August 31st

August 31st

Hello All, I was out for a couple of days for my friend's wedding, so I didn't really get a chance to post on Aug 31st. My grandma in Austria aka Oma passed away one year ago on that day. She died immediately of a heart attack and was gone within a few minutes. I was happy that she went peacefully. Otherwise, I was devastated by losing her. I loved her so much. She was 71. I thought she would have lived until 90 no problem. She seemed healthy and happy. She was happy in her last hour, cooking lunch with her boyfriend and as he was in the basement getting food, she passed away. It was as if she was meant to go. It all happened so fast and it happened just when no one was around. By the time the helicopter came it was all over. Her time was up and we all just had to deal with it. I didn't get the news until much later that day. However around the time it happened my blue cross necklace busted strongly and the beads just flew everywhere in my room. I couldn't pick up all the beads because there were so many. I looked for the cross and when I found it, it was completely detached from the rest of the necklace. I knew something happened within me, but I didn't think much of it. I of course got the news later that day. I miss her so much. She was a wonderful person. She was full of love and life and she wanted me to be happy and in love. She taught me German so I could understand my background and understand her as well, lol. She also was selfless as she worked with the mentally handicapped and encouraged us to help them. She managed the finances of one of the handicapped men and made sure he was taken care of and that no one was taking advantage of him. The best thing I ever did was fly to Austria to be with her one last time. Getting there was so expensive and last minute, but it helped so much in the healing process. Being there with her during the funeral helped me understand that her chapter on Earth ended and helped me be okay with the fact that the only way I can feel her presence is in my heart. Austria is not the same without her. She was so proud of her country. I really miss her. I hope she somehow still knows that wherever she is now.

I am not feeling well

Hello Everyone,

I am gonna make this short and simple. I have been depressed lately, and it keeps getting worse. Now I am starting to feel sick to my stomach.

I feel like I want to just put life on hold for a while while I sleep everything else off. I just need a break. I feel like things don't get progressively better, they get progressively worse.

But luckily out of the blue for some reason, my friends have been calling me up and wanting to hang out with me so it takes the edge off. I have been out all weekend, so it has been a nice change, rather than me hiding in my room.

I also wish my mother would talk to me again. As she may still read this, I hope that she sees this and realizes that I do miss her.

I really hope things get better for me.

Busy

Hello there my lovelies,

I will make this entry short as I am not feeling too well.

I am going back to school for my Paralegal Certificate. I have an interest in learning the laws, especially in immigration. Since I couldn't become a Customs Officer maybe this would be a better option. However, I would be interested in studying Criminal law as well. I met with the head of the department and he was very helpful. I will have him as my professor this fall. I heard he is good, so I am excited. This is one of the few hopeful things I have going on for me right now.

I am having issues at work, and I think I may lose my job. My bosses say they are unhappy with my performance and that I don't take enough initiative on the job. Yet I think they are wrong. I have taken responsibility for a lot of issues that aren't really my responsibility, and they haven't heard about it. None of them have ever visited my office, nor have they sat down with me out of concern. I just hear all of a sudden that they want to replace me. I heard a couple of weeks ago that they were fine with my performance, but now they want to replace me. It makes me angry. I told my boss I wasn't properly trained and if he makes me train another person, then that person will have the same knowledge level as me and it would be pointless.

It's not fair because I see my coworkers slacking off. They come in late, leave their posts, lose the keys and not do the work they ask. Yet they are still around and my boss wants to work fast to replace me. The funny thing is that he hasn't visited my site the whole time I have been there so he doesn't really know my full duties. Especially since I do double the work he does. It bothers me. Especially since I know a lot of the clients are happy with me.

I really want to get back into dance. I have been feeling really stressed lately. I have been too busy with school and work. I work out at the gym, but it is not the same as when I am dancing.

Anyway, that is all for now. I shall be back up here later.

Ciao Ciao.

 

I miss dance

Hello All,

I have been going to the gym, but I haven't been dancing lately. I miss it, but I have been too lazy to get up and go to the gym or go to the studio on the weekends. I just lay in bed all day and watch Law and Order and by the time I even think about going, it's too late.

Although I work out, I miss the dance. I miss being expressive. It makes me feel alive, and I feel like I am lacking. Maybe next weekend.

7.07.07

Hello Everyone,

Today is 7-07-07. It is supposed to be one of the luckiest days. I hope you're having a lucky day :)

I just wanted to point out that exactly one year ago, I had my LASIK surgery. I have been free of glasses for a year now, and I sometimes forget that I used to wear glasses. It has been one of the best things that I have ever spent money on.

Just thought I would share.