I am not feeling well

Hello Everyone,

I am gonna make this short and simple. I have been depressed lately, and it keeps getting worse. Now I am starting to feel sick to my stomach.

I feel like I want to just put life on hold for a while while I sleep everything else off. I just need a break. I feel like things don't get progressively better, they get progressively worse.

But luckily out of the blue for some reason, my friends have been calling me up and wanting to hang out with me so it takes the edge off. I have been out all weekend, so it has been a nice change, rather than me hiding in my room.

I also wish my mother would talk to me again. As she may still read this, I hope that she sees this and realizes that I do miss her.

I really hope things get better for me.

Busy

Hello there my lovelies,

I will make this entry short as I am not feeling too well.

I am going back to school for my Paralegal Certificate. I have an interest in learning the laws, especially in immigration. Since I couldn't become a Customs Officer maybe this would be a better option. However, I would be interested in studying Criminal law as well. I met with the head of the department and he was very helpful. I will have him as my professor this fall. I heard he is good, so I am excited. This is one of the few hopeful things I have going on for me right now.

I am having issues at work, and I think I may lose my job. My bosses say they are unhappy with my performance and that I don't take enough initiative on the job. Yet I think they are wrong. I have taken responsibility for a lot of issues that aren't really my responsibility, and they haven't heard about it. None of them have ever visited my office, nor have they sat down with me out of concern. I just hear all of a sudden that they want to replace me. I heard a couple of weeks ago that they were fine with my performance, but now they want to replace me. It makes me angry. I told my boss I wasn't properly trained and if he makes me train another person, then that person will have the same knowledge level as me and it would be pointless.

It's not fair because I see my coworkers slacking off. They come in late, leave their posts, lose the keys and not do the work they ask. Yet they are still around and my boss wants to work fast to replace me. The funny thing is that he hasn't visited my site the whole time I have been there so he doesn't really know my full duties. Especially since I do double the work he does. It bothers me. Especially since I know a lot of the clients are happy with me.

I really want to get back into dance. I have been feeling really stressed lately. I have been too busy with school and work. I work out at the gym, but it is not the same as when I am dancing.

Anyway, that is all for now. I shall be back up here later.

Ciao Ciao.

 

I miss dance

Hello All,

I have been going to the gym, but I haven't been dancing lately. I miss it, but I have been too lazy to get up and go to the gym or go to the studio on the weekends. I just lay in bed all day and watch Law and Order and by the time I even think about going, it's too late.

Although I work out, I miss the dance. I miss being expressive. It makes me feel alive, and I feel like I am lacking. Maybe next weekend.

7.07.07

Hello Everyone,

Today is 7-07-07. It is supposed to be one of the luckiest days. I hope you're having a lucky day :)

I just wanted to point out that exactly one year ago, I had my LASIK surgery. I have been free of glasses for a year now, and I sometimes forget that I used to wear glasses. It has been one of the best things that I have ever spent money on.

Just thought I would share.

 

It's Over

Hello Everyone,

My struggle for becoming a Customs and Protection Officer is officially over. I finally got all of my examinations/evaluations taken care of. I saw the psychologist and got evaluated in addition to seeing the cardiologist yesterday. They both were going to write a promising report.

I even passed my Video Based Test.

Unfortunately I got a letter in the mail yesterday from DHS stating that I don't meet their residency requirement. I have to have resided in the US for three years straight prior to applying for the position. And because I lived in Spain for a year, they are telling me that I am no longer qualified. (I came back from Spain 2 years ago)

That is the dumbest reason ever. This department is looking for people, especially women. I knew I had a had it hard in the beginning because I had to get medically cleared by four doctors. And I stepped up to the plate because I really wanted the job. I got the reports. And the ONLY reason that I am not qualified is because I was outside the US living abroad. Mind you, I am a US Citizen and have lived here in CA my entire life.

I filled out the SF 86 in May. They had over a month to tell me that I wasn't qualified and yet they waited until I paid about a thousand dollars and went through hell just to get my medical records and reports written. Yet they waited that long.

So let me repeat it again. I am female (they are especially looking to hire females), I haven't gotten arrested or used drugs, I am educated, I am bilingual, I am healthy and got cleared, I was willing to move all the way to San Diego for the job, and it was my dream job. And at the end they decided at the last minute that I wasn't qualified because I wasn't in the United States for three years straight before applying for the job. (Despite the fact that it is my right to travel)

They have dumb rules for weeding out applicants. No wonder they are always looking for new applicants. Now that this happened to me, I am willing to bet that a lot of people that applied and didn't get the job were actually qualified.

There is a reason they have problems filling the position. I did want this position and I really tried. However, I have never felt more judged than when I went through this process. They have put me through hell because I saw the doctors for minor occurances in the past and they made me pay for all the procedures and records. And on top of that I am disqualified because I traveled outside the US for a while. (They didn't state that on their website).

Well, at least I can put this to rest. I knew that it probably was not going to happen to me. But never did I expect it to be over for me for traveling outside the US.