I do not know where I am headed

Hello All,

My dream of working for US Customs is put on hold for now. I have simply done everything I could. I really don't want to get into all the details for now, but I will later. Basically I have a hard time meeting the deadlines and the phychological evaluation I am required to undergo will cost me at LEAST $1500. I want to pay it, but there are many steps to getting the job and getting medically cleared doesn't mean that I will get the job. It is simply too depressing. I really put my heart and soul into this. I feel like I am getting punished for seeing the school psychologist six years ago. I needed help,and I feel like I am getting judged. Yes, I know exactly why they need an evaluation from me and I do not blame them. But that doesn't change how I feel. I have done everything I could. I have called around trying to find a psychologist that can work with me on a sliding scale. I found only one but she told me that she would not be able to make my deadline. I will probably never know the reason that my every attempt at this is blowing up in my face with flying colors everytime I try, but I hope I find out.

Most of the psychologists I called were not that nice. Some were, but most were not. That is why I don't trust them with my personal information. They don't accept credit cards, they don't even sound friendly, and they did not even sympathize with my situation. When I went to my first(and only) therapist the guy was so impersonal and diagnosed me my a book. He looked like he hated being there and that talking to me was a drag. All I wanted was someone that took a personal interest in me in my life while I was there for the length of the session.

My boss at my second (part time) job also terminated me at Enterprise without even telling me when my last day was. I found out the hard way. I didn't get my check through direct deposit (they mailed it to me) and I freaked out. I don't get my mail at my house and so I called my boss to ask. It was then that my district manager told me that they didn't need me anymore and that my check was in the mail. They didn't even have the decency to sit me down and tell me that they didn't need me anymore. They told me that I should have been told, but I know that they meant to terminate me immediately. I know that my area manager was lying to me through my teeth.

I have a 401K with that company and I would have made my 2 year anniversary in July. Had I made it that far, I would have been entitled to some of the money that they matched when I put away money for my 401K each month. But nope, they terminated me and now I am not eligible to have it. It wasn't even that much.

Anyway, that is all for now. I hope that my next post will be happier.