Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Wink Wink ;)

Hello There My Lovelies,

Time to take a little break from my manslating. You're gonna need it because I have some more perverse ads in my war chest. Good lord........... Craigslist does not disappoint, lol.

Time to write a little post based on personal experience out in the dating jungle since I am still a Senorita. I've dated from meeting people face to face, and from the internet as well. There are some lines men use that seem to reappear all the time. These men who spit these lines think they are being original. Original as all the other men who used them before. Someone please get the word out and help them !

Here is my short list of overused phrases out there in the dating world that just never seem to die....................

1.) I'M A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER. Oh good lord, shut up and put your penis away, please.

2.) I DON'T WANT KIDS RIGHT NOW BUT I WOULDN'T MIND PRACTICING ;) ;) We get it, you wanna get laid. Could you be any more obvious ? But couldn't you go about getting it in a more original way ? Flowers, and MANNERS go a looooong way. Chivalry is free, and gets you laid faster.

3.) I'M LOOKING FOR A PARTNER IN CRIME, A CO-CONSPIRATOR, A CO-PILOT. This is so old and overused even the chicks use it on their profiles. But when a man says it, it's even lamer. Like what are we gonna do ? Rob a bank, conspire to commit murder ? Fly a plane ? Hey, if you got a private jet, that's cool, but list that. Otherwise please kill it with that line.

4.) I MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR. Just gross. Please stop. It conjures up the image of some hippy trying to bang every chick he sees.

5.) I LOVE TO GIVE A GOOD, RELAXING MASSAGE. WOMEN SAY I HAVE NICE HANDS. What you're really saying is that you want to frisk us as soon as possible and go straight for the happy ending. And when you say "hands" I know you really want to say "penis". So please stop, and no I don't want to see your penis. How about a drink and some conversation first ?

and last but not least.................. wait for it.......................... ah yes...........

6.) I AM A LESBIAN IN A MAN'S BODY. It just baffles me. Men who use this line usually say it with the dumbest grin on their faces and they say it like they're the first to ever utter such a line. We get it. You love the vajay jay, as that is probably the reason you asked us out. How about just throwing us a compliment instead when you feel the urge to mutter such a line. It will get you to the vijay faster.

And what about you ? Any lines to add ? Please do share...................


PorkStar said...

I suck at pick up lines... i usually go straight to the point. When I was with the wife, she would be the one helping me hit on some chic (dont ask why, maybe you know) or I'd be like.. Hi, my name is so and so. I like you, *add some compliments* and start from there.

Myra said...

You've got the guys figured out...its gonna take someone original to woo you, my friend!

headbitingprincess said...

HA ha ha seriously I think guys come pre programmed in that pick up line dept .. thank the lord above JB didnt use any on me ..
hang in there .. there are still a few strays walking this big ol globe

dadshouse said...

I hate when people talk about being "partners in crime". What, are we going to rob a bank? It's meaningless!