Hello Everyone,

I am gonna get straight to the point of what I really wanna say in this entry today.

I am not happy right now. I am not looking for any sympathy, and I certainly don´t want people telling me that I have to change my attitude. I know that already, and I don't like how I feel. I never liked feeling miserable. However, if you have any honest advice I am all ears.

I don´t know what I really want out of this trip anymore. That's my problem. Maybe I would be happier if I knew exactly what I wanted. In fact, I would really like a break and I would like to go home and then come back. But I promised I would stick this out until June because I can´t just give up when things are tough. After June if I still feel this way I am going home, no matter what anyone tells me. I am broke, and wouldn´t have the money to stick it out longer anyways.

Since I am not happy right now and I am not so sure what I really want anymore, I am losing my desire to stay here. All I can think about is when I will be able to get on a plane home. And I don't like counting down the time.

One thing that became really clear here is that while I like to travel, there is no place like home. I love traveling and learning new languages as well as meeting new people and hearing different points of view. I like getting out of the US, but I also noticed that I like traveling for a few months at a time. I wouldn't want to live for years at a time in a foreign country.

I came here to learn about Spain and learn Spanish. I am learning Spanish, which is a plus. I also came here to learn how to teach English. I got my TEFL certificate and am teaching private students. I expected to teach in language academies, but things didn´t quite work that way. I would still like to but it is a huge risk. I would be leaving a job where I am guaranteed to get paid to find work at a school that may or may not pay me on time. Plus, the pay they offer may not even be enough. At least the job I have pays me enough to live off of and I have the evenings and weekends to enjoy. The risks outweigh the benefits. But if I had the chance I would give it a try in September. Who knows?

I tried to get working papers, but things didn't quite work out and I have to wait and hope that maybe the laws will change in my favor. But I don´t even know if I even really want them anymore. Getting papers wasn´t my goal when I first got here because the opportunity didn't exist then.

 I would rather just suck up my crappy job, keep on learning Spanish, take dance lessons and enjoy the rest of my stay instead of worrying about whether I may or maynot get papers. Then when June comes around I can go home.

But then again if I have papers I can work in any EU country as an English teacher or in a multinational company.

I really wish I knew what I wanted. I wish things were clearer to me. Right now I don´t know what I want.

Anyways, normal entries will be continued tommorow. I promise. I was out today taking lotsa pictures with a friend.