Thursday, October 12, 2006

And the culprit is..........

Hello All,

I dunno if it's bold or stupid to come out here and say this, but what the hell. I don't care that much what people think about me anymore. I found out my chest pains weren't due to heart problems. I think that I may have an anxiety disorder. I'm sure it's minor.

I may be depressed or have anxiety issues. It's getting worse and I can say that because it's getting harder for me to want to go out. I just want to lock myself in my room. I don't want to even talk to people anymore. I feel like I am forcing my friendliness at work. My friend wants to hang out with me and I really just wanna be alone. I don't even want to go out on dates right now either and if men can't tempt me, then something's up.

This isn't the first time I've had issues like this. Five years ago in college I had a nervous breakdown. I slowed down, took fewer classes and made changes to feel better and vowed to never let that happen again.

This year a lot of things have happened that betrayed my trust. Both family and men have violated my trust. Plus 2006 is my first year alone in the real world with no one to rescue me. If I can't work and don't get paid, I am out on the street. I barely pay the bills each month. Sometimes I just don't know what I am doing or if I am making smart decisions. I love being young, but I guess confusion comes with youth. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Anyway, that's all for now.

 

2 comments:

happinessdreams said...

I completely understand how you feel because I experience the same thing.
I have anxiety, depression and isolation. I've never felt sooooo lonely and scared. I'm definetely trying to work on this because things will get better.
eli

winivere2002 said...

Hey Sandra... Gloria Estefan once said that if you are feeling so bad about your life that you want to cry, you are not depressed. You are just tired. Perhaps you just need rest.

Dont label yourself as this disorder or that disorder, because once you convince yourself that you have a disorder, that label will limit you and keep you from doing the impossible. If I had believed the doctors who told me that I would never walk again, I wouldnt be walking today.

XOXO, Win =.)