Saturday, July 15, 2017

Le Weekend..............

What's Up My Kittens?

How is your weekend? It is hot as Hell here in South Florida. It's is hotter than the devil's nut sack.

I have a headache today. I didn't drink coffee today, and I am paying dearly for it because I clearly have a caffeine addiction. But I do have to cut back, because it really can really make my heart pound, and that's not healthy.

I got my hair cut yesterday, and I feel so much better. My hair had grown down to my butt, but it was just too much, especially since half it was color-treated. Now I am back to all my natural colored hair, and no more dead hair. I forgot that my hair could have volume. Who knew?

What else.......... I have researching family history on It's interesting to see the migration patterns of my ancestors. They are long gone, but I still have some of their letters. I wonder if they knew it would end up with me?

All of my mother's side of the family is still in Europe so I am talking about my father.'s side. His father's parents escaped religious persecution because they were Jewish, and immigrated to New York in 1905 to make new lives for themselves. They lived the American Dream, learned the language, had more children, at least one served in the Army, and owned a home and business. It is interesting to follow their stories through the Censuses, as well as by reading letters my aunt handed down to me.

My dad also send me a huge box of color slides from his marraiges, travels, and my childhood. I am going to invest in a slide machine and break out the wine.

I am not sure if anyone will come to me for family information down the line, probably not. I am one of the few that actively looks up information. I wouldn't call it research, as that would require me to get offline and go look up records on micro film and microfiche (can't remember the difference between the two) and verify information I find, with information I've been told by family.

Other than that, my depression is returning, and I try to manage the feelings. I had been on a very long happiness streak, but sometimes the old feelings come back and blindside me. I have to accept that and just go with it. Fighting it just makes it worse. I woke up with a pit in my stomach, and getting out of the house took forever because I just kept lying down. Once I got out of the house, I was moving slowly, and had very short patience with people in traffic and at the store. I wanted to cry, and I haven't wanted to do that for so long. It's like I realize that I moved to Florida all of a sudden, what am I doing here, where am I going in life, and I am not getting any younger!

I have been complacent lately in life, and although I have been blissfully ignorant, I have developed bad habits such as bad sleeping patterns, bad diet choices, and sleeping half of the day on weekends.
Don't get me wrong, I love it, and it has made me happy and relaxed, but this is definitely not how I want the rest of my life to play out, because I have things I actually want to accomplish. My medication has helped with my mood, but I still carry old habits from when I wasn't taking anything.

I have dreams in life of promotions, of decorating my condo, or more travel, of getting back into dance, and I can't actively live all this out with my current habits. Maybe one day down the line, actually get married and share my life with someone, and I can't live the way I currently do and make that happen.

The problem is, my old habits are extremely hard to break. What helps me get through this is to accept my feelings, and complete small tasks one after the other. Today I started small things like cleaning the litter box, and mailing a letter I've been meaning to mail. Then I dumped the trash. Small tasks, no big deal. I didn't get very far, but that's okay. Sometimes I do, and I make great strides in cleaning and getting stuff done. Many people spend time doing all their cleaning in one shot. That is just not me, at least not yet.

Okay, enough about me for today. Besitos my lovelies!


Riot Kitty said...

Depression is a bitch, I'm sorry. Personally, I have to fight it, or it will win. I'm stubborn.

Big Mark 243 said...

... take small steps and believe in the actions that you take... try to get some exercise... don't over think it... take a walk for 45 minutes every day... be well, senorita...

Ileana said...

Hey you, I'll be in Miami for a few days next week. Maybe we can meet halfway for lunch if you're feeling up to it. Let me know. If you're too busy I'll be down again in the fall for a weekend then, so maybe it'll be a better time for you. Hugs! xo

Senorita said...

Thank you for still following me here, Riot Kitty, Big Mark and Ileana! Is means so much to me!