Hello again,
Okay, I am gonna vent. I failed my border patrol exam. I am not afraid to say it, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it still sucks.
I got too nervous on the logical reasoning section and spent too much time on some questions. I was also thrown off because I wasn't allowed to write on the paper booklets like I've been accustomed to my whole test taking career. The questions were lengthy and I got too nervous because I couldn't think out all the details in my head.
The Spanish portion of the exam was easier and I had a lot of time left over. They shoulda let me use the extra time to go back and finish the logical portion of the test.
I flew all the way out here, took a day off and missed work and I failed. I even prepared as much as I could. You can't really study for the test. But I now know I need to learn to think quicker.
It's not all negative though. I am coming back. Yes, I feel like a total friggin' idiot, but a lot of people walked out with me because we failed. I am not the only one. I can take this as many times as I need to. I've heard of agents that failed three times.
If anything, this is making me stronger. Fuck no I am not giving up. I want a job in this field.
This year has not been good. I've lost some grandparents, almost lost someone in my immediate family (can't mention who it is because I was asked not to). Not to mention relationships. Don't get me wrong. I've had some good dates. But untimately it didn't work out or I got figuratively slapped in the face royally. One after the other.
Job prospects have also been bad. I've either failed the exams, or I don't have experience. Or I can't find enough info on the positions. Oh, or I bombed the interview so bad that I refuse to talk to my friends about it.
This year I've failed and made so many mistakes. I hope that things look better next year. I really do. I know I am not an idiot. I just wish I were a quicker thinker and more self confident. But I know that will come in time.
I feel like so much is going on and I can't really get a good grip on it. Just a lot going on. I feel like I am trying to better myself, but I need to relax more and be more patient.
But on a better note, I can honestly say that I discovered who my real friends are. I've had a lot of support from people I would have never expected. Mary, my dance partner is one of them. Henry flew all the way out here from NYC to visit me. I also reconnected with people I haven't seen in like 10 years.
I feel that this year I've improved a lot of relationships and connected with a lot more people. I also feel stronger as a person. All this rejection and failed relationship/job business is making me not give a shit about the small stuff anymore.
However, I hope that next year no one gets sick or dies on me, and that I'll find a career I am in love with.
2 comments:
I have commented previously in your journal regarding your efforts to seek employment with Immigration and Naturalization Service. I recommended that you contact the agency directly in your area to find out about positions within your area. Not all federal positions require that one take a test.
You mentioned that you took a Flight in order to take a Border Patrol Agent exam. I have never worked for INS. Years ago I supervised individuals who administered federal job exams, such as Air Traffic Controllers, US Marshals, just to name a few.[I was an employee of the Office of Personnel Mgmt ,OPM).
Although I have been out of the loop for a while, I do recall that many agencies had special hiring authorities for certain positions.
I can recall many times individuals would get wind of a test for a certain job, a few days before the test was to be administered. In a lot of cases the individuals would think that it was their last chance to take the exam, when that was not really the case because the position was opened continuosly, because of a dire need and a great difficulty in filling the position.
Good Luck with your search.
Hey.
Do you remember the websites that I mentioned to you a long time ago. You should look there for your jobs and if you know longer have them let me know and I'll help you. 2006 has not been that great, but I'm sure things will get better.
Eli
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