Hello All,
How good of a friend are you ? How long are you willing to stick it out with that person ?
I have a friend that I dance with. I really like her. She is the one that taught me the sword dance and she was with me when I performed at Rakkasah. She also took me to my LASIK appointment.
But a really nice thing she did for me is tell me that my bellydance teacher at the time was talking about me behind my back with her students in class after I had just left.
That was a year ago and things have changed ever since she got a new boyfriend. And not any boyfriend. A boyfriend that is dangerous. One that she had to file a restraining order against. One that wanted her to get pregant so that she could never leave him. And things did get worse, but I won't post that.
She left him once and took him back. Then after she went through some trauma she left him again and filed a restraining order against him. The whole time this happened I was telling her what a mistake she was making by staying with him and how important it is to leave him.
Luckily I've never met him and he doesn't know me. But she won't pick up the phone when I call her. She is always complaining about her drama with him, yet she keeps ending up with him. We had dance practice together for a performance that were gonna get paid for and she completely stood me up. I had to hound her on the phone for a few hours until she finally picked up. I thought something had happened to her.
What's so frustrating is that she won't even let me be there for her. I offer to hang out with her and she doesn't feel like it. I keep calling her only to get her voicemail. She avoids me, yet she still says I am her best friend.
I want to be there for her, but it is so hard when she keeps shutting me out and making the same awful mistakes over and over again. How many times do I have to watch her fall and suffer ?
I also have major issues to deal with. We all have our issues. Part of me wants to just move on, but the human side of me wants to stick it out.
4 comments:
Sounds as if she is afraid that he might hurt her for hanging out with someone else and/or she might be protecting you from getting hurt. Getting pregnant is a stupid reason to stay with a guy. FEAR and DANGEROUS do not mean LOVE. As modern as today's women want to be, it is a shame that they have no problem being controlled as long as he pays the bills. She's got a sword. He is the one who should be afraid that she might become another Lorena Bobbitt!!!!!
Sounds like she is back with him and embarrassed for you to find out. Or afraid. Someone needs to make her look at herself in the mirror and teach her to think that she is worth more. Don't put your self in danger but try again to teach her that.
She already knows your opinion on the matter and doesn't want to be reminded of how you don't approve of the man she "loves".
Women who stay in unhealthy relationships will turn their back on their own children for the sake of the man, so being a good friend doesn't make you exempt from her ignore treatment.
Just let her get on with it. You've already told her countless of times what she should do and what this bloke is doing to her ~ if she's stupid enough to ignore you just let her get on with it and when she realises what a mistake she's made just be there for her coz that's what a best friend does ;-)
Jenny
http://journals.aol.co.uk/jmoqueen/MyLife
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