Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Let's Go Dutch, Shall We ?

Well Good Evening My Little Stroopwafels,

So what's up ?

I am gonna make fun of the Dutch now. I am not politically correct so if you are Dutch and I offend you (or if you feel the need to get your panties in a wad in general), feel free to just bite me okay ?

I am kidding, as a little disclaimer, let me just say that while I was in the Netherregions Netherlands, I was amazed by the hotness of the Dutch male species. They are tall, built, strong, and have nice features. I was gawking every chance that I could. Plus they tend to have deeper voices and their thick accents, me likey. OMG, need I say more ? Just goes to show that I like men manly, no metrosexual b.s. While I was in Paris, I thought that the men were handsome and impeccably dressed, and yeah I liked it, but in the Netherlands, my primal urges, biological desires or whatever the hell you want to called it kicked in.

Anyway, moving along.......enough nice talk about Holland.

Let's talk about their language okay ? Thank God the men are hot, because the language is not.

I don't speak Dutch, I speak German, and there are some similarities between the two. Neither is a beautiful language. For example, Tits in German literally translates to "breast warts" so you can get an idea of how unsexy the language is. But in my opinion, German is prettier than Dutch which says a lot.

In Holland you can bank with Rabo Bank. To me it sounds like Rob-A-Bank. With so many tourists and English practically their second language, why didn't they get a second opinion on this ?

I was also informed that in Portuguese "Rabo" translates to "ass". So hey, bend over cuz it's time to make a deposit and withdrawal okay ? I hope you have late hours, because I will be sliding my bank card often.

And my brown friend Le Porkstar told me that in certain Latin countries "rabo" translates to "cock". Oh really ? So hey, now you have a choice right ? Ass or cock....... A bank where there is something for everyone. Would it be too greedy to ask for both ?

While I was at the theater and glancing at the subtitles, I saw the word "donker" a lot. My friend couldn't find his Dutch dictionary so I was left to keep on wondering what it meant. I sounded like "ba donk a donk"  which reminded me of ass. So now I just want to tell people that piss me off to just shove it in their donker !

When I got back, I looked up the word and learned it means "dark" or "darkness" so hey, I guess I wasn't too far off, as it is a place where the sun don't shine.

I also learned a few basics in Dutch, like "hello" and "thank you very much". "Dank u wel" means thank you. But you know what ? IMHO the Dutch weren't that hospitable during my stay, so I modified that and put a personal touch on it for them.

Fuck u wel ! And I said it fast and with a smile !

I am kidding, I never uttered such a thing, I was always polite, but I did have a couple of rude encounters (the canal tour guy singled me out), but I chalk that up to their city being overrun with tourists 24/7.

And to him I said.  "You can take your attitude and shove it up your donker ! Fuck u wel ! (No I didn't)

Okay, enough for now my little caramel cookies........

Besitos !


Big Mark 243 said...

I have never had a carmel cookie. I wonder how you would make them... you have a recipe? I bet your Austrian grammy would know!!

Happy you had a nice time. I didn't go to Holland and such. I think you would like Sweden, too.

Later, gator!

Red Shoes said...

LMAO... I've been wanting to reply to the "shaved sex" post, but just haven't felt up to it...

My Mom was German... but due to anti-German sentiments after WWII, Mom started telling people she was Dutch. Never mind that Mom was born here in the states...

I'm enjoying your posts about your trip... I can NOT wait to see the photos!!!


Riot Kitty said...

You are a nicer person than me...I would have said it!

mac said...

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RA said...

What? Are you telling me you didn't say it? You truly a Sagittarian? *shakes head* :D

Zsuzsi said...

Haha... ;) You're right about the men, but I disagree with you on the language: Dutch is fun! And so is German.... maybe not sexy, but definitely cool.

LL Cool Joe said...

I knew Riot Kitty would have said it!

I love the dutch accent. I have to say that I much preferred Holland to France, but then I wasn't rating the countries on the hotness of their men!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with your commentary on Dutch men vs French men. The Dutch men are definitely WAY more YUMMY!!!


H said...

Being a Dutch man, I say "thank you".

As far as your impression of Holland, please do not let Amsterdam represent your impression of the entire country.

Many tourists and dutch people themselves will tell you (ie me) that Amsterdamers are snoby. The other parts of Holland are much friendlier, go to Noord Brabant.

dadshouse said...

Glad you like the Dutch! I always get so friggin confused with the country and people references in that part of the world. Dutch, Holland, Belgium, Netherlands... It makes my head spin.

Just give me a hot blonde and a cup of cocoa, and we'll turn on a red light and have some fun.

PorkStar said...

Sadly you had more bad encounters with them Dutch than I did, especially when this dude in his bike crashed into you and called you an idiot. At first i had a hard time understanding what he said, thought he was cussing you out in dutch but then i realized what he said and it made me laugh because, well, it sounded funny. Good thing you gave him the fck off look : )

Scarlet Ily said...

"Rabo" also means tail (in Spanish).

Btw, I need to get my friend Holland over here to read this. :)

Alpha Za said...

haha, terrific play on words. You have one of the coolest most random minds ever....me likey.