Wednesday, March 31, 2004

The Pain Just Won't Go Away !!!

Hello Everyone,

Guess what ???? It's time for me to bitch again !! I am still in pain and my cheeks are fatter than yesterday. It still hurts to eat and I am hungry from a lack of food. I am ready to devour a nice fattening meal. I was told that things should get better after the third day. Grrrrrrrr.........

What else?? I really haven't done anything productive this week. Sure, I did a little homework, but not enough. I have to go and study tonite with a classmate. I loathe the fact that I have to go back to school next week and take 2 exams. I was kinda enjoying the time I had where I was vegging in front of the TV. Unfortunately my precious spring break time is flying by. By the time next week rolls around, I should be stressing out about my exams and projects.

Today I also got to see my parents and catch up a little since its been a while since we've talked. It was nice to sit and catch up with them, cuz I love my parents. However on the other hand I think its kinda funny because I think that I am pretty straight-laced, but my step dad thinks that I am getting into trouble in college. He's afraid that I might be hanging with the wrong crowd or getting into drugs or alcohol. He's also worried that when I go to Spain that I'll run into an Islamic fundamentalist group. I really hope that he is joking. My mom is worried that I am gonna come back pregnant when I go to Spain.  Yeah, I am sure that Spanish men are hot, but c'mon now. I think that I am smart enough not to get pregnant.Where the HELL do my parents some up with these ideas? Do they not trust me? Perhaps they think I am a fucking idiot. I mean, I have put myself through college without ever getting drunk, never trying drugs and never even having sex. I have worked and taken out loans to pay for school. I have been able to maintain a GPA of a 3.1. I know its not a 4.0, but its still good. Though my parents tell me they are proud of me for making it this far, they STILL think that I am gonna majorly fuck up somehow. It's kinda sad that they feel this way about me. They don't seem to trust me that I am going to make the right decisions. I will probably make some mistakes down the road, but I think I am smart enough to make it in the real world.  Trust me, I may not win the Best Child Of the Year Award, but my parents could do A LOT worse than me.

Ahhh, the joys of venting...............

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

OUCH !!!

Hello Everyone,

After I finished my last journal entry yesterday, the numbing medication wore off and I was in sooooo much pain. I was bawling like a baby on the couch. The Vicodin wasn't much of a help either. Yes, it helped take away some of the pain. NOT all of it though. It also made me nauseous. Some people told me that Vicodin makes them feel good and floaty. Well, that was what I was hoping for, but it didn't turn out that way for me.

I felt better when I woke up this morning, but my cheeks are more swollen than yesterday. I feel like a squirrel storing nuts for the winter. Plus, I can feel the 4 gaps in my mouth where they yanked out my wisdom teeth. I am really hungry because I didn't eat a lot yesterday. It was so painful to even eat mushy soup. Plus, I am just not in the mood for food. I can't wait to feel better soon.

I also still have to e-mail my part of the marketing assignment to my group members. The deadline was yesterday, but I was in too much pain to think like a normal, competent person. I hate this project. I also have a lot readings and studying for my other classes to do. Grrrrrr.

I can't wait for school to be over. Gaawwwd. I am so sick of homework and classes. Only 2 more months till I move onto the next chapter of my life: Life after college in the real world.

Okay, I am done bitching and moaning for now. Hopefully I'll be writing about nicer things the next time I post.


Monday, March 29, 2004

They Took my Wisdom from me !!!!

Hello Everyone,

Well, I finally did it !! I got my wisdom teeth removed !!! I was given shots to numb the pain but I was awake the whole time.I was sweating like a pig while they were drilling and yanking my teeth out. Now I am at home with gauze in my mouth, and I am sooo swollen. My cheeks are puffy, and it is a chore just to drink water. I spill it all over myself cuz I can't feel a damn thing !! I wonder how the hell I am gonna feed myself. I got a prescription for Vicodin, so I am gonna have to take that soon. I can't wait until everything is back to normal again. What a way to kick off Spring Break, right?

I also worked yesterday and it was nice. Not busy and very laid back. Someone brought in the Hershey's chocolate turtles, so I had a bunch of those with some ice cream. I always try to sneak ice cream while my managers are on the floor. I also got to bullshit a little with my coworkers. Thats always fun when its slow. People were also nice to me which is a shock for me on a Sunday. I did however have a table of your typical ghetto thuggish teenagers, and of course they ordered expensive meals and left me 3 bucks on $78. BUT, they behaved and never complained, so I wasn't even mad.

Whats so frustrating about today is that I also have to turn in some groupwork today. Not only am I in pain, but I algo have to do homework. AAAARRRGGGG.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Just a few thoughts..........

Hello everyone,

I worked today as well as last night. Thank God most of my customers were nice and smiling at me. I ALWAYS appreciate it when people are nice. I made about 100 bucks yesterday. I also made 50 bucks today during my 2 and a half hour shift today. For Red Lobster, that is pretty good money. But since tommorow is Sunday, and we all know that Sunday is full of church-folk and ghettoness, I will just be pleased if people are nice.

Another thought.............. Ever since I have been in the restaurant business, I have noticed just how much food we waste. It is so sad. People will eat their steak but leave the large portions of rice behind. Sometimes they don't even finish their steak. People rarely finish their salads. I hate it the most when people barely eat their food and tell me that they don't even want to take it home. Yeah, yeah I know............. People have the right to throw away food they don't want if they paid for it. But I can't help thinking about how wasteful it is.

 Last year I took a course in world hunger. In that class I learned just how many people are starving, and a lot of people here in the US suffer from starvation. I just wish that I could scoop the leftovers from peoples plates and give them to the starving. You know how your mom used to tell you to "eat your food because there are poor starving children out there" to get you to eat your vegetables? There is a lot of truth to that. I also learned that there are 6 billion people in the world and there are only enough resources for 3 billion people. That means that half of the world's population is suffering. Its so sad.

I just got done watching the DVD of the first year of Law and Order. That show rocks !! Dick Wolf is a genius. The shows deal with a wide variety of difficult issues such as the bombing of abortion clinics or euthanasia of AIDS patients. Issues like these are never black or white, and Wolf just puts it out there for the viewers to decide. I also love the show because it gives me an insight on how our legal/justice system works as well as watching the lawyers argue their cases.

I am relieved that I have a whole week of NO SCHOOL. I have a lot of studying to do though. YUCK. Y'all enjoy the weekend :)

Friday, March 26, 2004


Hello my lovelies,

Wow, a lot has happened since last time. Yesterday I went to a business dinner for the business department at school. There, we networked with various companies and watched some students receive awards. I was hoping that I could get some new leads so that I may land a job in the future. I wouldn't say that going there was a COMPLETE waste of time, because I did get to talk to some people from various companies such as Verity and Applied Materials. However, these people did a wondeful job of shooting down the little hope I did have of finding a job in this abysmal job market. One of the guys from Applied Materials said that to hire a marketing person, that person would have to have a lot of previous work experience and a Phd (I prob wrote that wrong) WTF was he there for then? Obviously none of us UNDERGRADS there has a Phd. But, I wasn't too disappointed because the food there was wonderful. The rasberry strudel with vanilla ice cream was just divine. :)

Today I spent a lot of time in the classroom. I had 3 classes today. I also met with my teacher from the Latino American History class from hell. My gosh, I have a lot of shit to do over the Spring Break which starts next week. Grrr. I have an essay in Spanish and a research paper in Spanish as well. I also have a BUTTLOAD of readings to do.

After my classes, as I was walking to my apartment I got to pet the neighbor's bulldogs Betty and Belle. They are so cute. The neighbors also invited me over to watch the Apprentice. Remember that contractor that I was talking about earlier that I thought was married? He is the brother of the neighbor with the bulldogs. Turns out that he is a single parent that lives with his daughter. At least he's not flirting with me while he's MARRIED.

Well thats all for now my friends. Behave yourselves till next time.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

The latest happenings........

Hello my lovelies.............

The weather may be sunny, but its cold again. Me no likey. I miss the heat. Thankfully, I didn't have to work on Sunday. It was nice because I just slept, chilled and went shopping. I bought a cheapie but nice stereo and a vacuum. I had to because if I have to borrow a vaccum, it only gets done like twice a semester. Thats so gross. I just enjoyed the day. It was beautiful outside and I was just living in the moment, which I rarely ever do.

But, I did work on Saturday night starting on the early shift for a change. Most of my tables were nice. At one of my tables was this overweight woman and her son. I have served them before. She is the type that's always on a diet. But the kicker was her overweight son. He asked me for a diet coke with a lemon in it. What kinda kid does that?? A kid trained by well by his dieting momma ! He also ordered a salad with the blue cheese dressing "on the side". For his meal he ordered fried chicken and French Fries. Doesn't that defeat the purpose??

Oh........... How could I forget about my other table? This woman must've been about at least 50 years old. She had her blond, dried-out frizzy hair teased into this pile over her head, heavy make-up and managed to squeeze into a tight dress with her saggy boobs spilling out. For the LOVE OF GOD !!! People, please ! Thankfully she was nice to me. I hope her "get-up" made her feel 20 again.

Today while I was walking on campus, some cop recognized me. It turns out that I served him and his friends before. (He was a cutie, especially in that uniform) They were so nice to me and tipped me well, and was nice talking to him again.

What else?? ....... I have so much homework and studying to do over the Spring Break. Gaaawd !!! Not looking foward to that. I also have to get my wisdom teeth pulled next Monday. I am gonna look like a chipmunk on crack. This is gonna be the worst Spring Break.

Actually, no. LAST year was the worst Spring Break I have ever had. But I'll get into that later..............


Sunday, March 21, 2004

The Pianist With Hottie Adrien Brody

Last night I watched The Pianist. The movie deserved every award it got. In fact, it should have won in every category that it was nominated for. The director Roman Polanski was VERY true to the time period. Though the film was about the pianist Szpilman, the film also included things that happened to Polanski as a child. He himself was a child living in the ghetto in Poland and all of his family except his father was killed in the camps.He actually went back to Poland to re-enact what he went through in his childhood, and relived that over again to make this film.

I have also seen Schindler's List. While I love that movie, it is in black and white and there is a lot of music in the background. This film on the other hand is in color, and there are long periods where there is no background music. For example, when the Germans are approaching his apartment, you hear the cars pulling up, then footsteps up the stairs followed by harsh German voices.While this was happening, there was no background music, and no softness added. Just pure reality of what happened. This brought me back to the time period, and made me feel petrified like a soldier was gonna hunt me down. That was how real the film was.While I was watching the film, so many things went through my brain. This was fairly recent in history. There are still people alive that survived. And this happened in "civilized countries". And another thing, this is rings close to home. All of my mothers side lives in Austria, and is Catholic. My grandmother was just a scared little girl when this happened. My fathers side of the family immigrated here before the war, and they were Jewish people from Russia that spoke Yiddish. My grandmother rarely will EVER talk about the war or what happened.But I do know that she never wastes food and always makes sure that I am fed. Most people that live here in the US today are so lucky.We have the freedoms to be who we are and express ourselves in any way that we want. Thats why my mom came here and became an American citizen. Many people that live here love to criticize our country and talk about things that are wrong with it. But this country is not perfect and never will be. Every nation has its dirty laundry and we are no exception. But compared to many other countries, we are doing pretty damn good and can enjoy many freedoms. One of these days we may not have these freedoms. That is all I have to say.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Welcome to my world at da Red Lobsta......

Of course I worked tonite. I mean, what else is new :) Anyways, I wanted to send some shout outs to some of my memorable guests tonite...............

1.) To the Mexican family that completely stiffed me on the bill of 88 bucks, I wanted to extend a big FUCK YOU.

2.) To the Asian family of 5 that decided to waltz in at 10:05, we closed at 10 pm. WTF??You were even lucky to be served. I was polite, smiled, brought you tons of drink refills. I am sorry that we ran out of baked potatoes, so I got you fries and was willing to get you something else. No, bitch, I didn't know until it was too late, so therefore I couldn't tell you sooner. Perhaps we ran out of baked potatoes because we were busy tonite and you waited until AFTER we were closed to eat. Yes, like I said before, I understand you wanted baked potatoes, but I couldn't just magically pull it out of my asscrack for you. You also left me a crappy ass tip of 4 bucks on 67 bucks. Wow. For the reasons stated above, I also wanted to extend a big FUCK YOU to you too.

3.) I did want to extend a THANK YOU to a lot of my tables tonite. You took the time to acknowlege my service and compliment me, smiled at me when I spoke to you, said please and thank you and tipped me nicely. I am so grateful when I serve people like you and you make my job worthwhile. You are welcome at my tables anytime.

Aaahh, I feel better now that I've vented a little......................

On another note, while I was waiting for my shuttle to go to school, a girl came up to me and told me that she saw my dance performance and said that I was really good and that she loved it. That made my day, and it was so nice of her to say.

I also went to the pool today and got to have a girl talk with my friend Jenny. We talked about boys. I mean, when you put girls together, what else can they talk about?  I also ran into my old dorm buddies from back when we were freshman. They once played a couple of practical jokes on me in the dorms, and we talked about that as well as laughing over the stupid stuff that used to go on in Washburn Hall. But that will be for another entry. I could write a book on that............

I also got some graduation related papers in the mail. That made me feel elated, and is proof that I should be graduating in just 2 months. Yay :)


Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Maybe you can relate?

Hello everyone,

I feel relieved because I just finished taking my BUS 139 exam, and it wasn't so bad

I don't mean to complain all the time, but I just have to admit that I have been feeling depressed for the past few weeks. Thankfully I am not actually depressed. I at least have energy and willpower to get through school and work. I can't help it. Basically I just don't really know what I want to do with my life, and I am not confident enough in my abilities to make it in the real world. To be able to make it, I've gotta be confident, and I feel like my confidence has been shot. There is a business dinner next week for business students where we get to talk to people from different businesses. We get to market ourselves and try to get a job. There may be marketing positions, but I wonder what's the point? I don't think that I want to sit in a desk all day for a living. I have a marketing internship right now, but I am not really interacting with a lot of people, and I am not implementing any strategies.I feel like my hand is being held. Before this position, I had a challenging position where I had to actually be in contact with suppliers and upload products on the company website. Though I wasn't into the company because it was a home-improvement store, it was still challenging. It was unpaid, so I thought that I had room to make mistakes. But my boss "let me go" because he felt that I couldn't handle it because I wasn't experienced enough. I will always resent him for that. I want to know that I can handle challenges.

I try to be positive and smile and tell myself that I shouldn't feel this way, but at the end of the day I still end up feeling like shit. I am gonna graduate in 3 months and still don't know where I fit in the world. In high school, I pictured myself being successful and knowing fully what I want out of life. And time has passed and I don't really have the answers. But at least I know that I am not alone in how I feel. I know that there are a lot of people out there my age with a future in front of them that feel like there is no way out.

There is no point in telling people how I feel. I get told : "Oh you'll be okay.You're gonna graduate soon." Plus, its not like I am terminally ill. I want to be happy right now, but I can't help feeling alone and unsure of myself.  Maybe you can relate, or if you're lucky you have no idea what I am thinking about.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

I have Senioritis and the semester is NEVER gonna end

Hello everyone,

I am feeling so anxious right now. I have a midterm tommorow, a Spanish paper due on Thurs as well. I also have a midterm next week in my Spanish class from hell. After spring break I also have loads of research and work to do. Dragging myself to class everyday is painful enough and I am tired of sitting through long class periods. I don't care anymore ! Just get me out of here ! For the love of God !

I decided to give the billiards a call one last time to see if they want me to come in and be a cocktail waitress, and the lady there said that she'd call me and "let me know." I am not a mind reader, but I KNOW that she's not gonna call me back. I wish that she woulda told me "no" instead and been more honest about it.

However, my International Marketing professor recommended me to another professor to work on a research project. Basically, I would be surveying business travelers. To add a little incentive, they would each receive 10 bucks for completing the survey. I would also be getting paid for this. This is a wonderful opportunity for me and I could put it on my resume as well as gain more interpersonal skills. I hope that I get the position.

What else?? Oh yeah, I went swimming yesterday night and I felt better after. There were some ghetto people being loud and swearing a little. And get this, they had little kids with them. Why do people like this breed???  But luckily I was at the other pool so I didn't have to be next to them. I thought that I only had to deal with people like that at my job. Looks like I live next to people like that. How sad.

Well folks, thats all for today.


Monday, March 15, 2004

OMG, I feel like such an idiot

Hello my lovelies,

Remember a couple of entries back how I told you about the cute contractor that I flirted with and whom invited me over? OMG, it turns out that he has children and is living with a woman. WTF?? Why in hell did he flirt with me and invite me over when he has a FAMILY and lives a few meters away from me??????? How could I not have known? I am soooo glad that I never went over. I also feel soooooo stupid that I ever even talked to him. I am NOT a homewrecker. Thank GOD I am moving a a couple of months. THANK GOD. This experience makes me not want to talk another guy EVER.

But other than that, my day wasn't that bad. In fact, I ran into my old BUS 189 Professor whom I took over the winter. He was the nicest teacher I have ever had and I learned a lot from him. I also went to my bellydance class and my old dance teacher was there. I like her a lot and it was nice to see her again.

One of my neighbors has a cute dog named Peaches that I got to play with. I am such a dog lover and it was nice to pet her, cuz she was lovin' it.

I also spent a lot of time studying for my marketing exam on Wed. I was in the library for a while. I am glad that I finally got my ass out of the house and into the library to study.

Well, thats all for now. Bye :)

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Another Day at da Red Lobsta..........

Hello Everyone :)

After I woke up, I went for a little swim. Not for a while, but enough to make my heart beat a little faster. I should swim more. I gotta get rid of some of the junk in da trunk, if ya know what I mean ;)

I also had to work. I was busy for a good 2 hours before things were slow again. I had this one table that had so many requests and ran me around like their little pet monkey. Thank GOD they weren't rude and PRAISE JESUS that they tipped adequately because the bill was 113 bucks. I also got a family of 7 Mexican people that took up 2 of my booths. I wouldn't have cared so much if they sat at one table, but they just had to be sat at 2 tables. I could have had another table and been making money on it. They took forever to eat and left me a piss poor tip of 5 bucks on 120 bucks. The highlight of this whole experience was that they let their cute little girl run around while I was carrying a heavy tray of hot coffee and other drinks. I sternly asked them to move her. C'mon now people !! You wouldn't encourage your children to play in the street or experiment with crack. So don't encourage your little spawn to walk around the waitress carrying a shitload of drinks and hot coffee.

Yeah, I was pissed, but they were nice to me so I know that they didn't mean to jack me out of my pay. If my guests treat me like a decent human being, I will give them good service no matter what.

Another fun part of working at a "family oriented" establishment like Red Lobster is that children love to scream. This little brat at a table next to my section was screaming so loud today.  I swear, God has his ways of making me NEVER want to breed.

Ooooh.... and how could I forget ???? This family of black people were sat in the back and were saying that we're racist because they were seated in the back. Luckily the waitress overheard them and said..." Um, no..... We do not do that here." C'mon now. They wanted to be seated ASAP, and there was space in the back. It's that simple. Plus there were a lof of black customers eating in the front dining room.

I have only 3 more months till I am supposed to go to Europe. I want to put in my 2 weeks notice SOOOO BAD. I've made a lot of friends and learned a lot but this is obviously what I am cut out to do. Red Lobsta is not my destiny and I think that it is time to move on.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Things ARE NOT what they seem

Hello Everyone,

Well my friends, it seems like I did NOT get the job as a cocktail waitress at the billiards. Me and two other coworkers applied. Of course the girl who is the least qualified out of us got the job. Of course I am a little miffed about that. Life is just not fair sometimes. I really need the money right now.

And another thing.......... no matter what I do at work, my bosses never congratulate me when I do a good job. But when I make a mistake? I am the first to hear about it. To them, I am always doing something wrong. And my bosses are so good at making me feel like an idiot. They always have to say something. And they wonder why I am not just overjoyed to be at da Red Lobsta every weekend.

I also feel like like nothing is working out for me right now. I am also frustrated because I just can't find a better job right now no matter how hard I try. And not to mention my love life. It is so hard to meet guys, and when I finally do we flirt, but they don't ask me out.

Basically, my life feels stagnant right now. I am broke and scraping to get by with a dead-end job that I hate. It is so hard to pay my basic bills and stay on top of things. I have been doing the school-and-work routine for 5 years and I am just tired of it.

I want to be doing something that I am totally passionate about, and that I am actually damn good at where I am needed and valued. I want to go to work with a confident attitude, knowing how to handle most situations. I just wish that I knew exactly what makes me tick. Right now, my bosses wouldn't care if I just quit, even though I've been there for 3 years. They think I am a fucking idiot. My strengths don't lie in waitressing and I know that. I struggle and get stressed a lot when I serve, even though I give good service most of the time.

Though I've been struggling for a while, I think that something good is bound to happen to me, because I am not giving up. I am gonna graduate and go to Spain. I am gonna continue to look for a job, and continue to strive to do my best. I think I will be successful in due time, though it seems like I will be stuck in this rut forever. I just need to be more confident in my abilities and have faith in the future.


Tuesday, March 9, 2004

The Never-Ending Argument About Abortion

Hello everyone,

Today was a thinking day. On the way to get some lunch, there was this Pro-Life group with pictured of dead babies shown after an abortion procedure. It was very graphic with pictures of a severed head among other things.There was also a sign comparing Hitler's holocaust to all the abortion killings going on today. I think they went a little too far. C'mon, now. The Holocaust and abortions are totally separate issues.  I remember when the PETA compared animal killings to Hitler's holocaust. Hell, even Bush has been compared to Hitler. I think that groups like these need to do better, more extensive research.

What was low, was that the adults were having their little kids passing out anti-abortion brochures. The children looked younger than 10 years old. I am guessing the adults were too chicken-shit to do it themselves. After all, who is gonna be mean to a little kid?

I mean, the people that were preaching pro-life views were older men. They aren't women. They will never have to be pregnant, and will never know what it feels like. And there they are telling women what "we should do with out bodies". There were also teenage girls present also, but they looked like preteens. I don't think they really understand the issue. I know I didn't when I was their age and I still don't completely.

Whats sad is that pro-life people like this ( that claim to believe in LIFE) are the same people bombing abortion clinics and threatening the lives of the doctors. They somehow believing that killing can prevent killing. How rational.

They are passing judgement. I personally believe in abortion as long as it is the last resort. I don't think that it should be used as a form of birth control. But what about the woman that was raped? What about the women with a medical condition? What about the woman that will never be able to offer her unborn child the life it deserves? What about the rights of these women? If abortion is made illegal, its not like the problem will disappear. There will be more unwanted children in this world and women will resort to dangerous procedures such as using coat hangers.

Sorry folks, but that display sure stirred up a lot of emotion in me and made me think real hard about what I believe in. It created a lot of controversy on campus. A lot of people were offended.

Monday, March 8, 2004

Such Lovely Weather Today :)

Hello Everyone :)

I am so happy that spring is around the corner. The weather was absolutely gorgeous today :) Time to break out the sandals, skirts and cute tops.

I ran into this handsome man today who lives in the building across from me. I met him before. He is a contractor so it is his duty to be buffed ;)  I just love men that are bald, buffed and in uniform. We had a nice conversation and he invited me to "stop by his place if I wanna hang out". It woulda been nice if he asked me out for coffee or a drink, because I am not just gonna show up at this guy's door. Oh well.

I am also happy that I was able to cancel my housing contract. I should be getting some money back I think. I also finally wrote my paper for my Spanish class. Now I just need to type it. What fun :)

Well, the semester is moving along quickly, which means that my exams and projects are creeping up on me. It also means that spring break is just 2 weeks away !! Yay ! Too bad I am not going anywhere, because I have to work and finish up my projects for school.

I also have a job interview tommorow at the billiards as a cocktail waitress and I hope that I get the job. We'll see and I'll give you the update later.

Well, enjoy the wonderful weather y'all.

Sunday, March 7, 2004

I am such a procrastinator

Hello my lovelies....................

I paid a little visit to Victorias secret and bought the new bra that was advertised on TV. It costs $40, but it was totally worth it. It is very supportive and comfortable. And Lord knows I need all the support I can get. While I was in the dressing room some little girl was trying to get into my dressing room. My foot was on the door to prevent her from entering, and she was complaining to her mommy that I was in it. It was funny listening to the mommy threaten her hellspawn to put her back in the stroller. Like the kid isn't gonna escape. Sometimes I have to wonder.........

It's Victoria's Secret. Why the hell do parents have to bring in their brats ? Maybe as a friendly reminder for the rest of the patrons to use birth control ? Plus, there was a group of immature preteens playing with the thong panties. I have to admit, that was kinda funny.

I also had to work today, and it was very slow. But I had no problems with management today so I was happy about that. I also applied at a bar/billiards place as a cocktail waitress. I have an interview on Tuesday night and I really hope that I get the job. I normally wouldn't work at a bar, but I don't know what else to do right now. I need money bad, and this doesn't seem to interfere with my hours at da Red Lobsta. I know my parents would object, but there really aren't any better solutions right now.

I also have a lot of homework but I am managing to put it all off until the last minute. I guess its because I am soooooo tired of school that I almost don't care anymore.

Well, thats all for now.

Friday, March 5, 2004

I Feel A Little Better

Hello Everyone,

Well, a lot has happened since I last updated. The Red Lobster Regional Supervisor called me back, and told him about how I felt that I was treated unfairly. He told me that he would take a few days to do some inquiring. I don't know how this is gonna turn out. My boss doesn't know that I made a phone call to the man above him, and I hope that he doesn't find out and start trying to get back at me. He might pull some shit and start slowly scheduling me less. God only knows what he could pull. But I am glad that I at least stood up for myself.

I also took my global marketing exam, and I really studied a lot and I think that I missed a couple of questions. I hope that I got a good grade. I also have a Spanish exam next week as well as a short Spanish paper.

Remember how I was stressing out really bad about my Spanish 102B class? I feel a lot better about that because I went and spoke to the teacher. He told me that if i do all of my work, and in everything and come to every class, I will be guaranteed a C-, which is a passing grade that will allow me to graduate. Of course I am gonna try for a good grade, but my hopes aren't too high. This teacher is hard.

What else ? I skipped my bellydance lessons this week, since I have been feeling depressed lately. THAT was stupid of me to do, since staying home didn't make me feel any better. I am gonna get back on track next week.

I know, not really anything exciting or amusing to talk about today. But, bear in mind that I do have to work at da Red Lobsta this weekend. You can bet I'll come up with something.

Hasta Luego :)

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

I Do Not Feel Good Right Now

Hello Everyone,

I know, I have not been positive lately. I am kinda stressed today. I had my bellydance performance today and it went well. They had a lot of good dancers there.

But, I am kinda nostalgic, and I liked last years show a whole lot better. Last year I got more time to hang out and talk with the other performers. This time everyone was in a rush. I am happy that 2 of my classmates came to watch.

I really miss performing in front of others. Last year, I was performing at an Indian Restaurant. Even though I did it for free, I loved it. I am sad because this is my last performance for a LONG time. Dancing makes me feel so much better, and I don't care what other people think while I dance.

I am also sad because I am really struggling in my Spanish 102B class which is all taught in Spanish. I am gonna talk to the teacher on Thursday. He would still be difficult, even if I were fluent in Spanish. It just makes me want to cry, because I just don't know how the hell I am gonna get through this.

I know, I only have about three more months of school and working at Red Lobster, but I am just soooooo sick of it all, and it is so hard to motivate myself. I am slowly getting depressed. I don't go out anymore and I really don't talk to anyone.

Some days I feel good, and other days I just feel like shit. Today is just one of those days where I wanna curl up in a ball and sleep for a while. I really hope that this doesn't last long.

Well, hopefully I'll be more pleasant next time.

Monday, March 1, 2004

Keepin' Myself Busy

Hello My lovelies..........

Thank God I didn't have to work yesterday (Sunday). But I did work on Saturday, and I thought that my boss wasn't gonna write me up after all. WROOOONG. He decided that he was gonna be a compassionate asshole and wait to give me the writeup AFTER my shift the next day.

I shouldn't have been written up AT ALL. All I did was charge the customer for some damn fondue sauce, because I was TOLD TO RING IT UP. Then because the customer called 1-800-LOBSTER to complain that they got charged, I get written up. My manager should dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT.  I don't wanna create a scene, but I am trying to talk to the regional supervisior. I left him my voice mail, but of course he didn't reply. A coincidence?? I think not.

Today I went to an oral surgeon and made an appointment to get my wisdom teeth pulled. I feel relieved because I have been trying to get this done for the past year. I also skipped my bellydance class to study at the library. I don't like to skip bellydance, but I really had a lot of studying to do, which I put off all weekend. 

What else.......... I also have my bellydance performance tommorow. I was gonna do the double veil, but I changed the routine so I will end up performing with the finger cymbals with a routine half as long. This will be one of my last performances for a while, so I am kinda sad about that.

Well, I am gonna gonna go and watch the last episode of Average Joe Hawaii !!! Supposedly Larissa has a secret............

Bye for now................