Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sh*t My Old Man Says

Hello There My Little Muffins !

So I am tired and about to go to bed. Don't have a lot of time to write so let's have a little quickie post shall we ?

So there is this book out called "Shit My Dad Says". Basically some 29 year old schmuck hit paydirt when he moved back in with his parents and wrote down all the witty things his father said. So basically not only was he under daddy's roof but he's getting paid off what his old man is saying. It's not like he has to come up with any of this on his own. He is so lucky, my dad would be demanding his percentage of the profits, probably writing up a contract or something.

If I sound a little bit jealous, it is because I AM !! I mean, why the hell didn't I think of this ? I have the colorful, twisted father, and to think I could've gotten paid off him without even having to use my brain ! It doesn't get easier than that people !

In honor of colorful fathers everywhere here are some things my father has said/done:

-He owns a cat named Mistress Sweetums

-(We used to do martial arts) "I now do only one martial art form: "Pet Kat Do"

-"Gag a maggot in a puke pile" (In reference to my aunt's smelly dog)

-"Your breath is so rank that it will wake the dead" (Saying it in a high pitched voice to my grandma's dog)

-For Halloween one year he was a woman and wore a wig, kept his beard and wore fake plastic boobies with the tits showing. It looked so real (which really fucked with my mind because my dad is a hairy dude), and he had fun making the male patients squirm. He was a dental assistant at the time, so he would lean close to them when asking a question. My god I wish I were a fly on the wall at that time !

And this is just the tip of the iceberg folks ! Should I feel bad about spilling some of his secrets ? No, because he loves to talk about the dumb shit I did growing up to anyone who will listen so either way I have to pay !

So before I go, here are some of the images my dad forwarded to my inbox to amuse me:








So that is all for now my little starchy treats ! I will stop by your blogs soon.

Besitos !

22 comments:

LL Cool Joe said...

Wow, your Dad is so unlike my Dad! I don't know if that's good or bad!

mac said...

I like the Beavis one. That girl (?) does look like him.

I've seen that Shit My Dad Says guy on twitter.

You should be mad... You're way sexier than him ;-)

And, your Dad is a funny MotherFucker !

Ily said...

It's not too late to become rich off your manslations...AND your dad! He sounds fun and hilarious!

Love the images!

Paul Nichols said...

You can do your own "dad says..." book. It will be far different from the one you have. Go for it. I'm thinking about it myself, but for a calendar or something like that.

I got a kick out of your comment on Ily's blog (about tattooing).

Candice said...

I hope my kids are smart enough to do the same thing when they're a little older.

I knew I'd make SOMEONE rich some day. ;)

BTW, I love those pictures.

Charlene said...

I used to get a Twitter feed from his dad. Those have disappeared. I guess he saved it for the paying readers.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I, like mac, first saw this on Twitter. I think he may have even started there and it just spread. I'm not sure. I'd be jealous too but my parents were never that particularly funny when I was growing up so I got nothing.

KrippledWarrior said...

They're making a TV show out of that called "*#@&/ My Father Says" staring William Shatner.

MindyMom said...

Funny. We should all have funny fathers we can make money from!

Big Mark 243 said...

I agree with Ily... you can still make a book of your manslations. In fact, you should mine your blog and start compiling them before someone else beats you to it!!

Riot Kitty said...

Those pics are hilarious!

Red Shoes said...

Another vote for Ily's idea... go for the manslations... those are hilarious!!!

I love the Beavis photo.. that is SO unREAL...

My kids could do taht kind of stuff because I am always fucking with them...

Stuff my Dad said:

* If I have to come over there, you are NOT going to like it!! (and I normally didn't)

* Don't make me pull over!!( I did once... see the above statement for outcome)

*If you get arrested, don't call me!!! I never got arrested... not because I was afraid of going to jail... I was afraid of what would happen when I got out!!!

Now, I've told both of my kids...

* If you get arrested, dont call me!!!

They have and they didn't...

These are great!!

~shoes~

Shadowdancer said...

I'm waiting for Thanksgiving when, if the turkey is dry, I can say: 'Don't tell me the turkey is going through menopause also!'

So Senorita... which nugget from you childhood should I publish first?

Oh... BTW... Sweetums' full name is: Mistress Sweetums Purrbox Prettypaws.

Darrin.. said...

Wow... your old man sounds cool! Mine must've been the most boring and straight dad EVER! Heck.. he ONCE said "Damn" and then apologized to me later. LOL!

Jenni said...

LOL at Mistress Sweetums. That's so awesome!

And your dad seems pretty much awesome. =D

Holland said...

Your dad is hilarious. And so are you!

dadshouse said...

That fucking book made me think I will never get published. His book got turned into a TV show starring William Shatner, too! Here I've tried honing my craft for 8 years, and this guy Tweets some crap his dad says, like one or two a week, and it's some major life changing thing. Publishing is wack.

Danielle said...

I have read some of that guys stuff and it is hillarious!

Mama Zen said...

Voting for Ily's idea!

Memphis Steve said...

Your dad sounds cool. I wish I had a dad who would send me funny stuff like that. Somehow, some way, I'm going to find a way to work that Tampax ad into a blog post.

Christiejolu said...

Your Dad sounds like a trip...LOL! Love it!

* Ashleigh * said...

I saw this book and added the guy onto my facebook lol. Between your dad and mine, we could write crazy stuff....

example - Dad: if you leave another dish in the sink, I'll kick your ass off this deck. Me: ok, love you too (under breath)