Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Ten Random Tidbits About Moi

Hello There My Little Peaches,

Guess what loves ? I don't have too much to report at the moment. Although did I tell you that when my BFF Ashleigh was here last week and we went out to eat that some homeless dudes were hollering at us from behind the bushes at night ? Talk about the winners in my hood. This was right across the street from my apartment.

I worked out last night in effort to deflate my ass before my vacay abroad (what's the point, I plan to eat a lot over there anyway). I wanted to use the bike. I saw some creepy fat dude (he had a pervy twinkle in his eye when he smiled) sweating all over it. I promptly went into the other room to attempt the plank.

Anywhore, when I came back he was gone. There are three bikes, and the other two were broken so guess what ? I had to use the same one he sweated on. Look, I know that we all use machines people previously sweated on. But the nasty image of him was already burned in my brain, and the image of my ass parked where his sweaty ass was,  just did not bring peace, love and happiness to my psyche. No namaste for me !

Let's talk about something else, shall we ?

Oh yes, I am getting sidetracked. Ten random pieces of info for you about me.....................

1.) My phone and iPod are over 3 years old and I have no plan of upgrading anytime soon. I have a Crazr and have no need or desire to upgrade to a Droid or an iPhone. $30 extra a month for internet access is a little excessive IMHO. But to some people it could be worth it. My friend used his to watch porn.

2.) Did you know that there is a specie of bird called the "bearded tit" ? That doesn't really have to do with me, but I thought I would throw that out there. You're welcome.

3.) I just can't get on the Facebook bandwagon.

4.) I still pay for AOL service. I don't know why I don't cancel. I just can't.

5.) I like cooking for myself, but I am way to embarrassed to cook for others. I refuse to do it. I feel my tastes are slightly different and I don't think others would like the way I prepare dishes.

6.) If you give me an expensive cake or the cake from the supermarket with buttercream frosting and cheap dye, I will take the supermarket cake anyday.

7.) I LOVE shows like Jersey Shore, 16 and Pregnant and the Real Housewives series. I can't wait to see The Situation dancing on Dancing With The Stars. I wish I could call in sick, watch all those shows and eat ice cream under the covers. Unfortunately I don't have cable, I have to go to work, and my ass doesn't need the ice cream.

8.) I used to want to be famous. Now I don't think I want to be famous. Money can't buy you freedom and happiness. I prefer most people not knowing who I am.

9.) I can make chocolate chip cookies that will knock your socks off.

10.) I got paid today, but I am broke already. 90% went to rent and what's left sure ain't enough.

Monday, August 30, 2010

I am now a Spiritual Survey Whore

So what's up my little turtle doves ? Shoesies has done a spiritual survey and has begged us all to do it, and I just couldn't resist. I've always been a survey whore, but now it's just a little more spiritual. Namaste !

Feel free to answer these questions. I am too lazy to play tag. Enjoy !

1.) We all dance with the seven sins from time to time. Which of the seven sins do you dance with most frequently, and why? They are wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.

Well at the moment I am dancing a duo with sloth and gluttony. Mainly gluttony though. Bad combo if you ask me. I need a better sin to tango with. Lust would be a better option. It wouldn't give me a fatter ass.

2. If you could live for a week in the body of someone famous, who would it be? You would still be you, but you could access their need to know info as you needed to know it. Of course, the kicker is that they would live in your body and have the same privileges.

I would live in Adriana Lima's body for sure (she's my fave Victoria's Secret model). Don't know who she is ? Google her. She doesn't disappoint !

3. Do you believe that angels walk among us? That there are true psychics, mediums, or anyone who is more connected to God than the average person?

Absolutely, just as much as I believe that the the devil and his helpers are among us. I do believe in true psychics, but I don't think there are as many out there as the media portrays. I think true psychics are a rare find. And only the information you are meant to know will be correct information you will be given by the
"psychic" or "medium". For example, I have visited a few "readers" and while they have predicted some things correctly, no one could seem to correctly predict when I would get a better job or meet someone special. I believe those are things I am not supposed to know and I am okay with that. I did get hired this year by a firm I am happy with, and it came completely out of left field. Very unexpected and not in my reading. The dates I was given  by the "medium" that I would find a job were wrong. I got turned down for the positions in the time frame I was told I would find a job and found something else on my own.

Also, I don't think anyone is more connected to God. I think we all have the same access, it's just a matter of connecting with ourselves to tap into that power.

4) Have you ever dreamt about a future event that happened, a past event that happened when you were but a very young child, or anything that was just so real, but otherworldly, that you felt its truth in your soul? If so, I'm listening.

First of all, I don't remember my dreams as a child except that most of them were nightmares. Luckily most of the dreams I have aren't literal, rather symbolic. In my dreams almost all of my family has died (different members at different times of course) and they were so real I cried when I woke up. Or I am about to jump off a building.

But the one dream the I will never forget was when I went skydiving and could vividly experience the fall. I could clearly see the ground get closer and right before landing I woke up. That was cool !

5) Do you feel like you have a gift that you aren't using? It could be for anything. Design, writing, art, photography, decoration. The list is endless.

All the time. I wonder if I am letting talents go to waste. I love photography, writing and dance. I have a photo blog, I have this blog, and I give belly dance performances a couple of times a year.

 I do all three, but I have not seriously pursued any of them other than as hobbies.

6) Is there someone that you are unwilling to forgive? Is it weighing on your heart? Eating you up on the inside? This is a yes or no. If it is yes, I hope you make the choice today to want to forgive and then let it go. Throw out your desire into the universe.

No, I think I am able to forgive eneryone. I took the weight off my heart last year and resolved what was eating me up inside. I may not have forgotten, but I have forgiven. Life is really too short, I don't want anger to consume me and regret it on my deathbed.

7) If we were able to take away or add one element into the heart of each and every man, which one would be the one that would make the most difference in making this world a better place to live?

Simply accepting each other. I think it really starts there.

Bonus Questions !

1. What item of yours has the most sentimental value, and why?

My Oma's necklace and ring set I inherited. It is smoky topaz (topaz is my birth stone) and it was her prized jewels. My grandpa saved up to buy her that set and they were the loves of each other's lives. It was given to me because Oma has always wanted me to find true love.

2. What is the best compliment you've ever received?
I have received a lot of great compliments, but the best one was when I volunteered (we helped get UVisas for abused undocumented women) and she told me that I am a beautiful person inside and out in Spanish. I always love receiving compliments in foreign languages.
But other compliments I have always cherished were people complimenting me on my dance moves. When women my age compliment me on the way I move it really makes my day.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Brain Cell Killage

Hello There My Little French Hens !

So What's Up ? I don't have too much to talk about. My weekend was nice, but not the most eventful.

I stayed in and watched MTV's 16 and Pregnant. My coworker who graduated from an ivy league school and reads music and speaks French and is so refined and polite turned me onto this show as if I didn't already have enough brain cells to kill off. So I killed off quite a few on Sat night while watching this show and trying to find junk food in the house.

Basically my little feathered friends, this show is about teenaged chicks in high school that get knocked up because they didn't want to listen to their parents, they thought the pull out method was effective enough, they thought that they could just pawn the baby off on their parents, probably a mix of all of the above.

I will tell you one thing. Thank God my parents didn't have to worry about me. For starters I was a total late bloomer and didn't get all of my curves till maybe my junior or senior year. Also, I was very awkward and a total loner in high school. I was teased a lot in the beginning of high school.

So luckily, getting knocked up and raising a kid wasn't a worry of mine in high school. I also didn't even think about getting pregnant because 1.) I didn't want a child and 2.) I knew my parents wouldn't enable me and raise the kid or let me move back in. I would've been on my own.

I watch shows like this and realize how dumb teenagers can really be sometimes (with even more stupid parents). I look back on my own teen years and realize that yeah, I was dumb too ! And very naive ! I may have made a lot of mistakes, but luckily getting knocked up early wasn't one of them.

Other than the brain cell massacre, I went to bellydance class with my friend and had a good shimmy and shake session. I really love bellydance and I miss performing. It is the only thing that really makes me feel alive. I am so glad I found this dance early on.

I am still slowly planning my trip to Paris and Amsterdam. Any travel suggestions ? Want to meet up with me ? If you are in either city while I am there (Sept 16-29) please hit me up and let's have a cup of coffee together.

I will go to Paris alone, and then meet up with my Global BFF Sergio in Amsterdam the following week. I hope for great weather and lots of great memories.

That is all for now my loves.

Besitos !

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Well, That Was Sufficiently Awkward !

Hello There My Little Furballs !

What's Up ? Miss Me ?

Remember my last post where I was talking about how I caught a dude looking at my nether regions ? Well, it isn't just men. I caught my female coworker looking down there yesterday. She did it three times. I had to look down and make sure my fly wasn't open.  Awkward ! I have come to the conclusion that while it looks like people are looking at my nether regions, that they are probably just looking down in that direction, not necessarily at my bits especially since they are covered up in baggy pants. Still awkward though. I always get scared that my fly is open. It happened to me once while I was on a flight. My fly was open and people on the plane could see my hot pink underpants. But to my credit, at least I was wearing underpants.

Anyway, that isn't really why I am writing today's posting. For the past couple of days I've been dogsitting for my friend. As I was walking one of the dogs, I hid my cellphone in my bra. I didn't have enough room in my pockets, but I had enough room in my cleavage.

Anywhore............ As I was walking down the street minding my own biz, some dude asks me if I have a phone because he locked himself out of his house. I pretended I didn't hear him and asked him to repeat himself to buy more time. I wanted to say no, but I felt bad, I didn't want to leave him stranded on the street. Especially since he looked so ridiculous.

This guy managed to lock himself out of his house wearing black spandex pants and no t-shirt. And the spandex pants just looked wrong. I don't know if they were for biking or scuba diving or what but I am sure his nuts had no breathing room. And it looked like he trimmed his chest hair. I was like WTF????

The guy stood there and told me he felt like a total idiot for locking himself out, and I sort of laughed at him, and told the dog right in front of him that he locked himself out. I also told him the dog was skiddish around men. I really know how to make 'em feel good, don't I ?

I wasn't all mean, of course I let him use my phone and he wasn't offended by me. It was awkward having him see me pull out my phone from my bra. But hey, at least the phone wasn't cold. What was also very  awkward was when he was trying to make friendly conversation with me. Asking me if I was from around this area.  Of course, bitch, I am walking dogs. I have to be accessible to them ! Wearing retarded spandex pants+no shirt on a street + lame questions= not a winning combination.

I told him I was not from around (even though I worked a block or two away) and I politely wished him luck. Plus you should have seen his front yard. Very well taken care of. He had to be married or at the very least involved.

So that is all for now loves. Sorry if I offended any men out there that may wear nuthugger pants.

Besitos !

Monday, August 23, 2010

Hey Man, What do you think you're looking at ????

Well Hello There My Little Tulips !

So what's up ? Have a nice weekend ?

Anywho, my car did not get a good smogging yesterday. I took it to the shop down the street for a quote and the dude there tried to get me to bend over and grab my ankles told me that it would cost me $58 for a smog check.

W...T.....Efff ???????

Look, I know I am a chick, but come the Hell on ! It's a smog check. It's basic car care and I do know that smoggings cost less than 58 fucking dollars, that's for sure. I just smiled and told him that I would be back.

NOT ! I hope he's not holding his breath......

Today I was working at my other job and I sat in a small pile of purple flowers without even knowing it. I was wearing the ugliest uniform that makes my ass look fat khaki pants, and I even helped a contractor that came in the building. I was just walking around until my coworker asked me what the Hell was on my ass.

It was purple but could've been confused for another dark color, and it looked like I either had an old stain or I forgot to wipe my ass. So embarrassing !

But that wasn't the reason I wrote today's blog either.

Men, while you were in the middle of having a conversation, have you ever had a woman look down at your crotch ? Like you'll be talking about the weather or Obama or whatever, and midconversation, you'll catch her eyes at your jewels. Or Hell, it doesn't even have to be a chick. It could be a dude. Have you ever caught a man sneeking a little peak at your bulge ?

What do you think about that ? Do you play it off like you don't notice ? If the offender is a chick, do you feel proud ? Stare at her boobs to retaliate ?

I know it's wierd of me to come out of nowhere and ask such questions, but check this out...........

I have caught a few men looking straight at my crotch while I am talking. (Like my boss at my security job and I was wearing baggy pants) Look, if men stare at my boobs I am way more forgiving because well, I am a chick and that's what men do. Plus, I mean, c'mon, I am a little large for my frame. It's like not allowing a dog to lick himself or sniff another dog's ass, it's what they do ( and I don't mean to compare men to dogs so please calm down)

But my nether regions are off limits ! I make damn sure I don't have a camel toe before stepping out and I've been pretty vigilant about that. My business is always covered and I rarely wear tight pants out. But what's wierd is I get more stares when I am wearing baggy pants. WTF ? You can't see anything, I am certainly not asking for it, what the eff are your eyes doing down there? It's one thing if someone looks at a man's crotch. It's a bulge, and when it pops up to say hello, people do notice ! But as a chick, I ain't got nothing going on. No party in my pants, what business does someone have looking down there ?

The last time this happened to me my boss at my security job parked his eyes right there and I looked down and my pants were zipped, so I looked right back up and asked him if my fly was down. Luckily he changed the subject quickly. So awkward. And this hasn't been the first time this has happened to me.

Ladies, does this happen to you ?? Please do share.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Senorita Shennanigans

Well Hello There My Little Chocolates !

You know what ? I've been a little MIA and I SO need to make my way around blogland here. I need to catch up on your bloggies and please don't think that I forgot you. Because I haven't forgotten my lovelies !

Gimme a kiss !

So here's the latest in Senoritaland:

-My friend from my legal classes came back from Russia and we went to have a hookah smoke at a Greek Restaurant. So much fun ! I started smoking hookah after I started bellydance a while back (a date introduced it to me). It's fruit flavored tobacco and I like a good smoke a couple of times a year. The place we went to (Thea) was a little overpriced, but I've always wanted to go because my teacher performs her bellydance routines there. Did you know that they have Ed Hardy flavored tobacco ? I was like W...T... Eff ?????? My friends didn't understand. I had to explain that Ed Hardy is a label caters to bonafide douchebags, pantywastes and cocknozzles. And that we were not going to try Ed Hardy hookah smokes.

Anyway, it was a lot of fun because in true Senorita fashion I told dirty jokes and was a little vulgar with the pipe. I would plop it down on her like a penis, but at least she wasn't offended. And that was just the tip of the iceberg with my shennanigans (I just said tip).

At first I looked around and thought we were being dumb, maybe offensive, but then I didn't feel bad because the table across from us wasn't any better. The girls were really pretty, but one girl kept talking about Victoria's Secret models and how Alessandra Ambrosio is so "bangable" and how she would "holla" at that. At one point in the conversation they were talking about finding sugar daddies. When I looked over at them, you could see up the chick's skirt. I was like OMG ! To her credit, she had a napkin covering her, but not really, it was bunched up and between her legs and it looked all wrong. It was so sad because when I sat down, I initially thought that the girls at the table were really pretty and exotic looking. And then they had to ruin it by opening their mouths.

But you know, I shouldn't stand here in my beautiful glass mansion and throw rocks, right ? I have no doubt at ALL that people have thought the same thing about me. Keep in mind that I may be verbally offensive, but I usually wear pants, and if I wear a skirt, I always keep my business covered and my legs crossed !

But I didn't give a shit last night about how people perceived me because I was out to have fun with my friend and she and her hubs had a blast with me and loved my jokes.

On Thursday I went salsa dancing with my friend and THAT was a blast too. Total partner swapping going on, so I got to dance with a new man ever minute. Total sausage fest as the men outnumbered the chicks. I am getting a lot better at the moves and I see a lot of the same people there every week, so it is cool that we are all getting better together.

Although it was a little wierd because one of my partners was as short as me (NOT used to that, I am 5 ft). Anyways, my hands were on his shoulders, and my arms kinda brushed up against his arms. I felt something prickly. Turns out this dude shaved his arms. I have never brushed up against a pair of shaved man arms. Wierd.

Okay, so time to cut this short because my car needs to get smogged. Oh yeah, my car is gonna get smogged good ;)

Besitos !

Monday, August 16, 2010

Hey, stuff your fat ass into this !!!!

So Whats Up ?

Guess what  my little French kisses ? I am leaving to Paris in less than a month. That means that I am starting to make plans. I will scan my passport and start backing up my emergency info, calling my credit card company and memorizing my pin numerically. Because guess what ? There are no letters on ATMS in Europe so if you don't get that together, you are fucked and not in a good way.

I am also looking for a place to stay there. God help me.

What else ?

Oh yes, amazingly I lost a couple of pounds over the weekend. Go me !

You know what else ? I bought a pair of Assets. They are made by the founder of Spanx, but cheaper than Spanx. Basically it's like a girdle for your thighs, butt, hips and stomach.

So I broke down and bought one. I figured, what the hell........

Totally hilarious. Imagine a pair of stockings for a three year old  with a little room on top for your stomach and that's what you've got. While I was trying to stuff my fat ass into this small elastic space, I felt ridiculous. I wonder what other women who are larger than I try to look like stuffing their duffs into this ridiculous contraption. And does it work for them ? Honestly, I don't think so. And besides, it's false advertising. Men hate that shit. They're gonna find out sooner or later right ? Especially those freaks that like to do it with the lights on. Nothing wrong with that though, gotta find out what you're getting into, dontcha think ? Oooh, that was a pun and it was totally unintended !

Anywhooters, when I was done sucking in my stomach and trying to pull it up, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and guess what ? I still looked the same size. I mean, the fat is still there, right ? Where's it gonna go ? Suffocate your organs. My thighs weren't any farther apart. And I actually felt fatter and bloated because I had stuffed myself into something that looked like your little baby niece would wear.

 I understand that this is supposed to help you look smoother, but I was not flabby to begin with. I just need to lose ten pounds. I will try it tomorrow under my work clothes and see if I look smoother, but honestly, who gives a shit ? I don't dress to impress at work. I have a lot of bending down and heavy lifting to do and not the good kind.

Anyway, that is all for now my loves !

Love, hugs and French kisses !

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Back !!!

Hello There My Little Pastries !!

So I just got back from my weekend trip in Lake Tahoe. I went with my friend and her guy friend I'll just call ER. That poor guy. He drove us up there and it was nonstop vulgarness the whole way there.

We had a great time. We stayed for free at Harvey's across from Harrah's. We gambled, ate at the buffet, and went to the comedy show. Well, my friend did the bulk of gambling, I tried my hand at the slot machine and of course lost all of  ER's money ($30) I put in. We all did poorly, but whatevs. But ER and I made up for it by gettin' down on the dance floor. That was fun, I haven't gone dancing in a while.

The comedy show was the best I've ever seen. The lineup was Howie, Joel Lindley and Marc Price. The most offensive and vulgar combo, but it was fun.

Did I tell you we tried to run ? But we attempted this feat on an empty stomach with no water, on a hot day and in high altitude. We ended up just walking, and unfortunately that was our lame attempt at exercise.

I saw my fair share of chicks with muffin tops, streaked hair, tramp stamps and the good ole ankle branding tattoos. There were a lot of bachelorettes up there too.

I enjoyed the trip, I REALLY needed to get away for a weekend and just relax. But I am also glad to be back at home. I love to eat, and we did enjoy the buffets, but there is only so much casino and buffet environment that I can take.

Okay, that's all for now. I owe you all visits on your blogs, I will be making my way around soon.

Besitos !

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Random Senorita Blather

Well Hello There My Little Rose Petals,

So what's up ? Miss me ?

So today I went salsa dancing and met up with my friend. I showed up a little late because the website was wrong about the hours. Turns out I was 45 min late, but I still had enough time to get down. And I still got it ! My moves weren't that bad.  And a lot of partner swapping going on because we rotated often ( I needed an excuse to say partner swapping). Sucked for the boys because the club cupeth overflowed with men (total sausage fest ) and it was funny to see the dudes look at eachother and walk away because they couldn't bear the thought of dancing together.

Yesterday my BFF/Mama Cita came down to visit and of course to celebrate her birthday. We had so much fun ! Total debauchery and I totally needed that especially since I've been in a sour mood lately. We are loud, proud and vulgar. We talked about everything from kittycat waxes to old boyfriends to the waitress we were sure snorted a line or two in the bathroom. We didn't care if others could hear us. I left a decent tip for the server though.

After dinner we went to another restaurant for dessert. Over a hot brownie with icecream which we both scarfed down (it was my idea to share and it was a bad idea) we decided to people watch and Ashleigh decided to provide witty commentary regarding the men around us like the metrosexual dude with long bangs.  She would tell me where to look  like "dude with a faux-hawk at 9 o'clock when she really meant 3 o'clock" and I would be looking in all the wrong directions.

It was hilarious when a couple of meathead guys walked in with their chests puffed out and she blurted out " OMG ! Moobs !"  She couldn't stop talking about the moobies on the guy and thank God they didn't hear us. Those guys were kinda buffed, but they did have a little going on in the chest. But of course nothing to make me jealous.

But supposedly next week Ashleighta and I have a date to have a little booze and play a little chatroulette. I will be sure to get back to you on that. At the very least it will provide blog fodder, and no I will not be flashing anyone.

On another note, today is sorta an anniversary. Three years ago, this was the day I hit rock bottom. I guess we've all been there. Luckily I am in a much better place now.) That one day that sucks so hard that you are forced to take a good look at yourself and make changes. I was at my heaviest, so much in debt, for sure I thought I would lose my job, everyone around me was happy, while I felt like a failure and I was in a relationship that wasn't working out. I was so absolutely miserable in addition to the family drama at the time.

In true anniversary fashion, this hasn't been a happy time for me either, as it seems that every insecurity that I thought I've buried has come back up to haunt me.

And this is why I am looking forward to getting away this weekend. I am supposed to take a road trip to Tahoe. I really need to chill out.

Okay, time to finish the laundry and paint my nails !


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Survey Sluttiness

Well Bonsoir my little crepes !

So, I am gonna do a long survey. The only long thing I'll be doing today. I realize that I may be losing out on readers when I do long surveys like this, but I just can't help myself. So read through it all if you dare. If you are feeling particularly bold, then go ahead and do it too and then share with the rest of the class. Bet it's been a long time since you've had show and tell, right ?

You know what's always fun ? To do these surveys and then go back and read them a few years later. I am going on seven years in this blog, and it's always interesting to go back and read my old surveys a few years back.

Anyhoochie, the questions are below with my answers. If you notice that the numbers aren't all in order, or that some are missing, it's because I probably cheated and deleted out a few questions that I thought were lame.

101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically? I feel completely relaxed, I can feel myself smiling, no tension in my back.

102. List five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most. I wouldn't dare, especially since my family reads this and I don't play favorites with them.

103. How many movies have you gone to see this month? To the cinema? None

104. If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?
That my grandparents' health would be better.

My family would be financially provided for and healthy

No more war in the world.

105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense? Exercise, bellydance, blog

106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the springtime and get out of the car? One billion dollars. Seriously money can't buy me like that, and I would rather have my dignity.

107. Have you ever killed an animal? Maybe a mouse when I was younger ?

108. Have you ever lost someone close to you? Yes

109. What do you think of cloning? I'm not a fan.

110. Do you read or watch TV more often? Read.

111. With all this talk of terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety? It all depends. What rights are you talking about ? This is a huge gray area so let's go over the fine print.

112. What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive? Throw him in the slammer with a few big buffed pervs that would make him their bitch.

113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body?  Oh God no !!!

114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV? I called in the radio to ask a question once.

115. Have you ever won a lottery, or sweepstakes? No.

116. Have you ever won a contest or competition? I won a few scholarships based on essays.

 118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living? Grandma in Austria did real estate and worked on the same street where Mozart was born. Grandma here invested, helped manage a few apartments, but now owns a bed and breakfast with my grandpa who is an architect.

Great grandparents on my dads side-- Great Gpa was a stockbroker and suffered in the Market Crash of 1929. Great Gma I hear was a teacher and she volunteered a lot of her time with the American Red Cross.

119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history? A aunt of mine, or great aunt (a lady in my family by marriage) was the treasurer of the US many years ago. My greatgrandparents were Jewish came to the US 100 years ago to escape persecution. My great uncles fought in WWII.

120. Is there anyone you trust completely? I would trust my father the most. Then maybe my brother. Everyone else, sorry................

121. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye? Yes, my grandmother, but I did thank her and I told her I loved her before she passed.

122. How do you feel about women in politics? They should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen serving their husbands ! Seriously ? How do I feel ? The same way I feel about men in politics. I don't look at gender, only the ability to do the job.

123. Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool?  Indoor jacuzzi

124. What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own? Foreign languages, travel, Jewish history

125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? I get by...............

126. Would you consider yourself to be wise? For my age maybe, but I still have a lot to learn.

127. Have you ever given or received a lap dance? I plead the fifth !

128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person? LOL, just like any other person !

129. Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? No.

133. Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star? A total rockstar ! More people to tell me how fabulous I am, and I would also get more action !

134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote? Never wrote one.

135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise though the mail? I used to all the time.

138. What are the best bands or songs to listen to while driving? Nirvana for sure........

140. What could a member of the opposite sex do to impress you? Intelligent, educated, traditional, financially responsible, and is the pursuer. If I could find all of the above wrapped wrapped into one man that is NOT MARRIED, I would be impressed.

142. What's your favorite thing to do online besides write in your diary and hang out at this site? Bellydance, hang out with friends, check out my ass in the mirror. Okay, I was kidding about the last one.

143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Cobain) killed himself or was it a conspiracy? I think he killed himself, but I have no doubt that Courtney Love drove him batshit insane.

144. Have you ever though about hitchhiking across the country? Oh no way, only if I wanted to get aggressively fondled in the backseat of some creepy guy's car.

145. Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip? If I decided to hitchhike, I would bring Porkstar, my male BFF so he could ward off the creepy male grabbers.

147. If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married? I'm single and ready to settle down and get married whenever Mr. Right shows up. Otherwise I am perfectly content the way things are.

148. Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time you will ever see them? All the time.

150. What is your quest? To have as much fun as possible and live an honorable life.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Senorita's Ten

Well Hello There My Little Bluebirds !

Here are my ten thoughts of the day in no particular order........................

1.) I took a hike yesterday at Rancho San Antonio, and the above pics are just a few of the ones that I took. I went hiking with my dear friend, and it was a good workout. It was really nice walking alongside the streams, and up the hills. We did see a deer skeleton and a what looked like a rattlesnake. Well, at least it looked like it had a rattle. I didn't go close enough to check it out. The last thing I wanted to do was piss that damn snake off.

2.) I just realized that I have a plane ticket to Paris, I will be traveling alone and I have no fucking clue as to what I will be doing or where I will stay. I think I have lost my mind. I have a few ideas as to how I can occupy my time. I just hope that I can pull this off without having to sleep on the street.

3.) Here are some things I want to do during my trip to Paris and Amsterdam
- Watch the sunrise by the Eiffel Tower, visit it, see the fireworks by it at night
- Picnic by the Seine River
- Take Bus #29, I hear it's more of a scenic route, and of course it's cheap, it's public transportation
- Take a tourbus tour around the city, the one you can get on and off without any additional charges
- Of course visit the museums
- Hopefully meet new people and take a lot of pictures
- Eat a lot of French food, drink a lot of coffee
- Do a little French shopping, hopefully buy a new perfume, or a few pieces of clothes

4.) I feel like time is passing me by so fast and if I don't hurry up and live I will be old faster than I know it with a lot of regrets.

5.) I am looking forward to meeting up with my BFF Sergio in Amsterdam. OMG, I feel so sorry for anyone that will be a witness to our shennanigans. I embarrassed the living shit out of him last time he visited me in SF, and I hope the Dutch can handle us. Last time he was here I made fun of his foreign accent on the streets of SF (of course offending our politically correct locals), and now we are going to be foreigners together.

6.) In Amsterdam I want to see the Anne Frank House, the Jewish quarters, the Van Gough museum, and I hope to eat a lot of Stroopwafels. Maybe learn a few dirty words in Dutch. Although, I got a good headstart when one of my Dutch readers left a very dirty comment for me recently, and of course I figured it out thanks to my German and Google.

7.) I am feeling the blues a little. I can't help it. I am definitely trying to keep it together, and I hope that my little trip this weekend will make me feel better. Sometimes I feel like no one understands me. Or maybe no one wants to hear me whine.

8.) I can't wait for payday on Friday. I need the money so bad.

9.) I miss bellydance. I still practice, but I need to get out more, and maybe I would feel a lot better if I got out there more.

10.) I just drank a Bellini, it was fabulous, and nothing better than a little alcohol.

Besitos !

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Saturday Ramblings...................

Well Hello There My Little Minxes....................

Happy Saturday ! I just couldn't help myself, I had to post the little lolcat picture featured above. I snaked it from icanhazcheezburger.com

 So I hope you're enjoying your weekend. I am working at my other job ( and no I am not turning tricks)  to help me save up for my vacation next month in Europe.  Did I also mention that I have bad cramps and I am feeling lethargic and cranky ? Soooo not feeling the love. I would feel better if I could sleep in all weekend and just eat. But you know what ? I am broke right now and I can't even afford to go to the store. So all I can do until Friday is finish cleaning out what I already have in the fridge. And it isn't even that good. I suppose I could always go shopping and charge it to my credit card, but I really don't want to rack up another bill. Especially when I am trying to pay off my plane ticket and other purchases I made prior to that. It's a huge bill and bigger is not always better :(

Other than that, nothing much else going on for me right now.

But look at what I found off Lamebook....................

Apparently this is a car wash station at the New York New York station in Manchester England,. But they have a better term for a car wash......... "hand job".  And apparently they're so impressed with New York. Dare I ask why ?  You should try them out because guess what ? You've already tried the rest, so it's now time to try the best hand job ever at New York New York. I wonder if they had to fight off frustrated American tourists.

I was aware of the New York attitude, but I guess the New York handjob is one of their best kept secrets. Wouldn't want foreigners trying to imitate it.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Come to our survey circle......... we have cookies !

Hello There My Little Chocolate Eclairs,

Happy Friday ! There is another bloggy STD meme being passed around bloggyland.  It's a survey of 5,000 questions. You really have to be a total meme whore to attempt to do this.

But fear not my chocolate delights ! I am not actually answering all of this in one sitting, what people in blogland have been doing lately is answer about 50 questions at a time. I answered them below.

I am too lazy to tag anyone, especially since half the people I tag don't respond. So how about you just respond if you are a survey slut like me ? No protection required ! Just have fun and pass it around !

Besitos !

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words...

Fruitgoogle: Google for gays ?

Ambytime:  Someone who doesn't know how to spell "anytime".

Asscactus: Someone who is so cranky it's like he got a cactus shoved up his ass.

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands?

A payment at the gas station. What did you expect me to say ?

53. What was your favorite toy as a child?

I don't remember :(

54. How many TV’s are in your house?

One, in the living room, another in my roommate's bedroom, and we don't get cable. So we just stick to watching our shows online.

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside?

Walk, windowshop, run

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow?


57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true?

No, and that is a good thing, because I usually have nightmares.

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader?

I actually have, and they're not always right so do your homework and keep an open mind.

59. What is your idea of paradise?

Traveling the world without financial constraints.

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like?

I do believe in God, and that is all I am going to say because I don't like to discuss my religious views or debate them here.

61. Do you believe in Hell? Yes, the hell that we create for ourselves.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't?

Oh God, where do I begin ? One of the things I did this year was skydive.

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done?

I don't remember, I try to be kind on a daily basis and not keep track.

64. Are you a patient person?

Not really, but I have gotten better.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't?  Tell Someone to Fuck Off With No Consequences Day. Bonus points if it qualified for holiday pay too !

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does?

As long as I don't have to work that day, who the hell am I to judge ?

67. What's the best joke you ever heard?

I'm not repeating them here because any joke that makes me laugh is probably really sexually offensive, sexist, racist, or a healthy mix of all three.

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been?

Barcelona, Spain

69. Is your hair natural or dyed?

Temporary red dye that has probably faded out by now.

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front?

Since I talk waaaaay too much, it seems that I have probably told everyone all my business. But I also keep a lot of things to myself. Not so much dark, just private.

71. What is under your bed right now?

I don't have space under my bead to keep anything.

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home?

Go home, back to reality.........

73. If you drive do you frequently speed?

I plead the fifth.

74. What is the world's best song to dance to?

Teach Me how to Dougie by Cali Swag District

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone?

Last time I danced with a partner was in Salsa class, I don't remember the song.

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? Warner Brothers by far.............

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo?

I don't know, I don't care so much for the zoo.

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?

I can be.

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off?

If we all stopped smoking crack you think we could get back to reality ?

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it?

Bellydance, and I have made sacrifices to do it.

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick? The right to be a total douchebag.

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole?

Equator, definitely. Total bikini season, I think people are better looking there too !

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television?


84. What do you think makes someone a hero?
Someone who does the right thing, even if it means risking his/her life, and not bragging about the good deeds that they do.

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in?

Tweety Bird

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach:

The bitches in my office that I have to share the bathroom with. They stink it up. Not only by dropping deuces but also by straightening their hair in the bathroom, and make the rest of us suffer by burning their hair.

87. What was the last thing you paid for?


88. Are you a coupon clipper?

I don't actually clip coupons, but I do keep an eye out for good deals.

89. Get anything good in the mail recently?

A check

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling?


91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So...Is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends?

I am not answering this fucking lame question. Sorry to all you Star Trek fans.

92. What insects are you afraid of?

I hate cockroaches. Not scared, just hate them.

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say?

I once saw a guy on the Conan O'Brien show walk across the stage in the background while Conan was speaking in a T-shirt that simpy read "Pubes". Totally priceless !
94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn?

Pleather black pants, tropical flower shirt, my dyed blonde hair and hooker red lipstick. This was ten years ago, I have clearly evolved since then.

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be?

Korean BBQ ribs

96. What are your parents interested in?

My dad is interested in your mom, and my mom.................... she likes Mozart.

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet? Have you ever caught and tamed a wild animal?

No and fuck no !

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans?

Wishes that inspire plans, which inspire reality.

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest?

After I drink coffee and take a biblical dump. Namaste !

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring?

Smores, a sleeping bag, water, and probably a gun to ward off predators. I know, that was four, but what are you gonna do ? Shoot me ?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Why I am so picky in relationships

Well Bonsoir My Little Peach Cobblers !

So Happy Hump Day ! Miss me ?  Last time I blogged, I ripped on bad kids. But let's not forget that apples fall from the tree and there are sooooo many rotten trees on Facebook. If the pics below seem blocked by my blog format, just click on the picture to see it in its entirety. As you already know, I found them off Lamebook, a site that displays the lamest of Facebook. My new favorite site.

I have been told that I can be picky in relationships. Damn straight I am ! I know that I don't want children right now and maybe never, but when I date, a small part of me is looking for a man that would make an excellent father if things were to progress further. Call that the biology in me. I guess I can't help it because I have a set of childbearing hips. (Gifts from my grandmothers on both sides of the family). I would rather be single forever than connected to a bad seed for life because we had a child together. I know that nothing in life is guaranteed, but that doesn't stop me from trying to make the right choices.

Anyway, my point is, I'll be damned if I get knocked up by someone like this..................

WTF ?? Is this part of his midlife crisis ? Where he wants to feel young again and think he can actually party with his kids ? Thank GOD my parents both act their ages.

Or how about this...................................

I have no words.................

I would rather hang myself than get knocked up by a guy that thinks this is funny, even if it is plastic, and then posts it on Facebook.

Before you think I am ripping only on men, fear not my peachy desserts !

You know what sucks even harder ? Is that this woman or shall I say twat, is representative of some of the types of young parents here in the San Francisco Bay Area. We have a lot of gangs, and therefore a lot of wannabees. Did I tell you that I used to intern for the Office of The Public Defender ? I thought it would make me more liberal and open minded. Fuck no !

Or how about this ?

If you can't read this, I think you can click on it twice to make it larger. Let me just say that it's too bad that the pull-out method didn't work for her because now her daughter is paying for it. PRAISE BABY JESUS that my mother isn't like this. Unfortunately a lot of women like the one above in the picture live here in the SF Bay. God help us all !

Even though my mother is still young (I'm almost 30 and she is in her early fifties), she comes from a different era. She listens only to classical music, she speaks proper English, she never says "huh ?" or "what?", rather "pardon?" or "excuse me"? if she didn't hear you. She never understood anything I was into growing up, but you know what ? This has paid off ! Because you won't see her trying to compete with me for a boyfriend, she doesn't wear tight pants that show a camel toe, and thank God she doesn't post her sexual exploits on Facebook.

Okay, well that is all for now my lovelies ! I got a new reader ! Thank you to those of you that read and comment. I try to make my rounds, but sometimes I don't always make it to all of you, but I will keep trying.

Love, hugs and kisses !

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Why My Baby Making Factory Is Closed for Business

Well Hello There My Little Baby Foxes,

I am sure many of you have children. I don't. Do you know how many women have told me all these horror stories ? Oh, but that it's soooooo worth it ? (probably the same women that would turn around and judge me for how I would raise my child)  Guess what ? My biological clock is obviously broken and I haven't seen the light. I would rather sleep in till noon. Did I tell you what I did on Sunday ? Absolutely nothing. I woke up, watched Law and Order in my pjs, ate, napped by the window like a cat, and after I woke up again, I ate some more. I think I gained a pound. I didn't even leave my apartment. I didn't shower (I did today though) and I only got up to take a dump or go to the kitchen.

I am not willing to have my vagina ripped just so I can give birth to someone that will mouth off to me and humiliate me on a daily basis like the kid above. OMG, I feel so bad for the parents. His parents must be getting dirty looks and "what about the parents" comments on a daily basis.

Poor mother who wrote that. What she doesn't realize, is that that kid will probably get high fives for watching porn and smoking. I bet he's more popular now.

Someone go and give her a hug.

Oh and P.S........ I got this off Lamebook.com. Basically it's a spoof on Facebook. People submit funny/lame things found on Facebook. So hilarious. I love that site, and I guarantee you will too. So glad I am not up there.

Okay, bedtime for me, my little loves.

Besitos !

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Meme Whore Monday !!!

Well Hello There My Little Lattes,

So technically it's not really Monday, it's still Sunday, but here is a little meme to kick off the week. I've been seeing this passed around blogland like an STD on a dirty college campus. And I want in, so here we go !

I am too lazy to actually tag anyone, so if you feel so inclined, please post your answers and share with the rest of the class, okay ?

Merci beaucoup !

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing that you thought? OMG, my thighs aren't rubbing together like they used to ! ( I haven't worked out all weekend though, so back to the gym tomorrow)

2. Do you miss anyone right now? No not really, I stay in contact with loved ones via the telefono, so I don't feel like we're that far apart.

3. If you could move anywhere else, would you? I love living here in the SF Bay, but I would love to live in another country once again. Especially in Europe.

4. If you could choose, what would your last meal be? BBQ Korean Ribs, extra fatty, Mud Pie, cupcakes with buttercream frosting, the list could go on........

5. What famous person, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with? I dunno, my list changes all the time. But for now, I would love to dine out romantically with Eduardo Verastegui.

6. What was the last book you read? Europe 2010 by Rick Steves.

7. What was the last movie you watched? Antares

8. What was the last song you heard? I don't remember

9. What’s your dream vacation? Paris and Amsterdam, oh wait ! I already bought the tickets !

10. What is the next trip you’ll take? I'm supposed to go to Lake Tahoe in a couple of weeks, hopefully that happens.

11. Did you ever go to camp? Yes I did, as a third grader. How else would I find girls my age to help me apply "hooker makeup"?

12. Have you ever been in love? No, can't say I have.

13. What do you want to know about the future? Now, nothing. I was told about a couple of things that were supposed to happen but haven't. It's better to let everything unfold on its own time.

14. Where is your best friend? You mean my BFFs ? Not my day to watch them.

15. How is your best friend? Fine, thanks for asking.

16. Who is the biggest gossiper you know? I don't out anyone like that on my blog.

17. What does your last text message say? Ashleigh wanted to know how a dress looked on her.

18. What are 3 things you’ve always wanted to do, that you still plan to accomplish? Write a book, get promoted in my job, travel the world.........

19. What is one thing you’ve learned from your parents? My Old Man passed down his award-winning personality to me.

20. What is one thing you hope to teach your own children? Well, I don't have any but if I did.........
1.) Manners
2.) They will be held responsible for their own actions
3.) As long as they don't do anything illegal I will support anything they decide to do.