Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Little Update

Okay, in my last entry I said I was fascinated by Sylvia Browne because of what I saw on TV and also because I read parts of one of her books. And also because she was such a big tipper and great customer.

Then I did a little research on her and realized that I am no longer fascinated. I realized that she defrauded people out of their money. People that just needed answers and hope. And she took advantage of that.

I still believe in reincarnation and the possibility of cell memory. But I don't believe in her. I believe that she may indeed have a gift, but that she is using it the wrong way.

Sunday, October 28, 2007



I have been reading some interesting topics lately. I went to the bookstore and read books on Sylvia Brown. That woman fascinates me. When I was a waitress I served her and her husband twice. And both times in the back of the restaurant. I looked at her and hoped that she would read my mind and know that I was interested in her and hoped she could figure it out. I didn't say anything to her both times out of respect and I wanted her to enjoy her meal. I guess if I asked her something she probably would have answered. But at the time I was in my very early twenties and didn't really have any pressing questions. I left her alone and let her eat in peace. She tipped me fat though. I was appreciative of her generosity and felt like she was a kind person.

Now, I wish I could go back in time and ask her questions. She has written a lot of books and I gathered she is an ethical person, which I admire. Her books on reincarnation intrigued me the most. Especially the subject of cell memory.

Lately I have been reading articles on holocaust victims reincarnating in this life and reliving old memories.

I don't know what I was in my past life, but I would like to find out. I had a very strong interest in the holocaust when I was a teenager that never seemed to go away I just had to read everything about it. Now I am more interested in the stories of the survivors. I was really drawn to Schindler's List and the Piano. I always felt embarrassed about my strong interest.

There is a woman in Sweden that claims she is the reincarnation of Anne Frank. I read her bio and I suppose it could be true. She has flashbacks of being in the house, and the arrest. Plus one of the surviving Frank family members believes she is Anne reincarnated. But I am sure there are so many women out there that feel the same way and feel that they are Anne. Plus, that is a bold statement to make. I would like to read the book, but I can understand why there was public outrage.

But I have a strong feeling that I was in Europe during that era. That obsession has never gone away. I love the era between the 1920s to the 1940s. I love how women dressed back then. When I was a child I read everything I could get my hands on during that 20 year period. Whether it was in the US or Europe.

I have a strong interest in the Old Europe. I pay attention to old buildings build during or soon after the war. Like the very simple apartment buildings where the curtains are made of white lace. I love the old doorbells and I love it when I hear an older woman walking around on the linoleum with her clunker shoes and hair tied up. I love the older trains and I pay attention to the older folks. I admire them because they lived during that era and I want to know how life was for them. When my grandmother died, I was sad because I felt like she was my connection to the past. I loved it when European countries were more individual and the Euro wasn't the currency people used. I don't like the taste of schwartezbrot, but I like it because it is so European and eat it anyway. I love it when older European gentlemen are so polite and offer compliments.

I went over to Austria when I was ten years old for the first time and lived with my aunt for about 6 months. I adapted really well. I went back again when I was 18 and my family was so impressed with how well I took to European customs. While I was living there I was often mistaken for being one of them (as long as they didn't hear me in a long conversation)

I have always envied my Austrian cousins, for they were born and raised there and still live there. I used to secretly wish that my mom had never immigrated to the US and that I was a European child. While I heard the stories of how my cousins traveled all over Europe on family vacations, I was envious. I could travel the entire US, but I would still be in one country. Europeans can travel the continent and cover so many countries.

I am still obsessed with that, but luckily it is not my only interest anymore. I realized that I was limiting myself. I have since taken a liking to world affairs and have wanted to learn about issues affecting the world, and not just events in Europe. I have also recently grown interested in the US Constitution and our founding fathers. Especially since I started studying it in my American Law class. Ever since I traveled to Spain a couple of years ago and got homesick for American things, I realized that I am American, no matter how obsessed I may be with Europe. And the US has a great history that I should learn about.

Anyway, back to past lives. I would really like to learn mine. Many people don't believe in it, but I do. And I believe it could provide answers to me in this life.

Anyway, I will end this here.

Monday, October 22, 2007

It's Official ! I can no longer afford to live !!!!

Hello there my lovelies,

Well, it is official !! I now have to get a second job in order to stay afloat. My car insurance rate has doubled, and I just found out that my insurance won't cover the rest of my doctors appointments. This means that I am getting hit with another $500 in doctors bills.

Finding a law firm to work for is another interesting feat. I have my degree, I am bilingual and I am pursuing my Paralegal certificate. Yet most don't want to consider me because I've never worked in a law firm before. Plus, one company already already had an issue with me because I am going to school in the evenings. Supposedly working overtime is very important. And I agree. I would love to work overtime when I don't have school. Yet they can't give me a break for the two nights I attend school. I make it clear in my interviews that I am willing to do anything from making coffee to research to legal writing. And that I can work almost any hours except for the two nights I have school, and even that is negotiable.

 It seems like I may have to work for a legal non-profit agency for free during the day and work at night. I really don't want to go down that road because I can't afford to work for free. But if I have to, I will.

The good news is that I don't give up. Rejection just doesn't phase me anymore.  And that is because I don't have any options at this point.

I just can't afford to live anymore. I don't work to live anymore. Now I have to live to work.

Anyway, I can't wait until this year is over.