Hello My Little Birdies !
Loooong time, not talk................ I thought I was going to never write here again. I was just feeling uninspired to write. I have LOTS to say. I don't know if I have any followers left. I remember Zsuzi commenting and asking where I was last, but I didn't respond :( I kind of fell off the blog wagon and I am truly sorry if anyone felt ignored by it.
So much has happened............ I got a smart phone (thought I would never get one), I bought a new car (other one broke down), moved out of my last place (I still have to move again by the end of the month) and my responsibilities at work changed and my desk got moved. The changes have been positive, hope it stays that way, but it is a lot to handle, and I am not done yet.
Also, my depression has come back in full force and hit me very hard, harder than I've ever experienced in my life. Both anxiety and depression. I used to treat the symptoms, they would subside and I would go on about my business, only for it to return again because I haven't dealt with the root of the problem. It's no longer avoidable. I intend to fight this everyday and do everything I can to beat this. Every morning is another chance to get up and try again. I tried medication, and it made me numb, and while I could function, my zest for life disappeared too.
Lately I have had panic attacks in the morning where I can't breath and I want to throw up. I want to cry. My mind is my own prison. I feel fine at night, only to wake up in the morning to relive the nightmare, if I don't have nightmares or wake up in the middle of the night first.
I just have to say, I completely empathize with anyone who is going through this. Anyone that has thoughts about not wanting to live, anyone that just feels like there is no hope. I totally get it, and I feel for you 100%. Please know that you are not alone. So many people go through it, and although it sucks total dinosaur genitalia, it does get better, if only for a few moments. There are patches of sunshine.
I am grateful for every moment of happiness I get. Money, riches, status mean absolutely nothing if you are not happy. All I want is to be happy.
Anyway, time for bed. Besitos, and we'll talk soon.