Sunday, May 16, 2010

Juvenile, Immature, Me.

Hello My Little Turtle Doves !

Happy Sunday ! I have a lot to write today. First of all, my readers rock ! Thank you for all of the comments you left on my last blog, offering up your own experiences. It meant a lot. Sometimes it's easy to feel isolated, but we're really not alone.

Anyway, I have two little nuggets for you,  my little feathery friends. The first one is my favortite Beavis and Butthead music video review which is filled with so much vulgarity, stupidity and ignorance all wrapped into one, that I couldn't help but laugh. At least I didn't laugh like them........... But Butthead is right, no one should get a chance to suck. Tell that to the music industry today.




The second is a personals ad given to my by one of my readers, Loving Annie. She found a personals ad on Yahoo from her former personal trainer. Here is what I've come up with.................. Enjoy !


"I'm a fitness professional and entrepreneur who is extremely dedicated to his profession and business. You won't be getting much time outta me.  When I'm not engrossed with my business, I'm usually engrossed with my kids -- they are my lifeline and number one priority. My kids are important, but not as much as I wouild like you to think, more of my time is spent sculpting my abs at the gym in front of the mirror and doing some skirt chasing.  But I do enjoy spending time with a quality woman who shares similar interests and lifestyle when I have some downtime. That sounds bad, but the reality is, I'm extremely busy. It's all about me, and when you need me to be there for you, I will run and hide behind my "business and children." I run a business 50-60 hours a week and I have 50% custody of my 2 daughters. I would be best with a similarly busy woman who is independent, and not in need of my constant attention. Basically a woman who will have sex with me and leave after. She shouldn't even like to cuddle afterwards.
I'm a very aesthetic and visual person. I am drawn to a woman initially by her looks and body. I'm very picky about looks and body, call it superficial, but that's just the way it is. Basically sweetheart, I am one shallow son-of-a-bitch and just said it in three different sentences. So if you are dumb enough to contact me, you deserve to get criticized.  Blame it on my profession. It's the gym's fault. That's the first hurdle with me. If you clear that hurdle, then I can start to look at what's on the inside of you. I will never look at what's inside of you, because I'll always be standing in front of a mirror looking at me.

From me, you will not just get an aesthetically pleasing individual, but one that is going to keep it real with you. So not only am I a meathead, but I will also tell you that you look fat in those pants. I don't play games or cater to the drama. I will tell you what I think I have no filter. If I don't tell you what I'm thinking, and you're not sure what I'm thinking, then just ask. I will give you the truth You should never ask me anything, I have nothing nice to say. You may not like what the truth is, but you will nonetheless get it. If there is drama, I will leave, and you will probably never see me again. I've been hurt before I can't handle emotions. I will use any excuse in the book to bail on your ass.  I do not partake in drama or want it brought into my life. The only drama we will partake in is mine I know how to cater to a woman (in all ways) I tell women I go down on them and call it catering, and I expect the same in return. I value independence in a woman, and if you're looking for a sponsor, I'm not the guy. I own my own business and call myself an entrepreneur, but expect to go dutch on dates.
That's just keeping it real..."

Miss Annie, if you get a chance, go ahead and forward this to him.

24 comments:

Riot Kitty said...

LMAO, but that translation is right on! People suck.

Charlene said...

You are right on with the interpretation.

What would be funny is if the personal ad was written from a similarly self-absorbed woman's point of view.

Zsuzsi said...

Haha, well, at least his being sort of honest. Wonder if he got any replies to that one...

mac said...

Beavis and Butthead were always right. I believe, in the distant future, they will be regarded amongst the great philosophers like Plato, Socrates, Neitzche, Kant, or Buddha.


As usual, you know what the guy is thinking. I like that about you. :-)

Fireblossom said...

Omg.

Omg.

Dreamboat, listen, when you have a minute, just hoist me up on this massage table and do me. We don't even have to wear name tags.

I, too, am self absor--, um, I meant, self-employed, and I work 75-80 hours a week, which makes me busier than you. Aw, puppy dog, don't look so crushed. I take so many diet pills that I'll never tell you "I'm too tired" when you grope at me as we pass in the driveway. We'll just do it in the shrubs before going our separate ways. Honey, we will never know each other enough for there to be any drama, or even conversation. We will just grunt at each other for three minutes before crying out in ecstasy. Oh, not from THAT. We will cry out in ecstasy because after three minutes, both of our little squirrel-like attention spans will be all used up, and we will each run off clutching our gym bags and our crackberries.

Come get me, you animal.

UBERMOUTH said...

What a creep. You nailed that one.

Danielle said...

You always make me laugh with your manslations.

Loving Annie said...

Dear Senorita : Thank you for doing this! Ha-ha-ha, that was great! You captured him so well!

I'd wondered if it was just me that found him so emotionally offensive/totally unavailable and arrogant about it.

He is HORRIBLE to women, and they fall for his looks/polite manners intially, and the fact he owns his own business/claims to love his diughters so much.
Makes them think he's a great father, a great catch and they can change him/make him fall in love with them, and of course it never happens!

Any woman with an MBA of her own and/or healthy self-esteem and boundaries would totally avoid him.

Unfortunately he seems to attract women who while very lovely to look at, a decent brain and sweet, have none of that.
And none of them know any of his ex-girlfriends, so they can't compare notes initially, which would definitely ne helpful!
He screws them until he gets bored of them, then crushes them and walks on without a backward glance to the next.

He has no drama because he is so unbelievably cold inside.
It's so obvious why his wife of 20 years left him.
He just doesn't get it or care, except to whine about being a victim because she cheated on him finally at the very end with someone who gave her 5 minutes of time, care and attention.

Ugh. I'm very glad he wasn't my type, and very glad not to be training with him at the gym anymore.

I gotta tell you, I really got off on being the one to tell him off and leave.
About time someone gave him a taste of his own medicine, even if this was just in a business context!

Great man-slation. Thanks again:)

Loving Annie said...

Charlene: Yes, I'd love that too! She'd just use him instead of a vibrator when it suited her, and tell him not to be demanding of anything (like having to give him head until he came) because she wasn't into the drama!

Fireblossom: You made me laugh hysterically at that - OMG, it was the perfect description of him. Bwahahahha:)

Ily said...

You read between the lines like no one else I know! lol

I hope Annie sends this to him, priority!

* Ashleigh * said...

NO FATTIES! Hahaha

Red Shoes said...

The manslation was GREAT!!! I've known WAY too many men AND women who fall into this kind of category... and then come to think that they are God's Gift to the other gender...

I would love to see a 'Beavis and Butthead' video to the manslation...

Well done!!

~shoes~

MsH said...

Always good to know there are so many snakes out there...no heart.

Even if he looks good I can't imagine such a cold man inside could be any good in bed.

JStar said...

LMAO...Girl you are dead on...

Ophilia said...

Butthead is one smart cookie.
Krippledwarrior pointed me in the direction of your blog. He's one smart cookie as well.

The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...

LMHO!..She did hit the nail on the head! I do enjoy a good laugh every now & then...tnx it was fun reading

dadshouse said...

"Basically a woman who will have sex with me and leave after. She shouldn't even like to cuddle afterwards." - can't that be said about every online ad by a guy, whether it's Craigslist or Match or PlentyOfFish? :-) Haha

Ms. Jenni [xo] said...

Bwahahaha! That ad is awesome!! ;)

MindyMom said...

Now that I have re-entered the world of online dating (again) I see far too many profiles just like the one here. You translated it perfectly! What a douche.

Heff said...

That Butthead....WHAT AN ACTOR !!!

PorkStar said...

Oh dear lord. It sounds like he has DOUCHEBAG written all over him!!!! and women still fall for this POS?

Great manslation chica.

besos

Kerrie said...

I hate him even without the translation, any woman that replies to this is off her trolly!

Big Mark 243 said...

This was one of your superior 'manslations'. I am going to check out the post you referred to in this entry and maybe leave a comment... prolly have all the great advice you will ever need, but I would like to keep up with you!!

Loving Annie said...

Senoita: How pathetic is this?

I showed one of his best clients the ad/your manslation/all the comments -- and she said it doesn't matter because he is "honest".

Shallow, stupid women just can't see what's wrong with shallow, stupid men, I guess.

People are perfect for each-other, they fit better than we could ever imagine they do initially.