Let's Go Dutch, Shall We ?

Well Good Evening My Little Stroopwafels,

So what's up ?

I am gonna make fun of the Dutch now. I am not politically correct so if you are Dutch and I offend you (or if you feel the need to get your panties in a wad in general), feel free to just bite me okay ?

I am kidding, as a little disclaimer, let me just say that while I was in the Netherregions Netherlands, I was amazed by the hotness of the Dutch male species. They are tall, built, strong, and have nice features. I was gawking every chance that I could. Plus they tend to have deeper voices and their thick accents, me likey. OMG, need I say more ? Just goes to show that I like men manly, no metrosexual b.s. While I was in Paris, I thought that the men were handsome and impeccably dressed, and yeah I liked it, but in the Netherlands, my primal urges, biological desires or whatever the hell you want to called it kicked in.

Anyway, moving along.......enough nice talk about Holland.

Let's talk about their language okay ? Thank God the men are hot, because the language is not.

I don't speak Dutch, I speak German, and there are some similarities between the two. Neither is a beautiful language. For example, Tits in German literally translates to "breast warts" so you can get an idea of how unsexy the language is. But in my opinion, German is prettier than Dutch which says a lot.

In Holland you can bank with Rabo Bank. To me it sounds like Rob-A-Bank. With so many tourists and English practically their second language, why didn't they get a second opinion on this ?

I was also informed that in Portuguese "Rabo" translates to "ass". So hey, bend over cuz it's time to make a deposit and withdrawal okay ? I hope you have late hours, because I will be sliding my bank card often.

And my brown friend Le Porkstar told me that in certain Latin countries "rabo" translates to "cock". Oh really ? So hey, now you have a choice right ? Ass or cock....... A bank where there is something for everyone. Would it be too greedy to ask for both ?

While I was at the theater and glancing at the subtitles, I saw the word "donker" a lot. My friend couldn't find his Dutch dictionary so I was left to keep on wondering what it meant. I sounded like "ba donk a donk"  which reminded me of ass. So now I just want to tell people that piss me off to just shove it in their donker !

When I got back, I looked up the word and learned it means "dark" or "darkness" so hey, I guess I wasn't too far off, as it is a place where the sun don't shine.

I also learned a few basics in Dutch, like "hello" and "thank you very much". "Dank u wel" means thank you. But you know what ? IMHO the Dutch weren't that hospitable during my stay, so I modified that and put a personal touch on it for them.

Fuck u wel ! And I said it fast and with a smile !

I am kidding, I never uttered such a thing, I was always polite, but I did have a couple of rude encounters (the canal tour guy singled me out), but I chalk that up to their city being overrun with tourists 24/7.

And to him I said.  "You can take your attitude and shove it up your donker ! Fuck u wel ! (No I didn't)

Okay, enough for now my little caramel cookies........

Besitos !