Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Manslation time !! As usual, my manslations are in bold.
Title: Checkered Past, Inspired Future, Partner In Crime
Have had a colorful and checkered past I recently got out of prison, and now seeking to bring together all my passions and interests in an integrated way, to live a life of inspired vision. I am looking for a woman to take care of me sexually and financially since no one will hire me or rent to me. This inspired vision also seeks a partner in crime no, seriously, an equal who is a friend, lover, muse, confidant and expects the same in return. We would both have our own lives and passions you look the other way when I deal in your house, yet we would be able to serve the other's needs and passion while I'm high as a kite, I want us to bang our brains out. Be it a shoulder to lean occasionally, or fuel the desire to even more depths of heart and soul, or to be the inspiration that ignites the world inspiration igniting the world my ass, I just want to ignite myself in your pants. Have been blessed with extensive and expensive education in prison thanks to the taxpayer, to have had a very checkered history that brings many different perspectives into life you will need a different perspective to understand all the stuff I've done, to have a small group of great friends other felons, and actively working on bringing more meaning to life. Seeking a friend and perhaps more friend with bennies to unfold together on this journey as we will be unfolding eachother all night long. When you write back let me know what prompted you to write back and we will go from there.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I have a lot to write about, but first it's time for another manslation..............
As usual my manslations are in bold................
TITLE: Offering my service of a Luxurious Massage - 28 (oakland lake merritt / grand)
For the right, appreciative desperate lady, I am offering my skills as a masseur If I use a French word, more women will respond. Please share with me your need for a full body massage I will touch you all over, but most time will be spent on your naughty girly bits. I truly enjoy offering the peace while you're sleeping I get a boner that a massage offers, so I am doing this out of kindness and compassion of my penis. Typically such service costs sixty or more dollars, but I don't want to charge someone who needs it, I just want to give it away as a gift. Basically, I am gonna try to bang you, so charging you for trying to force myself on you would be wrong. So please share with me why you want me to do this to you and if you're in a hurry to be relieved. I'm really horny, so please respond fast............Be well. Namaste !
All boundaries respected and adults only of course. If you believe that line, then you deserve to be duped by me.
Friday, June 26, 2009
I wasn't a huge fan, and I never really followed all the press he got. But I did have a great time jamming to his music. After all, I was a child in the 1980s: Bad hair, Aquanet, LA Gear and Michael Jackson. The following were the most danced to by our family: I'm Bad and Billy Jean.
Jackson and my mom were born the same year, and my mom is a young mom. Life is so short, and you don't wake up thinking that you're gonna die that day. You really can wake up one day and drop dead. It happened in my family more than once.Jackson was a famous man with genius hits and a complicated life. I always thought he was a lost soul, and did not know to live a normal life, thanks to his childhood. I also think he was very unhappy, troubled, in massive debt and possibly didn't know who he could truly turn to. I bet he was surrounded by a lot of vultures and press who didn't care about his privacy.It doesn't matter anymore, he is gone. That debt, and stress ridden body of his can be left behind. Now he can answer to God and find peace and move on.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
So tonite was the big reunion of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Frankly, I think that they are all trashy, except maybe for Caroline. Yet I do enjoy watching them. They all have colorful pasts, yet they still choose to go on TV. Especially Danielle. She has some nerve. The Smoking Gun dug up her court records which she swore were sealed. What they found:
-She was a high class hooker
-Arrested and faced charges of extortion, kidnapping and drug possession. She ended up ratting out her drug lord boyfriend and he ended up in jail for 15 years while she got off on probation for 5 years. Without the deal and connections of her ex husband, she would probably still be in prison today.
- Now her ex boyfriend who she dated on the show has a sex tape and wants to sell it.
I just don't understand why she comes out on a TV show to air her dirty laundry. She is crying and saying how she deserves a second chance. Yet had she really moved on, she would've never gone on public television. I would have more sympathy for her had she just stayed out of the spotlight. I don't feel bad for her. You can't have a criminal past like hers, go on TV and get upset when the public judges you. That's insanity.
Plus I don't buy her "poor me" attitude where she says she's ganged up on. I think she put herself there. She's tried to lie her way out of her past, but you can all read about it on the Smoking Gun. I always had a feeling she was lying.
I also don't understand how Teresa goes apeshit and flips the table, and then the public loves her for it. It was totally ghetto and unclassy. Way to be a rolemodel for the ladies. I don't think it is ever okay to act like that.
Okay, enough for now.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
My oh my ! This past weekend I struck gold on Craigslist. Every "manslator's" dream, lol. I guess Saturday was the longest day of the year, so gotta pass the daylight somehow I guess. Why not get your perv on ? Besides, the economy sucks, but kinky ? That's free...........
There are so many pervs out there..... It doesn't matter what shit you are into, there is always someone that is into that. Nothing shocks the public anymore. You into eating feces ? There's a crowd for that. You into cheating on your wife to get humiliated, be spanked and told to shut up and lick some woman's shoe or maybe be dressed in a diaper? Definitely a market for that.
When I was living in Barcelona, my English co-worker told me he knew a guy that would pay a woman 50 quid to take a dump on a glass table. I am assuming that is equivalent to 50 British Pounds, and this was at least 5 years ago. I bet prices for dumping on glass tables went up since then.
Without further ado, I will leave you with this little nugget. It's kinda short, so not too much manslating for me this time. But trust me my little enquiring secret squirrels, I've got more in my war chest.
TITLE: SELF STIMULATION IS VERY EXCITING
Reply to: email@example.comDate: 2009-06-22, 8:03PM
Looking for someone to experiment with. Self stimulation in each others presence can be very exciting. Is there anyone who would like to experiment in this area. I can send a pic of my polish/Italian/insert ethnicity here sausage if you get back to me because when you get back to me, my penis will holla back at you. Please feel free to let me know your feelings on this subject don't talk about feelings, just talk dirty. Love to sit around and talk while engaged in this activity WTF?. Let's discuss this.
I wanna discuss this. I was gonna let this go until I read that he wants to talk during the "self- stimulation" session. Isn't there a task at hand to be focusing on ? There is a difference between talking dirty and calling each other unspeakable names, and then there is just sitting around and talking like he is suggesting. Like what could he possibly want to talk about ? The weather ? "Oh yeah baby, it's really hot outside, no chance of uhm, hold on............... rain."
Looks like I had a lot to say after all.
But fear not, my lovelies, I will return with more.....................
Monday, June 22, 2009
I finally got my car vacuumed and washed, so now it's clean. I feel a lot better. I also got a new digital camera. Now I can take pictures again.
I did the above because I had company on Saturday. Remember the WWII vet guy my friend and I met at the Greek Festival ? Here is a refreshment: http://frauleinsenorita.blogspot.com/2009/05/greek-festival.html
Anywho, my friend and I took him to Villa Montalvo Gardens in Saratoga. Basically, the house was built in 1912 by James Duval Phelan. He was a former congressman and mayor of San Francisco. It is a gorgeous house and in addition to the mansion there is a huge garden and a hiking path.
He loved it. He hadn't been there in over 45 years with his wife. We took a tour of the property, and then sat in the garden to talk. I took pictures with my new digi cam. I posted them on Flickr but I have no idea how to import that here. I will have to find another way. But I told him that I would print and send him some of the pictures, since he doesn't own a computer or e-mail.
Anyway, then we went to BJ's for lunch, since he offered to treat us for lunch. The waitstaff probably thought he was our grandpa. He got a free beer glass and a chance to win a golf trip. My friend entered her dad for the trip.
I admired his wedding ring on his finger. Beautiful gold band with three diamonds in it. He said that people keep telling him to take it off since his wife passed away ten years ago. His response is "Like Hell, I'm gonna take that off. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still married." He also said that he's saving the ring for his granddaughter's future husband. I thought that was so sweet. Especially since I inherited my grandmother's prized necklace and ring set my grandfather bought for her. Things like that are special.
Anywho, I will post pics when I figure out how. Blogger is free for a reason and that is because it's so limited.
Tootles for now.
Hello There My Lovelies,
Time for another manslation ! To this man's credit, at least he posted a picture of himself. I kinda wish he didn't.
Without further ado, manslations are in bold.........
TITLE : Here Kinky Kitty!
Hi Ladies, Yes, I know this is the LTR section and I'm posting here exactly for this reason. One of the qualities I desire in my Partner-for-Life is an interest in exploring our sexuality, in particular, Tantra and D/s( dominance and submission) Kink. I'm the older white dude in the back of every yoga/tantric class. This being said, some of the other qualities which are inherent are: intelligence, education, sophistication, femininity and a high libido. High libido is most important.I am 50, about five-foot-nine.five or so, 185 to 190, STD free, divorced several years, out of a long-term post-divorce relationship about a year now and am looking for my last first date ... .. .
I am a part-time dad, a hard-working professional and a nice person. Here pretty girl, would you like some candy ?I just also happen to be very Dom in the bedroom; looking for a PARTNER by day and a Willful Submissive by night ... I will find every excuse in the book to spank you and call you a bad little girl. Oh ... yes, one more thing, you should smoke cigarettes and know how to do so very, very seductively. What I am trying to say, is you should pretend the cigarette is my penis.. You should also be fine with 420; I smoke medical for a very good reason ::cough::bullshit::cough:: ... I was in a serious accident a few years ago and, well ... .. . things hurt. I ran with a hard on and accidentally slammed into a telephone pole.
Now, I am for real; I've learned many of you women are "looky-lou's" and once you see what I can deliver, well, you're not really ready. Maybe they don't like being called kinky kitty ?So, IF you're interested, please respond and I will then send (other, more kinky) photos! Basically, pictures of my penis from every angle and maybe even my taint ;).
SPAM-BOT WARNING ... I have posted enough I recognized all the various spam-bot messages ... so, please, if you're thinking you can get me to sign-up at a web-site to see your picture, well, it's not gonna happen. Most of those photos are of young girls who are nothing but skin and bones anyway ... I'm a Man and I'm looking for a Woman. Sounds like he ended up looking after all.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
First off, Happy Fathers day to all you dads !
Ashleigh joined our happy Blogger family and became a blogging whore like the rest of us last summer. She has her regular blog, Ashleigh's Musings and her weight loss blog, Tales of the Shrinking Booty. For some reason, I can't copy and paste the address, so just go to:
http://ashleighfranklin.blogspot.com where you can find both journals.
I am pimping out my friend right now because she needs our support. She is going through a break up, and as you all know, break ups are painful and just flat out suck.
Okay, enough pimping, I am off to look for more fodder for a manslation.
Another manslation is in order. As usual, my manslations are in bold.
TITLE: Spiritual guys seeks mature match :)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.orgDate: 2009-06-19, 7:52PM
Greetings ! I believe someone somewhere is made for all of us. however I am still searching for my someone :D 27 male Indian dude with average frame skinny, seeking a long term relationship with a romantic, mature lady in the age range of 30 to 45 yrs A spiritual version of Stifler's mom would be hawt !, slender to average frame, good heart and interested in long term relationship. I am looking to find my soulmate for heart-mind-body-soul union I also wanna bang your mind and soul. All races and religions welcome. Please be free from disease, criminal record, legal issues and drama. Being spiritual is a big plus as I can't afford to be choosy. I am on the path of spiritual development, seeking to be a healer and intuitive guide I wanna heal you before I bang you. The past 8 months I have witnessed turbulence energetically, emotionally and spiritually that has led me to the realization of my gifts and opened me to the immense possibilities of the spiritual realm I have no idea what I am talking about, the only gift I really have is in my pants, wanna see ?. The path of spiritual development/awakening that takes up a lot of my time and I would appreciate finding a match that has affinity/inclination towards spirituality. I hope this doesnt freak you out as I am just another guy-next-door and here is something about me - I am well read I read the news online, like outdoorsy activities - hiking, camping, running, soccer; relish fine-dining and bar hopping spiritual dudes gotta get their drink on, BBQs, some cooking; enjoy watchin movies - comedies, action, thrillers, drama, romantic and of late eye-opening documentaries, listening to music - rock, fusion, indian, of late hip-hop and some latino; am interested in spirituality, cultures, world news, social news networking, gadgets I drive a Prius and have an iPhone and technology and more. I drink socially and dont smoke or do drugs and am looking for the same because I am a trip by myself. I am romantic, love hugs, walks at dusk and onwards, cuddling, titillations, kissing, sensual massages and all things romantic I will try to touch your naughty parts every chance I get, especially outdoors. I am just another normal person who has been experiencing paranormal/spiritual phenomena since childhood I hear voices in my head and after years of supressing, recently realized it as a gift that shouldnt be shunned and rather developed for improvement of personal life and help people in my life I will convince you that you hear voices. I have been looking for female companionship beginning with get2know like a casual hangout buddy, then see how the chemistry develops and see where it takes. I dont prefer the pre-meditated try-to impress dating scene that manifests itself by way of facades and rather like the direct approach to know each other on an as-is basis Basically, I won't even try to take you out and get to know you, I will just directly ask you to have sex with me.. Well thats something about me ... dont wanna bore u with an essay ..lolz I'm a grown man and have resorted to saying LOLZ. So if you are interested lets exchange emails and get to know each other. I have pics and number that I will share with the right person. Thanks for reading, good luck with your endeavors and God Bless ! Cheers ! Namaste !
Friday, June 19, 2009
Last night I went to a free concert downtown to see Third Eye Blind with Ashleigh, because she is a huge Third Eye Blind fan.
The concert was free and outdoors, and it was a lot of fun. Initially I didn't really want to go because being forcefully smooshed together with strangers does not turn me on. But I ended up having a great time. They played a couple of their hits that came out when I was in high school. We were lucky to get pretty close to the stage. I didn't get the best view because there was a banner in front of me, but it was good enough, I got a decent side view of the band. The people next to me were cool, the girl next to me was shorter than me, so she understood my frustration.
A lot of enthusiasm from the band, and apparently they're from San Francisco, and the lead singer went to UC Berkely. Great show. Unfortunately, it got cut short for some reason, but what are you gonna do ? It's free, right ? The crowd fed off of their enthusiasm and we all enjoyed the show.
There was a lot of douchebag behaviour though. People forcefully shoving themselves through the crowd, for one. I ended up yelling "Douchebag Alert !" in front of one tatted up guy that looked like a Cholo, and let him stare me down after. A couple of people also decided to smoke whatever it is they had, and the guy next to me decided to blow his stank on me. Just gross.
It's Third Eye Blind, that's not even really the band to get high to. Couldn't we save that for Snoop Dogg ? Well, what do I know, when I saw Dave Matthews in concert, there were tons of smoke rings in the crowd.
I saw a couple of body surfers in the crowd too. Apparently, I heard later from another friend that went, that a grandma got trampled by a few young people. That sucks, luckily my friend helped her up. I mean, how can you not help up an old woman with a cane ?
I don't understand why so many teens were there. This band was hip when I was a teen, and that was ten years ago. While Ashleigh was pulling out of the parking garage, a bunch of teens almost got smacked by running in front of her car. Her reaction was priceless as she shouted to the spawn from hell : " You motherfu*kers ! What the hell ? Seriously, you aren't even 18 !"
Good times, my little secret squirrels, good times. I was happy to get out of the house. We went to Cheesecake Factory after, and I had the shrimp scampi pasta and chocolate truffle cake. Delish ! Talk about a mouthgasm ! And I had leftovers for today.
Okay that is all for now.
Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there ! Happy Fathers Day to my dad !
One of my dad's greatest wishes is to get a lap dance from Angelina Jolie. So fellas, if she isn't at your doorstep, then she is probably busy with my old man, lol. You'll just have to take a number.
My dad has been awesome since my grandmother was at the hospital. He stepped it up and moved in to help take care of her, my grandpa and the family business. So kudos to him for that.
Happy Fathers Day to all dads................... may you get that extra beer, that extra lapdance, that extra whatever it is you desire.................
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Hello There My Lovelies,
I just got the flier for the annual Desert Dance Festival. It's been almost 3 years since I last danced in that. Basically, it's a bellydance fair in Santa Clara and there will be a ton of performers and vendors and bad food.
I did go to the one last year and ran into an old troupe member and caught up with her. I also saw a psychic there for fun because it was fairly cheap. You totally get what you pay for. She told me stuff I would've told anyone else there. She told me I love to dance and that I take on a different energy when I dance, that I look like a mermaid. She also said that I am like home in the water.
1.) I was at a bellydance festival so yeah, I do love to dance, great guess Sherlock !
2.) I hate being in water unless I am bathing. Water isn't even my element, it's fire. She didn't even know that and I gave her my birthday.
Anywho, I have been selecting the music for my next routine. I would like to do the double veils this time. I usually dance with the sword or just one veil. This time I would like to do the double veil. The faire is in September, and I hope that I secure a spot.
Of course, all of you that reside here in the SF Bay would me more than welcome to come and see.
Attached is a pic of me twirling with the double veil a few years ago. I usually smile when I do it, I guess the photographer got me at a serious moment. This was taken by Andrew Casteel, as was the picture in my header with the sword.
The picture in my header was taken in San Francisco at a Burning Man event called Hookahdome. It was loads of fun, and I didn't have to pay the entrance fee because I was one of the performers. Plus I got to smoke all the hookah I wanted. After smoking myself out I remember going to Jack in the Box after for junk food at 2-3am.
Good times my lovelies, good times.
Today's douche of the day was brave enough to provide a picture of himself. So I will give him credit for that, as most men posting on Craigslist upload dumbass images of flowers or kittens to fool the ladies into thinking they included a picture of themselves.
Without further ado, here is the manslation:
TITLE: Most Eloquent Bachelor in the Inner Sunset
Conceived in Israel by a Tunisian-born Israeli mother and a French father of dual Bavarian and Egyptian ancestry, I walked my first steps in a quaint city in northeastern France. The memories are hazy well, duh, but I’m told that my French-accented Hebrew toddler babble greatly amused my Israeli relatives. My linguistic predicament grew more complicated yet when, at the tender age of four, I was exiled to the suburbs of Columbus, Ohio, the site of my father’s new job. Traumatic though this may sound, I adjusted gracefully as normal children do. True, I nearly failed kindergarten because I was a dumbass even at the tender age of 5, but I attribute this to boredom more than anything else. Except for the year my family would spend in Israel, this was where I was to grow up. Sure, there were no medieval cathedrals or castles in sight. But the land was cheap and the parking was plentiful, and I found ways to keep myself occupied. My intent in high school was to become a journalist, or, more precisely, a polemicist. Indeed, I was already using my position on the school newspaper to be a royal douche bag launch scathing criticisms of my school’s administration—which viewed me as a douche bag rabble-rousing demagogue and eventually engineered my ouster from the paper. My sights turned from demagoguery to philosophy in college, to the point of deciding to become a philosopher myself No one listened to my bullshit, so I had to spin it as philosophy. This new path eventually landed me in Bloomington, Indiana, where I wallowed as a graduate student for four years—wallowing being the primary activity of all graduate students—still in the Midwest but, as usual, not of it. When the breaking point came, I banded together with two friends and u-hauled to New York City to spread the douchebaggery among the New Yorkers, where I taught philosophy and completed my dissertation on human nature, now a book and available to the general public in overpriced hardcover. But even as five exciting years went by, I had not yet joined the middle class still poor as fuck—not my highest priority thus far, but a priority nonetheless. I had been eyeing those LSAT prep manuals in the bookstore for a while, and the time had come to take the plunge. And so it was law school that brought me to the Bay Area I dropped out of law school. This led to some brief interactions with the "real world" about which others had always been speaking. Defending corporations against their employees’ legal assaults had its intrigue, to be sure. But working for the man was never my passion because they would always fire me for insubordination. Fortunately, an opportunity arose to make my way back to academia, this time as a lawyer-philosopher Not really, I didn't pass the bar. I now enjoy a quasi-bohemian lifestyle I'm broke and I don't bathe, writing my second book, and happily being paid to be myself. I live across the street from Golden Gate Park, where I like to walk and jog. I also enjoy hiking, camping, skiing in Tahoe, and Thai boxing. Travel, both in the US and elsewhere, is important to me, as I grew up doing a lot of it. I’m 5’6” and in good shape I'm average. My features are classically Mediterranean. My demeanor is at once mischievous and affable I have an awful grin on my face only a mother could love. Temperamentally, I am often ironic but almost never sarcastic I'm actually being sarcastic. While capable of taking myself seriously, I generally find it more entertaining not to do so. Neither boring nor boorish, I offer a woman a healthy combination of stimulation and sensitivity Basically I offer her my penis. Please include a picture with your response.
1.) I have a present for you, actually it's not a present, it's my penis.
2.) If I include big words and call myself eloquent, surely I can confuse you into sleeping with me.
3.) Would you like to see my penis ?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Hello There My Little Secret Squirrels, (Comes from That Seventies Show)
I meant to post this pic last month as it was commencement season then. This was my graduation at the Spartans Stadium in May 2004. A couple of weeks later, all my stuff went into storage and I was on a plane to Barcelona.
I used to wear glasses, but I don't anymore due to LASIK, which is hands down the best money I ever spent, besides my travels.
My next commencement ceremony will be next weekend for my paralegal certificate. My favorite professor will be there, and he doesn't always come, so I am happy he decided he would attend this year. So I am glad, since he has been a big part in my education.
I am not sure if I will go back to school after this or not. If I do, I would consider law school. But honestly, I am not rushing.
The guy posing with me is my one and only brother. He is single, ladies so get at him, lol.
Other than that, I am in the middle of a quarter life crisis. I am happy with the choices I've made up to now, but I feel bored. I miss traveling, and I want nothing more than to get started in a career in my field. I just feel like nothing is happening right now. I like to think of myself as a free spirit, and I haven't really felt free in a couple of years. I am tired of looking at my old photos and reliving life through them. I want new pictures and memories to talk about. I just hope that things are manifesting for me and that's why I am not hearing anything. I guess time will tell.
I just feel like I don't have enough adventure. My life doesn't lack change or drama, but I do miss the adventures I used to have traveling overseas or when I was in college. My friends and peers are settling down, getting married and having babies. Except for starting my new career, I don't feel like I can hop on that wagon yet.
Okay my lovelies, time for me to clean my room or be productive before I go to work.
Besitos por todos !
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
So tonite is the finale of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. I can't wait to see that. One of the chicks actually flips a table out of anger. I can't wait to see that go down. A good televised catfight is always fun, especially so I can go and criticize their trashy behaviour after.
Other than that I took a quick hike today. I just needed to get out of the house and breathe some fresh air. I got to see the birds and squirrels.
Not much else to report.
So my mama cita Ashleigh found her old blog from like 3 years ago. On it she had a survey. After having a read and giggling at her survey, I decided to fill in answers of my own.
~1.What Time is it now? Half past a monkey's ass
2.What is your full name? Mistress Senorita
3.Single or taken? Single and bilingual
4.What does your name mean? Helper of mankind
5.Who picked out your name? I assume my parents
6.What's your nickname? Senorita, Sandrita, Sunshine
8.What colour are your eyes? Blue
9.Do you have an innie or an outie? Innie
10.What size are your shoes? 6
12.How tall (or short) are you? 5 ft
13.Honestly what do you like about yourself? My eyes
14.What do you always get complimented on? My eyes, sometimes my ass
15.What is your worst quality? I eat too much chocolate
16.What are the last four digits of your phone Number? 3192
17.Do you think you're cute? As a button
18.Hair colour? Brown
19.Do you wear contacts? Not anymore
20.Living Arrangements? With friends
21.Favourite Drink? Baileys over ice
22.Favourite month? November
24.Favourite Food? Korean, Spanish
25.Favourite Board Game? Scrabble
26.Favourite Web Site? hotchickswithdouchebags.com
27.Favourite Clothing Brand? Candies
28.Favourite day of the Year? Thanksgiving
29.Favourite colour? Blue
30.Favourite Animal? Birdies
*FAMILY AND FRIENDS*~
31.Do you have more girl or boy friends? Girls
33.Are your parents together? Negative
34.How often do you get together with the family? Holidays
35.Do you tell your parents or your friends more? I talk to my old man a lot, but my friends are privy to all the juicy gossip
36.Anything special about your parents? They are my parents
~*YES OR NO ~
*39.You're slutty? No
40.You Mean? No
42.You can keep secrets? Yes
43.You dance in front of the mirror? Totally, and I do the booty dance !
44.Sing in the shower? Hell no, someone is always home
46.You like Britney Spears? Yes
47.You've liked a cousin? Not like that
48.You've been in the opposite sexes bathroom? Well not in the public men's room
49.You've seriously hurt someone? I'm told I have, but it was not intentional
50.You've been hurt seriously? Definitely
53.r u willing to try new things? Totally depends
54.You've cheated on a test? Not since high school sophmore biology
~* RIGHT NOW ~
*57.What are you wearing? Pajamas
58.What colour are your pants? Green with frogs on them
59.What are you listening to? The TV
60.How are you feeling? Just chilling
61.What are you doing? Being a survey whore
62.What are you eating? Nothing right now
63.How many people are online? Haven't added IM yet
64.How's the weather? Overcast
65.What's on your mouse pad? No mousepad
66.What books are you reading? Sociopath Next Door
~*GIRLS ONLY*~ - down 2 da knitty gritty hey?
67.How many lip glosses do you have? So many, I am a lipgloss madam
68.What perfume do you use? Rapture
69.What's in your purse? Wallet, lip glosses, cell phone
70.Thong or regular panties? Panties
71.Tall or short boys? Taller than me
72.Blonde or brown haired guys? Brown
74.Boxers showing? Oh hell to the no !
75.Long hair or short hair on boys? Depends, but sometimes long hair can be sexy
76.What do you find annoying in a guy? When they talk about their penises up front
77.What's the first thing you notice about guys? Broad shoulders
88.What was the last movie you saw? Phat Girlz
89.What did you have for dinner? Veggie Pizza
90.What are you hoping for? Oh my, too much to list here
92.What movie do you really want to see? The Reader
95.Where is your favourite place to travel? Europe
96.What did you last dream about? I don't even remember
97.Last thing you ate? Veggie pizza
98.If you were a crayon what colour what would you be? Yellow
99.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? The lady who makes my costumes
102.Ever had a crush on a teacher? Economics teacher in high school. All the girlies wanted a piece of him
103.Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes, I believe men should be the hunters
104.Scary movies or happy ending? Happy ending, my babies.....
105. Summer or winter? Summer
106. One night stands or relationships? Prefer relationships
107.Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
108.Do you want your friends to write back? Not required
109.Who is most likely to respond? Don't care
110.Who is least likely to respond? Don't care
111.What did you do last night? Worked
112. What time is it now? Half past a monkey's ass according to his balls.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Like I've mentioned before, I believe that people should date who they're attracted to. I don't care if you're white and only date Asians. It's not closeminded or racist, it just means that's what you're attracted to and makes you excited. For me, I will befriend anyone. However, when it comes to dating someone, I am a little more selective and I do have my preferences. A lot of people do.
But I do have a problem with people who base their desires on ignorant stereotypes. I don't like it when whites who go after other groups advertise that they're from a white, upperclass neighborhood and brag about their "elite" lives and talk about their limited exposure to other cultures. There is no reason to advertise that right off the bat. Plus it carries racist undertones to me.
Anyhoochie here is the douche of the day. ......................
TITLE: Sexy? Sensual? Asian? Bet the Asian chicks were never fed that by a white guy before....
Reply to: email@example.comDate: 2009-06-14, 12:05PM
All my life I've dated White women . Being from a very white upperclass suburban neighborhood read: we were taught to privately look down on other ethnic groups and we were middle class at best. I had little exposure to women of other ethnic persuasions see above. From the cradle I was basically surrounded by blonde women with blue eyes almost sounds like I was specifically bred to be a part of the Aryan nation. At my elite private college prep high school note that I didn't even make it to college I could count the number of non-white students on one hand. I'm not proud of this, I'm just stating the facts. I am secretly proud of this, and I think I am doing you a favor by even offering to date you. Now I'm living and working in and around SF. I see all these hot Asian women hand in hand with white men. I'll admit I'm a bit jealous. Jealous and wondering why none of them have thrown themselves at a white man like me. Mainly I'm shocked that such fine women are usually with such pathetic looking guys honestly, I don't look any better. Now I'm not saying I'm Pierce Brosnan here but I'm often told how good looking I am. I pose in the mirror with my shirt off often. I'm also a former Professional Athlete I did track in high school and I keep my body fit I shop at Whole Foods. I'm nearly over 6 feet tall with light brown hair, blue eyes and I've been told on multiple occasions that my 'equipment' is of the oversized or 'XL' variety I have huge saggy balls but my schlong is kinda small. While I'm fairly new here in the Bay area and have absolutely no idea of how to approach women, I think it's time for me to reach out and make an attempt at meeting a sassy, sexy, fun Asian girl. A girl that is not super traditional and conservative that puts out fast (i'm not talking political views). Basically I'm looking for laid back fun and adventure sleeping with me and trying the new tantric poses I learned in that advanced yoga class. I need a girl that has a strong sexual appetite and is not affraid to admit it I like 'em slutty. A woman who is intelligent and thoughtful yet passionate and borderline reckless giving in to her primal sensual desires which she refuses to supress Slutty, but thinks her mission is to serve me. Great sex would be hot but let's face it, we'd need a connection great sex is really all I want. It should be obvious that I'm not looking for lots of responses, rather that ONE quality response that will lead to endless fun and excitement I ain't gonna lie, I expect a lot of responses for a white guy like me. If you like what you've read let's trade pics and take it from there. A world of fun, adventure and passion awaits. Email me quick, let's get the fun started!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I found an ad off Craigslist that IS my translation to most of the ads out there. I don't think it gets more honest than this, folks.
Without further ado, I leave you with this prize ................................
I want to GET laid - m4w - 20 (daly city)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org [Errors when replying to ads?]Date: 2009-06-13, 8:34PM PDT
honestly i just want to get laid.
looking for ANY pussy
With the lack of capitalization and the emphasis on ANY, I surmise that is is so incredibly horny that he probably can't even see straight.
Not exactly my cup of tea. I do prefer some compliments, dinner and conversation beforehand. But that's just me. Something tells me that he's just not capable of any of the above anyway.
Poor horny twenty year old boy.
Friday, June 12, 2009
I am so happy that I don't have to work tonite. I am tired.
Last nite I drove up to see my friend Ashleigh. If you don't know, we've been friends since we worked together at Enterprise Rent a Car. We both are no longer car rental bitches, and although we ditched the job we kept the friendship. That company is like a cult, everyone drinks the cool aid, so when you leave most people still there don't want to talk to you anymore. Ashleigh did not drink the cool aid.
We went to the mall, and I went to Victoria's Secret.........AGAIN. I know, very bad, but there is that semi-annual sale. This time I bought a new bra. It lifts and separates and I couldn't be happier. I refuse to buy my bras anywhere else.
After the mall we bought some junkfood and then watched a couple of Sex in the City episodes in bed. We were eating our junkfood and watched the episodes under the covers. I had cookie dough ice cream. Felt kinda like a sleepover, even though I didn't spend the night. Her mom even came in to say goodnite, lol.
It's been a while since I've watched Sex and the City episodes. They are classic, and to me they don't go out of style. The Sex and the City movie was alright, but it doesn't come close to the episodes. To me, the movie just felt like a short reunion. I just liked it better when the girls were single and happening.
Other than last night I went mini golfing with old friends today. It was a lot of fun. I hadn't been to Golfland since I was a teenager. And this time I acted like a teenager. I made crude references to the golfballs. "Why is my ball red ? I wanted the blue one", "Oh look, I have three balls", "My hands are to small to hold these balls." I just could not stop with the ball jokes and the girl scouts were there. Shame on me.
Anyway, time to go my little lovelies.
Happy Friday and have a nice weekend.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
God, I am such a Victoria's Secret mistress/slut/whore. I've been wearing their lotions and perfumes and lipglosses lately and me likey long time. I'm currently wearing their perfume Rapture. Notice I said "currently" because I don't stay faithful to one scent for long.
Anywho, on to other topics..................
Like older self-employed men that telemarket people like yours truly. Older male telemarketers are a real trip. They call ME and disturb me and pitch me with products, and when I ask questions or dare I challenge them with questions, they usually decide to tell me that they've been around longer than I have been alive. The only person who talks to me like that is my father, and he hasn't uttered that line since I was a teen.
Yesterday I get a call from this guy pitching insurance for a company called HealthMarkets. Type that in your search engine and see what you get. Littered with complaints and a lawyer blogging about the lawsuits filed against them. Just wow.
I found that out after I took his call and typed his phone number into Google.
Anyway, this guy said that he "somehow" got my number. It just came across his desk. And apparently I am in the market for health insurance. How original. He probably bought a list somewhere. When I telemarketed in Spain, we pulled out numbers from the Yellow Pages. Yeah, straight out of the phone book and then were instructed to tell people that we got their list off of the lists provided to us by their local chamber of commerce. Many people never questioned that. If people have to lie about how they got your number, then you know they are really up to no good.
Yes, I was looking for health insurance 2 years ago. People still call me once in a while. If a good deal comes along, I am interested, after a buttload of research of course.
I am very difficult to insure. Long story, so any joe off the street who tells me he can get me low cost health insurance up front is talking out his ass. He also peppered his speech with describing his company as "world class" and "high class". That's code for: If I keep telling you how great our company is, you will ask less questions.
I said the following which he did not like:
1.) If your company has been around for a while and is so great, then how come I've never heard of them ? He said a bunch of things which I didn't pay much attention to. He also pointed out that he's been around longer than I've been alive. What a douchey older man.
2.) I have friends in the insurance business, and they agree that I am difficult to insure. He told me that we all know different things, and that my friends don't know what he knows. So let's get together and exchange information. He's right I guess my friends don't know how to rip me off.
3.) I am driving to work, so can you please e-mail me the information so that I can have a look at it ? Of course he could not e-mail it to me. However we could meet at his office. Drag me in so he could pressure me in person.
4.) I don't do business over the phone. He said "Of course you don't. You can't legally do it over the phone. You have to have a license and I will give you that number." But honestly, just because you're licensed does not mean that you're any good. You can still legally rip people off as long as what you are doing is disclosed somewhere in the loads of fine print you heap on the client and briefly gloss over. Plus he could lie and tell me something different than what's in the fine print.
He did one thing right, he wouldn't let me off the phone until I strongly told him I was late for work. Which is probably why he's still around as old looking as he is. Doing business and marketing yourself is one thing. Telemarketing is another story. As a telemarketer you can't get anywhere being nice. It is a psychological wrestle. The most successful people in telemarketing assume a different persona and wrestle the other person to the ground until the person gives up.
The greatest thing I learned from telemarketing is this: Just hang up the phone and don't even listen. I was dumb enough to give him time because I haven't gotten pitched like this before due to the Do Not Call List. Usually I get e-mails which go to my spam box. I really thought he was he was reputable at first until I talked to him longer. I have to be a little more careful.
Unless you know the person, there is absolutely no reason for the person on the other line to be honest with you. I have seen a 20 year old dude who partied all the time assume the personality and voice of a 40 something year old married man with two children. He instantly became a respectable sounding man over the phone and got complete strangers in other countries who barely spoke English to wire him thousands of dollars. It's amazing how fast people simply trust others. I've seen it so many times. I know people who gave up their own children because someone told them their children were evil.
When I telemarketed many men would not pitch women. They said " I don't pitch the bitch". I think they are right and don't take offense to that. Women ask questions and it just wears the telemarketer out to explain everything and keep in contact with them. It is the men who are more easily persuaded to hand their money over due to their egos. The broker can easily play to the man's ego and make him feel like a big pussy for consulting his wife on investments. "Do you talk to your wife when you pay the bills ? No ? Then you should do this for her. She'll be so happy when you buy her new shoes. You'll probably get a blow job."
Boiler Room is definitely a good film to watch, as the business they pitched was shady.
Okay, time for me to go and see my mama cita Ashleigh. Time to hang out and eat junk food and talk about boys.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Time to take a little break from my manslating. You're gonna need it because I have some more perverse ads in my war chest. Good lord........... Craigslist does not disappoint, lol.
Time to write a little post based on personal experience out in the dating jungle since I am still a Senorita. I've dated from meeting people face to face, and from the internet as well. There are some lines men use that seem to reappear all the time. These men who spit these lines think they are being original. Original as all the other men who used them before. Someone please get the word out and help them !
Here is my short list of overused phrases out there in the dating world that just never seem to die....................
1.) I'M A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER. Oh good lord, shut up and put your penis away, please.
2.) I DON'T WANT KIDS RIGHT NOW BUT I WOULDN'T MIND PRACTICING ;) ;) We get it, you wanna get laid. Could you be any more obvious ? But couldn't you go about getting it in a more original way ? Flowers, and MANNERS go a looooong way. Chivalry is free, and gets you laid faster.
3.) I'M LOOKING FOR A PARTNER IN CRIME, A CO-CONSPIRATOR, A CO-PILOT. This is so old and overused even the chicks use it on their profiles. But when a man says it, it's even lamer. Like what are we gonna do ? Rob a bank, conspire to commit murder ? Fly a plane ? Hey, if you got a private jet, that's cool, but list that. Otherwise please kill it with that line.
4.) I MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR. Just gross. Please stop. It conjures up the image of some hippy trying to bang every chick he sees.
5.) I LOVE TO GIVE A GOOD, RELAXING MASSAGE. WOMEN SAY I HAVE NICE HANDS. What you're really saying is that you want to frisk us as soon as possible and go straight for the happy ending. And when you say "hands" I know you really want to say "penis". So please stop, and no I don't want to see your penis. How about a drink and some conversation first ?
and last but not least.................. wait for it.......................... ah yes...........
6.) I AM A LESBIAN IN A MAN'S BODY. It just baffles me. Men who use this line usually say it with the dumbest grin on their faces and they say it like they're the first to ever utter such a line. We get it. You love the vajay jay, as that is probably the reason you asked us out. How about just throwing us a compliment instead when you feel the urge to mutter such a line. It will get you to the vijay faster.
And what about you ? Any lines to add ? Please do share...................
Below : 1994 Crysler LeBaron Pimpmobile, just missing the man with a pornostache
I came across an intersting ad on Craigslist. While I read it my jaw fell to the floor, you just can't make this shit up I tell you. I've ripped on the white dudes that chase the Asian chicas. But that's because there are so many of these ads on Craigslist, and many of these boys are simply ignorant. There is a difference between genuinely liking someone or being attracted to a different ethnic group (me encanta los hombres latinos), and then there is going after a certain group soley based on stereotypes and ignorant notions. I think the latter is ridiculous so I choose to poke fun at it.
Monday, June 8, 2009
I have a new ritual every late Saturday night now. I like to get a snack and watch NBC's Locked Up. They also have Locked Up Extended Stay and Locked Up Raw. I find it to be very interesting. Basically covering prison life. You get to listen to the prison guards talk as well as get interviews from some of the prisoners.
I got some good work out ideas from watching those series. Those men live in small closed areas and still manage to come out buffed. They don't even need any equipment. You can do arm dips on your bed. You can do pushups, sit ups and squats on the floor. You can do burpees. There is never an excuse to not get in shape. Having no money to buy equipment is especially a bad excuse.
Those series make me value my freedom more. I can take a walk outside and enjoy the fresh air and smell the roses. I can travel overseas. I can talk to whomever I want. I don't know how I would deal if my freedom were taken away.
I can't imagine being out of touch with the rest of the world for over 20 years. At my internship with the Public Defender's Office, one of our clients was recently released after 20 years behind bars for drugs. He did not know how to use a cell phone. He was almost crying because he was scared and didn't know if he could survive in the real world. Our city has changed so much. Twenty years ago there were different stores, different people, different cultures. It's all changed.
Yet many people who get out of prison re-offend and end up back at square one. Prison is a hell hole, but apparently its not bad enough to scare people into cleaning their lives up. It's a life style, a mentality and I guess unless you just can't understand unless it's your lifestyle. I don't understand it. I hope I never do.
Anyway, as I was watching the documentary I was watching the prison guards talk. They acted real professional on tape. They were addressing everyone as "Sir" and writing up official reports when there was an incident such as a stabbing or finding contraband. When the prisoners were acting rowdy and out of hand, the prison guards handled it very efficiently and in a professional manner. They were talking about how they are professional with the prisoners because they too are human.
I kinda laughed because I highly doubt the guards always act like that when the cameras are off. I am sure many do. Don't get me wrong, I commend the guards because it takes some serious balls to work in a prison. But I've heard of the guards cussing at or beating inmates or not writing the reports the needed to write. It's so easy to get away with, and who are you gonna believe, the convicted murderer serving a life sentence or the prison guard ? So watching all that professional demeanor kinda made me wonder what really goes on when the cameras are off.
My favorite episode was the documentary about San Quentin. San Quentin is an hour away from where I live, and one of the oldest prisons in California. It was built in the 1850s. I drive by it when I go visit my grandma, it's right by the Bay Bridge. As a child, when my dad drove us to my grandma's he always made it a point to say " Oh look kids, there's San Quentin. If you don't behave and you do something stupid and break the law, that's where you'll end up. Wave to all the prisoners now." I would ask my dad more questions and he made sure to tell me it's one of the more violent prisons.
Our prison system here in CA is out of control. Due to our budget crisis, our prisons are overcrowded, and outdated. Now they've converted the gym at San Quentin into an area with bunkbeds to house the prisoners. It's a recipe for disaster, when you put all these violent men together with less than 3 feet of space in between them. A lot of rehabilitation programs have been cut. A lot of career training programs have been cut. And a lot of prisoners are complaining about that. But here's how I see it. Our public school system is getting the big stiffy and many innocent children who haven't committed any crimes are getting shafted out of a good education because of our budget crisis. Some our hospitals have been closed down. Programs for at risk children have lost funding. So why on earth should we put the prisoners above them and fund their rehabilitation efforts ? Especially since most reoffend anyway. It doesn't matter how many programs you have, most don't want to change. And the ones that do want change and become success stories don't blame the system.
While I watched the documentary, I just wondered where these guys went wrong. Why did they let their lives spin out of control ? What drove that guy to kill his grandmother ? Why did the guy choose to violate parole when he became a new father and knew his children depended on him ? Why couldn't he just walk away when he was insulted, why did he shoot the guy instead of just walking away ?
I grew up thinking that we were inherently good people even if someone wronged us. That we were born knowing that we shouldn't harm another person. That we don't harm others unless it's in self defense. That stealing from others is wrong. But I grew up with people to help me differentiate between right and wrong.
After watching these documentaries, I realized how important good role models are. How easy would it be for us to be locked up if we didn't have the role models in our lives that we have.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
The following is another ad from Craigslist that is just begging for me to "manslate". As usual, my manslations are in bold.
TITLE: Asian? I need a change I've never heard that before on Craigslist.
Replyto: email@example.comDate: 2009-05-30, 4:29PM
Women tell me I'm a very attractive and handsome guy I pose in the mirror with my shirt off. I can't guarantee I'll be your type but if you like tall, well built Caucasian guys with light eyes then you might want to find out My bros told me Asian chicks are all over white guys like flies in honey, so get at me . I just got out of a relationship with my gf of nearly 5 years. Three words: 1.) BAGGAGE ! 2.) Rebound Fuck 3.) You get to listen to me cry about how she dumped me. She was the quintessential blond and I am the quintessential douche that chased her for 5 years. Air headed, big fake boobs (that sprung a leak a year ago) and already addicted to botox at age 32 I paid for the boobies and got her addicted to botox. I've always admired Asian women from afar. I always loved how they bowed to me while serving me in the Korean restaurant, and how the lady at the salon offered me a massage in her sweet soft voice. Now I'd love to meet one up close and personal. I want the massage with happy ending for free. Maybe you can help me with this. Get at me ladies, you know you want this.
Signed A tall and fit/built now single white guy with blue eyes. Good luck, ladies.......
Yesterday I got paid, and I did some damage. Victoria's Secret is having a sale, and I decided to go whore around there.
I bought lotions, perfume, as well as lip gloss on sale. The lip gloss is the best, and it was 75% off, so you can't beat that. I also got a free gift bag with other items. I was happy.
I normally don't buy vanilla scented items, but I bought the perfume called Vanilla Lace. So many other women wear vanilla scents. But this smelled really good and I don't smell like a vanilla cookie. It smells kinda sexy. Meow !
I am done shopping until next pay day.
I also went to my storage unit and dug out my digital camera. I want to start taking pictures again. Unfortunately, it's broken so no luck there. Time to buy a new digi cam, or at least wait until I get paid again.
Anywho, time to log off and do something productive......... like look for another manslation.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Today is Friday, I am not working, and I just got paid ! Woot !
I didn't work yesterday, and I stayed in my room the whole day. I watched TV and played Solitaire. I need to delete that game off my laptop. Otherwise my ass will grow roots into the chair and I will never leave. But I kick ass at the game though.
I plan on roaming around outside today......
I got a call from the guy I interviewed with a couple of days ago. He told me that the firms he was going to send me feel that although I have a very good resume, that they would have to train me and they don't want to train me.
I interviewed for a position as a records clerk. I went to a four year university and then got my paralegal certificate. And the firms would rather hire people with less education, but who have better filing skills. It's frustrating and it seems that there is no end to this.
I can learn this stuff. I am so hungry for more legal experience that I can probably even figure some of it out myself. I've been in the situations before in my internships. If I've gone out and volunteered and interned for free while working full time and going to school, surely I can quickly learn how to maintain records. I know it's more complicated that just filing, but still. I can do it.
I have to start from somewhere, and I just need someone to give me a chance.
Anyhooch, time to log off for now.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I am listening to Loveline right now with Dr. Drew and my favorite band 311 is on. I love 311 and they are coming to town this weekend on tour for the BFD tour. Too bad I have to work :( The lead singer Nick Hexum is really hot and I love his deep voice. Especially while he is giving sex advice to young confused callers. He can advise me anytime.
On another note, I worked with Mr. Angry Pants today. I am thinking of changing his name to Mr. Ass Bug, because I feel that a large bug crawled up his crack and logdged itself in his bunghole. If you are new to my blog, here is a refresher of Mr. Angry Pants. You can skip past the first half of the post to get to the juice.
So I was just minding my own business and I managed to avoid him for pretty much the whole 8 hours. It was within the last 10 minutes of my shift that he decided to leave me with some of his pearls of wisdom.
He is black, and basically he was shocked to learn that I get along with the other African American and the guys from Ethiopia. I've been working there for about 3 years and have gotten along with everyone there. He was most shocked that the other African American guy there is my friend. I don't know where the hell that came from. I knew that Mr. Angry Pants had an issue with me, but I didn't realize that it was because he felt I was incapable of getting along with blacks and Africans. Like, what did he expect me to do, walk up to him and tell him I like black people ????
So I told him that he was the only one with the issue, and that he never took the time to get to know me. Luckily my replacement showed up so I could scoot out the door before he could verbally barf on me again. Awkward !
Seriously, what an asshat. I live in the SF Bay, it is 2009 and I can't believe that this is still an issue. I would expect this in a small town, but not at my job in the heart of Silicon Valley.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
I noticed that I have new followers. I feel so special. Welcome to my world, my lovelies ! You are all loved, lol.
I wanted to ask you a question..........
What country is best for a vacation in November/December ?
Today was interesting because I had a last minute interview with a legal placement agency. I got a call in the morning and ended up driving over an hour for the interview. But I will write more about that later. I want to see how things play out first.
Tonight Real Housewives of New Jersey are on. I've watched all the seasons: Orange County, New York, Atlanta and now New Jersey. And so far Jersey has the most drama. Good lord, that woman Danielle Staub is such a trainwreck, I can't look away. Apparently she was featured in a book called "Cop without a Badge" where the author said he met her as an exotic dancer and drug addict. She was also arrested for kidnapping and extortion but her man at the time who was well connected and got her a good deal. She then changed her name.
If I were her and I got off, I would've freaking stayed out of the spotlight. What does she do ? She appears in a reality show where her dirty past including her old name and mugshots get aired. What a genius.
This show is such an addiction. I am waiting to get home to watch the rerun.