Hello There My Lovelies,
I normally don't like to talk about my dating experiences or my past relationships up here, but today I am going to.
About a year ago I broke up with my boyfriend at the time. He was my only boyfriend, since I didn't even start dating since I was in my mid-twenties. We were friends for about 8 months before we became a couple. Our relationship lasted a year.
Actually, breaking up was a mutual decision. I never regretted the decision, and to this day I think I did the right thing. He is not a bad person, and didn't cheat on me, or betray me, but he was definitely not the one. Basically he offered me to move across the US with him, and I ultimately said no. Long story, don't want to air out all the laundry up here. But part of the reason was that I was in debt at the time, I was starting my paralegal classes, and couldn't bear to have a man support me at a vulnerable time away from my home state. I wanted to know that I could fully take care of myself. Also, I was just not ready. I also couldn't see myself walking down the aisle with him.
What I didn't expect is the hurt I would feel when he immediately got involved with someone else after. And it hurt bad. The worst part about it, was that hit hit me unexpectedly, especially since this was my first relationship and breakup. I thought that because I didn't want the relationship anymore, that I would be happy for him, and be unfazed.
Not so. When we broke up, even though he traveled over 70% of the time throughout our relationship, I was still emotionally connected to him. I didn't realized that I was so emotionally invested in him, and detaching myself from him was difficult.
We promised to remain friends with each other, and I gave it a try. I don't really believe that one should be friends with their exes after breaking up. Full of ulterior motives. People told me to just cut him off, stop talking to him, but I couldn't do it. I really thought that I could just be friends with him.
Until now, a year later. I no longer wish to remain in contact. I finally realized that my friends were right, and I would've gotten over everything so much faster if I had just ripped the band-aid off faster and dealt with all the pain then and there instead of dragging it out.
The interesting thing is that even though he is about to pop the question, lives with his girlfriend and wants to start a family he still wants to be friends with me. I don't understand it. He says he just wants my friendship, but I don't fully feel that way. I felt that we've still had the same emotional connection we had when we were dating, even though we didn't physically get back together. I no longer want to continue that. I wonder if his girlfriend knows. He says she knows all about me and is comfortable with him still just being my friend, but I don't buy it. And I don't think we were and are "just friends". Everything changes once you've had a relationship with someone.
I told him a bunch of things. He is ten years older than me, so I said that now that he is becoming an old boring married dude that I don't want to hang around him anymore. I also called his girlfriend's dog ugly (not really true) . I also said that his new girlfriend wouldn't like me because I am younger and prettier, and she definitely wouldn't be okay with him hanging out with me when he travels while she is at home. Yeah, it's immature (but people told me it's true), I know it, but the whole point is so that I would offend him and he would get upset and leave me alone. And the thing that shocked me was that he didn't tell me to stop talking about his girlfriend. And he still thinks it's ridiculous that I want to cut off contact. He was upset with me for wanting to cut off contact. He also tried to tell me that most of this was my fault, and that I was the one that promised we would remain friends. And I totally apologized and owned up to that, and said that I was sorry, it was my fault, I shouldn't have tried to stay in contact, but now I don't want to anymore.
I don't think it's fair that he can just hang with me and reminisce about the past and then go back to his gf/fiance and build his life with her and act like nothing happened. I think it's disrespectful to me. I feel like he emotionally made me the "other woman" and I can't stand it.
I guess I am writing this because I thought I was over everything, and that I've completely moved on. And for the most part, I have. But I never realized how much it stings when a past significant other moves on so fast from you and gets involved with someone else. It shouldn't sting, because we would've never worked out, but it does.
This was definitely some valuable dating experience I will be using in the future.
What about you ? Do you all keep in contact with your exes ? Do you wonder how they are doing ?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Things That Annoy Me.......
I was reading a blog where someone described her 10 pet peeves. I agreed with most of hers, and feel that it is time to share mine with you all. Here are some things that just annoy the shit out of me.
1.) People that chew gum with their mouth open so you can smell their breath too.
2.) People that breathe heavily while chewing gum with their mouth open or eating.
3.) People that walk directly behind me when there is clearly enough space for them to back up or walk a few steps to the side.
4.) People that have bad grammar or can't spell. I'm not talking about a couple of mistakes here and there. I'm talking about people that don't capitalize, misspell words, have poor grammar and don't know how to use a period or comma. Usually, they write combining all of the above.
5.)People that look directly at me and ignore me as I say hello and smile at work. I sit at the reception desk at the front door. The CEO always takes the time to smile and say hi. So do all of the executives and their admins. It's always people on the lower part of the totem pole that think it's okay to blatantly ignore the front desk person.
6.) People that drive so slowly, then speed up as they cross the yellow light, leaving me stuck at a loooong red light.
7.) People that don't use their blinkers.
8.) People that ride up on my bumper on the highway, even if I am over the speed limit. If you don't like my speed, move over. But don't ride my ass. I will just slow down and piss you off even more.
9.) People that slow down just to look at an accident on the highway. It slows down traffic, and I think it's rude.
10.) Missbehaved children, especially missbehaved teens in public with parents that won't do a damn thing about it.
11.) Men bashing. In society, male bashing has become more of an accepted practice. All men are lumped into one category of creatures that are unfaithful, deadbeats, and don't know how to satisfy women. The men that are this way don't care, and it only scares away the men that do care.
12.) I am sick of men complaining how women are gold diggers for having salary requirements. It's okay to look for a man that makes as much as you do or a little more. I wouldn't want to financially support a man. I also wouldn't want a man to resent me for making more than he does.
13.) People that are ashamed to be white. I volunteered at a place where many of our clients were Hispanic. One of the volunteers came in all scruffy looking (he went to Stanford) and spoke broken Spanish to everyone, INCLUDING people like me when clearly it isn't our first language. And the clients weren't around. I also had to listen to him talk about how he likes Hugo Chavez (Venezuelan president who hates the USA).
14.) How diet crazed we are in this country, yet most of us are still fat. We will do anything in this society to avoid eating a healthy diet. Diet sodas, diet pills, splenda, not eating bread, avoiding carbs. There are no shortcuts. It basically comes down to exercising and eating a lot of fruits and vegetables.
15.) Comparing leaders that we don't like to Hitler. Seriously, some of our politicians screwed up, but comparing them to a man who ordered millions of people to be killed for being Jewish or Gypsy is just asinine.
Oh, and I forgot to mention one more thing that really gets under my skin......... political correctness.
One thing I can't stand to witness is racism. But I think that we as a society have gone way too far and blow things out of proportion. We've become so afraid to offend someone and as a result have separated ourselves into different categories, instead of uniting ourselves together as Americans.
I am a white person. Go ahead, say it. I won't be offended. It's really not necessary to refer to me as Caucasian. I am white and can deal with it. In fact, I like who I am and am not ashamed of having white skin. I know where my family came from and I'm in touch with my heritage.
If you are African American and I refer to you as black, please don't get mad, because most refer to themselves as black anyway. I think it's interesting that white people from Africa that become American citizens can't be called African-Americans because they aren't black. Charlize Theron falls into this category, but she would be laughed at if she were to try and claim the title.
If you are a janitor, freaking own it. You are not a sanitation engineer. If you work at Subway, you are NOT a freaking sandwich artist. If you want a better title, do something else or finish your college degree.
At my job, they gave me a hyped-up title too. Honestly, I don't dare use it because it sounds ridiculous. Instead of inflating my title, they should think about inflating my pay.
Okay, I think I've said enough for today. Feel free to add in your own in case I missed something.
1.) People that chew gum with their mouth open so you can smell their breath too.
2.) People that breathe heavily while chewing gum with their mouth open or eating.
3.) People that walk directly behind me when there is clearly enough space for them to back up or walk a few steps to the side.
4.) People that have bad grammar or can't spell. I'm not talking about a couple of mistakes here and there. I'm talking about people that don't capitalize, misspell words, have poor grammar and don't know how to use a period or comma. Usually, they write combining all of the above.
5.)People that look directly at me and ignore me as I say hello and smile at work. I sit at the reception desk at the front door. The CEO always takes the time to smile and say hi. So do all of the executives and their admins. It's always people on the lower part of the totem pole that think it's okay to blatantly ignore the front desk person.
6.) People that drive so slowly, then speed up as they cross the yellow light, leaving me stuck at a loooong red light.
7.) People that don't use their blinkers.
8.) People that ride up on my bumper on the highway, even if I am over the speed limit. If you don't like my speed, move over. But don't ride my ass. I will just slow down and piss you off even more.
9.) People that slow down just to look at an accident on the highway. It slows down traffic, and I think it's rude.
10.) Missbehaved children, especially missbehaved teens in public with parents that won't do a damn thing about it.
11.) Men bashing. In society, male bashing has become more of an accepted practice. All men are lumped into one category of creatures that are unfaithful, deadbeats, and don't know how to satisfy women. The men that are this way don't care, and it only scares away the men that do care.
12.) I am sick of men complaining how women are gold diggers for having salary requirements. It's okay to look for a man that makes as much as you do or a little more. I wouldn't want to financially support a man. I also wouldn't want a man to resent me for making more than he does.
13.) People that are ashamed to be white. I volunteered at a place where many of our clients were Hispanic. One of the volunteers came in all scruffy looking (he went to Stanford) and spoke broken Spanish to everyone, INCLUDING people like me when clearly it isn't our first language. And the clients weren't around. I also had to listen to him talk about how he likes Hugo Chavez (Venezuelan president who hates the USA).
14.) How diet crazed we are in this country, yet most of us are still fat. We will do anything in this society to avoid eating a healthy diet. Diet sodas, diet pills, splenda, not eating bread, avoiding carbs. There are no shortcuts. It basically comes down to exercising and eating a lot of fruits and vegetables.
15.) Comparing leaders that we don't like to Hitler. Seriously, some of our politicians screwed up, but comparing them to a man who ordered millions of people to be killed for being Jewish or Gypsy is just asinine.
Oh, and I forgot to mention one more thing that really gets under my skin......... political correctness.
One thing I can't stand to witness is racism. But I think that we as a society have gone way too far and blow things out of proportion. We've become so afraid to offend someone and as a result have separated ourselves into different categories, instead of uniting ourselves together as Americans.
I am a white person. Go ahead, say it. I won't be offended. It's really not necessary to refer to me as Caucasian. I am white and can deal with it. In fact, I like who I am and am not ashamed of having white skin. I know where my family came from and I'm in touch with my heritage.
If you are African American and I refer to you as black, please don't get mad, because most refer to themselves as black anyway. I think it's interesting that white people from Africa that become American citizens can't be called African-Americans because they aren't black. Charlize Theron falls into this category, but she would be laughed at if she were to try and claim the title.
If you are a janitor, freaking own it. You are not a sanitation engineer. If you work at Subway, you are NOT a freaking sandwich artist. If you want a better title, do something else or finish your college degree.
At my job, they gave me a hyped-up title too. Honestly, I don't dare use it because it sounds ridiculous. Instead of inflating my title, they should think about inflating my pay.
Okay, I think I've said enough for today. Feel free to add in your own in case I missed something.
The Job Search
Hello There My Lovelies,
So I am so happy that my classes are out. I finally got my grade for my last class. I got a B in Advanced Civil Lit. I'm sad that I got no As this quarter. But I was really burned out this past quarter, so I will accept the grades and move on. Now I just need to keep an eye out for my certificate in the mail. I also need to start ordering my cap and gown. It took me two years while working full time to get my paralegal certificate.
I also had a job interview in San Francisco yesterday morning. I woke up early to take BART and realized that I arrived in SF way too early. I got there at 7:30 and my interview was at 10am, so I just killed time walking around. I also went to Starbucks and pleaded them to help me, since I hadn't slept the night before. They gave me a latte with four shots and wished me luck on my interview. After about a half hour of drinking that, I felt the caffeine rushing through my veins.
I interviewed with a legal staffing agency. The lady there was super nice, and it all went well. She said that she loved my resume and my qualifications, but that the economy sucks hairy, dangling moose balls. Well, she didn't really put it like that, but she did say that jobs are very scarce. She used to have to scramble to find people to fill the positions firms offered. Now its the other way around. Now it's gotten so bad that experienced paralegals who are used to making $70,000 are having to settle for way less.
So all I can really do is just apply for every job that I am qualified for, sit back and hope that my phone rings. One thing that bugs me is after I fill out so many applications, and my phone just does not ring. Then I call up people in legal placement agencies to ask if they got my application and they either don't answer the phone or don't even have the courtesy of returning my calls or emails. Kinda like the dating world, almost.
I remember last year when I applied to a position off Craigslist. I got a call back to schedule an interview. I called back, and the attorney never bothered to pick up the phone. I left a few messages after and the receptionist kept giving me some excuse as to why the attorney wasn't in the office. That was frustrating. When I called they couldn't even tell me that the position was filled or they were no longer interested. They just let me call and leave message after message.
Anywho, time to go and fill out more applications. One thing I can tell you for sure, is that it sure feels wonderful to be out of school and have more free time to myself.
So I am so happy that my classes are out. I finally got my grade for my last class. I got a B in Advanced Civil Lit. I'm sad that I got no As this quarter. But I was really burned out this past quarter, so I will accept the grades and move on. Now I just need to keep an eye out for my certificate in the mail. I also need to start ordering my cap and gown. It took me two years while working full time to get my paralegal certificate.
I also had a job interview in San Francisco yesterday morning. I woke up early to take BART and realized that I arrived in SF way too early. I got there at 7:30 and my interview was at 10am, so I just killed time walking around. I also went to Starbucks and pleaded them to help me, since I hadn't slept the night before. They gave me a latte with four shots and wished me luck on my interview. After about a half hour of drinking that, I felt the caffeine rushing through my veins.
I interviewed with a legal staffing agency. The lady there was super nice, and it all went well. She said that she loved my resume and my qualifications, but that the economy sucks hairy, dangling moose balls. Well, she didn't really put it like that, but she did say that jobs are very scarce. She used to have to scramble to find people to fill the positions firms offered. Now its the other way around. Now it's gotten so bad that experienced paralegals who are used to making $70,000 are having to settle for way less.
So all I can really do is just apply for every job that I am qualified for, sit back and hope that my phone rings. One thing that bugs me is after I fill out so many applications, and my phone just does not ring. Then I call up people in legal placement agencies to ask if they got my application and they either don't answer the phone or don't even have the courtesy of returning my calls or emails. Kinda like the dating world, almost.
I remember last year when I applied to a position off Craigslist. I got a call back to schedule an interview. I called back, and the attorney never bothered to pick up the phone. I left a few messages after and the receptionist kept giving me some excuse as to why the attorney wasn't in the office. That was frustrating. When I called they couldn't even tell me that the position was filled or they were no longer interested. They just let me call and leave message after message.
Anywho, time to go and fill out more applications. One thing I can tell you for sure, is that it sure feels wonderful to be out of school and have more free time to myself.
Friday, April 3, 2009
So sad.
Hello There My Lovelies,
I got no sleep last night. I have never successfully stayed up for 24 hours in a row before.
Last night as I was on my way home I witnessed a horrible car accident in front of me in the intersection while I was waiting at the red light, to take a left turn. The intersection was huge, and all I remember seeing was a small compact car get slammed by a Lexus SUV. I heard a crash, saw the glass fly and heard screams shortly after. I got out of my car, left my car in the intersection with the emergency lights flashing and called 911. Luckily while a couple of us bystanders were in the intersection, the other cars saw the mess and were understanding and gave us space.
I went over to the small car, and there was a man already standing there with the passenger who was leaning up against the wheel, who was definitely injured. The man was keeping her company and called 911. So I went over to the woman in the SUV who was was visibly shaken and couldn't stop crying. My goal wasn't really to calm her down, rather call 911 and make sure she was alive, breathing and not seriously injured. Luckily her husband came shortly after.
After the firemen arrived, I immediately left. I didn't need to be involved anymore, especially since I didn't pay attention to who ran which traffic light. I saw both cars when they crashed into each other.
I kept replaying the events in my head after I went home. It all happened so fast. You always think that other people will come to the rescue. But this time, I was sitting right in front of it, and sat there for a couple of seconds after not believing my eyes. I looked to my left and the man wasn't on the phone. There was a man running to the car, but the other woman was left unattended. So I ran up to her.
Looking back, I wish I could've talked to her more to calm her down or make her feel better. But I guess I don't feel too bad because the ambulance came real quick and she got the medical attention she needed. I am just glad that I actually stood up and did something about it. Until yesterday, I didn't know what I would've done in a situation like this. I would've had such a guilty conscience if I had simply driven away.
I think that the dispacher was real nice. I was a little flustered and she told me it was okay and kept assuring me that help was on the way.
As I drove back home, everything around me was quiet. Just 10 minutes earlier, it was chaotic. And on my way home at the gas station, it was real peaceful and quiet. It was awkward.
I also feel really lucky that I wasn't the one involved in the crash. It was mayhem. Luckily there was no blood, but the airbags deployed, the windshields were cracked and glass and bumpers were scattered all over the street.
Okay, time to talk about something else.
I got no sleep last night. I have never successfully stayed up for 24 hours in a row before.
Last night as I was on my way home I witnessed a horrible car accident in front of me in the intersection while I was waiting at the red light, to take a left turn. The intersection was huge, and all I remember seeing was a small compact car get slammed by a Lexus SUV. I heard a crash, saw the glass fly and heard screams shortly after. I got out of my car, left my car in the intersection with the emergency lights flashing and called 911. Luckily while a couple of us bystanders were in the intersection, the other cars saw the mess and were understanding and gave us space.
I went over to the small car, and there was a man already standing there with the passenger who was leaning up against the wheel, who was definitely injured. The man was keeping her company and called 911. So I went over to the woman in the SUV who was was visibly shaken and couldn't stop crying. My goal wasn't really to calm her down, rather call 911 and make sure she was alive, breathing and not seriously injured. Luckily her husband came shortly after.
After the firemen arrived, I immediately left. I didn't need to be involved anymore, especially since I didn't pay attention to who ran which traffic light. I saw both cars when they crashed into each other.
I kept replaying the events in my head after I went home. It all happened so fast. You always think that other people will come to the rescue. But this time, I was sitting right in front of it, and sat there for a couple of seconds after not believing my eyes. I looked to my left and the man wasn't on the phone. There was a man running to the car, but the other woman was left unattended. So I ran up to her.
Looking back, I wish I could've talked to her more to calm her down or make her feel better. But I guess I don't feel too bad because the ambulance came real quick and she got the medical attention she needed. I am just glad that I actually stood up and did something about it. Until yesterday, I didn't know what I would've done in a situation like this. I would've had such a guilty conscience if I had simply driven away.
I think that the dispacher was real nice. I was a little flustered and she told me it was okay and kept assuring me that help was on the way.
As I drove back home, everything around me was quiet. Just 10 minutes earlier, it was chaotic. And on my way home at the gas station, it was real peaceful and quiet. It was awkward.
I also feel really lucky that I wasn't the one involved in the crash. It was mayhem. Luckily there was no blood, but the airbags deployed, the windshields were cracked and glass and bumpers were scattered all over the street.
Okay, time to talk about something else.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
What's Gonna Happen ?
Hello There My Lovelies,
So I am still waiting on my last grade for Advanced Civil Lit. I am also hoping that my paralegal certificate comes in the mail soon. Having this information would make me feel better when applying for legal jobs.
I also recently found out that I may not have a job in a couple of months or so. Some of our positions are going to be cut, and of course my boss can't say anything. I guess all I can do is:
1.) Cross my fingers and hope that I will keep my job
2.) Keep saving my money
3.) Keep on looking for another job
I've been doing all three. At least I have a heads up.
And of course I will keep you all posted.
So I am still waiting on my last grade for Advanced Civil Lit. I am also hoping that my paralegal certificate comes in the mail soon. Having this information would make me feel better when applying for legal jobs.
I also recently found out that I may not have a job in a couple of months or so. Some of our positions are going to be cut, and of course my boss can't say anything. I guess all I can do is:
1.) Cross my fingers and hope that I will keep my job
2.) Keep saving my money
3.) Keep on looking for another job
I've been doing all three. At least I have a heads up.
And of course I will keep you all posted.
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