Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Ten Random Tidbits About Moi

Hello There My Little Peaches,

Guess what loves ? I don't have too much to report at the moment. Although did I tell you that when my BFF Ashleigh was here last week and we went out to eat that some homeless dudes were hollering at us from behind the bushes at night ? Talk about the winners in my hood. This was right across the street from my apartment.

I worked out last night in effort to deflate my ass before my vacay abroad (what's the point, I plan to eat a lot over there anyway). I wanted to use the bike. I saw some creepy fat dude (he had a pervy twinkle in his eye when he smiled) sweating all over it. I promptly went into the other room to attempt the plank.

Anywhore, when I came back he was gone. There are three bikes, and the other two were broken so guess what ? I had to use the same one he sweated on. Look, I know that we all use machines people previously sweated on. But the nasty image of him was already burned in my brain, and the image of my ass parked where his sweaty ass was,  just did not bring peace, love and happiness to my psyche. No namaste for me !

Let's talk about something else, shall we ?

Oh yes, I am getting sidetracked. Ten random pieces of info for you about me.....................

1.) My phone and iPod are over 3 years old and I have no plan of upgrading anytime soon. I have a Crazr and have no need or desire to upgrade to a Droid or an iPhone. $30 extra a month for internet access is a little excessive IMHO. But to some people it could be worth it. My friend used his to watch porn.

2.) Did you know that there is a specie of bird called the "bearded tit" ? That doesn't really have to do with me, but I thought I would throw that out there. You're welcome.

3.) I just can't get on the Facebook bandwagon.

4.) I still pay for AOL service. I don't know why I don't cancel. I just can't.

5.) I like cooking for myself, but I am way to embarrassed to cook for others. I refuse to do it. I feel my tastes are slightly different and I don't think others would like the way I prepare dishes.

6.) If you give me an expensive cake or the cake from the supermarket with buttercream frosting and cheap dye, I will take the supermarket cake anyday.

7.) I LOVE shows like Jersey Shore, 16 and Pregnant and the Real Housewives series. I can't wait to see The Situation dancing on Dancing With The Stars. I wish I could call in sick, watch all those shows and eat ice cream under the covers. Unfortunately I don't have cable, I have to go to work, and my ass doesn't need the ice cream.

8.) I used to want to be famous. Now I don't think I want to be famous. Money can't buy you freedom and happiness. I prefer most people not knowing who I am.

9.) I can make chocolate chip cookies that will knock your socks off.

10.) I got paid today, but I am broke already. 90% went to rent and what's left sure ain't enough.



Here are 10 Random facts about me:
1- I play tennis
2- I play chess and used to be a champion in elementary,
3- I used to be in a rap group. (Yes I can still freestyle but I won't)
4-I've done stand up comedy.
5- I'm a law school drop out.
6- I have depression.
7- I've been featured many times in the NY Times humor blog (RIP)
8- I like alligators.
9- I play poker at Commerce Casino.
10- I'm receiving unemplyment and had an interview today and one tomm.

Organic Meatbag said...

I wish you would jump on the Facebook bandwagon so I can stay in touch with ya!

mac said...

That bearded tit has an unusual name. The reverse of it would sound really nice to me....the titted beard ;-)

Yanno, you could make cookies(9), sell them and fix 10.

Big Mark 243 said...

#4... you aren't the only one!!

That would creep me out, to use a machine immediately after a creep like that sweated all over it. He could have used it just before I do get on, but if I don't see him I don't have to imagine his fungal cooties crawling over me!

And for you, with a pretty good idea that he was having pervy thoughts about you prolly was the topper!! yick

H said...

I hate to admit it but I am hooked on the real house wives of new jersey (fuck that Danielle is a bitch)

As far as the bike, yeah, visualizing a fat mans sweaty balls drapped over a seat where your going to place your sweetness is a deterant... I suggest using the treadmill, start at a 5% incline (3 mph speed) then increase the incline 1% every 2 minutes untill you reach 12% then go back down to 5% at two minute increments.

The overall cardio will last 30 minutes and it will target your ass, I promise it is one of the best cardio excercises you can do.

try it and let me know how you like it.

H said...

Oh and don't hold on the machine, your hands cannot be touch anything. If you hold on to the railings you will not get the benefits.

Wild Boy said...

i'm doing mine...definitely...and beareded tits??? i never knew!

Memphis Steve said...

AOL? Seriously????? Oh honey, we need to talk.

I sure hope that fat creepy guy sweating all over the bike didn't answer to "Memphis" or anything. Wait, I haven't been to the gym this week. Nevermind.

Danielle said...

#6 and #7 are totally me.

dadshouse said...

I'm not on the Facebook bandwagon either, but I look at how my kids use it, and it really is amazing to be plugged in like that.

Still... they don't necessarly have more friends IRL than me. They're just more plugged in.

Blogs are just heavyweight facebook pages, no??

LL Cool Joe said...

Great list!

I don't understand the appeal of Facebook at all. Oh and I have no idea where my mobile phone is I never use it.

Riot Kitty said...

I thought AOL was free?