Thursday, August 31, 2006

In memory of my Oma


Today my grandmother in Austria passed away. Needless to say, I am very heartbroken and sad about it. People keep telling me that she is in a better place. Yeah, I know. Thanks for trying, but that does not help me feel better. I try to carry on with my day, but sometimes I just break down and cry for a few minutes.

She was already in a good place here on earth. She was happy, loved to help people and volunteer her time, and she was proud of being Austrian. She didn't want to be part of the EU. She loved her country. She was also healthy. She loved her family, and I love her very much.

We don't know why she died. I guess she was doing some work in the house and just fell over. By the time the ambulance came she was gone. It all happened so fast. I thought that she would live for at least another 10 years. I miss her already.

She was happy and she loved life and I want to live my life like that. I wish I could have talked to her more. I wish I coulda seen her more. But I don't have any big regrets with her. She came to visit us here in the states and I went over to visit her in Austria as many times as I could. She made sure I learned German and learned about Austrian culture.

I think that I have a lot of my Oma in me. I have her deep set eyes and her mischevious grin. I also have her temper. I speak German like her (after all, she taught me). I am kind, and I am happy in general. Yeah, I can be cynical and complain. However, I am the type of person that sees the good in people, I stay away from most people that aren't good for me and I have the desire to help people and see each person as a human being. Just like my grandma.

To all of you out there that still have a grandma, treasure her. Grandmas are treasures that should never be taken for granted. Grandmas are a girl's best friend. They are wise and on your side, and know how to spoil you. I am so happy that I was a part of her life and that I took full advantage of the opportunities to spend time with her. I would very much like to attend her funeral in Austria and say good bye to her.

I still have one grandma left here in California. I love her very much. I can't wait to see her for the holidays.


Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Hello there my lovelies,

I didn't see my cat friend today. I was hoping to feed her. I even had cat food. Oh well. I am sure someone else is showering her with affection.

Yesterday one of my customers brought in his pet bird on his shoulder. It was a beautiful bird with a sassy attitude. The bird said hello and it also whistled at me. It made my day. I love it when people bring in thier pets.

Today I had a half day at work. I did some errands after and came home and took a little nap. I get the half day today because I have to work on Saturday.

I have no energy to clean and organize my room. (sigh)

Monday, August 21, 2006

Stray Cat

Hello there my lovelies,

I was too busy complaining yesterday that I forgot to mention that I had a stray cat come up to me. I pet it once before. But this time it instinctively knew that I had just come home. I think cats have a 6th sense. It was a gray stray cat and it kept on rubbing its head against my leg. It also layed on its back and rolled around so that I would rub its tummy. It was so adorable. I reached out and pet it, and it let me scratch its head.

It was meowing and I brought out some tuna for it. It kinda yelped and jumped when I brought out the tuna. It was so cute.

I don't know when we'll see each other again.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Hello there my lovelies,

I have to admit. I still feel like crap. My stomach is all tense and I don't want to eat anything. Luckily I ate a lot yesterday because I was hungry. I really need someone to talk to. I talked to a couple of friends yesterday and they made me feel better. But going to bed is the worst because I can't sleep and I wake up very early.

I just feel so alone. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I feel like I am starting not to care about life anymore. I need to get out of bed and clean my room. I think I may start to feel better if I clean up my room a little.

I have a lot more to say, but I am gonna stop here for now.

Monday, August 14, 2006

I swear. In a past life I must have walked all over men and broken so many hearts. Because in this life I feel like I am getting payback. For every good moment I have it is followed up by 5 awful ones. I don't know how long this will continue. And I haven't even done anything wrong. I've never stomped on a man's heart.

Today was awful. I don't want to talk about it here in public. I feel so alone and I feel pain right now. I also lost my appetite.

I also have the worst luck in finding a job.

Anyways, I am done for now.


I just feel really depressed and I can't take it anymore.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Work and Dance

Hello there my lovelies,

It's official. I am tired of my current job. I can't hide it anymore. I still take pride in what I do and I still work my ass off. But I am just beat and tired. I applied for a position within the company that might transfer me to Puerto Rico. They want to open up new branches there. But let's be honest. There are hundreds of candidates and only 6 can go. I am sure that there are people FROM Puerto Rico that work at for the company that they'll hire. I put my name in because I figure it's worth a shot. What have I got to lose? The guy in charge sent me an email to tell me he got my resume and will contact me if I'm qualified. His number is there in the mail so I figured I should give him a call on Monday.

What else ? I have a bellydance fair here in San Jose on Sept 24th that I am rehearsing for on Sunday. I am gonna start practicing with my old troupe again. I will be dancing with the sword with another gal.

I really prefer to dance with the sword alone. I like to hog the attention. Either that or I prefer to dance with my best friend/dance partner Mary because she taught me the sword and we have good chemistry on stage. But oh well. I just wanna get out there and work it.

I really enjoyed performing at the last bellydance fair because all eyes were on me. I was on stage with other girls. A few danced with veils and a few had another sword. But I was the only one on the floor with a sword on my head and people loved it. I miss that.

Anyways, thats all for now. I am gonna go get ready for some dance practice.


Tuesday, August 1, 2006


Hello there my lovelies,

I am annoyed. My CD player in my car is broken. So is the CD player in my room. The air conditioning in the house is also busted. Not to mention that there is no hot water because my roommate turned it off. The weather is cooling down so taking a shower and washing my long hair with cold water is uncomfortable. Today I boiled a pot of water so I could take a warm bath. Did I also mention that my microwave is busted?  I have to boil water and use the oven instead. I lived like this while I was in Spain.

But its not so bad.

Anyways, just thought I would share.

Bye for now.