Saturday, August 15, 2015

Thrifting it

What's Up My Little Butterflies ?

Lately I have been hearing stories from my friends about dumpster diving, and all the treasures that can be found. Am I the only one that refuses to dig through a dumpster ? I used to as a kid to collect soda cans to recycle, and that was disgusting enough. Shop owners would see me, a ten year old in their dumpsters, and feel sorry for me, thinking I was starving. I was just trying to save enough money to buy a nice aquarium. I did have a nice aquarium for a while. It was fun while it lasted. I used to cut out magazine pages for the background, and every trip to the fish store was a huge deal for me.

But anywho, I have never dived in dumpsters for food, clothing or furniture. Now I won't knock it completely, because I know that many people have found success with it, and have furnished their entire apartments with dumpster finds.

Let's just say that any possible curiosity I had about dumpster diving for the stuff mentioned above, was killed three years ago when I had bedbugs.

Over three years ago, I found my first apartment, and was ready to live on my own for the first time in my life. Because accessing my place  with a truck was so diffcult, and mattresses are so expensive, the only other alternative was to buy the mattress from the previous tenant. She seemed like a sweet person, and the apartment was clean, and the apartment manager encouraged me to buy the mattress.

So, I bought the mattress. It took a couple of weeks for anything to happen, but then I slowly started to itch. It slowly got worse, and the itching got so bad that I had to find the source of the problem. I couldn't take it anymore. My instincts just led me to the bed, and I took off the sheets, of the bed, and got to the mattress which was bloody. I was starting to feel sick to my stomach, so I decided to flip the mattress over, and saw the large bedbugs sitting there, with a huge new litter of newly birthed bugs crawling around. At that moment, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I started to hyperventilate.

I of course went to the managers/owners and they told me there was no way the previous tenant could have brought in bugs. They told me they could be anything, and I told them to see for themselves. They took some bugs to get tested, and voila ! I was right.

After that day, I refused to sleep in my place. I was so lucky that my friend took me in. I lasted a total of two weeks in my new place, and have since not lived alone in a place I could call my own. Of course the managers tried to insinuate that I had brought them bugs. I told them to just give me back my deposit and I would leave, and never mention anything. I just wanted to get out of there. I begged them to let me leave immediately, but they refused. They could not understand why I was so hysterical. I had to leave my stuff there until they could heat treat the place, which was another week.

Luckily they gave me my deposit back, and I got the fuck out of there. They could not understand why I wanted to move. Their reasoning was that since the problem was taken care of, I should just give them another chance, but that is not how bedbugs operate. They are hard to kill, and the psychological aspect of dealing with bedbugs is way worse than the physical aspect, and the physical part is torture too. I had over a hundred bites, that would not go away. It took three weeks and loads of Benadryl for things to calm down.

I was calm and polite, and gave the managers a chance to rectify the problem, and they did. I think at the end, we were both happy to get away from each other.

So the moral of my story, is DO NOT DUMPSTER DIVE !!!! I won't even buy furniture at Goodwill.

I will buy clothing at Goodwill, but I will wash it and dry it in high heat to kill any possible bugs. But furniture is such a gamble. Televisions can harbor roaches, and beds and dressers are a hiding p

After that experience, I got rid of over half of my belongings and vowed to become a minimalist. I now hate clutter, and don't really buy things unless I need them. I enjoy not owning a lot of things.

Anyway, I think that is all for now. I guess all of the talk of dumpster diving lately has made me go a little crazy and I had to share.

Ciaosies !

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

When You Are Depressed....................

1) Take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and second by second if you have to. If all you can do is shower and wash the dishes, that is okay. At least you did something.

2) When you are depressed, sometimes the motivational speeches will be of no help. Joel Osteen and Tony Robbins will tell you that you can just change your attitude magically, that you can simply choose to be happy. Just pray, just give it to God ! While it may be helpful and you can certainly do those things, the results won't be instantaneous. Don't beat yourself up if it takes a few days or weeks for things to get better.

3) I don't think the Law of Attraction is helpful to people with anxiety and depression. Because basically what you are telling that person, is that it's really their fault for feeling horrible. The Law of Attraction basically states that you reap what you manifest in your mind, and what you receive is a direct result of what you project in your mind. So if someone feels like shit and ends up not being able to get out of bed, that person brought it all upon him/herself. I think that is just full of shit.

First of all, though the Law of Attraction is a law and may have some validity to it, it is not the ONLY universal law out there. Not only that, but the Law of Attraction is kind of egotistical, it leads us to believe that we are the only ones in the world making decisions, and the actions of others have no effect on us, we are the center of the universe.

Though positive thinking can be helpful, and projecting good thoughts about your future is very healthy, things will come along in life that will fuck that up for you. Meaning things beyond your control happen. You could get into a car accident, or lose someone close to you, and you can't control these things with the power of positive thinking. Positive thinking may push you closer to your goal, but it doesn't allow you to have bad days.

4) The best way of getting over depression is to get through it, meaning accepting your feelings and feeling them. Being with your thoughts, examining them and acknowledging them, you are demonstrating that you are no longer afraid of those thoughts, and that is when the journey begins to get a little easier.

5) Many self help gurus will harp on positive thinking, they don't really get you to become one with your traumatizing thoughts. They want you to mask it, and pretend they don't exist. It is usually therapists that will make you explore your dark thoughts and get you to talk about them.

A motivational speaker will tell you that when you are experiencing depression or debilitating thoughts, that you should get up and do something. Tell yourself that you are not going to feel sad anymore, tell your depression to go away, and eventually it will. Or fight those feelings. Fighting feelings has always made me feel worse, and more of a failure. Once you fight feelings, they just get stronger.

Feelings don't go away just because you tell them to. They go away once you deal with them. and unfortunately, people in the self help industry that have a large following fail to mention this because it requires people to put in a lot of hard work and relive those emotions, and no one really wants to do that. People are so tired of their depression, the last thing they want to do is experience more of it, they want instant results, which is totally understandable, but it's not how it usually works.

6) Things sometimes have to get worse before they get better. No one will ever tell you that once you begin your journey in healing yourself that things get worse before they get better, Sometimes they get way worse, Could you imagine paying someone to help you, and instead of seeing results, you feel worse and take a couple of steps back ? No one will warn you of that. And I think this discourages people, and they just stop.

When I started to go on medication, I got way worse before I felt any relief. I lost my appetite for two weeks. I felt tired, and drunk, and miserable. But after two weeks of my body adjusting to the medication, I got my life back and started to feel better.

When I first went into therapy, I had to talk about things that I couldn't bring myself to talk about. I used to spend tons of hours crying on the couch. But eventually I got much better.

7) Depression is Cyclical. When you get better, you're not going to be feeling better forever. because you will go back to having bad days. So, when you have your bad days, don't be scared that you are falling into old patterns. The difference, is now you have better tools to help you navigate through your Depression, and can pick yourself up faster.

8) Some people say their depression was cured. That probably won't happen for you. You may feel better for a while, and may be using your tools to cope better. But depression is an addiction.

9) My personal belief is that drug addicts and depressed/anxious people have a lot of the same underlying feelings. When I started reading books on dealing with anxiety and depression, some of the best advice was in the books for addicts.

10) I am not an addict, but it is my personal belief that people become addicts when they don't know how to deal with their feelings in a healthy matter. If there weren't such a stigma against addicts, I think they could really help people dealing with depression. They are extreme examples of what happens when depression is not dealt with, and when feelings are suppressed for a long time.

That is all I have got for today. Till next time !

Sunday, August 9, 2015

My Strengths in the Kitchen.........

Hello My Little Appetizers...................

My grandmother once told me that the way into a man's heart is through his stomach. I am sure some of you are smirking right now and muttering under your breath "that isn't the only way", but let's just keep it PG today, okay ?

I am very lazy, but I am also shy in the kitchen and I don't like to cook for others. I only cook for close friends, and someone I am dating.  So here are some of the tricks up my sleeve, as cooking can be considered a mating dance.

1) Macaroni and cheese with hotdogs.
2) Chocolate chip cookies/brownies that will knock your socks off
3) Gratuitous, crispy grilled cheese sandwiches loaded with butter.
4) Tuna melt sandwhiches with crispy bacon.
5) Poached eggs
6) Strawberries and coconut whipped cream.

And last weekend, I added one more to my war chest....................

Korean BBQ Ribs............ I made this last weekend for the first time, and it was a success !

Eat your hearts out !!!!

Saturday, August 8, 2015

25 Facts/Stories About Moi

Well Hello My Little Dumplings !

What's happening ?

My latest hobby has been watching "how to" YouTube videos on cooking, makeup tips, and shopping. Not only is it free, but it has really helped me in my journey of eating healthier. It really blows that I can't eat all the sugar and carbs that I used to. Because I freaking love sugar and carbs, but I have to be extra careful because not only do those things make me feel depressed, but it makes me look knocked up. If weight were the only issue at hand, I would just work out more, but feeling like shit and wanting to cry is no longer worth the few minutes of pleasure and nostalgia I experience when eating my favorite desserts.

Anywhooters, the latest trend is for vloggers to discuss 50 facts about themselves, but I will just keep it to 25. I really don't like to film myself. I don't like the sound of my voice, so I wouldn't force someone else to listen to it, but also I would end up doing something totally inappropriate on camera like thrusting the air, or pretending to hump furniture. Once I release that into the Interwebz, it's out there forever, and what if I decide to run for office some day ? Or what if I decide to become a spiritual leader and become an important public figure ? If people are going to look up to me for spiritual and moral guidance, they don't need to see my pelvis. What kind of example would I be setting ? Exactly..............

So I will just blog about my random 25 facts. Normally you are supposed to tag people to take this challenge, but I do not believe in tagging others, I think it's one way to lose friends. So, here are my fifty things, and I will try to make it snappy !

1) I used to be strictly a dog person, but I have since discovered kitties and now I am bipetual.

2) I hate squash, eggplant, kidneys, and liver. The texture is the worst of all.

3) I have never purchased my own television before, I have always lived in places with a TV.

4) I have also never purchased furniture of my own before. Actually, I did purchase a bed once when I rented an apartment, because it was already there. And it had bedbugs. That was three years ago, and I am still traumatized.

5) When I had bedbugs, it took two weeks to discover the source of my itching, and three weeks to get over the horrible bites that were all over my body once I discovered them (I counted about 100). The psychological drama of it is the worst, and you are lucky if you get over it after a couple of years. Plus no one wants to be near you.

6) I don't like to own a lot of things. I am kind of a minimalist.

7) I don't really like owning real jewelry unless it's inherited or an engagement/wedding piece.

8) I love to collect handbags, some from the store, but most from Goodwill. Because I love to purchase them so cheaply, I don't wear them for long, and usually end up giving them away or donating them back. I love rotating through them quickly.

9) I love coloring. I recently bought coloring books and crayons.

10) I won't color with anything else but Crayola.

11) I once went skydiving, but I would never even consider bungee jumping.

12) I have seen psychics and tarot card readers in the past based on recommendations from close family and friends. They raved how accurate the reader was. As for me, they were about 50% right and 50% wrong, which means that no one has accurately predicted anything for me in my future.

I take that back, I did talk to one woman a few years back who gave me the best advice of all: It's a reading based on the energy I am putting out at the moment, and she could be right or wrong in her predictions. She could tell me I could meet the man of my dreams, and it would still never happen and vice versa. Basically, it is still just a guess on my energy field at the moment, which is always changeable. I have since focused on just working towards my goals and letting the chips fall where they may.

13) I get told that I am way too sensitive. Sometimes I am told that I am way too nice, and I need to toughen up. I disagree. Some of the people I look up to most are extremely kind and empathetic and I strive to be like that, especially since they seem happier in general. I would rather be sensitive and have a heart, rather than have a tough exterior.

14) I love bacon, but I don't like eating pork chops. I was raised against pork, and although I eat a little, I stay away from larger pieces of pork.

15) In dating, I don't believe in "the nice guy". The "nice guy" ends up being the worst of all, sort of like a wolf in harmless sheep's clothing. I believe in a man with manners, a kind man, but the one that tells me that "he is just a nice guy" and "women only go for the bad boys" is one that tends to lack self confidence and feels that women owe him for any nice gesture he throws their way.

16) I once tried a past life regression and it didn't work for me.

17) I don't like the division that political parties creates in this country. I really don't identify with any one particular party. I have a lot of beliefs from both sides, and it is so difficult to relate to once candidate in particular.

18) I once went out with a guy who ended up trying to convert me into a Scientologist. That makes for good blog fodder. Some of the things he told me, I don't think I could even repeat.

19) I also once dated a guy who wanted to take me to the movies, give me flowers and a stuffed animal. And by flowers, a movie and a stuffed animal, I mean, he tried sneaking me into the theater via the exit, and plucked a flower for me out of the flower bed. Did I also mention that he gave me a stuffed animal he swiped from one of his nieces ? (I would bet that it was probably one that he gave to his ex girlfriends, probably even a current one).

After our "date" he tried making out with me in the parking lot. I don't think he understood why I never returned any of his calls. Thank God, this was over a decade ago and I have learned a few things since then.

20) My first job was at a drive-thru at Jack-In-The-Box.

21) I used to rent cars for a living at Enterprise Rent A Car. So many good stories from that gig.

22) When I rented cars, we were required to wash cars in our nice dress clothes. Creepy men would stand there while us ladies washed the cars. One of the most interesting things I found in one of our cars was forceps and a garbage bag. My boss wanted to call him and tell him that we found his "vag opener".

23) Of course, when you rent cars you will find the occasional sex toys and porn people leave behind. One genius left her dildo behind and we called her to tell her she left it behind and it was in our lost and found. She never called us back or swung by to pick it up. I wonder why ?

24) I once worked the night shift at a hotel desk for a few months. It was a good job, but a customer did manage to steal the cash drawer while he lured me away to check on a car. I also once had a guy invite me back to his room "just to talk". He promised he wouldn't cut me up and leave me by the river. How sweet and thoughtful, right ?

25) When I rented cars, my boss, word for word, would make me ask " Were you completely satisfied with my service?" I had to stand there and say this to grown men who would end up smirking, blushing or turning red. I could barely keep a straight face myself. Bosses can sure be assholes sometimes.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Ten Things Depressed People Should Know

1) Do not get discouraged. This is a very long and arduous journey that you most likely will have for the rest of your life.

2) You are allowed to have bad days, and you will. When that happens, just call it a day and go watch a movie or relax if you can. Remember that there are only 24 hours in a day.

3) When you are feeling like shit, just remember that a good moment is around the corner. You typically won't continuously feel like shit without spurts of good moments and days.

4) Try not to take medication without therapy.

5) Slow progress is still progress. I used to get so discouraged, but realized later that I will take any progress I get. It adds up over time. And before you know it, you will realize that you have come a long way.

6) Feelings are not facts. When you feel like shit, or feel like you are worthless, know that is just your mind talking, and you are not your mind. There are no facts. Let the thoughts run in one side part of your brain and out of the other.

7) When you are feeling happy, and having a good day, be thankful and enjoy it. Do not question it.

8) Nutrition is extremely important. Adding supplements and more vegetables to my diet has been helpful. So has cutting down on my sugar and breads.

9) When people tell you that something cured their depression instantly, take it with a grain of salt. I think depression is like an addiction. It gets better and maybe becomes dormant, but it's always there and ready to wreak havoc in your life if you're not careful.

10) Be open to suggestions and explore different options to ease your depression, but remember that no one person or thing has all of the answers for you. Rely on yourself and your intuition in getting better.