Monday, May 29, 2006

Sex and The City and my Thoughts

Hello there my lovelies,

Happy Memorial Day ! I wrote yesterday's entry about Memorial Day because I didn't think I would update today. But here I am again.

I spent my day doing nothing but watching TV. Well, I did do a little food shopping and some cleaning.

Right now I am watching Sex In The City. I have watched all the episodes over and over and I still like it. I am watching the episode where Carrie went to Paris and told Big off. Six years of her wanting him and him stringing her along. And when he realizes that she is moving to Paris he finally decides that he is in love with her. When she was by his side and hoping for his affection he tossed her aside. And when she decided to move away he ended up roaming the streets for her until he found her.

Big is like the men that I have gone out with. They are real nice at first and at first it seems like they are really interested in being with you. But after some dates and after you realize that you really like the guy, he is emotionally unavailable.

I really liked a guy named Chad. Who am I kidding ? His name is Brad. I am not gonna hide his name anymore. He knows who he is and it doesn't matter because he doesn't read this.

 I went out with him earlier this year and at first he seemed into me. And as we went out, I realized that I really liked him.  And then some stuff in his life came up and he practically tossed me aside and never really took my calls. Once in a while he would return my calls. This all happened just as I decided that I was ready to get to know him better and possibly have a relationship with him.

I know he has some serious stuff to deal with right now. But telling me that he's into me and really wants to be with me and then not calling me for weeks at a time just confuses me. I don't expect to see him, just for him to communicate with me while he is dealing with his issues. It was too much for him and it hurts my feelings.

I still like him and call him once in a while. I'm not just sitting around and waiting for his calls. I am going out and having fun, but I still miss him. I haven't liked a guy like this for a really long time. Part of me still thinks that things will be all normal again. That's because I still really like him and haven't let him go. And I wish I could forget about him. I guess I am too busy seeing him for what I want him to be instead of who he really is.

I am dealing with this slowly. First of all, I am not beating myself up for liking him still and calling him. I am also starting to focus more on myself and what I want out of life. I've been going out, but haven't really put myself out there, but soon I will. I know that I'll be over this soon. Just a matter of time.



Sunday, May 28, 2006

Happy Memorial Day

Hello Everyone,

Today I am cleaning up my room. I have a lot of papers with my name and address to shred, but my damn shredder broke. I still have stuff to give to Goodwill. I also threw out a lot of stuff. Feels pretty good. I still have to go through all my financial statements.

I've been watching TV programs about Veteran soldiers as well as the Japanese Internment camps.

I want to take this entry to acknowlege the men and women that have fought for our country. Because they stood up and fought, people like me don't have to. Because they volunteered, I can choose whether I want to go and fight or not. I also think that the wives of our servicemen deserve credit because they are giving them their full support, raising their children while the men are away and never know if they'll see their husbands or get the dreaded visit.

If I had to, I would join the military. But, since I have a choice, I chose to not to. I love living a free life here in the United States without having to worry about going hungry, getting killed, or being told how to live my life like others in third world countries do.

A lot of people may be against Bush's policies and war in general. But I don't think any of that anger should ever be taken out on our soldiers. It angers me when I see people protesting against our men and women in the service. Those people in the service are the reason why they have the freedom to protest in the first place. They should be respected and supported. I also think that their benefits for serving should be increased and never cut. Politicians that cut their benefits in the name of budget don't realize that they are shooting themselves in the foot. If servicemen and women didn't serve, the politicians themselves would be forced to go and fight.

But I do think that Americans in general are more appreciative of the people that do serve our country. I think September 11th had something to do with it.

While I was watching the documentary about the Japanese Internment camps, it was hard to realize that the USA is guilty of such a thing. There are a lot of dispicable things that our government did. I don't think that the Japanese that lived in the camps talk about their experiences enough. When I was studying history in high school, there was only 1-2 pages in the whole book that talked about it. I've seen an exhibit about it in a museum, but I think that there should be a whole museum dedicatedto them.

My friend Henry served in the Marine Corps and works in a veterans hospital. I wanted to acknowledge him as well. He knows what it means to serve our country. This entry is dedicated to him.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Elie Wiesel on Oprah

Hello there my lovelies,

On Wednesday I watched Oprah. She made a trip to Poland to meet with Elie Wiesel and take a tour of Auschwitz. It was a beautiful show, but heartwrenching to watch. She and Wiesel walked arm in arm while he recounted the horrors he personally experienced.

The part that moved me the most was when he brought her to the pile of shoes. The pile was huge. Of course they are decaying because they are over 60 years old, but you could still see shoes with personality. I saw poor shoes, and elegant shoes. The camera zoomed in on a pair of red shoes that looked like it belonged to a dancer full of dreams. And they were just lying there in a pile with the other shoes, waiting for its owner to return. But the part that was harder to watch was when the camera zoomed in on the pile of baby shoes and baby clothes. I realized that people had to take the clothes and shoes off these babies. One has to be full of hatred to take it out on infants and take the clothes off their backs.

 I've seen a lot of horrible images on film and pictures regarding the Holocaust,of people starving and dying. But seeing Elie Wiesel talk about the shoes and clothes just hit me harder. I remember when I visited the Holocaust museum in Washington D.C. as well as Mauthausen in Austria. Seeing physical objects that were there just made it all real to me.

I still would like to see the Anne Frank museum in Amsterdam one day. I used to read her book in school, and I felt like I could relate to her. But it wasn't until I visited Mauthausen last year that I realized just how courageous she was. I also realized that she so wise and beyond her years. As she was being locked up with her family only to later be deported, she still chose to believe that humans are inherently good.

I should have made the trip to Amsterdam while I was living in Barcelona. The trip woulda been a helluva lot cheaper then than it would be now. But I was broke at the time. One day when I get myself out of my financial mess, that will be on the top of my list.

Ciao for now.

Random Thoughts on a Saturday

Hello there my lovelies,

Well, I am glad that the weekend here. I just cleaned out my storage unit and I am glad that $50 won't get taken out of my checking every month anymore. I also feel relieved that I got rid of a lot of stuff I simply don't need.

I forgot to mention that last week I saw a mother duck walk her little duckling babies across a busy road. Luckily there wasn't a lot of traffic so a lady in her car positioned her car by them so no one would run them over. Those ducklings were so little, cute and fuzzy and had absolutely no clue that they could've been smashed by a careless driver. I thought that it was really nice of the lady to look out for those helpless ducks.

I love birdies. I think I get that from my mother. What's also adorable is when I see quail scurry across the cement sidewalk. There are a lot of different birds by my job. Sometimes I like to watch them hop around or see them shake their feathers.

Work has been busy as usual. We lost both of our assistant managers. One moved and the other quit. Plus, we still have no car prep to clean our cars. So therefore, we are still washing our own cars and have a smaller staff.

On another note, I am happy that the weekend is here and that I don't have to work on Memorial Day. I am still getting rid of stuff and going through my financial statements. I am going through financial hell right now, so I will be using this weekend to try and straighten things out. I also hope to use the weekend to work out and practice my dance routines.

Anyways, that's all for now. I am kinda distracted right now, so I am gonna go for now. I will write more later. Ciao.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Difference Between Girls and Women.--How I Fit in

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans. Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.  I am a grown woman.

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling. Grown woman

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't. Still a girl here.

Girls try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex.
Grown women know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'lock' you down. Definitely a woman here.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-- using it as a time for personal growth. Becoming a grown woman.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys. I'll just say that I am a teenager here.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man. Still a girl here.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e, don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a little bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special -- and goes to hang with her own friends! Totally a grown woman.

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue. Grown woman.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'. Definite woman.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that it was just one man. Grown woman.

Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, doesn't always love you back-- and move on, without bitterness. Becoming a grown woman

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Cleaning up

Hello there my lovelies,

I just gotta update this more than once a week. I've been cleaning up and getting rid of a lot of stuff. Basically, I had a storage unit full of stuff, and I can't afford to keep storing all that stuff every month. My rent is expensive enough and I have a separate mailbox for my mail. So I decided to take all my stuff out and store it in my room. But of course to make it all fit I had to do some serious spring cleaning.

I shredded old bills, threw out boxes of magazines and donated all the clothes and shoes I haven't worn in years. I am still getting rid of stuff. I'm a sentimental person and I like to keep stuff, but I realized that I can't keep letting stuff pile up. Organizing my stuff kinda makes me feel like I am taking control of my life. I need that right now.

While I was going through stuff I looked through my old photo albums that I made, my old photos that I took, old letters that people sent to me, my yearbooks, yada yada yada. It brought back a lot of old memories. I am glad I kept all that stuff. It makes me see how far I've come along.

Anyways, I am gonna get back to organizing. I could write about all the drama at work but I'll spare y'all for now.

Ciao Ciao.


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Long update after a week.

Hello there my lovelies,

I guess I've been in the habit of updating only once a week. I used to update a lot more. I wanna update more, but I've been really tired lately.

The immigration debate is still going strong in the media. In fact, I am watching an heated argument about it on KQED.

I do think that a fence should be built around our border and that there should be more border patrol agents guarding our borders. It won't solve our problems, but it's a start. I don't necessarily feel that amnesty should be immediately granted to the millions of people that are here illegally. But I do think that the "illegals" that have been here for a while that have been living like upstanding citizens (working and paying taxes, learning our language) should finally get their chance at becoming citizens.

I am happy about the bill that makes English our national, unifying language. The critics claim that it's a racist bill aimed at Hispanics, but I think the critics are full of shit. No where does that bill state that people can't speak their native languages at home, nor have gatherings in their own languages. It just states that English is our national language. I have been a firm believer that people that come to the U.S should learn English. Nothing irritates me more when foreigners get upset at me for not understanding them. I don't mind speaking Spanish if I am asked politely, but I shouldn't have to if I don't want to. When I went to Austria, I learned German. And when I went to Spain I learned Spanish. And if I travel to another country for an extended period of time, I will learn that language as well. Language is the key to understanding the culture and people.

Right now I am watching Rick Steve's Europe show. Last weekend he went to Gibraltar and took a ferry to Tangiers, Morrocco. This weekend he is touring Denmark.

I really miss traveling. I love the United States, and this is my home. But I still want to get out and see the world and learn more languages. The only thing that is holding me back right now is my huge debt from school. Otherwise I would be out and about. And believe me, the debt isn't going away soon on my shitty salary. Not only that, but I want to get lasik surgery on my eyes and that isn't cheap. But I am tired of wearing glasses. I've been so self concious about it. I have gotten a lot of comments on my eyes, and I am tired of hiding behind glasses and feeling like the ugly duckling.

I am also in the middle of rearranging my room. I bought a new bookshelf. I am also trying to get rid of a lot of stuff that I need such as old clothes and old paperwork that I don't have to keep anymore. I want to be clutter free.

Anyways, I am done for now. But, I will be back.

Ciao Ciao.


Sunday, May 14, 2006

Hello there all,

Happy Mothers Day to all you mothers out there !! I hope your children called you up, took out out to lunch and sent you flowers. This is the first time ever that my mom was away on Mothers Day. Actually, last year I was in Spain. So, then this is the second time away from mom on Mother's Day.

I love the hot weather. I went shopping and bought some cute tops, so I will be showing off my assets, so to speak.

Today I practiced more bellydance. I finally found a song that I really like that I can dance to. And guess what? None of my fellow dancers that I know of have danced to it. So that means, it can be my song, and it will be like I discovered the song myself.

Anyways, I am gonna go and clean my room. Ciao.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Dinner last night

Hello there my lovelies,

Last night I went to a dinner to celebrate volunteers such as myself, who helped out on National Citizenship Day. It was very nice. A bunch of people from nonprofit organizations gave speeches about immigration and why they're passionate about helping give immigrants a voice and helping them integrate into American society. I invited Chad, but he ended up not making it. I am glad he didn't go. It was better that I went alone so I could process all my feelings and talk to everyone there without having to wonder if he was enjoying himself or not. I have to say that they cake there was so good. I ate more than I shoulda, but it was so good. The frosting was whipped cream. Yummy. And I because I took a cake decorating class, I could taste all the ingredients.

Anyways, of all the different causes out there, I feel passionate about this one. It's just that helping people become citizens or at understanding where immigrants are coming from grabs at my heartstrings. I still feel mixed about a lot of issues involving immigration. I can't say that I am completely liberal. But at least I am understanding why things are the way they are.

Anyways, I've got more to talk about but I will end this for now. Ciao Ciao.

Sunday, May 7, 2006

Nice quiet Sunday

Hello there my lovelies,

I am currently watching Desperate Housewives. Oh my ! I don't know his real name, but I have a huge crush on Mike Delfino. I love his rugged good looks and those arm

On another note, I got to practice my bellydance. It's been three weeks since I got to practice by myself. I love practicing alone. It gives me time to think and time to get exercise and express myself.

Besides dance, I just stayed in bed all day and watched TV. I have been so exhausted from the week. It was nice to lay around all day.

I am very unhappy with my job and where my life is headed. I am very conflicted right now. I want to do well at my job. But at the same time, I am frustrated that I am not doing well right now. I obey my boss, do my work and show up on time, but my sales numbers aren't up. I don't know if it's because I am not motivated, or I am actually bad at it.

I am tired of having to pressure people to purchase the damage waiver for their rentals. I am also tired of having to upsell. I am also sick of cleaning the cars myself. Lord knows I am bad at it. Half the time the cars are still dirty when I am done cleaning them.  But most of all, I am sick of being thrown into situations that aren't my fault and having to take the heat. I am sick of renting dirty cars or cars that need the oil changed. I am also sick than when a customer comes into my branch with a reservation, that I have to drive the guy to another branch to get another car.

I want to get promoted so that I can put the experience on my resume, but I lost my motivation for my job. Even if I get promoted to Assistant Manager I will make a little more money. I feel so unmotivated to look for another job because I feel like I will be miserable no matter where I go.

But I do know that I am tired of complaining about it. I have been complaining for a while now. And although I do it to blow off steam, it really makes me feel worse. So I am gonna have to stop complaining and either try harder at my current job or look for another.

I am gonna do both.

Anyways, thats enough for now. Ciao Ciao.

Monday, May 1, 2006

I'm still not done discussing my mixed views on immigration........

Hello there my lovelies,

Well, today there were the immigrant protests. Although many shops were closed and the economy was supposed to take a hit today, I didn't notice anything in my neck of the woods.

For starters, there aren't any undocumented workers at my job. So therefore, all of us showed up. Plus, people get into accidents 24/7 and need to rent a car, so therefore we were busy, as we always are on Mondays. Car accidents didn't come to a halt today.

I heard about the protest marches on the news. People were marching with signs,. one of which said "legalization for everyone". Yeah, whatever. And the govt should just let everyone in ??? I don't think so. Or how about " we should all be given a chance."  Ha ! Not in the real world where criminals and terrorism exists. The US has contraints too. We can't just accept everyone. We have to have procedures to follow.

I am mixed about the issue. I feel that people should immigrate here the legal way. But let's get real. Immigrating here is difficult, the laws change and people living in poverty in a 3rd world country do not have the resources to learn about immigration laws that keep changing. How the hell can we expect a farm worker in Mexico who can't read and write to somehow read and understand legal terms in English? I remember trying to read about immigration law in Spanish when I lived in Spain. That was painful. And I am educated. People are gonna try to get here. And building extra fences isn't gonna stop them. This will always be an issue.

People that slip through the cracks and cross our borders illegally shouldn't just be dismissed as felons. Labeling a man that jumped our fence to work to survive as a felon and jailing him is ridiculous. He should just be deported. That is the right of the US govt. We have laws here, and they should be obeyed.

But if he escapes deportation and manages to live here for years without committing a crime, earns a living and pays taxes, he should eventually be given a chance at getting his papers and becoming a citizen. Because by then, he has proven that he is serious about becoming an American citizen and has lived like one. My old car prep was one of those people. He came here in the trunk of a car. And he is a US citizen now, and he deserves it. He learned English, worked for many years and paid his taxes every year.

Anyways, I am done for now.