Chillin' Like a Villain

Hello There My Lovelies,

I can't tell you how happy I am that school is out for me. The school quarter starts up again next week, and thank GOD I don't have to fight traffic deal with the bookstore or do any homework anymore.

I just hope that I don't get a letter in the mail stating that I need more units to graduate. I don't think that should happen, but you never know. I can't wait to get the certificate in the mail.

I am still waiting on my last grade for Advanced Civil Lit. I should know by Thurs. I am going to sell my textbook, and I think I should get a good amount back for it.

I started contacting legal placement agencies to look for a job. Two of the ladies from different companies that I've been keeping in contact with left their companies and now I have to develop new relationships with people that probably care less. Another company is in the middle of moving and won't even have time to consider my resume. Not to mention that the economy sucks. It's gonna be a long and bumpy ride. But whatever, as long as I have a job I am not desperate.

I remember talking to people at the legal placement agencies a couple of years ago when I first started my paralegal studies. I had such bad luck. A couple of people were kind and interviewed me, but ultimately I was told to contact them when I got my certificate.

Now I have my certificate and a little bit of experience. I hope that I will get a legal job by the end of this year. It would all be so much easier if people just straight up told you that they aren't interested. What gets me is when no one calls me at all. It makes me wonder if people even see my resume.

On another note, I got a manicure today. My hands feel so much better for it, and there is no rough skin around my nails right now. My hands are smooth and soft, and nails are filed and painted. I would like to have long acrylic nails for a little while. However, it's expensive, and on top of that, it's so bad for my nails underneath. So I will just stick to keeping it au natural.

Anywho, nothing more to really report.

Sunday is not Monday

Hello All,

So today is Sunday, and everything seems to be calm in my neck of the woods. No rush hour traffic. People in my neighborhood are chilling. Kids playing in one yard, a garage sale in another.

I slept in as usual and watched Tough Love. I was also looking forward to watching my favorite manwhore Brett Michaels, but instead there was some other lame reality show that I wasn't interested in. I am sure I will catch Brett Michaels subjecting his whores, I mean women, to more demeaning tasks soon. It's a train wreck that I can't seem to look away from. On the previews it shows him taking all three out to dinner, and during dinner the women aren't talking. They're upset about something and aren't talking. Instead of really trying to make them feel better, he threatens to send them all home if they don't change their attitude. Haha, he really has no concept of making a relationship work. I hope his ass gets dumped after the show. His first contestant did it, and I hope it happens again.

On Tough Love, I am happy that some of the women are starting to find love matches. It's nice to see them work through their issues and find love. A couple of the women, I straight up feel sorry for. Arian is one of them. She acts like a total whore, and it's sad to watch her, because all I really see is pain and a broken heart. I can't wait for next week.

Other than watching TV, I got a chance to practice some of my dance moves. It was fun. I danced with the sword for about an hour. It was a nice workout.

Anywho, I don't really have much else to write about for now. Time to work on my typing skills and looking for a legal job.

So Lazy

Hello There My Lovelies,

Ever since school got out, I have been feeling very lazy. I have been sleeping in until noon, and just watching TV. I haven't slept this much in a while, since I have had a very busy schedule while I was in school, especially after I learned I had to move. Now I feel like I can take it easy for a little while.

Now that spring is here, the ducks are back on school campus. It's been nice to see them wading around the water fountain. Sometimes they look at me because they think I may have food. I love watching ducks. Here at work, I've been seeing them wading in the swimming pool around the apartment complex.

I also love bird watching. Sometimes I get to see hummingbirds. They are beautiful. Some of them have beautiful shiny red patches on the breast. They look so fragile and beautiful. Once in a while, while walking I see a dead hummingbird. It's real sad when you see a beautiful bird lying on the concrete, lifeless.

This morning I cleaned my room, and am planning on giving away a lot of stuff to Good Will. I feel like I have a lot of clutter that I just don't want around anymore. I am giving away a lot of the nice clothes that I've kept, but haven't worn much. Things that I've held onto for sentimental reasons, but never wear. Things that were given to my by people that I no longer keep in contact with.

I also spent a majority of the morning watching Law and Order SVU on television all morning. I love that show.

Tomorrow I will be watching Rock of Love with my favorite manwhore Brett Michaels, followed by Tough Love. I always look forward to that. So very entertaining.

Today I've Decided................

That I am not going to date for the rest of the year.

I know, some of you may laugh, and some may think "yeah, right", I've decided that I am just going to make the rest of this year about me. I've got plenty to do to keep myself occupied anyway, I need to get my career going for starters, and after that happens, I would love to get my own place and make it my own. I've been renting rooms since I left the nest.

I've done a lot of soul searching since I turned 28 and I've realized a lot of things about myself. For starters, I've finally realized most of the mistakes I've been making when it comes to the male population.

Here are some reasons I am going to hold off on dating for a while....

1.) Right now, I am not ready to be in a serious relationship. That doesn't mean that I want to be with a man casually. It's just that I've got a lot on, and that I am just starting to create the life that I want, and I want to change the person I am and my outlook on life.

2.) I date men, expecting them to hurt me or get one thing out of me. I subconsciously think that men that I date aren't honest with me or just want a piece of me. I don't think you would see this from me on a date. If you were on a date with me, I would be smiling, telling jokes, polite as can be. I wouldn't talk about my past or try to bring up yours. But how I act and how I feel are different.

But I feel the way that I do because I have been deceived before and it came from my childhood first. I used to be so naive, and men have walked all over me. I feel that if I am not catching bullshit and stopping it, then I must be getting lied to. It's almost like I get satisfaction out of catching a man in a lie or calling him on his bs. This is such a dangerous way to think. No wonder I've been attracting the wrong types of men. I've been expecting it. What I expect, I get. It's dysfunctional.

I know that I have to change this line of thinking. Dr. Phil, Oprah, Tyra, and Steve Ward from Tough Love would love to lecture me about this until I am blue in the face. But it is such a hard thing to break free from. It is something I constantly struggle with. It is much easier said than done.

3.) I haven't set high standards for myself. I think that many women don't set higher standards for themselves. And I am not talking about the impossible list of "He must be 6ft tall and gorgeous, straight teeth, handsome, rich, single, love me even though I am 300 lbs, and love children and animals." I am not talking about "standards" like that.

I am talking about knowing exactly what I want from a man. And until recently, I haven't had a plan. I finally figured out that what I want from a man is a relationship where he is comitted. I think it is really important as a female to know exactly what you are looking for, what you want, and what you won't tolerate. Then when you go out and date, find a man that matches those qualities, and don't settle until you get it.

Here is my list of my most important things in a man that I will start looking for:

1.) He does what he says he is going to do and keeps his word.
2.) He has short term and long term goals in life.
3.) He takes his time in getting to know me and doesn't always shower me with compliments, he saves those for later down the road.
4.) He is financially responsible (I've worked very hard to do the same)
5.) He is health conscious
6.) He is a provider. He doesn't have to be rich, and he doesn't have to shower me with presents. On the other hand, he is generous with what he has. He won't let me go cold and offers me his coat. If I am hungry he will make sure I am fed.
7.) He has the same level of education I do or higher, he is intellectual and believes in the importance of education.
8.) Most importantly, he lets everyone know we're together. He introduces me to his family and friends. He's not afraid to introduce me as his other half to the world.

When I've dated, it's been "whatever happens, happens, and I don't want to bring it up and pressure him". I've been dating without a plan. I am sure that if I went out in the dating world knowing that I want a relationship and I make it clear that I am relationship material, then I would draw in a man like that, because there are men out there that want a relationship. But part of the reason that hasn't happened is because I am scared and not ready to be in a relationship that could possibly end up in marriage.

Plus, as a woman, I feel that we've given too much of ourselves without asking for anything in return and then wonder why he doesn't stick around. We've been reconditioned to chase after men and ask them out, give up sex faster, have his children without a marriage license and the benefits of marriage, pay for his meals instead of letting him pick up the tab for the date. We as women do this because if we don't do it, he'll get it from some other woman. And he usually does because there is always another woman that will give it to him. And I am not mad at men at all for doing this, because they can, and women have allowed this. But I truly believe that quality men respect women that lay down the boundaries early on. If you want a relationship, make it known early on. He may bolt, but that frees up your time to look for a man that is into you and is willing to put in the effort to get to know you. And you will find a man like that.

I read somewhere that as women, we are programmed to pay attention to any man that looks at us twice. If we're getting attention from him, better take and it be greatful for it. We're also taught to give every man a chance because "he may be THE ONE". Men don't give every woman a chance, their choices tend to be visually based, at least at first. Women should be more discriminating in the dating scene, and when I say discriminating, I don't mean racist.

Anyway, I have just spilled my guts today. I have a lot more I could write but I will save that for later.

The Beginning.............

Aloha to you all my lovelies,

So yesterday I took my last final in Advanced Civil Lit. After that final, I learned that my grade for Bankruptcy Law was recently posted so I raced over to the computer in the library to have a looksie.

It turns out that I got a B-. Now it's no A, but it's not a failing grade. I busted my hide for that class, so I think it is a decent grade. The girl next to me in that class that is super smart and law school minded got a B, so I can't really complain I was sad because until this quarter I got all As. And to see my 4.0 GPA get tainted was a little disheartening.

I also didn't do so hot in my Civil Lit final and I don't think I will be getting an A either. This quarter was definitely a struggle.

But you know what ? I am done with the program and should be receiving my paralegal certificate soon. Besides, no law firm really cares about your GPA for your paralegal certificate. The only GPA they really care about is your undergrad degree.

So I will start hitting up firms for work. In this economy it could take a while. I learned that many firms folded, but that it isn't a sector that is really suffering like the financial sector is. So we shall see what happens.

But I don't regret taking Bankruptcy Law. I know I could've taken the easier route. But I was interested in that subject and I learned a lot. I learned that even though I didn't like the teaching method used, that I enjoyed going to bankruptcy court, and I think that I would enjoy working in the field. Also before I joined the class, I had the same views about bankruptcy as the rest of the public. But I learned that those views are usually misguided.

So now I will be continuing to work at my paid job while I intern for free for more experience. I will also be interviewing with firms. I expect it to take anywhere from 3 months to a year in this economy.

Let the beginning of my career begin...........