Saturday, October 9, 2010

Red Light District

So What's Up My Little Voyeurs ?

Time to talk about the Red Light District ! Le Porkstar aka Porkalicious and I paid for a Red Light District Tour and boy what that a lot of fun. We took the English tour even though we could have taken it in Spanish (because Le Porkstar is Brown). But I just decided to just stick with the English tour because I wanted to be sure to understand all of the sexual terms and didn't want to lose anything in translation, so Porky compromised and went with me and told me to translate this "Vamos a mirar tu mama trabajando"!

Our tour guide was Australian, and had quite the sense of humor. He gave us a history of Amsterdam and how the Red Light district came to be and walked us by the windows with the working girls and showed us some of the sex shops. Stores where you could buy things cheaply and in bulk. He asked us if we needed to stock up on any buttplugs or lube. Such a nice guy !

The streets are narrow and we did see a guy in his SUV scrape the side of his car. There was a crowd of us and we witnessed it all, and he definitely sped off after that. Turns out the damage wasn't that bad.

But the highlight of our tour was when we were in front of a DVD display. There is something for everyone in Amsterdam. Any fetish you may have, they cater to that and displayed the selection of DVDs behind glass. So while our guide was standing in front of the window with DVDs advertising a variety of fetishes, some old perverted bastard old man with gray stubble and a joint in his right hand just saunters over to the window and stares at the glass because not only is he horny but he was probably baked out of his fucking mind. Our guide proceeded to say hello and asked what he was into and sarcastically asked if he liked the golden showers.

This old bastard cracked us all up because he didn't pay us any attention or even look at the guide, he just put both hands on the glass, leaving the joint in his right hand and then with his free left hand while looking at the DVDs, made fingerbanging motions with his fingers. We all lost it and we all laughed our asses off.

This guy was old and looked like he just didn't give a fuck or have a care in the world. And to him I say Bravo ! Because if you don't have much time left in the world, why not go out with sex and a joint ?

Here are some pictures of Moi very close to the Red Light District...........

This is a male oriented store, most likely a very gay one at that. I came to this conclusion because I saw a couple of gay bars around, but also, look at the guy. What straight man would ever pose like that in his right mind ? Even though he would probably never bark up my tree, I wanted to tell him that it's okay, we can still be friends................

Just look at that. This was at a waffle shop called Australia. We had been walking around looking for waffles. Mine was drenched in syrup with tons of whipped cream and ice cream. And because we were walking all day, I could afford to eat all those calories. Delish !

Gotta love the blatant sexual advertising. This would never fly in the US, and it's a flipping shame. If you look closely, you can see my face beween her tongue and the ice cream and I am staring at the ice cream.

Well loves, it is time for me to bounce for the evening. I still owe you pictures from Paris. I'm saving the best for last of course !

Besitos !


Charlene said...

America is uptight!

A client of mine was tellng me about he and his wife's tripi to Amsterdam last summer. I asked him if they toured the red light district. He said they drove through it but his wife was so embarassed she wouldn't let him stop and sat with her back to the window.

He said he wished he'd visited when he was single. LOL

Christine Macdonald said...

Soooo jealous! always wanted to go.

Loving your posts!

* Ashleigh * said...

Haha that's awesome! Did Porky enjoy it too much? ;) hahaha can't wait to see you!

Riot Kitty said...

And did he translate that for you? I bet not, 'cause I speak Spanish and I would have had my foot up his ano if I were you!

Red Shoes said...

This sounds like you just had a wonderful time on all facets of this trip!! Thanks for pointing out your reflection in the waffle photo!!!

Of course, I'm under the influence of all kind of cold and pneumonia drugs... I'll have to come back and re-read for comprehension!!!


Senorita said...

Riot Kitty,

Hablo bastante espanol. It's just that I preferred the English tour. Sergio said "Let's go see your mother working" but it was a joke and how he said it was pretty damn funny.

Scarlet Ily said...

The ice cream pic is awesome; I hadn't notice you there at the tip of the tongue. Cute. :)

Glad you and Porkalicious had a good time. Where's he from? He speaks mi lengua.

Fireblossom said...

You are looking quite covetously at that ice cream. I would, too, I love the stuff.

Holland said...

I am happy that you are having such a great time in Amsterdam. Great picture of you in the Australia

mac said...

It looks like you had a blast !

I imagine I might have taken a slightly different tour of the redlight district ;-)

PorkStar said...

It was a jolly good time. I had to steer clear of Sandra for a while because I had the feeling she was going to embarrass me in front of everyone in the tour (i'm very shy, but dont ask Sandra because she doesn't believe it lol) and sure enough, she called me out on a few things and almost had me chosen to go to a gay sx club just to enter and see what was happening in there.

By the way, Scarlet, I'm from the deep south, ma'am. As in South America : )

LL Cool Joe said...

Sounds like you had more fun in the red light district than we did!

Glad it was a blast!

Danielle said...

What a blast. Looks like you had fun!

dadshouse said...

So which did you stock up on, the buttplugs or the lube???


Someday, I'll get my Roxane fix in Amsterdam. I'll ask you for pointers first.