Thursday, March 30, 2006


Hello there my lovelies,

Today was one of those days. I just feel really sad. For starters I am taking a little break from dance and I didn't realize that I would kinda miss my dance troupe and the excitement of getting ready for a performance. Now I don't even have a performance to get ready for. I will be starting a new class next week. I miss the excitement of performing in front of an audience. Last Saturday's performance made me feel alive.

The weather kinda got to me and I am having one of those days where I feel totally worthless. I felt like the ugly duckling today. But I went to the gym after work and worked out and broke a sweat. I felt so much better after. Going to the gym is my personal time to work out, think and reflect. Yesterday I didn't go to the gym and I felt pretty crappy.

I have more to write, but I am in the middle of watching my fave show. I'll continue later.

Ciao Ciao.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Even More Rental Hell

Hello there my lovelies,

You ever look forward to a call from someone, and they just don't call ? Not only do they not call, but everytime your phone rings it's everyone else in the world instead of the person you want to hear from ? This happens to me regularly. In fact, it happened today. It will happen tommorow and probably all weekend.

If you thought my last entry about work was bad, then you didn't hear about this week. This week is taking the fucking cake. One of my coworkers walked out Monday morning when it was our busiest ever. She just got up and walked out. Needless to say, she is fired and I certainly won't be missing her. Not only that but I had an asshole guy cuss and yell because I had to take a security deposit for a car. There were half of us and double the work. My boss even left a little early for a doctors appt so there was just me and another person. I got out an hour and a half after closing.

After work my boss called me and told me that he was very proud of me for sticking it out at work. It was nice of him to call me just to tell me that.

I am supposed to be at the gym right now, but I am not. I am just too exhausted. I guess I can go tommorow, but I should be more disciplined.

I am also taking a little break from dance because I am in the process of finding a new teacher. I will start again next week.

I have so so so much more to write, but I am gonna have to end it now due to exhaustion.

Ciao Ciao.



Sunday, March 26, 2006


Hello there my lovelies,

Yesterday was our big performance. A couple things went wrong. For starters they put us on the small stage and cut down how many dancers we could have. There were about 10 of us and they only allowed 5 of us to be on at a time. We had three routines. That meant that we all couldn't dance all three dances. So instead of me being in 3 routines, I could only do one. The other girls got to do 2 routines, but they only let me do one.

That also meant that I worked hard to learn the choreography for 2 dances for absolutely nothing. I was so pissed. All those hours or practice for nothing.

But............... I was able to do my sword routine on the floor. My sword dance was part of a routine with other girls that danced with veils and other girls dancing with the sword standing up.

While I was dancing all eyes were on me. People didn't really watch the other girls in my routine that much. I was the only one getting down and dancing on the floor with a sword on my head and people loved it. In fact, in bellydance there aren't a lot of people that dance on the floor with a sword.

My routine was two minutes. That made my night perfect, even though everything else didn't work out. I haven't performed for a while. I forgot what it felt like to get dressed up, put on tons of makeup and dance in front of a crowd. And it felt good, especially since I did a good job and the crowd there was full of people that love and appreciate bellydance. I saw a lot of people in the crowd taking pictures of me.

I put in all those hours of practice to learn how to dance with the sword. I got sore, bruised and sweat a lot. I put in 4-5 months of practice for a 2 minute performance. And it finally paid off. I never thought I would see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

Last night I finally bonded with my troupe. From the past entries that I wrote, you can tell that I didn't like half the girls there. I was the newest addition to the group and most of them didn't really talk to me, didn't really like my suggestions and were kinda catty/bossy.

But last night we all came together and bonded. And most came up to me and told me how they loved how I did with the performance. They gave me hugs and told me that I looked really nice in my costume. And they made me feel like I was actually part of the troupe.

A guy that I've been seeing took me there. I didn't think that he would be interested in bellydance, so I really didn't think he would come. Bellydance is more of a chick thing. But he knew it meant a lot to me and he took me there and watched me perform. And he loved the performance. And it was nice to have him there. We were both famished afterwards so then we went to Dennys after and loaded up on greasy food.

My teacher that left the troupe was also there and she told me that I looked so beautiful and was cheering me on while I was performing. That meant a lot to me. But what meant even more to me was that my friend that taught me the sword and went to practice with me on the weekends was there and took pictures of me, gave me roses and cheered me on. She was almost crying because I finally did it. She is leaving to Finland in a couple of weeks. She's gonna be gone for 3 months and I am gonna miss her so much.

Anyways, I will end it right here. I also volunteered yesterday, but I will write about that later. That needs an entry of its own.


Saturday, March 25, 2006

My Sword Dance

Hello there my lovelies,

I've talked about my sword dance for so long, and I'm sure y'all have had no idea about what it looks like.

So, here are some pics I took last night. This was my dress rehearsal for my performance today. I am glad that I finally have pictures of this.

Okay, gotta go for now. Ciao.

Friday, March 24, 2006

A Day In Rental Hell.

Hello there,

OMG. Today at work sucked so bad. It sucked big hairy, smelly donkey balls. Sometimes our customers just make me wanna go up to a wall and bang my head against it repeatedly. Seriously. Some people are so unreasonable, demanding and bitchy. I am usually very patient with people and really, I've worked as a waitress for a few years so I can handle bitchy/cranky/entitlement whore customers.

But today I had three bitchy demanding women that asked me the same questions over and over, in a row. I got off work 45 minutes late. The first woman was rude and played the race card. She was awful, but I will skip her for now. I really don't have the energy to talk about her.

The last bitch(oops, I mean woman) took the cake. I picked her up around 5:45 from the body shop. We close at 6pm. First she managed to negotiate a car for an unreasonably low rate. After that was over, I was hoping that I could get her to our branch and get her on her way.

Nope. She forgot her drivers license. She was bitching and whining when I refused to rent her a car without a license. Um, last time I checked, the law states you can't be on the road without a license, so why the fuck would I rent her a car without one and break the law??

So, I had to drive her ass all the way to her house so she could get her license and then drive her back and rent the car.  Even though we were technically closed by the time I took her to her house. Lemme tell you that traffic here in San Jose is no picnic. I hit every traffic light on the way there. The whole time her kid was screaming and crying. And to top it all off she asked me the same stupid questions over and over. We're closed on Sundays and she kept asking me why we were going to charge her for the car if she kept it on Sunday.

I work my ass off. I don't care anymore. It is time to look for something else. I do my best, and I always bend over backwards to help my customers. But when they bitch and moan and don't allow me to offer solutions, then they can go and fuck themselves. I am so tired of being a doormat.

Did I mention some guy that rents from us decided to play around and act like he was gonna run me over in the parking lot?? I don't joke around in front of cars. And he couldn't understand why I didn't find it amusing that he was in a big truck and awfully close to me while I was walking. I didn't realize it was a customer, so when he was doing that, I was cursed at him. There goes my customer satisfaction score.

And today I also went to my last dance practice with my troupe before our dance performance on Saturday. I am so glad this is it. I love to perform, and I am looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to NOT having to put up with those girls anymore. I will miss some of them, but not the rest. No more snide remarks, no more feeling left out, no more bossiness. No more cattiness. Now I can go find a new teacher.

Anyways, it's late and I have a long, long day tommorow. Ciao :)


Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Hello all,

I stayed home from work today. I am tired, have sinus problems and am cramping. I am not getting sick pay because I think I already used up all my sick days. But I don't care because I got a big tax refund so I could afford this. I was gonna work out this weekend, but I think that I am just gonna have to go on Fri.

I am not really gonna use the tax refund for splurge purposes. Just to pay my bills because I really could use it. I also used some of it to open up a savings account. I am hoping to finally get a real full sized bed from my roommate. Just waiting for her to sell it to me. I was supposed to get it a week ago, but it looks like it'll be a couple more weeks.

Anyways, I am done babbling for now. I'll babble some more later.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Bitch, moan, bitch, moan

Hello there my lovelies,

Today was hard to get through. I am experiencing allergies for the first time. Sinus pressure, itch eyes, runny nose and sneezing are some of the symptoms I've experienced. I took sinus meds, but they only provided relief for such a short time and made me drowsy. Way to go, huh?

If that weren't enough, I also had good ole' Aunt Flo pay me a visit. Just had to bring the cramps along with her.

So as you can see I was full of meds like aspirin and sinus meds.

The weather was also crappy. It was so cold today. I can't believe that Spring has arrived and it still feels like winter.

Okay, so I am done bitching for today. I'll continue this later. Ciao.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Mary Kay Lady

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I got up a little earlier to practice my sword routines because our performance is next weekend. I also curled my hair for practice and it looked good. I think that I am ready enough for the show. I applied a new trick so my sword won't fall off. I sprayed my hair with the cheapest, stickiest hairspray, AquaNet.( That stuff was so popular in the 1980s)  Then I waxed the bottom of my sword. So with the combination of hairspray and wax, I think that I should be alright.

After practice I went over to my friend's house. I knew that a Mary Kay rep would be there, but I didn't realize that she would be there the whole time. My friend made it sound like she would be there only for a little bit.

She did some demonstrations, talked about the product and the business. Had I known that I would have to listen to her for a few hours, I would made other plans. I was just hoping to spend time with my gal friends. I really didn't wanna hear about "the wonderful opportunity" of working at a Fortune 500 company and about the tons of women making hundreds of thousands of dollars. Shit, the same bs lines were fed to me when I applied at my current job. If something is truly a "wonderful opportunity", there aren't gonna be a bunch of people pressuring you. You know why ? Because so many people will be in line to compete land that wonderful opportunity. If you want a wondeful opportunity, you are gonna have to dig around for a while, know the right people, for have a buttload list of qualifications.

I gotta say that the products aren't so bad. I heard bad things about them, but I thought the skin care regimen was good for the most part. It's just so damn expensive. That's a shame because I mighta bought something.

I know so many Mary Kay women, and most of them keep trying to recruit me into selling the products. And good for them for being successful and making money. But I know that it isn't all that it's made out to be.

For starters, you have to buy your own inventory. Hell, I am struggling to pay my bills every month. Then you have to find people to market to. I don't think that I could sell stuff to my own friends. I like to hang out with my friends and do stuff together, not sell stuff to them. And when I go out and meet new people, I don't wanna view them as a business opportunity. I do enough of that at my current job.

Anyways, thats enough for now. I am dreading working out right now, but I just saw the that Victoria's Secret commercial with Gisele in the new IPEX bra. And I just remembered that spring is tommorow and I wanna look sexy by summer.

Ciao :)




Saturday, March 18, 2006

I've been thinking lately.................

Hello there my lovelies.............

I've had a lot on my mind lately. I've been thinking about my life and where it's headed.

For starters I am so stressed out at my financial situation. I just owe a lot in student loans right now and making all the payments in addition to my rent and other current bills is just so hard. Especially with my shitty ass salary right now. Living on campus during college and my trip to Spain put me in this position. But I can't say those decisions were stupid. I don't regret what I did. I just don't know how to get myself outta this situation.

I also know that I have to find another job that I like. I think I finally found my niche. I would like to eventually work for the INS as an adjudications officer, asylum officer, deportations officer or an immigrations inspector, and the list could go on. Either that, or I would like to work in a US embassy in another country.

I have an interest in other languages and cultures, I am good with people, and have patience and compassion. I have always been interested in other people's stories before they came to the US, and what it took for them to get here and become a citizen. I know my mom went through the system and I have asked her a lot about it. In working for the INS, this would become my business.

Immigrations is a huge issue here. Some people are for it and some are against it. I would like to be a part of the process and try to understand it.

I know that I have a long way to go before I can get one of these jobs. I'll probably have to do a lot of volunteer work, improve my Spanish and learn other languages, take exams, and who knows what else. I am going to start volunteering next Saturday for Citizenship day. I will be helping people who are applying for citizenship, fill out the right paperwork. From then on I hope to get more involved with the organization.

I called the INS to find out more about working for them, but of course no one there was helpful. And that's to be expected because it's the government. I expect to get the runaround and deal with grumpy people that don't want to tell me anything or even transfer me to the right person because it's "not their department."

I am just tired of sales. I know that's what I went to school for. I majored in Business Administration with a concentration in marketing. But I don't think that sales is for me. I am sick and tired of the pressure at work to getmy numbers up. It's not like what I am selling at work is always necessary. I am tired of having to convince customers to buy something that they really don't need. Sales is such a cutthroat business and my problem is that I actually do give a damn about the customer and that I tell the truth. It may not make me the top sales girl, but at least the customer knows I am not trying to rip him off.

I am also thinking about joining the Peace Corps. It's a thought that keeps popping up in my head. It would be such a good experience, but I have to admit that the thought of living in a third world country for 2 years is a little intimidating. Also, I am in a lot of debt right now and I have to pay most of it down before I can leave.

But it would be such a good experience, especially since I would like to learn more languages and learn about other cultures. I have traveled to Europe before, but I really haven't been to a third world country before. It's really important for us as Americans to realize how good we have it and how lucky we are. It's also important to see how other people live so we can be more tolerant and understanding.

Anyways, that's enough now. I know that I have more to say on the issue, and I will be sure to continue later.

Ciao :)


Thursday, March 16, 2006

Hello there my lovelies,

I am so tired. I have been busy all week so I really haven't had a lot of time to relax by myself. But I am chillin' a little right now. It's raining and cold outside, but I am in bed with my laptop typing this.

And I am too tired to continue. Ciao for now.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

My naughty morning

Hello there my lovelies,

This morning I was very naughty. I went to breakfast with some of my department heads at work. We went to Coco's and I ate way to much. In fact, I ate so much that I didn't eat for the rest of the day. I had a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream, 2 belgian waffles with butter and syrup and a side of bacon. I shoulda just hooked myself up to an IV full of lard. It woulda been the same thing. But it was so good !!

A dear friend of mine from New York sent me the best gift ever. He sent me Godiva chocolates, Son By Four CD, more chocolate, and the whole Sex and the City set. That was the best gift I ever got. That so made my day, especially since I was feeling down last week.

I also got a nice compliment in my journal a couple days ago. A lady said that she finds me very interesting. That was nice. I like to be thought of as interesting. I don't get a lot of people commenting in my journals. But it is nice to know that I do have people reading it.

What else? I have to get to the gym and work out. I'm only able to work out once this week cuz I'm busy and have plans. But I know that if I don't do it tonite that I'll lose my workout groove.

Anyways, enough for tonite. Ciao.


Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sunday Relaxation

Hello All,

I'm lying in bed as I type this. Speaking of which, I should be getting a new bed soon.

Yesterday I practiced dance with my dance troupe. Our performance is in 2 weeks. I can't wait for it to be over. Because when it's over I am finding a new dance troupe. Hell, that and a new teacher.

For starters my teacher dropped out. After 18 years of dance she decides that she has to have her "life changing experience" right now and take her sabattical. Fuck, and she couldn't hold out for two more weeks???  To her credit she left one of the girls in charge and didn't just disappear. But still, I came to dance to learn from her. NOT my classmate. I acted like I was happy for her.

Another thing, there are about 18 girls in our group. I am the newest girl there. Most are nice, but there are a strong few that I can't stand. Sometimes I feel like I don't have an opinion. It's like I have to do what they say all the time. Plus they pay way too much attention to technical stuff and don't really passionately dance the pieces out.  I agree that we should pay attention to counts, but I also think we should focus on the passion that we bring to the dance. I just don't learn the way they do. In my last troupe, I was encouraged to speak, and the girls were nicer, and my teacher cared more about our stage presence.

And lastly, I don't like the cattiness. I hate it when they are acting "nice" but slip in a snide remark here or there. I know that I dance with them, but that I am not part of the "in crowd". Hell they don't even invite me to other dance performances.

So, I am counting the days until we perform and I don't have to be a part of them anymore. Sadly for some I think the feeling is mutual.

Anyways, I should think about getting out of bed and getting stuff done.

Thursday, March 9, 2006

It's Official. I have the Blues.

Hello All,

I am gonna be blunt. I am feeling really sad. I think I may be depressed. This is so not my week. It's raining for starters. Customers have also been so rude lately. Today I got badgered by a customer's lawyer. My sales at work have also plummeted. I had the highest sales in the office for the past couple of weeks and now I haven't been able to sell anything for the past couple of days. And I've been trying harder. Nothing sucks more when you work harder and reap less rewards.

I was also going out with a guy that I was starting to really like and he hasn't called in over a week. He just disappeared and hasn't called. Things were great and we were having a lot of fun. This wouldn't bother me so much if this sort of thing happens once in a while. But this happens with almost every man I go out with. They disappear after 2 or three dates. I didn't even put out, lol. It's one thing if I make myself too easy and leave no mystery. I don't get it. I can't keep brushing this off when it happens to me every time I go out with someone. It really stings and leads me to believe that there is something wrong with me.

Of course there is more that's bothering me but I don't feel like elaborating any more. I think I have said way more than enough already.

I've been really tired and drained lately. The days have been going by longer and it's getting harder for me to care about things anymore. Today I had a happy hour at work and I left early to come home and sulk.

This sucks. I don't wanna talk to anyone. I feel useless. I sure hope things get better soon.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

I am in a bad mood today, so bear with me.....

Hello All,

Today was a long day. I am tired. I was helping a customer and asked for his drivers license to rent him a car. And when I looked at the address, I realized that he was my next door neighbor. That was such a coincidence. It was a nice one.

 I am also sick of people in general right now. My customers can be so demanding sometimes. And sometimes no matter how much we bend over backwards and try to help people, they always find a way to stick it to us even more.

I am sick of being demanded to do stuff. I can't stand being bossed around. Customers don't understand that we have strict policies to follow when we rent on cash. If a customer doesn't have a credit card, of course we are going to be more stricy when we rent them a car. Anyone that pays with a debit card can close their bank account and steal our car.

I am also sick of people that don't fucking bathe. Seriously. I helped this Indian guy that reeked of curry. And by the time I got out of the car, I smelled like an Indian dish. My coworker was bitching me out and lighting matches around me. I also helped another guy that had the dirtiest nails. When he smiled there was brown stuff caked between his teeth. Did I mention that he also smells nasty ????

Anyways, I am gonna stop my bitching for now. Ciao Ciao.