So I am tired and about to go to bed. Don't have a lot of time to write so let's have a little quickie post shall we ?
So there is this book out called "Shit My Dad Says". Basically some 29 year old schmuck hit paydirt when he moved back in with his parents and wrote down all the witty things his father said. So basically not only was he under daddy's roof but he's getting paid off what his old man is saying. It's not like he has to come up with any of this on his own. He is so lucky, my dad would be demanding his percentage of the profits, probably writing up a contract or something.
If I sound a little bit jealous, it is because I AM !! I mean, why the hell didn't I think of this ? I have the colorful, twisted father, and to think I could've gotten paid off him without even having to use my brain ! It doesn't get easier than that people !
In honor of colorful fathers everywhere here are some things my father has said/done:
-He owns a cat named Mistress Sweetums
-(We used to do martial arts) "I now do only one martial art form: "Pet Kat Do"
-"Gag a maggot in a puke pile" (In reference to my aunt's smelly dog)
-"Your breath is so rank that it will wake the dead" (Saying it in a high pitched voice to my grandma's dog)
-For Halloween one year he was a woman and wore a wig, kept his beard and wore fake plastic boobies with the tits showing. It looked so real (which really fucked with my mind because my dad is a hairy dude), and he had fun making the male patients squirm. He was a dental assistant at the time, so he would lean close to them when asking a question. My god I wish I were a fly on the wall at that time !
And this is just the tip of the iceberg folks ! Should I feel bad about spilling some of his secrets ? No, because he loves to talk about the dumb shit I did growing up to anyone who will listen so either way I have to pay !
So before I go, here are some of the images my dad forwarded to my inbox to amuse me:
So that is all for now my little starchy treats ! I will stop by your blogs soon.