Sunday, December 4, 2011

Yay ! A Dating Post !

Hello Lovies !!

Thanks for all your comments, I didn't realize anyone missed me while I was gone. I feel so loved. People in the blogging world are dropping like flies, especially with other social media outlets like Facebook around.

A couple of things happened lately........

1.) I got a new job, as I mentioned,
2.) I had another birthday on Nov. 30th.

Okay, enough chitty chat and down to business !


I have a love/hate relationship with dating. Dating is totally necessary in finding a mate, and it can be a lot of fun when done properly and both parties are behaving. But when it's bad, it's bad, lol. But when life hands you lemons, you make a margarita, right ? I like to take my awkward moments and blog about them and use this as a platform to educate all the raging douchelords disguised as normal gentlemen whom God allows to wander around the men who may need a little assistance in proper dating protocol.

So............. I have been living at my current place for about ten months now. There is this guy directly across from me (and our garages are only a few feet across from each other). We never talked, but I caught him checking out my ass while he was in his car and I was getting something from the trunk.

About 7 months into it, I said hello and introduced myself, and he told me his name, talked for a few minutes, he mentioned his female roommate. Nothing more. Besides, I had a date that night and had to get ready.

A month ago, he pulls up while I am taking out the trash and invites me for "coffee" and I gave him my number. (Hey, he already knows where I live and he is cute).

The next day he texts me and asks me if I am single, and I told him I am. He then tells me that he is not. I asked if his girlfriend lives with him, and he said yes, and that his is on a business trip. So the girl that I thought was his roommate was his girlfriend ? He told my roommate that she was his "adopted sister". Whatevers. I thought that would be the end of his texts.

So a couple of days ago he texts me and invites me over for "coffee". At night. Yeah, um would that coffee be   served with a side of your penis by any chance?

I told him I would be interested when he no longer has a girlfriend. He then tells me two things:

1.) I should loosen up, life is short, yada yada.......
2.) He is bored and needs something to do.

I told him, that is a great idea and that to scratch his itch, he should go and find someone other than his neighbor to help him out .

He then got mad and called me "mean". He then told me he was just trying to be friendly and that his intentions were nothing but good. What are we, in grade school now ? Your next door neighbor doesn't want coffee with a side of penis that belongs to some other chick, and now I am the mean one?

And good intentions ? So he hit me up for a "night cap" disguised as "coffee" because he thought that I had a wonderful personality, and it had nothing to do with my ass or boobs he was looking at ? When he said "good intentions" he was probably referring to the good party he was having in his pants.

I told him to take a chill pill and stop whining, and he tried to tell me how I need to have more fun and that I don't know what fun is and boo hoo the next door neighbor doesn't want coffee with a side of the twig and berries and how he can show me what fun is.........

I am no longer responding to his texts and will continue to avoid him aka close the garage immediately once I get home.......

Here is the takeaway of the story.....................

1.) Hot next door neighbors are hawt! Unless that person is taken......... Then its just awkward and creepy.

2.) Always, always, ALWAYS ask if that person is taken, or you know, MARRIED. After I gave him my number, I realized that I forgot to ask him, and just as I was about to ask him two seconds later, his phone rang and he was talking to "one of his boyz" and I didn't feel like standing there like a fool to wait, so I just left. I figured he wouldn't lie or hide the truth since we lived next to each other. Him taking that call in front of me like that and leaving me waiting was another red flag I should have paid attention to.

Ladies, never assume the man you are talking to is single because he is on you like a fly in honey. Men flirt because then can, sometimes it's genuine, sometimes it is a sport. Dating is sometimes like a gym contract being sold to you by one of those "personal trainers" at a franchise gym that needs to meet his quota. You have to do some of your own homework and ask certain questions before signing or in this case, giving out your phone number. Because if you don't, and you find out Mr. Coffee with a side of Penis is really taken, he can easily come back at you and say "Well, I didn't lie, you just never asked". And unfortunately, he is kinda right. Yeah, he made a douche move, but on the other hand, you should have asked.

Now where was I ?

Oh yeah....

#3.) I don't know what it is with men, (male friends AND dating prospects) that call me or text me or IM me and say that they are talking to me because they are bored. Not because they haven't heard from me, or are wondering how I am doing, but because.......THEY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO. They are bored and feel it's okay to say something like that directly to me.

So that means that they have exhausted all of their other possibilities such as going out with their friends, watching sports, spanking the monkey, so now I guess, they will just call me up because it will pass time.

My female friends don't say that shit to me, why do guys think it's okay? And they think this is supposed to make me feel better and jump at the chance to go out or hang out ?

When a guy says something like that, I just turn it down, no matter how bored I am. I could be bored out of my ass, and I am still not jumping at the opportunity to hang out with someone else who felt like I was the last option on earth. I would rather sleep.

So again, moral of the story...................

1.) Don't date your neighbor if he is taken....... Duh !
2.) Make sure to ask prospective men if they are taken or married. And "it's complicated" means that he most definitely taken.............
3.) Avoid "bored"  men.

Okay, so this was a long post (yeah, I said "long"). Please feel free to add new ideas. And men, please don't take this post personally or feel like I am beating up on the male population. Please don't tell me how women do the same thing, because I don't care. I know, we can be handfuls too, but I don't date chicks, and I don't break these rules, so please save it...........

Okay, I am really going now.

Peace, Love, Hugs, Shimmies and Kisses !



LL Cool Joe said...

I'm so pleased my days of dating are behind me, I know I'd screw up all the time.

I only wrote this coz I'm bored and have nothing better to do....


Scarlet said...

He should not have even approached you to begin with...because we all know what "coffee" really means. You shouldn't have to ask a guy who gets friendly with you if he's taken. It should be a given that he's not...or he wouldn't be getting friendly with you! I can't believe the runaround that goes on these days. Sad, actually.

As for the bored guys...really??? Are you supposed to be entertainment for them now? ¿Qué le pasan ha estos tipos?

Laughing at the "side of penis." lol I'll have to remember that one, chica!

PS - Glad to have you back in the blogging world. :)

Riot Kitty said...

You just crack me up! I hated dating. I told Mr. RK that God forbid anything ever happens to him or he suddenly decides that he's gay, I'm staying single and getting another vibrator.

H said...

Ballsy and stupid on his part, glad to hear you avoided that potential drama.

Maybe he wanted coffee with you because his girlfriend is not a coffee and penis girl but more of a tea and biscuit girl :)

You mean saying "Hey I'm bored wanna give me a BJ" doesn't work.
Damn I need another strategy :)

Wanna have coffee?

mac said...

I'll ave to go with Scarlet. A married/taken guy (or girl) should NOT be asking ladies over to their place for coffee (unless, of course, his SO is there and it truly is just coffee).

Really, "I'm bored and can't get a real date" doesn't work?
How about, "My computer crashed and I'm out of lotion. Wanna come over?" ???

BTW, I am single, but not too bored ;-)

Shadowdancer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shadowdancer said...

Wait until his girlfriend is home then go knock on his door and loudly say: I'm answering your booty call! When she walks into the room, say... "you didn't tell me you were living with your mother!" That should put a wrinkle in his life.


What a funny story. Thanx for your thoughtful comments on my blog as well. Creepy people in the SF?

Scarlet said...

Btw, I'm adding you to my blogroll, if you don't mind.