Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Don't come back to work until you brush your teeth !!!

Wow, I think that some people I work with should be suspended due to their horrendous breath. Seriously. Most of the time all it really takes is good dental care and breath mints. And I also think that we should refuse service if people reek of rotting roadkill everytime they speak. It's offensive. Why do other people have to be subjected to the bad hygiene of others ? Look at all the anti-smoking laws around. Let's apply that to the hygiene department. "Sir, I am going to have to ask you to eat your dinner outside until you learn to stop smelling like ass." There really oughta be a law. I know in the real world this would warrant lawsuits like crazy, but it would be worth it. I would love to see people disciplined for subjecting the rest of us to bad hygiene.


NEW YORK (AP) - A Manhattan doorman has been suspended for having bad breath. Jonah Seeman, who has been ushering tenants into a four-building complex on East 89th Street for 40 years, was told not to come to work Friday because of halitosis.

Seeman said he has stopped eating garlic, uses mouthwash and takes breath mints on the job.

The Brooklyn resident, who supports his 81-year-old mother, has been suspended twice before for bad breath - one day in May and then again in July.

Apartment dwellers at the Gracie Gardens complex expressed surprise over Seeman's suspension and came to his defense.

"His job, which he does well, is opening the door - not to be opening his mouth," said Adam Reingold.

Officials with Cooper Square Realty, the management company that oversees the property, did not return calls seeking comment. But the company sent the doorman a letter dated Nov. 21, stating: "We can no longer tolerate the fact that you have severe breath odor while on duty."

The union that represents Seeman, Local 32BJ of the Service Employees International Union, has filed a grievance in the case.

Monday, December 10, 2007

How Frugal Are you ??

Okay, so I found this list that some guy wrote, giving 50 suggestions as to how you can save money. How well are you doing in being frugal ???? The answers in green are my opinions.

Go with one car.  Hahaha, I already Have just one car.

  1. Go with a smaller house. Not only do I have a smaller house, I have a roommate to cut costs further
  2. Go with a smaller car. Lol, I drive a small car
  3. Rent rather than own. See Number two
  4. Look for used first. I don't think I will ever get used to buying used clothing at a thrift shopThe only used things I will really buy are textbooks and cars 
  5. Eat out less.This is a good suggestion. But when I try and buy food, I am usually too busy or tired to cook it, and end up wasting it. I think I will stick to my current habit of eating out. 
  6. Eat out frugally. I never spend more that 10 bucks when I go out for lunch I usually keep it at 5 bucks.
  7. Brown bag it to work. Lol, have you ever eaten my cooking ?
  8. Adopt a minimalist wardrobe. Already done, especially since I spend a lot of time at work and already have a uniform. In fact, I haven't shopped for clothed for about a year now.
  9. Stop online impulse buys. I only really buy my books online, and they are much cheaper used than at the local bookstore.
  10. Don’t shop. Lol, screw this. I get out of the house to shop very rarely, So when I DO get to the store, I will make the experience the most fun I can, and if I buy a few things I don't really need (which doesn't happen too much anymore) it will be to reward myself for supporting myself and working hard.
  11. Use a 30-day list. I am not going to predict all my needs for the next 30 days. I like a little fun in impulse shopping as long as I am reasonable.
  12. Cut out cable. Already done. We don't have TV
  13. Use the library. Sorry, although I this is a good idea, and I do check out good books for reference during school I love collecting new books. Shopping for a new book is my thing, and I love my book collection at home. I am not just going to use the library.
  14. Find free entertainment. I rarely ever go out anyway.
  15. Frugal exercise. I will not cut out my gym fees. The fees are reasonable, and my gym is great so it stays. I get a lot of free classes included in the bill anyway.
  16. Stay healthy. LOL. I sure do try. For starters I try to take multivitamins and exercise. 
  17. Commute by bikeLOL, I am not commuting on the highway 
  18. Carpool or ride the bus.No one I know has my wierd schedule. Not going to happen. And as for the bus, the system sucks here. It would take me two hours to get to work when the drive is really 20 min by car. Plus there are some real dirty pervs that take the bus. 
  19. WalkLast time I walked in my neighborhood, I got picked up and hollered at at least 5 times and I live like a block away from the taco shop. Plus at least 2 registered sex offenders live in the area.
  20. Sell your clutter. This is a really good idea that I would love to follow. I just don't know who would actually by my crap.
  21. Frugal gifting. LOL, I am the master on this one and did quite well this holiday season
  22. Quit smoking. LOL, I don't even smoke
  23. Alcohol in moderation. I don't even drink that much. Maybe one drink a month IF THAT
  24. Sweets in moderation. I don't buy a lot of sweets. I just find them or people give them to me, lol.
  25. Drink water. This is one thing I do religiously
  26. Batch your errands. I barely do my errands, so I do alright on this
  27. Stay home. I am the MASTER on this one
  28. Stop using credit cards. Not on my salary. I am barely surviving
  29. Cancel subscriptions. I have no magazines, no cable, no porn sites. But my cell phone and my internet subscription stays. 
  30. Make your own. That would be a disaster
  31. Do it yourself. LOL. Like what ? Paint my own room ? Like represent myself in court ? Build my own furniture ? I don't think so.
  32. Stop paying interest. LOL as soon as I make more money to pay down my debt I will listen to this
  33. Reduce convenience foods. Not going to happen. The convenience foods I buy, being the cheapskate that I am, are actually cheaper to buy than the foods I cook myself.
  34. Travel frugally. LOL, I don't even travel
  35. Cut the cell phone. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN
  36. Cut your own hair. LOL, this is the worst advice ever !! I think a man wrote this one
  37. Maintain stuff. Duh, I already try the best I can to take good care of my things
  38. Save energy. I don't pay utilities, but I still try to be a responsible roommate.
  39. Save gas. I barely even go anywhere
  40. Only buy bargain clothing (when you need clothes). I am reasonable, but I am not going to just stick to the 50% off rack
  41. Telecommute. I prefer to get out of the house to go to work
  42. Plan ahead. I definitely try
  43. Cook ahead. Didn't I just say that I am not that good of a cook ??? What;s the point of cooking if I won't eat my own food ?
  44. Wash clothes less. Hell NO. Besides, I don't pay utilities
  45. Sun-dry clothes. LOL, it's winter now !! The man that wrote this list is really a cheapskate !
  46. Eat less meat. LOL, Okay, I don't even know how to prepare meat unless its hotdogs and I don't even buy them that much
  47. Save on groceries. Yeah, thanks to my wonderful habit of frugally eating out, I don't have much of a grocery bill
  48. Frugal Christmas.Already bought my frugal, not cheap, Xmas gifts
  49. Eat a cheap breakfast. Breakfast is my cheapest meal of the day !!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I Have to Save Myself.............


2007 is almost up and next month people will be thinking about their New Years Resolutions. I have a few, but one of them will be on the top of my list.

1.) Save myself financially. I have found my financial guru, Suze Orman and I will give her plan a spin. I bought two of her books, and I will put them to the test. I will talk more about that later. I have read a lot of financial books out there and hated all of them, feeling like they don't apply to me. I finally found advice I can actually agree with, and a plan that I can work with. In my humble opinion, most of the financial books out there are NOT geared towards young adults.

I have found that it's not really about how much you make, rather how you manage what you make. If you can't handle the little salary you make now and understand where everything goes, then when you do make a bigger salary you're likely to piss a lot of it away and leave a lot of money on the table at the same time.

I am supposed to graduate by the end of next year and I would like to have my shit under control by then. I may still owe a lot of money, but at least I will have a better handle on my finances. I would like to cut back on services I don't really use, get a better grip on my retirement funds, and get all the mistakes on my credit score cleared up.

For the longest time, I only thought that having a good credit score is all that one needs. But there is so much more involved with financial planning.

Anywho, that is my first priority for next year in addition to school. Finally a resolution that doesn't involve weight loss.



Monday, December 3, 2007

A 95 Year Old Blogging Woman

I was reading the news when I learned that a 95 year old woman in Spain has a blog. She got the blog because she said that her "stingy" grandson gave it to her for her 95th birthday. Okay, I lived in Spain once, and she is right about Spanish men, for the most part at least. When I was living there many of the men I met stilled lived with their parents well into their thirties. On top of that, they were very stingy. Good luck in getting them to even buy you a drink sometimes.

Seriously, what kind of grandson gets his grandmother a blog for her birthday ?? My Austrian grandma never communicated through e-mail and it took her forever to get a cellphone. My other grandma here in California uses e-mail but I am not sure how she would react if she was given a blog.

But it turns out that this was one of the best gifts he could've given her. Her blog has been very popular and she has received letters from all over the world. She said that she feels that the elderly are a forgotten people. She also said that with her blog people are writing to her and asking her for advice and asking her about life when she was young. She said that people really value her opinion.

Her blog is in Spanish, but I heard that you can translate it into English through Google. I need practice reading in Spanish so this would be good for me. I read in the news that she talks a lot about about the Spanish Civil War, and about the differences between men back then and men now in how they treat women. I really look forward to reading more about her life. And I hope that you will too.

I really love hearing the elderly talk about their pasts. Here in America I feel like they are tossed to the side, and that their opinions are less valued. One thing that really bugs me is when I am serving an eldely is when their children talk for them, even though I am clearly not talking to them. I also dislike it when an elderly person is trying to speak to me and their child downplays what the person is saying. Luckily I don't see that too often.

My grandpa lived to be 92. I loved hearing him retell his stories and I saved his letters that he wrote, telling his life story. If it weren't for him, I really wouldn't have been able to learn about my Russian great-grand parents that immigrated through Ellis Island.

I also love hearing my grandma here in California talk about hermother, my great- grandma. I also got to hear her retell her stories about volunteering for the Red Cross back in the day.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the journal. I will also post it on my journal collection to the side.



Sunday, December 2, 2007

Presidential Election Coming Up

Hello All,

So I have been reading about the presidential candidates for 2008 and I am so frustrated. I really don't know who to vote for. Unless the candidate is really far to the left or so far to the right, they don't really clearly state their agendas. They shy away from a lot of direct questions.

Take Hillary Clinton for example: She was asked if she agreed whether illegal aliens should be given drivers licenses. She would not give a straight answer. She danced around it. She said that the problem with that is that states are making the decisions individually when it really should be a federal issue. She did not answer the question.

Hello, Hillary !!! You are campaigning to become the next president. The president of the United States is a FEDERAL position, so shut up and answer the dawddamn question !!! Answer yes or no, because I am sure as president it would become your problem and you can sign or veto the bills in Congress. And I am trying to decide if I should vote for you or not, so please just answer some questions directly.

I am not far to the left and I am not to the far right. I am very liberal on some issues and very conservative on others. So therefore, I can't vote for a die-hard liberal or a die-hard conservative.

Seeing as in school we've been taught that only Democrats or Republicans win the presidency, it would be pointless to vote for another party, such as the Green Party. So therefore I would have to vote for someone like Guiliani, a Republican, or Hilary, a Democrat, candidates that kind of dance in the middle, and at least try to appeal to both sides.

But the problem with that is that they don't really have solid plans. And you can't really appeal to both sides.

I am also frustrated because we are in such a budget crises. The Democrats can't possibly keep their promises for their plans to help the poor. And the Republicans if they clean up the budget would do a lot of clean up in the name of eliminating important social programs.I remember when Arnold first came into office here in Californina. One of the first things he did was cut our school budget. I was in a state college at the time and we were hit pretty hard. The budget was so tight that the teachers couldn't even make enough photocopies of our homework for us.

I guess I am rambling. I have come to the conclusion that no candidate that I vote for would really be on the same page as me. I guess I willjust have to choose the lesser of the two evils.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Four Years At J Land

Hello There My Lovelies,

I have to admit that for most of the year, I was absent from this journal. I did, however, manage to crank out about one entry per month until this month, of course. I just don't want this journal to die, lol. I have a private journal, but I kinda gave up on that one. It was about my relationships, but I really don't feel like talking about that anymore. Who knows, maybe I'll start it back up again soon. I am sure the readers of that one have given up on that.

Next month will mark four years on this journal. I didn't think that I would keep it up. I started it around my senior year of college while I was waitressing, and kept it through my graduation, my trip in Spain, my return back to the US and my never ending job search and me going back to school for the second time.

I don't know who reads this journal. I am greatful for the few loyal readers that I do have. Otherwise it doesn't really matter. I have found that being able to read back 3-4 years and see my train of thought back then compared to now is reward enough for me and helps keep things in perspective.

I don't know about you, but I am looking forward to the new year ahead of me. I don't know if it will be better or worse, but at least I will have a stronger sense of direction and a guideline of how to accomplish the goals I will set out to accomplish in 2008.

More on the goals later.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

To Catch A Predator


I hope you all are enjoying your Thanksgiving holiday. I spent time at my grandma's house and I also got to see my aunts uncles and cousins. I absolutely love spending time with my grandma and grandpa and I hope that I will also make it up for Christmas.

In addition to eating good food, talking with family and sleeping in, I also watched a lot of TV. There was a Law and Order marathon, as well as a To Catch a Predator marathon.

I am so glad that there is a show like that to catch the sick pervs out in this world. I don't feel sorry for any of them, and feel that they should all go to prison and have criminal charges slapped on them for the rest of their lives. I was disgusted that rabbis, ministers, militarymen and counselors for the mentally disabled were among those that showed up. They all said that that was the first time they ever did anything like that ad nauseum. If I were the judge in that courtroom, I would set the maximum bail possible for the crime. Some men cried, others broke down and said that they were just so desparate. I don't feel sorry for any of them. I do feel sorry for their wives and children that are affected. One Indian guy said he was a "foreign national" and wanted an attorney. He then looked so shocked that he was being sent to jail to await his trial. LOL, Welcome to America, bitch !

I also feel that teenaged girls are becoming way too promiscuous. What the hell are young teen girls doing in chat rooms and having sexually charged conversations with older men ????? Or any person for that matter ? Most of the time, I believe that parents are to blame. They are either busy working just to make ends meet and can't be around. (Not entirely thier fault, it's hard to make ends meet,especially for single parents) Or they have relaxed rules. Some women out there act slutty, and it is no surprise that their daughters follow in their footsteps, wearing pants with "juicy" on the butt, or wearing no bra, or little mini skirts with no underwear.

 Sometimes, I also think that even though parents do make an effort to police their children, little Miss Suzy can still defy her parents when they aren't looking and turn into a little slut. It's called being rebellious. It happens. On occasion, the teenager is to blame.

And that's where the law steps in to protect minors whose parents are either absent, incompetent or just unable to police their child's every move. I am glad that we have laws like this. Even though some teen girls in my opinion have just gotten way to promiscous and are asking for trouble, they still deserve to be protected. Well, at least until they turn 18.

Too bad I don't have TV at home. I'll just have to stock up on more Law and Order DVDs.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


Hello there my lovelies,

Okay, so the quarter is almost over but my professor in American Law just keeps assigning us more work. He was easier in the beginning of the quarter, and then as you are a few weeks away from taking the final, BAM he justs pulls out new assignments out of his sleeve for us. I can't believe I have a take home midterm over the Thanksgiving break. So I take a midterm in class, and then we are assigned another midterm over the break. Luckily it won't be too hard, because I took a lot of notes. But I have learned a lot about the Constitution in his class.

I also have another research project due that I absolutely dread. I have to go to the law library again, but this time I am going to meet up with another guy in my class who will help me research and hopefully protect me from the crazy stalker that I attracted during my last visit.

Anywho, I am tired and have a long day ahead tomorrow.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Spice Girls Back On Tour

Okay, I admit it: I really like the Spice Girls. When they first came out I was in high school, and remembered having my whole future ahead of me. Their music makes me happy.

Ten years later they are back on tour. Now they have husbands, children and other careers. I prefer them ten years ago, but I am still really happy that they are reuniting for one last tour.

I remember when I lived in Austria in the summer of 1998 and my little cousins were listening to them.

I have their CDs and I work out to them. I don't really like the new song Headlines, too much, but I am sure it will grow on me.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Aloha My Lovelies,

Okay, so I just finished polishing up my resume. Okay, scratch that. I revamped it completely. I looked at different formats and suggestions and decided that my resume needed some changes. It never occured to me that I should post the scholarships that I won. Why didn't I think of that ? I also added my objective. So, now my resume looks a lot better.

However, no matter what I do to it and how much I fluff it up, hiring law firms will always see that I have never worked in a legal environment before. Every firm I have applied to wants experience whether it is answering the phones or filing. Oh, I have tons of that type of experience. But because I never did any of that in a law firm, it doesn't count. So I am working on that too. I would like to start volunteering for pro bono cases. I have a couple of interviews next week, and I hope that they go well. I have always wanted to volunteer and give back to the community anyway, so this would be great. I would like to work on immigration cases, but I am open to anything that they throw at me. It would be ideal for me to work with refugees.


Saturday, November 17, 2007

The Law Libary

Hello There My Lovelies,

Okay, so the quarter is almost over, and I have projects, tests and assignments coming up. So I visited the law libary here in town.I am trying to complete my research project, and I suck at that. I thought I covered the right points and turns out I was wrong. Luckily the teacher told me that the only way I would fail is if I didn't turn in the project. Yay for me ! I will take a stab at it and turn it in.

Anyway luckily no screaming children were running around. Who would want to bring their kids there anyway ? The place is boring, and although I wanted to enjoy the intellectual atmosphere, I simply couldn't. I looked out of place there, like a dog walking on its hind legs. The librarian asked me if I was okay, and I finally confessed that I was new and trying to figure everything out. He then gave me a map. I was locating the books my professor talked about in class and identified them. That was a start for me.

So I was sitting at a table and minding my own business when some random guy who was sitting for a while at the table on the other side of the library comes to my table and sits down. For the record, the whole place is almost empty. There are many tables he could choose, but he walks all the way over to mine, plops down and starts reading. Reads a legal book like it's a novel and enjoying it. I don't even see attorneys who do that. My teacher told me he doesn't favor reading legal documents. That was my first suspicion.

I was kinda irritated because he wore some horrible cologne, had a leather jacket and kinda said something to himself every so often. I didn't want him to sit there, but I brushed it off. I gave him a look like "why my table", and he looked at me but I couldn't say anything. It's a public table, and if he wanted to sit there, he had a right to.

So I keep reading my stuff and wondered why he kept looking at me. He then mumbled something, and I thought he was finally voicing up about the irritated looks I gave him. So I felt bad and asked him what was wrong, and he started asking me questions about myself: What are you studying ? Is it hard ? Where is your boyfriend ? How old are you ? I was being polite and making small conversation while looking at my books so he would get the hint I was stressed and busy, but to no avail.

He then asked me if I had a resume, lol. He told me he worked as an attorney for an appellate court.Whatever, I suppose it's possible. But at that point I was a little creeped out by him and didn't care if he worked at the Supreme Court. I wasn't giving him any info. So I get up to walk around and get away from him, and also to do a little research. As I made my way to different stations of books, he kept looking at me and nodding his head. When he realized that I was going to be busy for a while he went somewhere else. But when I returned to my desk he came back and sat down.

I finally told the librarian, and luckily the guy disappeared shortly before I left. His stuff was still at his table, but whatever. At least he wasn't at my table.


This never fails to make me laugh :)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Little Update

Okay, in my last entry I said I was fascinated by Sylvia Browne because of what I saw on TV and also because I read parts of one of her books. And also because she was such a big tipper and great customer.

Then I did a little research on her and realized that I am no longer fascinated. I realized that she defrauded people out of their money. People that just needed answers and hope. And she took advantage of that.

I still believe in reincarnation and the possibility of cell memory. But I don't believe in her. I believe that she may indeed have a gift, but that she is using it the wrong way.

Sunday, October 28, 2007



I have been reading some interesting topics lately. I went to the bookstore and read books on Sylvia Brown. That woman fascinates me. When I was a waitress I served her and her husband twice. And both times in the back of the restaurant. I looked at her and hoped that she would read my mind and know that I was interested in her and hoped she could figure it out. I didn't say anything to her both times out of respect and I wanted her to enjoy her meal. I guess if I asked her something she probably would have answered. But at the time I was in my very early twenties and didn't really have any pressing questions. I left her alone and let her eat in peace. She tipped me fat though. I was appreciative of her generosity and felt like she was a kind person.

Now, I wish I could go back in time and ask her questions. She has written a lot of books and I gathered she is an ethical person, which I admire. Her books on reincarnation intrigued me the most. Especially the subject of cell memory.

Lately I have been reading articles on holocaust victims reincarnating in this life and reliving old memories.

I don't know what I was in my past life, but I would like to find out. I had a very strong interest in the holocaust when I was a teenager that never seemed to go away I just had to read everything about it. Now I am more interested in the stories of the survivors. I was really drawn to Schindler's List and the Piano. I always felt embarrassed about my strong interest.

There is a woman in Sweden that claims she is the reincarnation of Anne Frank. I read her bio and I suppose it could be true. She has flashbacks of being in the house, and the arrest. Plus one of the surviving Frank family members believes she is Anne reincarnated. But I am sure there are so many women out there that feel the same way and feel that they are Anne. Plus, that is a bold statement to make. I would like to read the book, but I can understand why there was public outrage.

But I have a strong feeling that I was in Europe during that era. That obsession has never gone away. I love the era between the 1920s to the 1940s. I love how women dressed back then. When I was a child I read everything I could get my hands on during that 20 year period. Whether it was in the US or Europe.

I have a strong interest in the Old Europe. I pay attention to old buildings build during or soon after the war. Like the very simple apartment buildings where the curtains are made of white lace. I love the old doorbells and I love it when I hear an older woman walking around on the linoleum with her clunker shoes and hair tied up. I love the older trains and I pay attention to the older folks. I admire them because they lived during that era and I want to know how life was for them. When my grandmother died, I was sad because I felt like she was my connection to the past. I loved it when European countries were more individual and the Euro wasn't the currency people used. I don't like the taste of schwartezbrot, but I like it because it is so European and eat it anyway. I love it when older European gentlemen are so polite and offer compliments.

I went over to Austria when I was ten years old for the first time and lived with my aunt for about 6 months. I adapted really well. I went back again when I was 18 and my family was so impressed with how well I took to European customs. While I was living there I was often mistaken for being one of them (as long as they didn't hear me in a long conversation)

I have always envied my Austrian cousins, for they were born and raised there and still live there. I used to secretly wish that my mom had never immigrated to the US and that I was a European child. While I heard the stories of how my cousins traveled all over Europe on family vacations, I was envious. I could travel the entire US, but I would still be in one country. Europeans can travel the continent and cover so many countries.

I am still obsessed with that, but luckily it is not my only interest anymore. I realized that I was limiting myself. I have since taken a liking to world affairs and have wanted to learn about issues affecting the world, and not just events in Europe. I have also recently grown interested in the US Constitution and our founding fathers. Especially since I started studying it in my American Law class. Ever since I traveled to Spain a couple of years ago and got homesick for American things, I realized that I am American, no matter how obsessed I may be with Europe. And the US has a great history that I should learn about.

Anyway, back to past lives. I would really like to learn mine. Many people don't believe in it, but I do. And I believe it could provide answers to me in this life.

Anyway, I will end this here.

Monday, October 22, 2007

It's Official ! I can no longer afford to live !!!!

Hello there my lovelies,

Well, it is official !! I now have to get a second job in order to stay afloat. My car insurance rate has doubled, and I just found out that my insurance won't cover the rest of my doctors appointments. This means that I am getting hit with another $500 in doctors bills.

Finding a law firm to work for is another interesting feat. I have my degree, I am bilingual and I am pursuing my Paralegal certificate. Yet most don't want to consider me because I've never worked in a law firm before. Plus, one company already already had an issue with me because I am going to school in the evenings. Supposedly working overtime is very important. And I agree. I would love to work overtime when I don't have school. Yet they can't give me a break for the two nights I attend school. I make it clear in my interviews that I am willing to do anything from making coffee to research to legal writing. And that I can work almost any hours except for the two nights I have school, and even that is negotiable.

 It seems like I may have to work for a legal non-profit agency for free during the day and work at night. I really don't want to go down that road because I can't afford to work for free. But if I have to, I will.

The good news is that I don't give up. Rejection just doesn't phase me anymore.  And that is because I don't have any options at this point.

I just can't afford to live anymore. I don't work to live anymore. Now I have to live to work.

Anyway, I can't wait until this year is over.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

My days at the Red Lobsta

Hello there my lovelies,

Wow, I have been away for a while. I know that I have neglected this blog, but I have been busy doing other things like sleeping on my really comfortable bed, playing solitare on my Ipod and working out.

I am going back to school today to pursue my paralegal certificate. I look forward to this quarter and I hope that I learn a lot and meet some cool people for my study sessions.

Speaking of which, I may have to get an internship for free and get a few part time jobs so that I can do the internship and go to school part time and still make a living. I may have to go back to being a waitress.

I was a waitress during college and I learned a lot. I realized that for the first half of my serving career that I really was a crappy server and I want to appologize to all of the poor guests I served. I didn't know how to serve back then, I can't take more than five tables and part of me didn't care. For the latter half, I wised up and improved my level of service and started caring more about my customers. And I started to receive compliments and sometimes customers would even leave nice notes on the back of the receipt thanking me. They didn't always know how to tip well. But if they left me a nice note or at least gave me a nice compliment I wasn't angry. Getting crappy tips and stiffed was a common thing at Red Lobster, especially Sundays. So if I got compliments or was told my service was great, I took the compliment and let the rest slide. It was the people that demanded shit, ran my ass around, and left me a crappy ass tip after I did everything they asked. It was that and the occasional racist that really left me bitter.

I stumbled upon this and it brought back my days at da Red Lobsta. I take both sides. I understand the side of the server and the customer. People should definitely tip, but those same customers are also entitled to great service. Bad service, bad tip. And I know that when things go wrong, it's not always the servers fault. But why should customers have to pay for bad service no matter who's fault it is ?

I left waitressing because it made me bitter and a table racist. And I was tired of complaining. Yes many people I served did fit the stereotypes and it was sad. Many people that tell me "You can't stereotype people because not everyone is like that" never really served.

But now I may have to go back soon and I will have to go in with a new additude. Because life is just much better when you try to like people instead of be angry. People always will piss you off and stiif you and be assholes. The trick is remembering the people that treat you well and forgetting the people that piss you off and don't deserve your attention.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

August 31st

August 31st

Hello All,

I was out for a couple of days for my friend's wedding, so I didn't really get a chance to post on Aug 31st.

My grandma in Austria aka Oma passed away one year ago on that day. She died immediately of a heart attack and was gone within a few minutes. I was happy that she went peacefully. Otherwise, I was devastated by losing her. I loved her so much. She was 71. I thought she would have lived until 90 no problem. She seemed healthy and happy.

She was happy in her last hour, cooking lunch with her boyfriend and as he was in the basement getting food, she passed away. It was as if she was meant to go. It all happened so fast and it happened just when no one was around. By the time the helicopter came it was all over. Her time was up and we all just had to deal with it.

I didn't get the news until much later that day. However around the time it happened my blue cross necklace busted strongly and the beads just flew everywhere in my room. I couldn't pick up all the beads because there were so many. I looked for the cross and when I found it, it was completely detached from the rest of the necklace. I knew something happened within me, but I didn't think much of it. I of course got the news later that day.

I miss her so much. She was a wonderful person. She was full of love and life and she wanted me to be happy and in love. She taught me German so I could understand my background and understand her as well, lol. She also was selfless as she worked with the mentally handicapped and encouraged us to help them. She managed the finances of one of the handicapped men and made sure he was taken care of and that no one was taking advantage of him.

The best thing I ever did was fly to Austria to be with her one last time. Getting there was so expensive and last minute, but it helped so much in the healing process. Being there with her during the funeral helped me understand that her chapter on Earth ended and helped me be okay with the fact that the only way I can feel her presence is in my heart.

Austria is not the same without her. She was so proud of her country. I really miss her. I hope she somehow still knows that wherever she is now.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I am not feeling well

Hello Everyone,

I am gonna make this short and simple. I have been depressed lately, and it keeps getting worse. Now I am starting to feel sick to my stomach.

I feel like I want to just put life on hold for a while while I sleep everything else off. I just need a break. I feel like things don't get progressively better, they get progressively worse.

But luckily out of the blue for some reason, my friends have been calling me up and wanting to hang out with me so it takes the edge off. I have been out all weekend, so it has been a nice change, rather than me hiding in my room.

I also wish my mother would talk to me again. As she may still read this, I hope that she sees this and realizes that I do miss her.

I really hope things get better for me.

Saturday, August 4, 2007


Hello there my lovelies,

I will make this entry short as I am not feeling too well.

I am going back to school for my Paralegal Certificate. I have an interest in learning the laws, especially in immigration. Since I couldn't become a Customs Officer maybe this would be a better option. However, I would be interested in studying Criminal law as well. I met with the head of the department and he was very helpful. I will have him as my professor this fall. I heard he is good, so I am excited. This is one of the few hopeful things I have going on for me right now.

I am having issues at work, and I think I may lose my job. My bosses say they are unhappy with my performance and that I don't take enough initiative on the job. Yet I think they are wrong. I have taken responsibility for a lot of issues that aren't really my responsibility, and they haven't heard about it. None of them have ever visited my office, nor have they sat down with me out of concern. I just hear all of a sudden that they want to replace me. I heard a couple of weeks ago that they were fine with my performance, but now they want to replace me. It makes me angry. I told my boss I wasn't properly trained and if he makes me train another person, then that person will have the same knowledge level as me and it would be pointless.

It's not fair because I see my coworkers slacking off. They come in late, leave their posts, lose the keys and not do the work they ask. Yet they are still around and my boss wants to work fast to replace me. The funny thing is that he hasn't visited my site the whole time I have been there so he doesn't really know my full duties. Especially since I do double the work he does. It bothers me. Especially since I know a lot of the clients are happy with me.

I really want to get back into dance. I have been feeling really stressed lately. I have been too busy with school and work. I work out at the gym, but it is not the same as when I am dancing.

Anyway, that is all for now. I shall be back up here later.

Ciao Ciao.


Sunday, July 8, 2007

I miss dance

Hello All,

I have been going to the gym, but I haven't been dancing lately. I miss it, but I have been too lazy to get up and go to the gym or go to the studio on the weekends. I just lay in bed all day and watch Law and Order and by the time I even think about going, it's too late.

Although I work out, I miss the dance. I miss being expressive. It makes me feel alive, and I feel like I am lacking. Maybe next weekend.

Saturday, July 7, 2007


Hello Everyone,

Today is 7-07-07. It is supposed to be one of the luckiest days. I hope you're having a lucky day :)

I just wanted to point out that exactly one year ago, I had my LASIK surgery. I have been free of glasses for a year now, and I sometimes forget that I used to wear glasses. It has been one of the best things that I have ever spent money on.

Just thought I would share.


Saturday, June 23, 2007

It's Over

Hello Everyone,

My struggle for becoming a Customs and Protection Officer is officially over. I finally got all of my examinations/evaluations taken care of. I saw the psychologist and got evaluated in addition to seeing the cardiologist yesterday. They both were going to write a promising report.

I even passed my Video Based Test.

Unfortunately I got a letter in the mail yesterday from DHS stating that I don't meet their residency requirement. I have to have resided in the US for three years straight prior to applying for the position. And because I lived in Spain for a year, they are telling me that I am no longer qualified. (I came back from Spain 2 years ago)

That is the dumbest reason ever. This department is looking for people, especially women. I knew I had a had it hard in the beginning because I had to get medically cleared by four doctors. And I stepped up to the plate because I really wanted the job. I got the reports. And the ONLY reason that I am not qualified is because I was outside the US living abroad. Mind you, I am a US Citizen and have lived here in CA my entire life.

I filled out the SF 86 in May. They had over a month to tell me that I wasn't qualified and yet they waited until I paid about a thousand dollars and went through hell just to get my medical records and reports written. Yet they waited that long.

So let me repeat it again. I am female (they are especially looking to hire females), I haven't gotten arrested or used drugs, I am educated, I am bilingual, I am healthy and got cleared, I was willing to move all the way to San Diego for the job, and it was my dream job. And at the end they decided at the last minute that I wasn't qualified because I wasn't in the United States for three years straight before applying for the job. (Despite the fact that it is my right to travel)

They have dumb rules for weeding out applicants. No wonder they are always looking for new applicants. Now that this happened to me, I am willing to bet that a lot of people that applied and didn't get the job were actually qualified.

There is a reason they have problems filling the position. I did want this position and I really tried. However, I have never felt more judged than when I went through this process. They have put me through hell because I saw the doctors for minor occurances in the past and they made me pay for all the procedures and records. And on top of that I am disqualified because I traveled outside the US for a while. (They didn't state that on their website).

Well, at least I can put this to rest. I knew that it probably was not going to happen to me. But never did I expect it to be over for me for traveling outside the US.



Thursday, June 21, 2007

My Oma

Hello there,

A couple of days ago it was my late Grandma's birthday, and I was a little sad. For the most part, I did all my grieving around the time of her funeral. I took a about a week off for that and it helped tremendously.

But I still think about her from time to time and how lucky I was to have her in my life. I always loved visiting her in Austria. And now Austria just isn't the same when I go over there. I still have my aunt and cousins there, and I love visiting them. But I also wish that Oma were still alive.

I recently found out that she had supposedly left me money that was to only be used for furthering my education in a foreign country. The details are still all very murky and I don't know if things will ever become clear. She died so quickly that my mother still has a lot of things to figure out. What bank was it left at ? How long do I have to use the funds ? Is there still anything left ?

It may be a mystery that I may never figure out.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007


I am still trying to get medically cleared for being a US Customs Agent. I am scheduled to get psychologically analyzed tommorow, and then I am supposed to see a cardiologist on Friday. I am also still waiting to find out if I passed my Video Based Test. I just hope that the doctors don't cancel out on me. My deadline is rapidly approaching.

I realized that there is a huge chance that I will end up not getting cleared. I know that. I mean everything regarding this has already gone wrong. Shit already blew up in my face. I have already spent a lot of time, money and energy on this, hoping that I will make it. I shed so many tears over this.

Yet, I still don't want to let this go. It is something that I have always wanted. I want to see this through, even if it blows up in my face with flying colors. The cardiologist still has time to tell me my left valve is weak and that I wouldn't be able to handle the job and the psychologist just may tell me that I am insane. Plus the people for the VBT could tell me that my answers were flat out retarded. Who knows at this point.

I am seeing this through because I want to know that I fought for something that I really want. I don't want to get in the pattern of just giving up. Because if I do that, I will never get anywhere. At least if this goes wrong I can pursue something else with the same passion.

I am not the only one that goes through things like this. People dump their whole life savings into businesses that fail. Women try to get pregnant but just can't conceive. People try to get into law enforcement all the time and don't make it. One of my friends got so close about three times, only for someone else to get chosen in the end.

The only frustrating this is that this is a lengthy process. The wait to see doctors, get records, and just know that I can move on to the next step can drive me crazy.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Hello there my lovelies,

It is a bad idea to eat dinner before you go to bed, but I just could not resist. I was so hungry. I had Mac N Cheese. Not just any mac n cheese, it was the "Organic" Mac n' cheese with the organic, white cheddar powder. It was okay, but not as good as the normal, yellow Mac N Cheese. If it aint broke, don't fix it.

I am tired, but don't want to go to bed just yet. I think I am gonna go and watch Sex In the City.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Thank you


I wanted to thank those of you that have left nice comments in my journal. It means a lot to me.

I forgot to mention that I danced again at the Egyptian Museum on Saturday. It was nice. My bra that I was going to wear ( it had coins) snapped at the last minute so I had to modify my costume before I left. Luckily I found out before I got to the venue. But I liked the modified costume better.

People loved the routine. I have been doing bellydance for five years now to this month. I started off very slow, and I still have a lot to learn. However, I feel that I've come a long way. I've started performing in the major festivals and I am getting stronger with my sword performances. I remember how scared I was to perform the sword last year. The next step would be competition, but I really don't think I am ready for that just yet. For starters, I have been practicing my routines alone. For me to be able to compete, I would at least need to start perfecting my techniques with a teacher and right now I can't really afford one. Plus, I am happy just practicing whenever on my down time instead of adding more pressure to it.

Anyway, I better go now.

Ciao Ciao


Monday, June 4, 2007

Hello there,

I feel like I am stuck in a rut in my life and that I can't snap out of it. I feel like I will never get out of where I live/ the type of work I do and how I feel about myself. I was reading this journal from last year about where I was in my life and I really haven't advanced that far. Yes, things are better, but not by that much. All I want is to be able to take care of myself.

I feel like I am holding on to things by the seams. I feel like I can barely pay my bills, like I am about to get in trouble at work. Today I got slammed at work and got a little angry with some of my coworkers and my boss is going to talk to me about it tommorow. I don't know if I will get in trouble or not. I hope not.

I think I am done here for now.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

I do not know where I am headed

Hello All,

My dream of working for US Customs is put on hold for now. I have simply done everything I could. I really don't want to get into all the details for now, but I will later. Basically I have a hard time meeting the deadlines and the phychological evaluation I am required to undergo will cost me at LEAST $1500. I want to pay it, but there are many steps to getting the job and getting medically cleared doesn't mean that I will get the job. It is simply too depressing. I really put my heart and soul into this. I feel like I am getting punished for seeing the school psychologist six years ago. I needed help,and I feel like I am getting judged. Yes, I know exactly why they need an evaluation from me and I do not blame them. But that doesn't change how I feel. I have done everything I could. I have called around trying to find a psychologist that can work with me on a sliding scale. I found only one but she told me that she would not be able to make my deadline. I will probably never know the reason that my every attempt at this is blowing up in my face with flying colors everytime I try, but I hope I find out.

Most of the psychologists I called were not that nice. Some were, but most were not. That is why I don't trust them with my personal information. They don't accept credit cards, they don't even sound friendly, and they did not even sympathize with my situation. When I went to my first(and only) therapist the guy was so impersonal and diagnosed me my a book. He looked like he hated being there and that talking to me was a drag. All I wanted was someone that took a personal interest in me in my life while I was there for the length of the session.

My boss at my second (part time) job also terminated me at Enterprise without even telling me when my last day was. I found out the hard way. I didn't get my check through direct deposit (they mailed it to me) and I freaked out. I don't get my mail at my house and so I called my boss to ask. It was then that my district manager told me that they didn't need me anymore and that my check was in the mail. They didn't even have the decency to sit me down and tell me that they didn't need me anymore. They told me that I should have been told, but I know that they meant to terminate me immediately. I know that my area manager was lying to me through my teeth.

I have a 401K with that company and I would have made my 2 year anniversary in July. Had I made it that far, I would have been entitled to some of the money that they matched when I put away money for my 401K each month. But nope, they terminated me and now I am not eligible to have it. It wasn't even that much.

Anyway, that is all for now. I hope that my next post will be happier.


Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Major Roadblock

Hello there everyone,

I am going to make this entry short. So, I got a letter from DHS and they said that I am not medically cleared. I have to send in my medical records from each doctor, and then get re-evaluated. I will have to submit records and get re-evaluated from the following:

1.)Phsychologist  2.) Orthopedist 3.) Optometrist 4.) Cardiologist

Oh and I forgot to mention that this all has to be postmarked by June 18th.

Half the battle is getting my previous medical records. My previous cardiologist is out unil June 20th ( after my deadline ) I am calling his office and leaving messages to get my records but of course no one is returning my calls.

I am really upset right now. I did all of this work, I have a fighting chance to prove that I am healthy (because I was told I am) and there is a strong possibility that I won't get this job because I can't get my records.

Did I mention how much time and money this will set me back ?

I am really pissed right now.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Quick Update

Hello there my lovelies,

Wow, it has been quite a while since I have updated this journal. So, I took my video based test on Friday and I think I got another letter from Homeland Security, but I am not sure. There was a huge envelope for me, but when I went to pick up my mail, the place was closed so I will have to go again tommorow.

I am not sure if I passed the video based test, but I should find out within another month. All I know is that I was nervous during the process. I hate having myself video taped only to have my reactions taped, so I really don't know what the outcome is. I am just going to have to wait this out and see what happens and I will keep y'all posted.

I have also been practicing my sword routine lately since I should be performing in a couple of weeks.

Anyway, I am going to go now. Just wanted to drop by and give a little update.

Ciao Ciao.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Making Progress

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I feel really relieved. I finally submitted amy SF-86 online yesterday after checking it a million times. I also just mailed out all the paperwork and the fingerprints. I just finished photocopying and signing everything today. I also went to the post office to get a return receipt on this. I did NOT do all that work for nothing. Next is the Video Based Test in a couple of weeks.

I am also working on fighting my two trafffic tickets by Trial by Written Declaration. I will be mailing those out after work tommorow. We'll see what happens.

My computer is also broken. My CD/DVD player won't open and I am currently on the phone trying to get it fixed. Luckily I got a four year warranty when I bought this laptop. And I will hit the four year mark in January. That warranty has paid for itself. But trying to get issues resolved by phone takes FOREVER. It took longer for the last couple of times because I spoke to people that were clearly in a foreign country ( I am guessing India) and I could tell that they could barely understand what they were telling me and everytime I asked a question there was a long pause followed by them looking it up in a book.

This time I am actually talking to someone that sounds like he is American and actually knows more than me about the computer. I guess I got lucky.

Anywho, I am gonna go now. Ciao Ciao.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Letter of Appreciation.

Hello there again my lovelies,

I also forgot to mention that I got my first letter of appreciation from my current job. At Enterprise I received about 4. I received mine at my current job about a week ago. I was happy.

One of the administrative assistants to the owners needed me to make a badge for her boss that afternoon. I was supposed to leave at 4pm and she called me around 3:20. Normally the process takes a couple of days. However, my coworker and I were able to get her a badge within an hour and follow all of the necessary procedures. I stayed late, but it didn't bother me.

She was a really nice woman, and really wrote us a nice letter and it meant the world to me. It makes all the difference in the world just to be nice and understanding and it made my job so much more easier.

Just thought I would share.

Saturday, May 5, 2007


Hello there my lovelies,

Just wanted to let y'all know that I had my physical fitness test and medical exam this past week and I passed. I am extremely grateful that I am healthy. Can't complain about that. I am enjoying every moment of health that I have.

Now I am just trying to finish submitting my SF-86 paperwork. For those of you that don't know that is a extremely long questionnaire. Very time consuming. In addition to that, there is a lot more paperwork to sign. But I am getting through it.

I also had to request my transcript from my university and I am appalled at the process. The staff is so unhelpful. I can't go down there and request my transcripts. I have to fax in a request and they won't even go to the fax machine to check for it. So it takes 7-10 days to even pick up the fax. Then it takes another week for the thing to go through the mail. I just don't know what to do if it arrives late.

Now I am just waiting for the drug test and my video based interview. I shall keep y'all posted on that.

I am just chillin and listening to my iPod right now. I love it. Unfortunately my CD drive on my computer broke. So did my AOL icon. I have to log on through Internet Explorer. I am a little miffed that I can't finish downloading my music onto iTunes.

Today I went to the salon and got an eyebrow wax and a haircut. The girl there teased my hair 1960s style and I absolutely love it. She also taught me how to tease my hair. Meow. I really like how it came out.

Anywho, I am gonna get back to work now. Happy Cinco de Mayo

Monday, April 30, 2007

I wonder what will happen.

Hello there my lovelies,

Okay, so I am working on completing the package that DHS sent me, and I think that I am almost half way there. I am still in the process of filling out the SF-86 form and man that is extensive.  I have to remember every time I traveled out of the country, even as a minor. I also had so many part time jobs in college. Hell, in the year 2000 I think I worked at five different places.

What else......... Ah yes on Wednesday I will go in for my medical exam and physical fitness test. Wish me luck on lifting 50 lbs. I look really stupid at the gym. I see all these buffed dudes lifting massive weights. And then there is me working on lifting a 50 lb with both hands and sweating like a pig. I got a couple of looks yesterday. Either that or they were staring at my boobs.

Going through this process is extensive and tedious, but I am very happy that it is happening and that I have a chance at this. I am up for some adventure and this job would be a dream come true. However, there are no guarantees in life and just because I have worked so hard for this and want it really bad doesn't mean that it is guaranteed to happen. But I do think that I would make a great agent. 

But at least, I am happy the the ball is rolling on this. I really hope that the outcome is favorable on this.

Thursday, April 26, 2007


Hello there my lovelies,

First of all, I wanted to thank those that congratulated me on my last entry. I really appreciate those that take the time to read my journal and comment.

Life has been busy for me. I was sick for a couple of days, so I didn't make it to the gym. Plus preparing everything for Office of Personnel Management is so time consuming. They want me to go back 10 years. I have to list every place I ever worked and lived for the past ten years, plus someone that knew me back then in each different job and residence. I have moved on in life, and going back takes a while. Not to mention my year long trip in Barcelona. I moved around a lot during that time. This is going to be interesting. It would be one thing if I lived in the same house my whole life and had the same job for a while, but that is definitely not the case with me.

My car is also getting fixed, so I will be happy when I get it back. My front and back bumpers should be like new. I should be picking it up tommorow. I hope that they give it a wash and a vacum. I really needed it. In the mean time, I am enjoying my rental. I am driving a brand new Sentra. Can't complain about that.

Anyway, I better go now.

Ciao Ciao.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

It's Finally Happening to me !

Hello there my lovelies,

So yesterday I went to get my mail and I got a fat package from Department of Homeland Security with a tentative offer for working as a Customs and Border Protection Agent.

Since this is a tentative offer, it means that I have a buttload of requirements to meet. And IF I meet them and IF they like me and think I will make a great Agent, then they will hire me and I will move to Southern CA. I am thinking San Diego, Yuma, something like that. I hear great things about the weather.

In the mean time, I will be getting fingerprinted, taking a fitness test, a medical exam, and a drug test. All this in addition to all of the paperwork I will be filling out. Did I mention that they will also do a full on background check of me and my financials ? This is going to be a long process, and I will wait and see what happens. I have heard that this can take anywhere from 5 months to a year.

Anywho, wish me luck.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

VA Tech Shootings

Hello there,

I am really angered and saddened by the VA Tech Shootings. It's so unfair. Cho got everything he wanted. He killed the people he wanted to before shooting himself. AND he got the airtime and publicity. He is getting more airtime than the victims. I think that people such as the Romanian math teacher that saved his students by standing between them and the gunman deserves to be on air more that Cho. What about the victims ? It angers me that his plan not only worked, but that he is known worldwide.

What angers me more, was that Cho was such a coward that he killed himself. There is no chance that justice will be served. We can't bring him to court, we can't talk to him and dig deeper into his brain. There is no chance for him to face the consequences of what he did. I know that he will have horrible karma, but what about now ? He should be rotting in prison. He should be confined for the rest of his life.

I don't really like to talk about current events here on my journal, but this just bothers me. My heart really goes out to the victims. A university is not a place to die, especially in class. People should be able to get an education without having to worry about being killed.

Okay, I said my piece. I am done here.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


Hello there my lovelies,

I have been crazy busy lately, especially since I got my new iPod. I love it because then I exercise more. Yesterday I went to the gym and ran five miles on the treadmill. I was on that thing for an hour. I haven't done that in a while. I have also been blowing some cash on iTunes. Been downloading the newest hits. It helps take the edge off while I am trying to get projects done at work. I bought it with my tax refund. I also decided to buy the shuffle. It's so cute.

What else ? Just in the process of trying to get my car fixed. Did I also tell you that late last month some guy in his new Lexus SUV backed up and hit my car ? He busted my left rear headlight. I was parked away from everyone else at Starbucks, yet he somehow managed to hit me. Luckily I wasn't in the car. But I can't be mad because he sought me out and gave me his insurance information. And because he did that, I thanked him and told him I wasn't going to be mean and bitch about it. But I did let it slip that I had recently been in an accident.

Anyway, I have more stuff to write about, but I will get to all that later. That'll be for another time.

Ciao Ciao.

Friday, March 30, 2007

How Good of a Friend are you ?

Hello All,

How good of a friend are you ? How long are you willing to stick it out with that person ?

I have a friend that I dance with. I really like her. She is the one that taught me the sword dance and she was with me when I performed at Rakkasah. She also took me to my LASIK appointment.

But a really nice thing she did for me is tell me that my bellydance teacher at the time was talking about me behind my back with her students in class after I had just left.

That was a year ago and things have changed ever since she got a new boyfriend. And not any boyfriend. A boyfriend that is dangerous. One that she had to file a restraining order against. One that wanted her to get pregant so that she could never leave him. And things did get worse, but I won't post that.

She left him once and took him back. Then after she went through some trauma she left him again and filed a restraining order against him. The whole time this happened I was telling her what a mistake she was making by staying with him and how important it is to leave him.

Luckily I've never met him and he doesn't know me. But she won't pick up the phone when I call her. She is always complaining about her drama with him, yet she keeps ending up with him. We had dance practice together for a performance that were gonna get paid for and she completely stood me up. I had to hound her on the phone for a few hours until she finally picked up. I thought something had happened to her.

What's so frustrating is that she won't even let me be there for her. I offer to hang out with her and she doesn't feel like it. I keep calling her only to get her voicemail. She avoids me, yet she still says I am her best friend.

I want to be there for her, but it is so hard when she keeps shutting me out and making the same awful mistakes over and over again. How many times do I have to watch her fall and suffer ?

I also have major issues to deal with. We all have our issues. Part of me wants to just move on, but the human side of me wants to stick it out.



Sunday, March 25, 2007

My scattered thoughts.................

Hello there,

My post below was actually copied from my MySpace Blog.

I tried posting another blog last night. I typed the whole damn thing for about a half hour. Then as I tried to post it, AO-Hell logged me off and my stuff disappeared. My feathers were ruffled over that.

I have been really busy lately. There is always something to do.

I am proud of myself for doing my own taxes. Well, I did use a website. But it was a helluva lot cheaper than hiring an accountant like I usually do every year. I took my hefty refund and used it at the Apple store. I bought an Ipod and an Ipod Shuffle. Not only that but I bought a case for the Ipod and an extended warranty for the Ipod.

I used the rest of the refund to pay part of my credit card bill, my mailbox fee and my car mechanic stuff. Now I can say that the money is officially spent. But it was great while I had it.

What else ? Oh yeah, I got 2 traffic tickets in the course of a week. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and scold me. But I am gonna work on fighting that. I still have to get my car repaired from my last accident.

Anyway, I am done here for now. I shall post later.


Rakkasah 2007

Rakkasah 2007 was great !!

Hello there my lovelies,

Okay, so March 16th was my big performance. I did my new sword routine in public for the first time. I was so nervous in the beginning. I practiced a lot, but I was still nervous. It was a big deal for me, especially since it was my solo. I was so nervous that I almost threw up and I have never ever felt that way before

But once I got into it, I had a great time performing. People were into it, and that's what it's all about. Unfortunately I got a foot cramp while I was performing and my hand bracelet almost came off, but it didn't disrupt me.

I saw a lot of people that I know there such as my old teacher and some former classmates. I also talked to this really nice lady. Usually everyone that is about to perform is wrapped up in whatever they are doing and don't really talk to others. While I was in the huge bathroom/ dressing area and practicing this lady started talking to me and wishing me luck. Her performance was before mine and she did a really nice job. She was really pretty and graceful (which is sometimes hard to find in all those performances) She also stuck around to watch mine.

Last year I was dancing with my troupe, Jewels of Opar and this year they danced right before me. They did a nice job. I rode up with them. I also got to see my old troupe member dance a solo. She and I decided to do solos this year. Her veil routine was beautiful and so was her costume.

I have the DVD of my dance, but I am having a hell of a time trying to upload it up onto You Tube, which I also like to call You Boob. If any of you would like to see it and can help me upload this bitch, please give me a shout.

Okay, I am gonna go for now.

Bye Bye !!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

I just have to rant about a customer.

Hello there my lovelies,

Yesterday I worked at ERAC and we were slammed pretty much the whole day. I would be helping people and the phone would ring six times in a row with half the people demanding my full, undivided attention.

Yesterday was my lucky day. We had this one woman come in that everyone loathes. We switched her out of the car like three times since she got the car. We gave her a free upgrade and she STILL manages to bitch and complain. I helped her last weekend too, and she bitched that the key remote wouldn't unlock the door sometimes. Apparently she is so busy that she can't just take the key and unlock the door manually. (Yes she told me that) It's too time consuming for her.

So I tried to help her. She came in on a good day because I had two other full size cars for her to choose. (Normally we are sold out)  And then as I am trying to help her and see what works for her she is deciding whether she should keep the car or switch. So let me get this straight: You drive your ass all the way down to my branch, sit there and wait for me to help you, complain to me that you're too busy to unlock the car without a remote, and now as I am helping you and trying to get you on your way with a working remote you are gonna sit there and decide whether I should help you ?

So yesterday she comes in again and demands another car, and when we get one she complains how dirty it is. The car prep is busy so my coworker has to clean it himself for her.

Everytime we think we're done with this bitch she leaves and comes back. She left and came back three times yesterday. The last time she came back, she couldn't figure out how to adjust the seat. I could have helped her but she wanted my boss to drop what he was doing to come out and help her. She is not very nice to me, probably because I am a woman. She can't even be bothered to be nice. My theory is that she wants to bang my boss. She tries to dress all cute when she comes in, and it just ain't working.

This woman is not elderly. If this were an elderly woman, I would be much more understanding. In general I have to give more attention to the elderly because they tend to need more help. Adjusting the seat can be difficult or certain cars are uncomfortable, or they need me to explain where everything is on the car because they barely drive. But this woman was fully capable of unlocking the door and adjusting the seat her damn self.

Not only did she come in like three times, but she kept calling us over the phone. Eventually my boss told her that he was extremely busy and if there was nothing wrong with the car to leave him alone and stop wasting his time. She told him that he can't talk to her like that and he said that he could and to stop wasting his time. Then he hung up.

I am so glad that I am no longer there fulltime. I just have to deal with this occasionally on Saturdays.


Monday, March 5, 2007

Well hello there my lovelies,

So, I am going to perform my new routine in 2 weeks. Over the past couple of months I have been ordering accessories for my costume from Ebay and other online shops. I also used bellydance stuff I already have.

Today I got the final touches done on my costume, and I can't wait to see it. Before the performance I will get a manicure and pedicure. I will paint the nails blood red with nice little jewels glued on.

I practiced a lot for this performance, and today I danced in costume and makeup. I felt sexy and alive. Unfortunately for me, I burned my neck with the curling iron and now it looks like I have a hickey on my neck. My boss is gonna have fun teasing me tommorow.

Anyway, bed time. Ciao !!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Health Care and Yoga

Hello there my lovelies,

Beginning next month, I will be eligible for full medical and dental benefits with my job. It feels good to know that if something happens I can see the doctor or go to the hospital.

I also went to yoga again last night. It felt really good. I like how it stretches my back, especially after the car accident. Now when I practice bellydance, I can hold poses longer and with more grace. I watched a video of a performance I did before Christmas and I have come a long way.

I am in this for the long haul. I like to think of bellydance and yoga as a journey that has just begun.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Family from Austria

Hello there my lovelies,

So my Aunt and cousins from Austria are here and I was in San Francisco with them all day yesterday and the night before.

We stayed in Park hotel on Sutter Street. The hotel is old, and I felt like I was in the Titanic. The elevator was something else. It had a manual switch to go to the next floors, and you had to pull a gate of bars to close the door. I don't really know how to describe it, but think about the elevator in Titanic. It was like that.

There were 5 of us in a 2 bedroom space, so I shared the bed with my other 2 cousins. I slept pretty well.

Yesterday we got up early and spent all day walking. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. I don't think it could have been any more perfect. We left the hotel from Sutter Street, walked through China Town to Lombard Street, down to Ghiradelli Square to have a huge ice cream, down near the beach, across a few neighborhoods to the Exploratorium, and from there all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge. We walked across half of the bridge. Then we walked all the way back to the hotel, minus a few blocks. We broke down and took the bus for the last few blocks because we were simply too damn tired.

I had a really good time. I took so many pictures. I felt like such a tourist. I loathe driving and parking there, so I took Bart, and didn't have to worry about it.

Anywho, that is all for now. It is nice having my family here. I can't wait to go visit them in Austria again. The next time I go, I will also make a small trip to Amsterdam.


Sunday, February 11, 2007


Well hello there my lovelies,

After looking for a new roommate since the beginning of NOVEMBER, I finally found a new place to live. I feel really relieved, especially since I had so many places fall through at the last minute. I was beginning to feel hopeless.

I saw the place, and I decided that I would move in ASAP. I was given the key. I will be starting to move stuff tommorow.

I am so happy that I don't have to deal with my old roommate anymore. I was really fed up with his stupid rules. I left a small deposit when I first moved in, and I honestly don't expect it back, especially since he once tried getting me for $30 I didn't owe him. I will look at this as cutting my losses. The deposit isn't big enough for me to shit a brick over.

Anywho, I will write more later

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Saturday, February 3, 2007

The latest

Hello there my lovelies,

It has been such a long time since I last updated. I've been adjusting to my new position at work as well as getting ready for my bellydance festival. There is a lot of work to be done. I still have to work on the main costume and I am ordering stuff from EBay. But I got the case for my sword finished and I also got my music for the routine edited. I will be practicing tommorow to get the routine together.

I also got into a car wreck earlier this week on my way to work.  I am still a little stiff, but other than that I am okay. I am happy that no one was hurt and that I didn't have to spend anytime at the hospital. I tried stretching before I started dancing, and I could tell that I was very stiff.

What else........ Oh yeah, I am STILL trying to move out. I have been looking for a new roommate since NOVEMBER. It is now February. I really love the house I live in, but I can't stand my roommate any longer. He is so one-sided and selfish.I don't want to move, but I don't want to deal with him any longer.

I have two different places that I looked at and I liked. Both options looked very promising at first. And now it seems like they are both falling through. It's all so frustrating.

Anyway, I am gonna go and nap a little.

Ciao ciao.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Hello there my lovelies,

I kept busy over the weekend. One of the things I did was practice my routine for Rakkasah ( I can never spell it right). Anyways, I have a list of things to do to prepare. One of the things I needed to do first was add a strap to my sword cover so that I could sling it over my shoulder. In my routine I would like to dance with a veil first and then drop the veil and remove the sword from my back and dance with it. It's easier said than done, and then there were the logistics of it that needed to be worked out. But in the end the mission was accomplished. My friend did a wonderful job. I pulled her weeds and she helped me with my sword. It's a simple procedure, but it is so hard to find someone that would be able to help me like she did. I was very grateful.

Now I just need to edit the long songs that I have. My routine is has to be under 7 minutes, so now I need to find someone that can burn a CD with a shorter version of the song.

Today sucks because I was supposed to practice my routine and do yoga after. That didn't happen because I am sick in bed. I nearly fell asleep at work today. I barely made it through, and walking up the stairs was torture. This sucks. I really don't enjoy this, and I want to get better ASAP.

Anyway, I shall end this here.


Sunday, January 21, 2007

My First Troupe


Hello there my lovelies,

I found this picture on my friend's MySpace profile. I am on the very far right. I think this was taken in early 2003. I was just starting out with dance classes. I didn't intend to join a troupe, but I ended up doing so because I desperately wanted to improve and get exposure. Everyone else there was performing too, so I didn't want to feel left out. I was a baby back then, and looking back I really improved my moves. I keep thinking that I have such a long way to go that sometimes I forget to look back and remember how much I have improved over time.

We were called Jewels of the Oasis. My best friend is on the very far left, but she and I didn't become best friends until a couple of years later. While this troupe lasted I formed a strong bond with these women. I lost touch with a couple and wish I knew where they were.

Troupes don't really last that long. And if they do, they are few and far in between. Last year I was part of my second troupe, Jewel of Opar, but now I am not fully involved anymore. Only when they need a sword dancer. At the time, there were 18 of us girls and it got to be too much. There was also some cattiness and bossiness involved. Now there are only 4 or 5 of us left and things are much nicer.

I look back on the memories of my first troupe fondly.


Wednesday, January 17, 2007


Hello there my lovelies,

You know what my favorite movie is ? I really love Wallstreet. It was made in the mid 1980s, and of course the technology is way outdated. However, the lessons to be learned will never go out of date.

My professor in my Strategic Management course had us watch it. Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen did a great job together. I love the movie because it is very realistic, and everything said is pretty much true.

In playing the stock market, I feel like Gordon Gecko (Michael Douglas) was right. Most people that play by the rules really end up "throwing darts at the Wallstreet Journal." I believe in order to make a huge killing like he did, one would have to break the insider trading rules. If you ask me, I think that most people playing the stock market indulge in a little inside information to some extent. Don't get me wrong. I think that there are honest people that follow the rules, and some may make a killing. But not the majority.

I love how GG also quoted " The Art of War" throughout the movie. "Every battle is won before it is ever fought" rings so true.

But the greatest part of the movie is how Bud Fox (Charlie Sheen) discovers himself in the end. After he found out Gordon Gecko lied to him and was arrested for breaking the Inside Information Sanctions Act, he realized that he's just Bud Fox. He realized that he sold out for money, and that money made him do things that he didn't really want to do.

The ending was realistic, and I really liked that. He lost all his money and was on his way to jail, but he got his dignity back.



Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Tips for becoming a bellydancer

Hello there my lovelies,

Have you ever tried bellydance ? Or have you ever wondered about it ? Here are a few of my suggestions and stuff to take into consideration if you are considering dancing.........

1.) Try to learn barefoot. Bellydance is a very feminine, natural dance and by dancing barefoot, you are "getting back to the basics". It is also easier to get the postures right.  Your feet may become rough, but they will be tough enough to handle turns. Many bellydancers are proud of their "rough feet".

2.) Bellydance is all about attitude. When you are dancing on the floor, make sure you think you are the hottest thing alive. Command peoples' attention with your eyes. I'm not saying you have to be a conceited person to be a good bellydancer. But you do need to think you're hot stuff while you dance. Save the modesty for when you get off the floor.

3.) Never compare yourself to another dancer. Most people have their own styles and interpretations of the dance.  The reason you don't dance like the other girl is because you are YOU and not the other girl. Know your style and what you're good at and embrace it. Which brings me to #4.

4.) You're teacher's method isn't the only right way to dance out there. There are many good teachers out there. But don't let them convince you that their dance is the only way to dance. There are many forms of bellydance, and it is open to each person's interpretation.

5.) In addition to breathing, your posture is the most important thing to maintain. If you are slouching or sticking your butt out, you will severely damage your back over time. Sticking your butt out is not sexy, it is dangerous and makes you look like you're trying too hard. A good teacher will always emphasize that you straighten your back and tuck in your pelvis at all times while you are dancing.

6.) Bellydance is a feminine dance where women are supposed to bond and support eachother. This isn't a competitive sport, and it is never okay to be catty. Women are never too overweight, old or clumsy to dance. Ever.

7.) If you really want to get into bellydance and are serious about it, take up yoga. The flexibilty, postures and breathing lessons you learn will be very valuable when you dance.

8.) If you want to buy a costume, make sure you do your homework and shop around. In my experience, I got the best deals when my dance teachers or classmates made my costumes for me. If you shop at festivals or dance shops, you are really going to shell out a lot of money. Another suggestion would be Ebay. I've seen a lot of good deals there.

9.) If you want to be good, you have to be patient AND practice often. If you get frustrated you won't get the moves right. When I started out with the sword, I couldn't even balance it on my head and get down to the floor. Now I can do a lot more.

10.) This is a journey, not a race. You're not in a hurry to get anywhere or become perfect. Your happiest moments will be "along the way". You'll experience joy when you finally get the moves right, put on a new costume for the first time, perform in public, form close relationships with other women, ect.....

11.) Chances are your biggest fans will be women, not men. And I prefer it that way. I would rather have a woman that watches in amazement and tells me that she wishes she could dance like me, rather than a man telling me I look beautiful in my costume.

12.) Bellydance now has become very Americanized and open to interpretation. People nowadays dance in glitzy, glamourous costumes and sometimes in a manner that is too seductive. Bellydance back in the day was done between women in closed quarters for eachother, and also to help with childbirth. Plus, women were dressed from head to toe. Women that danced at weddings were hired( not part of the family) and were there to help the bride and groom get in the mood for their wedding night.

13.) The funny thing is, that most of the teachers and performers I see aren't Middle Eastern. Yes there are some out there, not many. When I go to festivals I see a mixture of Latin, White and Asian women. When I go to a hookah lounge or a party that is packed with Middle Eastern women, they can do the moves naturally. It's in their blood, without any lessons.

Okay, that's all I have for now.


Monday, January 15, 2007

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Ice Skating under the Palms

Hello there my lovelies,

Last night I went out with my friend and we went ice skating. I love ice skating !! Right now there is an ice rink in the middle of downtown San Jose under the palm trees. Plus there is music playing while you skate. It was a lot of fun.

I haven't been ice skating in about three years. Back in college I bought a very nice pair of ice skates to take lessons. They are competition-grade figure skates. Looking back, I don't know why I spent all that money on them. It's not like I'm gonna compete in the Olympics. Nevertheless, I love the white, leather boots with the big, shiny steel blades. It sure beats using those ugly, brown rentals they give you. Rentals can really mess with your feet.

I am broke now, so it's nice to take out my figure skates and skate once in a while. It is one of my possessions that I wouldn't sell. 

Saturday, January 13, 2007

See a bellydancer in Action

Well hello there again my lovelies,

Last month I danced at a birthday party as a favor for my friend. It was the least I could do for her, especially since she let me use her studio in her house to practice all year long. Not only would she do that, but sometimes she would make me dinner or let me try on costumes.

I was one of the dancers. There were about 4 other women that danced alone as well as a troupe. Everyone there was so talented. It was a very nice evening.

The audience mainly consisted of older Persians. You know the saying, "Once you go Persian, there is no other version."

Anywho, here is the link to my pictures, since I have no clue how to transport the slideshow here.

Enjoy !!



Friday, January 12, 2007

Me at my finest

Well hello there my lovelies,

Okay, so I have to say that I had someone I know take some very flattering pictures of me. If you click on the link, you can see for yourself. He wanted to show the world my inner beauty, and I just had to oblige. Here is the link. Enjoy !!