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Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Maybe you can relate?

Hello everyone,

I feel relieved because I just finished taking my BUS 139 exam, and it wasn't so bad

I don't mean to complain all the time, but I just have to admit that I have been feeling depressed for the past few weeks. Thankfully I am not actually depressed. I at least have energy and willpower to get through school and work. I can't help it. Basically I just don't really know what I want to do with my life, and I am not confident enough in my abilities to make it in the real world. To be able to make it, I've gotta be confident, and I feel like my confidence has been shot. There is a business dinner next week for business students where we get to talk to people from different businesses. We get to market ourselves and try to get a job. There may be marketing positions, but I wonder what's the point? I don't think that I want to sit in a desk all day for a living. I have a marketing internship right now, but I am not really interacting with a lot of people, and I am not implementing any strategies.I feel like my hand is being held. Before this position, I had a challenging position where I had to actually be in contact with suppliers and upload products on the company website. Though I wasn't into the company because it was a home-improvement store, it was still challenging. It was unpaid, so I thought that I had room to make mistakes. But my boss "let me go" because he felt that I couldn't handle it because I wasn't experienced enough. I will always resent him for that. I want to know that I can handle challenges.

I try to be positive and smile and tell myself that I shouldn't feel this way, but at the end of the day I still end up feeling like shit. I am gonna graduate in 3 months and still don't know where I fit in the world. In high school, I pictured myself being successful and knowing fully what I want out of life. And time has passed and I don't really have the answers. But at least I know that I am not alone in how I feel. I know that there are a lot of people out there my age with a future in front of them that feel like there is no way out.

There is no point in telling people how I feel. I get told : "Oh you'll be okay.You're gonna graduate soon." Plus, its not like I am terminally ill. I want to be happy right now, but I can't help feeling alone and unsure of myself.  Maybe you can relate, or if you're lucky you have no idea what I am thinking about.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Sandra,
I totally know how you feel. I have a job right now, but I still have my doubts. I'm not sure exactly what I want out of life either. Haven't slept much...so nervouse about my job and future....where an I going what should I do...ect. But I'm just doing the best I can and leaning on God to help me through.
~Take care
Shira

Anonymous said...

Life has its low points. The good thing is that they are always (in my experience) eventually followed by high ones. It's not unusual, especially when young, to question the meaning of things. It would be unusual not to do so to some extent. Most everyone, whether they admit it or not, also worries--usually NEEDLESSLY--about coping with the "real" world upon graduation. Believe me, it all takes care of itself.

Anonymous said...

To HapyGirl9 and swiftygood,

Thank you so much for your messages. I am glad to know that I am not the only one feeling this way.