Sunday, November 6, 2016

Taking a break from my laziness to bring you a message............

Bonjour my little Macaroons ;).........................

Being lazy tends to overpower me posting, so I decided that I will just pop by and make this snappy. Hopefully I will be by more often. It's always interesting to go back and read what I was thinking this exact day one or two or more years ago. Not too far back, because I don't want to be reminded of my youthful stupidity.

Thank you to all of you who still read my blog. A few of you left some really nice comments for me last time and I appreciated every one of them.

So what's new with you?

My cat had worms yesterday and I took him to the vet. I saw what looked like a small white noodle stream out of his ass like honey. I immediately took him to the vet. Capturing him and stuffing him into a crate broke my heart, since I could feel his little heart racing out of fear. The vet gave him a shot, and he is back home and content. We feasted on smoked salmon together. He is sleeping in his favorite chair right now.

Every time I blog, I want to be positive and bitch and moan at the same time, lol. I also want to talk about my experiences growing up in a cult because they are just strange. It does not matter what a person's education level is or how smart you think they are. It really only matters what emotional state they are in and if you catch them in the most opportune moment. Society doesn't really grasp that, which is why cults exist and why MLM schemes exist, they pretty much feed off the same things.

My parents are extremely intelligent people, graduated from a great school, and they still got sucked into a cult. Dad left a while ago, and my mom is still there. Of course our relationship is pretty much nonexistent because I have a negative opinion of my entire experience. My mom was born and raised into a wonderful family in Europe that loved and supported her. And she still got suckered into a cult. She was such a wonderful mother before and when she first joined. One of the best. But after that she slowly turned into a cold, dismissive person, who discarded my feelings if it didn't match up with hers. She pretty much wishes I would shut up and leave her alone so she can live her life in peace. (Read: Go away). I will leave her alone by not actively reaching out to her anymore, because I really don't want to see her. Every time I tried to see her she would lie to me about why she couldn't see me and blow me off. She wants me to forgive her not because she cares, but so she doesn't have think about how I feel about it. If she were truly sorry,  I would have totally said "yes" and hugged it out. But she only tries to appease me very occasionally so the leader doesn't get mad at her for what I write.

Is she happy I write about my experiences ? Oh my gosh, not at all. She has even made some threats at me getting sued for libel. But its not libel if it's true, is it? I think she knows that deep down. She used to make claims that weren't true about me, but if that happened again, I wouldn't really care since she has done it many times before and I am used to it.

How would I feel if my mom blogged about me? I think about that often. I probably wouldn't like it. She feels like I have wronged her. But on the other hand, my mother has been really nasty with me over the years, which has given me thick skin. She has dismissed my experiences, laughed at what I said, gave a fake apology so I would "leave her alone", and told anything I have ever said to her to the cult leader. Nothing I ever told her was sacred.

I used to tell people my experiences and hope they cared or believed me. But most people either were too weirded out by what I was saying, simply couldn't relate, straight up didn't believe me, or just did not want to get involved. I don't blame them. The whole thing is strange. But I have gotten myself through it by talking about it and not being sorry for sharing my experiences.

But I also have a lot of family that do believe me and love me, and a lot of people that have left can back up what I am saying as true. I guess what I am saying now is I want people to read my story, but I am no longer relying on the hope that they believe me.  This blog isn't popular, I don't have tons of readers, and I will still come here to write when I want to. I write what I want when I want, and my readers don't dictate that. When I started blogging at the end of 2003, I had maybe one or two solid readers that commented after a year of blogging. It didn't matter. I stayed true to myself, and I will continue to do that. My faithful readers have appreciated that and I appreciated them. I have slowly gotten to know many wonderful people here.

Okay, I have written way more than I intended and spilled a little tea. Time to go shower. Huggles and besitos.


LL Cool Joe said...

It's good to see you blogging again. I think it's important to write about what you want to write about on your blog. Isn't that what blogging is meant to be about?

Jimmy's Journal said...

Keep on, keeping on, kid. True friends will always stand by you, come hell or high water. As for tons of followers, I weigh 175 pounds so we're on the way to the first ton

mac said...

I've got Jimmy up there ^ beat - I'm well over 200 pounds ;-)

You know me, I see religion in general as cultish to varying degrees.

I'm very glad you (and your dad) broke free from the cult.
You're right, I've known quite smart people that get wrapped in BS. It's especially hard for people who were raised in cults to break free. It has been indoctrinated into them, their sense of self is tied to the religion.

Again, good on ya for seeing through all that :-)