Have you Climbed your Family Tree ?

Hello There My Little Gum Drops !

It's Le Weekend...... Are you enjoying yours ?

Have you ever wondered about your family background ? I get a mixed reaction out of people when I ask that questions. Some people want all the information they can get their hands on and spend lifetimes seeking it, while others don't really have much interest.

I want to know where my family has come from, and I have been lucky in getting that information for the most part. My mother's side is all from Austria, and I have been in contact with them and visited the land of Mozart numerous times. My grandmother, aka Oma, didn't speak English which forced me to learn German, since my mother didn't teach me.

My father's side is American. His parents were born here in the US, and his mother's side is American with roots that date back to this country and Canada for a couple of hundred years, and I have been lucky that my grandmother has been able to tell me a lot about her side of the family, and luckily it has been easy to trace through Ancestry.com. She is now in her nineties and her mother lived to be 102, so I have been fortunate to hear stories from both of them, and that long life is in our bloodline.

It is the family of my father's father that has been a mystery. Meaning, I have been told little tidbits of information here and there, and while some of it is consistent, I have not been able to verify really anything on Ancestry.com or Ellis Island.

Growing up I have heard that my great-grandparents immigrated to this country through Ellis Island. However, when I looked through the database, their names and any variations of it could not be found. That was 6 years ago, and luckily my brother finally found the ship that they arrived on, but not much more. I guess that is a good starting point, which I should continue to follow-up on.

My father's sister has been very instrumental in providing me information to follow up on. She handed me down a lot of letters my great-grandmother used to write as well as correspondence between family members. A favorite past time of mine used to be googling their addresses to see where they lived and the surrounding areas via Google Maps.

I had two addresses for my great-grandparents, yet when I typed them in neither of the places existed anymore. One addresses was newer apartments, while the other address was an empty lot. It kind of broke my heart a little. You hear stories from your family without being able to verify anything, not even the last places they spent the rest of their lives.

A couple of weeks ago, my Aunt sent me an old picture of my great-grandma Paulina from Russia, probably one of the last pictures taken of her. Paulina and Morris did not have easy lives. They really embodied the immigrant experience of the turn of the century. Their family was run out of Russia for being Jewish, and some landed in Europe, while others like my great-grandparents ended up in the United States. They had five children and worked very hard. I wish I could say that they were a loving family and that their hard work paid off and that they were able to retire comfortably, but that wasn't really the case. They struggled until the very end of their lives. But what they did do was get out of a country that didn't want them anymore, and they survived. Sometimes that is all we can do, and we are lucky for it, even if that's all we end up doing.

From the stories I have heard, she was a little abrasive and feisty, a real ball-buster. She wore the pants in the family and really rode my great-grandpa hard. There really isn't anything warm and fuzzy to say, but she was a survivor.

I think I may have inherited some of her feistiness.

Like I mentioned earlier, while they ended up here in the US, others ended up in Europe. I recently met my distant cousins in France, and it really is fascinating what you can find with a little research. And thank goodness for social media to keep us all in contact.

Anyway, here is her picture below, it's funny, I tend to cross my arms the same way.

Happy Fourth

Happy Fourth my Lovelies !!!

'Merica ! Bald Eagles and shit !

I slept in, watched Sex and the City reruns and cuddled with the dog. He was very cuddly. Tonight I will hopefully enjoying booze and fireworks.

I don't know how I will return this dog to his owner when he comes back. I have fallen in love with this dog. It is hard for me to break down and get a pet of my own because I know how attached I can get, and I am really to afraid to lose my own pet. It's a little less hard when that pet that you love belongs to someone else. That way in case anything happens, I can just think that the pet is still with it's owner and I just haven't seen it in a while.

I know, I am have issues........................

But on the other hand, I have come to the point in life where it is time to settle down a little bit, and I should start with a pet. I feel like a gypsy at heart. I have never lived in one place for more than four years, and the last time, I lived in one place for four years was twenty years ago. Not settling down reminds me of when I was in my twenties and had my whole life ahead of me. Settling down reminds me that I am getting older and that I don't have all of the time in the world, and it's running out and before you know it, I will old and gray.

But as I am getting older, I find it more difficult to live life without animal company. The desire for a furry friend just won't go away.

Okay, enough for now.

Rainbow Related Questions

Well Happy Fourth Weekend to you my Loves,

How are you ? I am thankful that I have today off for the Fourth of July weekend and I am dogsitting. It's always nice to wake up to a pet in your bed. Especially a cuddly pet.

I keep hearing the term "crossing over to the rainbow bridge" in relation to a cat's passing. I don't really hear that term used for a dog. So will someone please explain why it seems that cats have the exclusive use of the term ?

So this last week was monumental in that the Supreme Court of the United States ruled same-sex marriage is now legal in all 50 states. I truly never thought this day would ever come in my life-time.

I have a strictly-legal question regarding the same-sex ruling. Back around 2008, I took an American Law class, and my professor said that cases regarding same-sex marriage will never reach the US Supreme Court because marriage was not discussed in the US Constitution, and therefore relegated to the states. He said that each state will have separate authority as to whether same-sex marriage will be allowed in their state, but because it is strictly a state issue, it will never reach the Supreme Court.

So when I read that the above subject not only reached the Supreme Court, but was actually heard and ruled upon, I was shocked.

I guess I will google the shit out of the above questions later for further clarification, but I was wondering if any of you lovely readers ever wondered the same.

Growing up in a cult with religious beliefs, I was raised that homosexuality was a sin. And I truly believed it. Of course I never really was outspoken about it (Thank GOD) but it was a firm belief of mine.

I mean, honestly, I came from an environment where mental illness didn't exist, I wasn't allowed to watch TV or listen to the radio, you were punished for masturbation, humiliated for watching porn, and oral sex was considered a crime against the Universe (seriously). With those guidelines, where do you think homosexuality would rank ? My point exactly.

Moving out of a communal environment to going to college and living in the dorms and then living abroad in Spain for the next year, helped transition me out of those beliefs. It started with me accepting that I had depression.

Once I could put that label on what I was feeling, I could feel more compassion for others. I lived a lifestyle different from mainstream society in a cult. People always looked at us as freaks. It was so awkward growing up to know that the neighbors were always watching us and ready to report us for any little violation. Someone even decided to call Child Protective Services on us, and the school knew about our business. I felt isolated and laughed at. Who I was I to judge someone for going against the grain, so to speak ?

I am not saying this to compare my life to that of the GLBT community, because I don't know what it is like, I just got a taste of my own medicine, and I believe in kindness and compassion.

Anyway, that is all for now.

Besitos :)

Depression

What's up my little tulips ?

Happy Weekend :)

So what is new ? This time of year is the worst here in South Florida. If you hate the words, "damp" and "moist", you'll hate summers here. It is hotter than the She-Devil's boob sweat. There are a lot of pluses of living here, but summer is not one of them. This heat causes people to lose their damn minds, and not only a the people incompetent on the road, but road rage is real. Back in CA, people do flip eachother off on the roads. Here in South Florida, I really almost never see it, people not only .have tinted windows, making it harder to see the offender, but a lot of people pack heat down here 

As you know, I battle depression, and though I take medication, I still have days where I want to hibernate into a hole and shut the world out, like yesterday, for example. Getting up in the mornings is truly a battle, and cleaning up my clutter seems like an unbearable task.

Anyone that has depression knows really well how much of an uphill battle it is. Not only is the medical field lacking in services, but it is still taboo to the public, even though there has been improvement lately. There is still a long way to go.

Growing up in a cult, based on religion, spirituality with an extra serving of narcissism, mental conditions simply did not exist. Instead, they were "energy problems". No way we could be struggling with depression, we simply weren't meditating enough or chanting or thinking about our supreme Grand Mistress enough. If we simply were more dedicated to her teachings, I would feel better.

It didn't even begin to cross my mind that I had depression until I moved away to college. In college, one day my body completely shut down and I couldn't even eat food or sleep properly, I would throw up everything I ate, and I couldn't sleep. I also wanted to cry all the time. I didn't have a mental breakdown where I lost my shit on people or yelled at them. I didn't shave my head in public or act irrationally, I was still very polite and articulate, but I think most of the public equates mental illness with batshit crazy antics. I know I did until I understood my condition better.

Anyway, I went to the student counselor and they let me get a medical drop and prescribed me medication. I had to see the school psychiatrist, and really disliked him. I just wanted some compassion, and zero shits were given. He wrote me a prescription I never used because I didn't believe I really had a medical condition. As far as I could see, some asshole hired by the school decided I had anxiety and depression by reading a book in front of me and sent me on my merry way.

I just went home for a week. I called Grand Mistress and told her I was suffering, and she let me stay with her for a week. Luckily she was kind to me, and she talked it out with me. Once in a blue moon she would let me stay with her during my darkest hours, but later down the road she would always lord that fact over my head and call me ungrateful when I didn't agree with something she said.

Living under her thumb was like a charming person punching you in the face, but also administering ice to your wound and telling you how much they want you to get better. So later down the road when you are better, they tell people that they were the only person there for you when no one else was. That she offered her place to me and fed me and look how I repaid her ! She was there for me when I was suicidal for crying out loud ! She would actually tell this to people.

But what she doesn't tell people, is that I was really never suicidal and didn't want to harm myself. She pretty much lied about that. She created an isolating environment while I was growing up, which fostered anxiety and depression. My family and friends would have offered me support, but my mother was devoted to caring for her fulltime and stopped raising me after I turned nine and my father was turned against me. My family was never really allowed to see me, as it was made very difficult. I was also not allowed to have friends in school. So yes, all of my resources were taken away, so when things got really bad to where I could barely function The Krazy Korean would talk to me on the phone or take me shopping or make me feel better. So when I felt better, she would tell everyone what she did. and everyone else would tell me how lucky and spoiled I am.

I left that environment when I was almost 26, and I didn't actually admit to having depression until I was 27 and seeing a psychiatrist for clearance for government position to carry a gun. In addition to all of the physical and health tests I had to go through, I also had to get mental health screening. That was a blessing for me because the psychiatrist was very compassionate and told me that my symptoms were normal for someone that lived in the environment he did. He counseled veterans from the Iraq war, and said my symptoms were very similar to those people, He warned that I would need treatment to live a happier and more successful life.

I accepted what he said, but I still didn't have the guts to seek out a therapist and psychiatrist to prescribe meds.

In fact, I didn't see a psychologist and psychiatrist for another 3 years.

And then when I took my first prescribed medication, I had horrible results, so I went off of that a year later after becoming a zombie, and went through two more years of life without medication and horrible symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Let's not forget that just when you think you have found the right therapist, things can happen to screw that up such as your health plan gets cancelled or,  you have a disagreement with your therapist.

My point is, that anyone who decides to open up about their mental illness battles has a long and upward battle to conquer, where sometimes things have to get way worse to get better, and when things do get better that the progress comes very slowly.

And it is all worth it, because the alternative is so much worse.

So next time you hear about someone you love who is in denial about their condition, please have compassion and understand that they truly may not see what you are seeing.

The next time someone you know is crying or just seems like a hot mess in general, please have compassion.

Also, on the flip side, I am more understanding of people that tell me to think happy thoughts or tell me how I should just get over this condition. As annoying as it can be, it is usually with good intentions, and I used to be one of those people until I had to deal with this myself. It's kinda funny how life works sometimes, doesn't it ?

I am a very sensitive person, and in my relationships I have always been told that I take things way too personally, and maybe I do. However, I am willing to own that because I also can understand pain and suffering and I am less likely to judge someone than I used to be growing up.

Anywhooters, that is all for now, Off to go try and clean my room and/or go shopping.

Besitos !

Bullshit

Hello Kittens !

Happy Titty Tuesday ! How are you ? Miss me ?

I am still dogsitting. Speaking of which, the dog stinks and I need to give him a bath. I really do. He is cute but I like giving baths as much as he likes receiving them. Mutual contempt, lol.

Anywho........

I usually don't like to talk about politics and things being reported in the media, because I really don't identify with any political party in particular. I take what I like from each party and leave what I don't like, and come up with my own party, where everyone is free to drink. Which means, I just keep my thoughts to myself and listen to the opinions of others.

Except today. Today I am just gonna come out and say that most of our news is total bullshit. I can't take it anymore. Not only is the media incredibly biased in both directions and full of advertisements, but I am so tired of what is being reported.

Today I saw three things in the media that I wish would just go away:

1) Donald Trump is running for president and this time he is serious. Isn't the government bought out enough ? I respect his success in business, but he has been portrayed as a total asshole on reality TV. Is this what the US has gotten to ? A reality TV star running our country ? Will he keep that merkin on his head at the inaugural ball ?

2) Caitlyn Jenner and the Kardashian clan. I am all for people becoming who they want to be if that will take away their pain. I was born a woman, and I love being a woman. I can't imagine what it must be like to feel trapped in my own body. For that reason, I support people that want to change who they are. It is their business and their life.

What is ridiculous is all the media and his upcoming TV show, and making his business our business. Actually calling Jenner a hero. No he is not. He is not a hero, and he is not a lifesaver. He is making a a lot of money and gaining a lot of accolades off of this, there are tons of rewards for him having breasts and wearing lipstick. I am also really sick of the Kardashian clan.

It is not hate if people don't want to see him as a woman or think it's ridiculous. People that think it's ridiculous are painted as villains. I personally don't mind his decision, but I don't like how the media kinda forces us to embrace his decisions.

3) Rachel Dolezal, who lied her way to President of her local NAACP chapter. I am tired of hearing about her too. She is kind of being painted as a hero too and labeled a "human rights activist", and it is total bullshit. She is actually making it on CNN. I can't believe this has turned into the media circus that it has become and people actually think she has done good when, she is a total fraudster. Not only did she lie about being black when she is white, but she sued Howard University (a black college for discriminating against her for being white) and reported hate crimes against her for being black (when in fact she fabricated those crimes).

And society is so blind to this sort of thing, because no one thinks that anyone would lie about difficult circumstances such as being a minority or having a difficult upbringing, or having a disease. I totally think there is a lot to be gained by faking a minority identity or suffering.

Growing up in a cult, the leader used her minority status as an Asian female to her advantage and lied her way to media opportunities. One of the lowest things she did was fake having cancer to manipulate us into slaving away and working for free for her for her benefit.

The public is so blind that this sort of thing happens, people see a sob story on TV and give money so freely without simple fact checking.

Okay, I am gonna go get ready for bed now. My bullshit bell has been ringing so loudly and I need a break.

Ciaosies.....