Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Food porn....

Bonjour my little macaroons......

I just bought my favorite ice cream...... Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. And zero fucks were given. I don't care about the other flavors they come out with, I always end up with the cookie dough, and I wish they would put in more cookie dough...

Speaking of which, I never bake cookies in my house on purpose. Not because I am lazy, because, well, I am.... but that's beside the point.

The real reason I don't whip up treats in my kitchen is because I have zero self control, and I almost barely ever end up baking cookies because I am too busy eating the dough. No joke, and then I wind up feeling, sick, bloated and hating myself. Almost 10 years ago I decided to sign up for a cake decorating class. It was fun, but I had to stop because I wound up eating most of my materials. I ate the raw cake batter and I couldn't help myself with the frosting I made either. We made our frosting out of Crisco and powdered sugar. I know that sounds nasty and seeing that Crisco should have been a deterrent, one would think. Apparently not. I loved decorating the cake with different colored frosting and then eating it. I felt like a child again in my mother's kitchen.

The last time I decided to treat myself to some chocolate chip cookie dough was about six months ago. I went to the store and bought the pre-made cookie dough because I wanted to make oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies. Instead of going through all that trouble, I just bought the raw pre-made chocolate chip cookie dough and ended up eating it while watching Netflix. It was very satisfying to be home alone, and have a Netflix and cookie-dough binge.

I haven't actually made cookie dough in almost a decade, because I don't even wait until the dough is made. I like to eat the ingredients as early as possible. As soon as I mixed the butter and sugar and eggs and vanilla together, I was licking the spoon and loved the buttery flavor and sugar granule texture, then I added the flour mix, and loved the floury texture, and that I could still taste each ingredient separately.

With all of that excitement, why would I ruin it by putting it in the oven ?

I re-read this, and it almost sounds like I am talking about porn....... Food porn. I used to be able to eat anything when I was in my twenties, and I really did. To this day, I am happy that I lived it up and used every opportunity I had to eat all the sugar and carbs I wanted and still have a nice figure. In my twenties, I worked at Red Lobster, and ate all the buttery biscuits, pasta and baked potatoes I could get my hands on. And I did.

And then when I was about 25, that opportunity was taken from me, and now there is just no way in hell I could ever keep up with my twenty-something self without being obese, and having major stomach issues. So sad, but so happy, I ate what I wanted when I could.

Anywhoresies, that is all for now. Time for me to go and sleep off this sugar rush.

Ciaosies !!


5 comments:

Big Mark 243 said...

...I had to find ways to limit myself from eating cookies, cookie dough, and all sorts of rad junk food... I want to eat healthier not to live longer but so that I won't need a forklift to put me in my final resting place..!

mac said...

Whatevs you're doing, it seems to work. Those stick figure women don't appeal to me at all :-)


Mark, I'm a piano mover. I'd help carry your remains if you got too big.

RealDreamer said...

Welcome to the club of those who can no longer eat what they want without consequence! I totally relate to every word you wrote except I'm not into cookie dough. Now give me a plate of brownies and I'll make it disappear better than Houdini. Sugar is evil.

Jimmy's Journal said...

Apparently, the word is out that I went to Publix today. Did I buy goodies? You bet your sweet ass. Besides already stocked with three Haagen Dazs, I bought two Bryers (bogo) with weirdest names possible.

I bought Ghiradelli chocolate, of course, two bags of Keebler chocolate chip cookies (bogo), two bags of Pepperidge Farms Nantucket cookies with dark chocolate and two boxes of Entenmann's donuts.

Oh, I also brought that other kind of food that normal people eat to sustain themselves. Although I know all the checkout girls there, they always ask if I have kids. Of course, I tell them the truth, "Yep, four."

Sure hope Amazon delivers my new jeans soon. What's one size bigger between friends?

Jimmy

Ileana said...

Oh yes, the roaring 20s...when we could eat merengue and cookie dough and rock bikinis. What happened to those days?? Oh and Jimmy had to mention Ghirardelli chocolate, my weakness. It's a good thing they took that shop off Lincoln Road, one less reason to go there now.