My thoughts................

Hello there my lovelies,

Happy Sunday !! I did absolutely nothing today. It's nice to take a day off once a week to just be lazy. I lounged around for a while in bed this morning, and then I had breakfast with my mother, who I haven't seen in months. I spent the rest of the day sleeping and surfing online. I am really addicted to the internet, kinda like when I had a television.

I had a huge breakfast with my mom. I had two belgian waffles with butter and syrup. I should've just hooked myself up to an IV full of lard. We talked a lot about my Oma and basically relived the funeral. ( My grandma on my mother's side). I love her so much, and it still hurts that she died so suddenly. This was the first death that hit me hard. Going to her funeral helped me deal with reality and helped me move on.  I decided there that I was going to shed all my tears there in Austria and come back home and not dwell on it anymore. And I haven't cried about it since. Sometimes I feel like I am about to, but I can't. So I just write about it. I was really blessed to have a woman like her as my grandma.

I used to love to go to Austria and spend time with her. Now my aunt must sell her apartment which has been in the family for years. My mom grew up there and I spent time there. And now we have to sell it, and I can't bear the fact that if I walk by it again in the future, there will be someone new living there. I guess I am sentimental.

Austria just isn't the same without her. I'm not as excited to go back as I was when I went to see her. I still have family there (my aunt and my cousins are the greatest) but it just won't be the same without Oma. All I can do is hope that she's still with me in spirit. She has to be because I still have dreams about her.

December 29th will be my 3rd anniversary here in J-Land. Writing and pouring my heart out here is therapeutical for me. I don't get very many comments anymore, but I know that people that I don't know read it. Maybe they can identify with me, maybe they just want to read another person's point of view.

This year is coming to an end, and I am mixed about it. I really feel that I really took a step forward. There is a long list of things that I did this year as well as my "firsts" Here are some of them.

1.) I became completely independent, 100%. I'm being very vague here, but those of you who know me personally know exactly what I mean.

2.)Finally got an idea of my passion/s in life. I had been struggling with that for so long.

3.) I took the Border Patrol Exam/ TSA exam. Though I failed, I now know how to correct it. I also got the ball rolling in volunteer work that interests me.

4.) I lost a grandmother and a grandfather

5.) I got a new career ( after months of searching)

6.) I performed my sword routine for the first time

7.) I performed at Rakassah AND Desert Dance festival ( big events for anyone in the bellydance world)

8.) I got lasik surgery on my eyes.

9.) I repierced my ears and looked fabulous at the Christmas Party this year.

10.) I started yoga and joined a gym.

Some of these things seem trivial, but I listed them because they have meaning for me. And there are more things that are just too personal to list. It is so easy for me to compare myself to others and beat myself up. How come I don't have a lucrative career ? How come everyone I know is married/  But I have to realize that I made a lot of improvements this year. It took a lot of guts and courage for me to get through this year.