Saturday, October 2, 2010

I Thought I Saw Her

Hello Loves,

This entry will be brief.

As you know, my Oma (grandma on my mother's side) passed away on August 31, 2006. I remembered every year until this year. That day this year, I completely forgot. I couldn't believe it. What was interesting, was that I was thinking about her, and remembering the funeral, but when August 31st came and went this year, I didn't remember that it was the day she passed away. I don't know if I should feel guilty or not. Those who know me know that I loved her very much. My mother did not raise me to speak German, but my Oma stepped in and made sure I knew my Austrian heritage, and through her and my aunt, I learned German and learned about Austrian culture. For that I am very greatful.

On the way back to San Francisco, as I was checking in my baggage at the airport in Amsterdam, I thought that I saw her. There was a woman sort of to the side where I couldn't see her face that looked exactly as how I remembered my grandma. Same figure (she had a distinct figure), same hair, same overcoat, same pants, it was really something because I remember my grandma wearing the same coat she was wearing. Also, did I mention that the last memory I have of my Oma is saying goodbye to me at the airport when she dropped me off before I flew back to the US a year before she died ?

It just caught me off gaurd and I froze for a second. Of course when I looked at the woman's face, she looked nothing like my Oma, but it was like I saw my Oma all over again and I almost wanted to go up and tap the lady's shoulder. It was wierd.

This isn't the first time it has happened to me. I have seen her in my dreams before, and usually when this happens to me, it's a happy event, and I am not sad nor do I feel like I really miss her. I just know that she isn't here and that she's happier wherever she is. And that is fine by me. I already said goodbye to her and she had a beautiful funeral with Mozart music and a lot of flowers surrounded by the Austrian mountains and fresh air. Best of all, she is resting in peace next to my grandfather, the love of her life.

10 comments:

Scarlet Ily said...

It's freaky when that happens. There are times where I'll notice an old man, same hair, head shape, etc. as my grandfather driving in front of me in traffic, and I'll get the that same feeling you described (and my heart will skip a beat). When this happens I always think God's messing with me (in a good way) and smile to myself.

Big Mark 243 said...

I have things like that... there is clinical term for those specific kinds of moments, but it isn't coming to mind.

I don't think Oma would mind as long as you are living your life and letting her influence still shine in how you live.

Charlene said...

I was upset with myself the first year I didn't think about the death of my husband, the date he died. But I forgave myself. I think about him almost every day even now [19 years later] and not thinking of that sad time is a blessing.

Riot Kitty said...

I think you did see her for a moment. My great aunt has come to me in dreams before, too. Dates may come and go, but her spirit is still with you.

LL Cool Joe said...

I agree with R Kitty. :) There are always little reminders of the people we've lost, and in my case there have been a great many. I think it's Gods way of helping us not forget them. :)

mac said...

She will never leave you, as long as she is in your heart.
I've read about your Oma before, I know you love her very much :-)

Mama Zen said...

From time to time, I swear that I see my late grandfather.

Candace said...

i hope i "see" my dad soon. actually, i have had fleeting moments when i've seen someone and they remind me of him. i like being reminded like that. i'd feel guilty as well, but i certainly don't think you should. like someone else said, dates come and go, but it's the memories that live in us forever. my dad's birthday just passed and the one year anniversary of his passing is upon me. it's been so hard.

Red Shoes said...

With the love of her Life... we all should be so fortunate...

Things like that just get our attention... and we are never that far removed from those we have loved that have gone on ahead of us.

We transition from not forgetting those kinds of dates to where we have processed it and it is permissible to let the recognition of the dates/anniversaries go.

I think in that regard, it's a permission, if you will, that it's ok... another way of letting go of that person.

Of course, your Oma will ALWAYS be a part of you. You can continue to love her and cherish her in that way...

The more news I hear about how Westerners need to be wary while traveling in Europe, the more glad I am that you have made it back safely...

~shoesies~

Choleesa said...

Maybe it was her, just her way of letting you know she was thinking of YOU