I am writing this entry as a form of therapy. I don't feel like talking to anyone about it. It wouldn't make me feel better, but writing about it would. So, here I am.
Today is just one of those days. It's dark and gloomy outside. I also feel invisible. I have times where I feel like I am on top of the world and moving forward. (Last week, for example) This week I feel like I've taken a couple of steps back. Especially since I am looking for a place all over again. I have so many bills this month that came up unexpectedly and it's hard to scrape the money together for a deposit.
I really liked a guy at my old job, and I thought he liked me back. He would always tell me that I looked good at work, and when we went out we would dance together. He had this girl chasing after him that I thought he would never go for. She would hang around him like a puppy and follow him around, make excuses to see him after work. It was totally obvious. I thought that playing hard to get would perhaps work to my advantage. I didn't bring my drama to work like she did. I thought that men didn't like drama.
I am not full of myself, but I think I am prettier than she is, and I haven't been spoiled like she is. I know when a woman is prettier than me and I will admit it, but this girl isn't. I am not the only one who noticed.
And now they are seriously dating and she's flashing pictures of them together all over the internet. And it's a huge slap in the face to me. This is bringing out the worst in me, because I didn't think I was jealous person. And now I realize that I am and I have to swallow my pride. I have to accept that he was never into me like I thought. It's almost as if I am angry with him now. Because now that he's with her, I don't even want to talk to him. When I see him at work I just say hello and keep to myself.
I know this isn't a personal attack on me, but I can't help taking it personally. I really did like the guy. I can't wait until I quit that job for good.
With my roommate situation, this and the gloomy weather at the same time, I am definitely NOT feeling the love.