Monday, July 4, 2011

A Scathing Dating Post I Wrote Weeks Ago and Forgot to Publish.................

NOTE: THIS WAS WRITTEN A FEW WEEKS AGO, AND I JUST WASN'T READY TO PUBLISH IT. BUT NOW I AM, ESPECIALLY SINCE I RECENTLY HAD THE DATE FROM THE FIERY PITS OF H-E-L-L.........

What's Up My Litte Hummingbirds...................

Flutter...flutter.......

So guess what? I am feeling a little feisty today, so I am gonna bitch about some things that bother me specifically and in general............

First of all, let's talk about dating. You know what bothers me ? Before I tell you, I have to add a disclaimer here that I am not a manbasher and that I am only talking about the male species because I don't date females. So all you male readers, I am not trying to alienate you, it's just that I am feeling feisty today AND...... who really wants to hear about all the nice things men have done for me ? While I like to relive those memories, it is a total snooziefest on a blog!

So here we go !
1.) A guy telling me he has a list or mentions passing a test (certain requirements women have to meet to date him), especially on our first date......... Girls have tests, lists, whatever, and that is annoying on its own. Can you imagine that for a guy? I went out on a date a while back and the guy said that I passed one of his tests, which was that I pet his dog (he had a pitbull), and that his dog liked me. Throughout the night if I said something he liked he then told me I also passed another test. Though he meant it as a compliment (and I smiled and thanked him) it was still annoying. God forbid I said the wrong thing, he was probably docking points in his head.

2.) A guy complimenting me on something that isn't seen as a compliment. Especially when it's embarrassing. For example, sometimes I have a nervous tick. You won't be able to tell if we're sitting across from each other but if I am next to you it becomes more obvious, especially on a bad day when I am really battling anxiety and trust me I am embarrassed. Anyway a guy on our first date told me "I find your twitching attractive". Seriously ? It's like saying " I love that pimple on your forehead, it adds to your appeal." Stop, asshole, you aren't fooling anyone.

It's may possibly be nice when a guy does that down the road as we get to know eachother. But for the first date ? Annoying, and does not seem genuine. 




3.) A guy asking me a bunch of questions and then telling me he likes to study psychology and observe people.  Basically, asking me questions about myself, and then taking the answers I give him and using that to "educate" me about myself. Annoying. I don't mind people watching with someone, but I don't like being on display, sitting in front of some guy while he is assessing me and then educating me about myself. Annoying !



4.) Men that are joking and text something that would normally be considered offensive, vulgar or just in poor taste and end that sentence with a ;) or a :) thinking that it makes them funny, witty or innovative.

Example: "I don't want children, but I don't mind practicing ;)"  Or.......... "I am a lesbian in a man's body :)" Oh yeah, like no one has heard that before !

5.) Men that get philosphical on their profiles or on the first date to make it appear that they are deep, when they are really trying to get deep into your pants. I do want to know what religion a man is, and maybe a few things that are most important to him. But that's really it for the first few dates. What really makes my teeth itch is when I am eating dinner and he is talking about how incredible his beliefs are and how much it changed his life, or he is almost trying to convert me. On a date with one guy, he just wanted to keep on talking about the book "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle. Basically how much it changed his life, and when I wanted to talk about something else, he told me to wait until he got done reading a passage in the book. So corny.


Another guy tried to force his Scientology beliefs on me, even taking me to a recruiting party on New Years Eve, when he told me it would be a party with his friends.

6.) Bad spelling and grammar. THE ONE THING THAT REALLY GETS MY PANTIES IN A WADDED BUNCH IS WHEN MEN WRITE IN ALL CAPS LACK PUNCTUATION AND CANT SPEL IF THERE LIFES DEPENDDED ON IT. COUPLE THAT WITH A PIC THEY TOOK OF THEMSELFS IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT A SHIRT AND THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT TO GROW CLAWZ AND DESTROY THE COMPUTER SCRREEEEN.




Ohh.......................... So enough bitching about little things that annoy me. Let's go onto bigger things.

So I booked a vacay abroad. Spain was one of my destinations (not anymore). One of my friends lives in Malaga and owns a mango farm with his family. Anyway, I met this guy a few years ago in a talent show for our Foreign Language Department. He did Flamenco, and I did Egyptian bellydance. We did go out once, but that ended fast because I left for Barcelona a month later.

I recently reconnected with him on Facebook and he invited me to come out and see him in Spain. He said that I could see my first real Flamenco dance. I was really excited. So I seriously considered making the trip out there. All the way to the south of Spain which is within sailing distance to Morocco.

Anyway, last week he asked if I am coming out. I asked if he would be hospitable and show me around. He said that he wouldn't go with me and see the sights because he doesn't need to, as he already lives there. He told me I could do that on my own. So I asked him what we would do together. He told me that I could help him on his mango farm, and that I would have a place to stay.

Ohhh...... rrrrrly ? So this guy wants me to travel allllll the way to the south of Spain, he won't even pick me up. He wants me to travel all the way to his mango farm so I can supply him with free labor and a license to grope me when he feels like it, and he refuses to even be hospitable and show me around ? No spank you cabron ! I would rather stay home.......

So that is all for now, I am going to go and do something useful like clean the house and walk the dog.

Besitos !

12 comments:

LL Cool Joe said...

TWO THINGS I HATE TOO! CAPS!!! IT'S SO AGGRESSIVE!!!!

AND WHEN SOMEONE WRITES SOMETHING THAT'S A BIT INSULTING OR HURTFUL AND ENDS WITH ;) or :p. LIKE THAT MAKES IT ALRIGHT THEN!

I have a female friend that does that. ;) ;p ;/ :D

Riot Kitty said...

So he would have saved you some time if he had said in the beginning, "Come to my mango farm and fuck me."

The world is full of cabrones unfortunately.

BamaTrav said...

I rarely even talk on dates. If they don't like me, fuck em I say.

Senorita said...

@ RK: I am totally stealing that line even though I don't have a mango farm, haha !

@ Bama Trav: So do you just sit there and stare at her titties ?

@ Joey: You are preaching to the choir !

Jimmy's Journal said...

Man number 01: Asshole
Man number 02: Asshole
Man number 03: Self-indulgent asshole.
Man number 04: (_!_)
Man number 05: (__!__)
MAN NUMBRE 06: A REEL ASHOLE BECUZ HE NOSE EVERY THING.

The prosecution rests.....
Jimmy

Irredento Urbanita said...

Had you lost the way to my photoblog? Don't lose it again please!!

Regards from Barcelona

Valery

Barcelona Daily Photo

CC said...

what the world? that Spain guy is ridiculous, I got angry just reading that! And regarding your other points, they are all sad but true. I don't like to feel like I'm on an exam or on observation when I'm on a date. I've had a guy give me paper to write down my answer to his questions when we were on a first date, no lie. the hell? Romance is a two way street and some guys forget that.

ileana said...

Que cabron is right! Wow! In my opinion he's the worst because he knows how far you'd have to travel to basically cater to his needs. What an asshole!!

You have them all figured out, chica, which is a good thing in this day and age. My favorite line from this post that made me LOL and almost spill my café con leche:

"Men that get philosphical on their profiles or on the first date to make it appear that they are deep, when they are really trying to get deep into your pants."

You sum it up well, mi'ja! :)

H said...

I love the "being an Asshole" photo.

I want to print it out and stick it on my divisional supervisors door..... she is a woman, which will make it all the better, don't you think

justin said...

Hey Sandra,

This is Justin, I worked with you at Enterprise Rent-A-Car off Curtner a few years back. Do you remember the "Appreciation calls" we had to make?

Not sure if you remember me.
I came across your blogs and they are great.

Want to know what you have been up to, it's been a while.

Hopefully you will read this.
Would like to get in touch. I don't have a Facebook account, nor do I want one.

mac said...

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. GIES CANT SPEL, TIGHP IN ALL CAPS AMD GIV U A TEST ARE DIKS. THEN, A WINK IS SPOSED TO MAKE IT ALL BETTER?

Darlin' those are the wrong kind of assholes for you.
Who knows, an asshole like me is probably the wrong kind of asshole for you as well. But, I'm not as bad as he Spanish prick !
And, you know where you stand with a guy like me (which isn't standing at all)....I have to stop now. I am having too much an urge to wink.

Hedone said...

Some real jerks. The last guy is a real prize. Hey sexy babe come on out to Spain and be free labor on my Mango farm. Oh and btw, your pay sex with me!

*rolls eyes*