Hello All,

I am glad that my previous two postings were happy or inspirational because right now I am not feeling happy at all.

Recently I feel like I have been turned inside-out. While I am very blessed in life, and am lucky to have my health and family member, I guess I am just very uncomfortable in life right now.

For starters I need to move out, but I am trapped. Rents are increasing everywhere. So naturally my roommate wants to increase my rent by $75/month to cover the cost for utilities.

He also wants to move in his girlfriend and her two year old son. If they move in, my rent won't increase. That child has ADD and is a real cryer. I would rather spend the extra $75/month on rent instead of having two more people move in.

Did I mention that we also have two Mexicans that live in the backyard in a parked van ?

In our house we just have one bathroom, and imagine the traffic we would have if this woman and her son move in.

My roommate said that if I say no, he won't let her move in, but I see that he really wants to move her in. I see such a problem with it.

They've only been going out for two months. He says she'll stay with him until she finds a better place. They want to move in together. She would be living with us for a long time. Plus, what if they fight ? I don't want the drama. I don't want to wake up to the sounds of that child, and I don't want to wake up to the bathroom, as my room is next to it.

Oh.......and get this. I had late night company on Friday night. I almost never have guests over at my house. But I did on Friday. The last time that happened was last November. He makes a big stink out of it, because I brought someone home so late on a Friday. Also because his girlfriend both of the children were over and he didn't even warn me. I was so mortified the next day. On Halloween, he brought over some girl and had wild monkey sex and I had to listen to it. Did I make a stink ? Negativo. I let him take care of business. And the one time I have a guest over, boom, we have to discuss it extensively and he decides to question who I bring over.

I can not believe that he so willing to move her in so he can "save money" but won't decrease my rent at all. I can't believe that he thinks that all this is a good idea.

I am also so frustrated with my job. It pays well for what little I do. But I need a better job. I need more money. I have very little luck in people returning my calls. I have excellent grades and references, and some good experience. Yet it is so difficult to get a decent entry level position in the legal field.

Plus my job switched me to a lower-grade health insurance plan.

I feel like my priveleges in life are slowly being revoked, and I am starting to get hit with more problems. I am afraid of what else is to come. I know that when it rains, it can pour.

I feel like my life is all wrong and upside down. I feel stuck, I question everything, and I feel like nothing I do matters anymore. I just feel like nothing is right anymore.

Last year was a bad year, but this time around, I am hit with a different type of pain. Last time I felt trapped, and depressed. This year I feel like I have more control over my situation and that I am doing what I can to better myself. Yet everything I do is met with delay, rejection, plans falling through, or opportunities that just happened to pass me by.

Last year, I gained weight and felt lifeless. This time around, the pain is in my heart, and I feel like I am going through a heartbreak, when this isn't about men. I just feel like I have almost failed myself in life.

I have some idea of why this is all happening to me. I am a little spiritual, and I am thinking about starting another journal to talk about all this in detail. But for now, I will talk about it here.