Confusion

Hello Everyone,

I really like the picture above. Normally I wear glasses and have a chubbier face. This picture doesn't show any of that !!! Yeah for my digi cam :)

The past few days since I've updated have been cool. I had another language exchange on Friday and we went to the Fiestas de Gracia again. I didn't really like the guy but I had fun at the street parties........ There were a lot of people dancing and having a good time. We also met up with some other girls and talked for a bit. And I ran into my old classmate from my TEFL course !! It was cool to catch up a little with him. We've all went our separate ways since the course and it was cool to see what he's been up to since.

I also went to the beach yesterday with a new guy. I went for like a five minute swim. I am thrilled that I can actually swim in the oceans here. It's always too damn cold in CA. It was pretty peaceful and there weren't too many people. Plus we got to watch the sunset.

Lately I have been going through a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I just love it to death here and feel like I am going somewhere in my life and accomplishing something. Other times I just feel sad and confused. Today is just one of those days. Today is one of those days where I just don't even wanna wake up.

Now, forgive me. I can't just go and talk to people here about this. Nor do I feel like picking up the phone and crying back home to my momma and poppa. They have more urgent things to worry about. I just feel like dumping it all here on my journal and forgetting about it. Because I am hoping that this feeling passes. Soon.................

I love Spain. I really do. I just don't know exactly where I am going and how things are gonna end up for me. I am leaving Barcelona in less than two weeks.............I am going to Austria for a week and then I am moving to San Sebastian. At the time I made plans to go to San Sebastian, there were no other options for me to make money and stay here.

Now I have other options. I was offered a job by a cool New Yorker that I met here in Barcelona to make calls here at the WTC( The one in Spain. YES, there is one.) It doesn't pay very well, but its enough to live and there are opportunities to make more money and get promoted. Oh how I wish that I could say yes. Luckily I can still take him up on the offer when I come back.

I also met a nice guy, whom I really like spending time with. And now I have to move. Will we keep in contact for the time that I am gone? Who knows................Of course I'll try. But it's always the guy that I have to worry about. But it would be so naive of me to believe that we'll be in contact all this time. I think I grew up a little since high school. Ya know what I mean?

Meeting a new guy always makes my feel so vulnerable. I almost can't stand the feeling because I've always had a very hard time trusting any man. But at the same time I just can't live my whole life without giving myself a chance.

I am running out of money, and when my insurance runs out, what am I gonna do? I miss the security of talking to customer service agents in English and getting things done fast. I miss knowing that I can see a doctor when I feel like it.

I haven't been very hungry since I have arrived here. Plus I've been a little broke. I haven't been eating a lot and this totally affects my mood. Or should I say, sometimes my mood affects my appetite. I can't keep track of the order anymore.

These are the things that worry me here. Sometimes I am able to escape and enjoy the beauty Spain has to offer. And lately I have been doing that. I've been improving my Spanish, meeting cool people, going to the beaches, and eating some good food. But at the same time REALITY is just two steps behind me. I guess that we can't have everything we want, which is a part of life.

Today I just wanna go home so bad. I can't help it. I just wanna pack, get on a plane and go back to my old apartment and sleep. But I can't. I don't even have my own place anymore. Hell, when I go back to the US, my life will be so different. I will have to start all over. Just like I am doing here. There is just no easy way out.

I guess I just feel like I don't really belong anywhere right now. It's kinda hard to deal with sometimes. My whole life is up in the air.

Well, I better go and do something else now. I suppose that I should go and enjoy the rest of my Sunday. I gotta feel better sometime, ya know?

Ciao.

 

 

 

 

Thought Provoking stuff

Hello Everyone :)

Of course the words below aren't mine. They are from a woman named Angela. http://journals.aol.com/readmereadyou/MyThoughts/ and that is her journal. I don't know her personally, but I sure like reading what she has to say. This is what she had to say on August 17th:

Of course it is important to have both male and female role models for children but today, I want to talk about dads and daughters. I think fathers have an enormous amount of influence on their little girl's entire lives by the way they treat their own wives, as well as their little girls.    

I don't know how many men read these journals but I'm hoping at least one man out there will read this and think about his actions and reactions to his wife and to his daughter and how these behaviors are going to effect his daughter's entire future. Yes, future.    

You may feel love for your wife and daughter, but aren't showing it as you should. If you compliment your wife and daughter, your daughter, as a teen, won't look for validation all too soon in the eyes of teenaged boys. If you hug and kiss your little girl affectionately, she won't be found in the back seat of a car at 16 with the local Romeo because she wanted your affection so badly and you never gave it to her. If you shout your way through life, she may find herself one day in the grip of an abusive boyfriend or husband.    

If you don't pay enough attention to your wife, don't take the time to listen to your mate or your daughter, your daughter will marry someone just like you. No, not the best of you but the worst of you. She'll marry a someone who doesn't care if she's hurting inside or happy for that matter. Why? Because it will be all she's ever really known and the type of man she will think she deserves subconsciously. Oh, her first attraction to the guy she will one day marry will have all of your good points orthe good points she wished you had.....but, her unconscious self will pick someone with all of your faults. Why? Because she never got to resolve those issues with you. Subconsciously, she will pick the traits she wanted to fix in you and will try to fix them as an  adult with  her mate and she will fail....And, she will be unhappy. You don't want that to be.    

It's a proven fact that girls with close father/daughter relationships, marry good men or may marry later in life. First, they aren't in any rush because they feel whole and when they do marry, it will be for the right reasons; not to fill voids within....Prove it to yourself. Just look around at the women you know. Do you know one with a great husband? If so, you will find a great dad or father figure who gave her just what she needed, and as an adult, she will expect the same treatment from her mate and get it. Conversely, a woman in a bad or unfulfilled marriage, will expect or receive very little from her spouse and not get much from him in terms of emotional security, or whatever else her father deprived her of, if her dad were emotionally or otherwise unavailable to her. I know you don't want to see your little girl growing up and, one day, finding herself in a joyless marriage. It really doesn't have to be that way. Spend consistent quality time with your daughter and your wife. It is your life's work! Give your daughter a bird's eye view of how a woman (wife) is supposed to be loved and treated by the man in her life. First, you, her father, set the example and she will have the proper judgment and tools to choose a good husband in the future.    

You say you do treat your wife and daughter very well! Then, that's really great. You won't have to wonder when you see your daughter walk down the isle who she's marrying, because she will be marrying you.....The best of you. The you that only she knew behind closed doors; the you who treated her mother like a valued woman and her like a valued daughter.

These words hit very close to home and explain thoroughly why I chose the menI do. I love all of my parents dearly ( I also have stepparents) and don't really care to talk about my childhood here. However, I still couldn't ignore these words.

Interesting Conversation

Hello there my lovelies................

Haha ! I stole this picture. Isn't it kinda mean ? Nemo was so cute, but I still think it's kinda funny.

Today was interesting day. Let me first start off my saying that I am just tired of getting hollered at by nasty men. Eew !!! Fucking.............eeew !! I don't like perverted men making kissing noises or trying to whisper nasty things in my ear. Nor do I like being hissed at !!! Gah ! Especially if the offender smells like ass.

Don't get me wrong. I've gotten nice compliments, and I will graciously accept if the person is sincere. But if I get treated like an alley cat, I will show him the hand a move along. Okay, 'nuff said about that............

I had a nice language exchange with another Catalan guy today. We talked about Spain and California. I told him about what kinds of food we eat, and what kind of people live there. While we were talking about African Americans, he referred to them as the N word. I almost fell out of my chair. I spent the next ten minutes emphatically explainging to him that he would get killed if he even THOUGHT about using that word in public in the US. He made an innocent mistake and didn't know, but I wonder just how he would be taught the N word.

Then we talked about Mexicans in CA, and he referred to them as "wet backs". I couldn't friggin' believe it !!!! When I asked him how he learned that term, he innocently told me that he learned it from the media. Holy Crap !!!! WTF ???? I better pay more attention to the media here. Needless to say, I took up some more time to explain why he should NEVER use such terms. In fact, I wrote out a little list for him so he'd remember.

Anyways, its getting late and I better go. Tooteloo.........

 

I Love this pic !!

Hello everyone :)

I found ( *cough, cough*, stole !) this picture from someone else's journal. This birdie is sooooo cute !!  He looks like he is having a bad day and all he wants is someone to feed him and pat him on the head.

I can totally relate. Right now all I really want is some food and a hug. (Okay, and maybe some money ;) )

 I am going to Austria next week to visit my grandma. I hope she'll give me a hug and cook me a nice meal. I'm glad I have family on this continent.

Well, I could write more, but I chose not to. I feel lazy. Damn heat !!

Ciao.