper how a child got bullied in school. I was bullied in school. It sucks. I think more should be done to combat that.

What I don't agree with is when adults loosely throw around the term, claiming they were "bullied' just because they got into an argument with another adult or were verbally confronted by a group of other people. If you watch reality TV (such as the Real Housewives) those women are notorious for abusing the term. That is lame.

Charities.... Now please hear me out, I am all for donating. I have volunteered a lot of my time, and I respect people that give. My family is full of people that have donated their time and a lot of money. That's not the problem. The problem I have with it is when people feel entitled to harass you for your money just because "it's going to a good cause."

It always annoys me when I see people on reality TV shows throwing charity parties, and trying to convince everyone they are fabulous because they are donating money, yet there is always petty drama at these "parties". It kind of takes away from the spirit of giving.

It also gets on my nerves when I see "corporate panhandling", like Safeway for example. They raise money for various causes, which tend to change sometimes and sometimes have people posted throughout the store to ask for donations, or post up the names of clerks and how much money they have raised and treat it like a competition.  I remember one day they were raising money for people with special needs, and had their employees with special needs posted on each corner of the store to do the asking.

I remember shopping at Ross, and each clerk asked you to donate. And if you donated, they announced your name and said you donated to the rest of the store. How tacky is that ? What about the people that couldn't ? They knew who you were.

I don't believe that all of the money raised would be for charity anyway. Not only are there tax exemptions, but I am sure someone is getting paid a nice, hefty salary for fundraising at a corporation. How much of that money is going to the true cause ? Until I can know that percentage, no way am I parting with my money.

-- Fancy names for low paying jobs. Do you make sandwiches at Subway ? Then you are a "sandwhich artist".

Are you a receptionist ? Then you are a "lobby embassador".

I do security part time, and if you ever call me a security guard, I would have to correct you and say that I am an "officer" or a "Security Specialist". (no I wouldn't)

When I lived in the dorms in college, the janitor introduced himself as the "sanitation engineer."

I guess that due to the bad economy, the high turnover rates in these positions, and the piss poor benefits that these jobs have, the only thing that can be done for these people is to give them flashy job titles.

BONUS***  Things that annoy me about dating............

-- When men take self portraits of themselves in the mirror. Bonus douchebag points if he takes the picture in the bathroom with his shirt off.

--When men write their profiles in all caps or with such poor spelling and grammar.

--When men don't treat me like a lady and pay for my meal and claim it's because the "feminists" screwed it up for the rest of us and that us women cry that we want to be equal.

-- When men tell me about their jobs and nice material possessions, and then label me a gold-digger for asking questions after they were the ones to start the conversation. (Otherwise I don't discuss those things)

--When men write in their profiles that they enjoy "intelligent conversation". As opposed to what ? Dumbass douchebag babble ?

If you are a man and feel like I am manhating, I am not, and since I am not dating women, I can't really write the annoying shit that women do when dating. But....... I can write annoying shit that women do in general......

Here goes..........

-Women that go to the bathroom in groups. It annoys me when I have to listen to other chicks babble in the bathroom when I am trying to piss or dump in peace.

- Women that walk right behind me (when there is other space) and wear heels that click real loud.

- The women that straighten their hair in the bathroom at work, and it really bothers me when it smells like burning hair.

Okay, that is all for now. Time for me to step off my soapbox and call it a night.

Instant Life Changing Experiences


Hello My Little Sunrises,

As a person who has a lovely combination of anxiety and depression and possible PTSD, I am always looking for ways to overcome this and feel better. I am going through this without medication so some days are really rough.

My conditions I believe are a combination of my childhood, some genetics, and a large portion of my current state of life. I think I suffer mainly because I have hopes and dreams and expectations for myself that I have not fulfilled. That last part is in my control so there is hope for me. I can change that and have been searching for answers for years. One example is that I wanted to travel the world and become an EU citizen so I could be closer to my family over there. I did travel for a year in Spain, but most of my plans went so horribly wrong, and everything I tried came to a dead end. Every.Time. And all of my plans to be an EU resident bombed in my face. I had all of the qualifications, but because I did not simply register with the American Embassy, I couldn't prove that I was there long enough to qualify. I lost my job shortly thereafter and had to come back home. I have been trying to go back, but for some reason or other it has not happened

I still have that dream to travel and it will not leave me. I am talking about world travel and deeply immersing myself in other cultures. I can't help it, and although some family think I am out of my mind crazy for it and I get teased, I would rather do that, than be secure here and depressed and wonder what the point of life is.

Are any of you searching for spiritual answers in life ? Searching for God ? Searching for why you are here on earth and what your purpose is ? Are you thinking of ways to give back to others and feel valued ?

There are so many resources out there, many recommended by friends that have claimed have instantly changed their lives........................

Well, I am special in that nothing has ever come instantly to me. Many things suggested to me simply have not worked.

All the change and growth I have attained has been gradual, sometimes so slow that I doubted I was even getting better.

Let me be more specific.

Here are some things that have been recommended to me to help me feel better instantaneously, quickly, or would cure me completely......................

1.) Reading The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle. So many people say it changed their life instantly. Basically Mr. Tolle says, just think about the present moment and don't fret about the past and future because all you have is now. He was in an utter state of depression until he woke up one morning and had a realization. HE claims that if we want to feel better bad enough, we will, it's simple as that. After all, being happy is a choice. He just came to this realization out of the blue one day and spent the next two years sitting on park benches in an absolute state of joy. Yay for him !

While he has some good points, I think it is ridiculous to put that kind of pressure on someone to just flip a switch in their brains and be happy because they are living in the now. For some people, their "now" sucks and they are doing everything they can to avoid it. That is why people have addictions or commit suicide. Where is the compassion for those people ?

For me, I would punish myself after reading his book for not feeling happy. After all, I am focusing on the present moment, why am I not feeling better ????? And the cycle continued. After the first few chapters of what I felt was a condescending tone, I couldn't read further.

Maybe I will read further later and get back to you. Maybe I just need to give his entire book a read and learn something.

But no, this did not change my life instantly. It was a good read and made sense (being mindful is important when dealing with anxiety and depression), but it really isn't that kind to people like me.

2.) Tarot Cards/ Psychics. When you are so anxious like me, you want the suffering to stop. I would wake up and vomit sometimes, or feel deep pain in my chest. You just want to know that you are going to be okay. You want to hear that something good will happen, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I got references from friends and family. I saw a few people. They told me what I wanted to hear. I don't think they outright lied to me. Aside from one lady, I think the others read what they saw.

Except that most of it did not come true. I was supposed to meet my "soulmate" three years ago, lol. I did meet the guy that lady predicted I would meet. Well, at least he fit the description. He turned out to be the biggest douchebag.

I was told I would work in fields that I do not work in. I was told that I would never have to worry about money. These things seemed to be a pattern in readings from different people.

When the good things that were predicted did not happen, I felt very let down, like I did something wrong to prevent it from happening. Again, putting more pressure on myself.

Also, bad things happened that they seemed to miss. I had a huge falling out with my best friend this year that the last lady that read me told me that we would be fine. That lady told me I would have no problem getting my own place, yet I had bedbugs and still have scars from those bites.

I have stopped believing. I believe that God will reveal things that we are meant to know. And if we aren't meant to know, then the correct information will be shielded from us.

There is no way to know if we will really be okay down the road, I am sorry. There are just no guarantees in life. If someone tells you differently, they either want your money, want you to join their cult, or are just trying to make you feel better. We have to accept that life is a gamble and good and bad things happen.

3.) Religion. I was told and have read that I should just "give my problems to God". Others have and they have said that they instantly feel healed. I was told the reason for my suffering is that I do not accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. If only it were that easy ! I was raised as a Christian and I do believe in God. I do believe in the power of prayer. BUT, for me, God has never been instant. Many things I've asked for I never received instantly. I have asked for a lot of things, but God has had to make room for those things to happen, which takes time. It's only becoming clearer now that I am no longer in my twenties.

4.) Psychiatric Medication. This is a biggie, because it does work for many. Maybe it can work for me, but it hasn't when I tried. I was on Celexa for a year, and at first it was great ! I no longer felt in state of panic, I didn't feel like I was going to break down crying anymore. My emotions flatlined, and I just was. I didn't have highs, and I didn't have lows, which was a huge relief for once. It was nice not to wonder if people hated me or not, because it didn't matter anymore !

At the same time, because I wasn't going through emotional turmoil anymore, I had no motivation to get help.

What has worked for me..............................

Finally Back !!

Well Hello there My Little Marshmallows !!

How art thou ? Miss me ? I shut this blog down and kept it on private for over a year, mainly because I moved to another state and needed to find a job and just didn't want to give anyone access into my private life.

So here is the skinny............................ Since I last blogged last March, I have since moved to South Florida, and life has really changed for me.

I am still in the legal field. I tried to start another blog under a different name and wrote in for a few times before I gave up on that altogether. I keep finding that no what, after however long, I keep coming back to this blog. Kinda like my Mr. Big of blogs, except this blog doesn't break my heart.

I have missed blogging and getting mouthy up here, it truly is therapy. I plan to share a lot of unsolicited advice and opinions with you all. Your welcome.

Here are some interesting little tidbits of information about my life .....................................

1) I have been blogging for almost twelve years !! I am a total Facebook whore, but this is where the true therapy lies.

2) Since I moved here to South Florida, I finally met in person two of my blogger friends from Miami, and one from Tennessee ! I even had my good blog friend Le Porkstar come to Miami for a visit.

3) I used to be more of a dog person, but have since transformed into a Crazy Cat Lady in the past couple of years. About a year ago, I started having roommates with cats, and they slowly won me over. When I first moved to Miami, the first place I lived at had a black cat that I truly adored.

4) I have lived in California for almost all of my life, but I feel that as a US Citizen, I should live at least another state before settling down and experience life in different parts of the country. I moved here because I wanted a fresh start, to kind of hit the "reset" button in life. Also because I watched a lot of reality TV from Miami and loved the gorgeous weather in the background. Florida has it's problems, but not as bad as California, and for now I am satisfied with my choice.

5) I now have red streaks in my hair.

I am gonna log off for now, but I shall be back.

Besitos !