Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Now you know..................

Hello There My Little Hummingbirds !

So how are ya ? Miss me ? I hope you all enjoyed your 4th ! I was supposed to go to Tahoe, but that trip got cancelled so I just relaxed at home and hung out with friends.

Okay, so enough chit chat and down to business ! I have some things to get off my chesticles !

Numero Un:

1.) Whatever you do, Do NOT use Gold Bond foot cream. The active ingredient is menthol. OMG, I used it last night before I went to bed, and first of all, the vapors practically burned my eyes. Not to mention the smell. Menthol is good for when you have a cold. But not so much when you're healthy. I almost choked, passed out and went blind.

Anyway, it felt good on my feet, though while I slept. But today I worked out during lunch and my feet were on FIRE. While I was running I felt like I was walking on fire. So I got into the shower after my workout and once I turned on the hot water, it flared up even more. (I know it was dumb of me to use hot water)

I mean, it's a cream fergodssake. I just told myself that I was just having a reaction and that it was just nerves talking, my feet weren't actually on fire. But I only was able to tell myself that for like five minutes before I started to wonder if I had actual tissue damage.

So when I went back to my desk I had to take off my shoes and ice my feet at the reception desk because someone else is using my desk in the back of our office. Luckily my boss didn't walk by.

Notice that on the box that it says "Soothing Relief for tired, sore, even painful feet." There is some truth to that because the product will burn your feet so fucking bad that by the time that the foot cream has finally worn off (because you can't really wash it all off) you will feel so much relief that those tired feet you had before you bought the cream, will be considered a godsend.

Now to Numero Deux..............

A little message to the future MIL of my friend,

I met you over the weekend, and I do like you. We had a lot to talk about and boy are you opinionated......

But please, I did NOT want to hear how you had to encourage your ex husband to see a sex therapist so he could learn how to do a better job of eating you out. Then you proceeded to tell us exactly what he was told.

"Take an orange, cut it in half, and practice sucking on that while you are eating it. Do it for a week"

W T F ??

And then............... you were just utterly shocked when I told you that I didn't need to hear that. You were like "what, do you think that's gross ? It's natural." I mean, I almost offended you.

Hey, you know what else is natural ? Boundaries.........

You are in your sixties, I've barely met you and we don't have that kind of relationship. You told me over and over the day before that you are such a lady and that you act like a lady..... and I'm a lady this....... and I'm a lady that.......blah blah blah..........

So yeah, it did jolt me a little when you shared this golden nugget of information with me. I rarely talk to my own girlfriends about eating pussy, or whistling to the wheatfield or yodeling in the canyon.

Please, you are no Sue Johanson.

Wanna see Sue Johanson ? When you acquire all her wisdom then we can sit and have a chat........

Here. Learn something. Like how to blow a man...........



Alright loves ! Time for me to get some sleep.

I will try to visit your blogs as soon as I can.

Besitos !

19 comments:

Riot Kitty said...

*Spits in disgust* Wow. Gross and even grosser! I hate it when people I just meet spill their guts to me, but ... wow, that just takes it to a new level. Never had that happen before.

mac said...

Next thing you know it'll be, "Oh, my Gawd! He hadda learn how to suck my brustwarze...."

Holland said...

That video is so freaking funny!!! LOL and to see here show us how to coordinate the head hand movement...LOL

The the MIL, well her being a "lady" flew out of the window the moment she spoke about the orange...lol

Sir Thomas said...

This is to funny.... and now I dont know if I can look at another orange the same way again...

you had sore feet you should have called me... my hands work wonders...*winks* just sayin..

Candice said...

You used Goldbond? What are you, 92?

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I can not believe that woman said all of that. Geesh!

KrippledWarrior said...

I always enjoy your witty post. And your comments are always appreciated for their wisdom and sound reasoning. I am in awe of your intellect.
Kurt

MindyMom said...

The MIL is a real piece of work! I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that conversation though. Hope your feet are better soon.

Danielle said...

Sucks about the feet. MIL is a character that is for sure.

Bev said...

Wow, what a post! First of all, I will steer clear of that foot lotion. Sounds awful!

secondly... wow. You know I love TMI, but only when people ASK for it and/or seek me out for it. I don't just open up (no pun intended) and start spilling. EEK!

Charlene said...

I've always like oranges and will continue to like oranges; pussies, not so much.

I think it's almost always false advertising when people point out they are a lady or a gentleman. If you are you don't need to advertise.

LL Cool Joe said...

It always surprises me that people don't know what to do. Kinda comes naturally doesn't it?

Candace said...

You always make me laugh!

Red Shoes said...

Hmmm... I would have NEVER compared that to eating an orange...

Hmmm...

Nope...

Thank you for your wonderful comment you left re: my friend... you are so nice...

~shoes~

mac said...

I couldn't see the video earlier...

I've always got a kick out of Sue. And, at least, I expect her to be frank obout sexual matters, it's her job.
Unless the MIL was a sex therapist, she was just gross !


And, I had been waiting for years to use Brustwarze. It just seems funny ;-)

Ms. Jenni [xo] said...

O-M-G and L-O-L to your friend's future MIL.

And your poor feet! That had to have been awful.

dadshouse said...

Thank goodness you don't have an orange tree, eh? :-) Too funny

Put some cream on his orange next time

Fireblossom said...

I HATE IT when people say "but it's natural!" as if that makes it cool to discuss whenever. Next time just climb up on the table and pee in her Waterford punch bowl and then tell her, "What? It's natural!' and walk away. I dare ya. LOL.

* Ashleigh * said...

First time I've been told to drool on a man's cock! hahaha