Letting it all out

Hello Everyone,

I gotta say that this journal has been therapy for me. That way I express how I am feeling and don´t really have to complain to anyone because I usually get it over with here. Sometimes I go back and look at my previous entries and I get to reflect and see how far I´ve come along.

I have been noticing that no one has been leaving comments. I don't even know if people even stop by anymore. I know my mom does once in a while, bless her heart. But I think that maybe I´ve been losing readers because I have been venting lately. It´s sad, but oh well. I am still not gonna change my format. I would rather be true to how I am feeling not to mention that I would rather bitch here than to my coworkers or roommate.

Anyways, I really think that traveling makes you discover a lot about yourself. I learned and confirmed so many things here about myself. The good, bad and ugly. My fears are coming out so much stronger and so are my strengths. I am also learning how to stand up for myself,  face rejection and relate to all types of people. 

Traveling here made me realize just how much I do not know. Lots of people that I have met here have lived in so many countries and speak 2-3 languages. They also have strong opinions about world politics because they follow up on the news.  

Anyways.... on to the news. After I wrote yesterday's entry my roommate came home and told me the bad news. Basically I lack one requirement to get papers, which is registering in the town hall before August 8th. I registered in October. I am too late. As of now there is nothing I can really do. I can´t get papers. Despite what my folks said, I didn´t get papers due to the fact that I am unable to fulfill a requirement. NOT because I didn´t try hard enough. And next time, if you are gonna tell me to be more creative at least back up your statements with evidence of HOW I could do it and what you know about the Spanish laws instead of spouting the Bible of how when there is a will there is a way. Because from our conversation, you had to ask me all about the Spanish laws which leads me to believe that you have no clue how the system works, which means you probably don´t know what you are talking about. Look you are so much smarter than I will ever be and make miracles happen all the time in the business world. But I think a foreign government in a different language withlaws changing all the time is probably something you haven´t really dealt with. Thankyouverymuch I feel better now.

Lord knows we´ve been all across the city, taken days off work and thought of everything we can. Sorry, but I am not Moses. Ican´t magically part the Red Sea or bat my eyes at the govt officials. Hell if I had powers like Moses I would already be flawlessly speaking Spanish with a kick ass job and David Bisbal would be my faithful husband. 

 All I can do is sit and hope that so many people are in my situation that the government will change the regulations. That is a possibility too. I am also looking for jobs where the government might agree to hire me and give me a job offer so that I can take it back to the Spanish Embassy in California to get a visa. That is also very slim, but it´s worth a shot.

 I could also sign a marraige certificate but I don´t want to. My roommate has been good to me so far. However, I am not willing to be legally bound to him and I don´t trust anyone completely.

I am still upset about not being able to get papers, but I am dealing. I thanked my roommate for all his help and am starting not to dwell on it as much. I have four months left. In the mean time I am taking Spanish and bellydancing lessons. The next lesson will be on Saturday. I miss dancing. Whether I get papers or not or I get a teaching job or not under the table, I will still make the best of my time here.

I also went to apply for free health care. I went to the clinic close to my apartment. It´s a relief. And it was nice of my flatmate to think of. He really has gone out of his way to help me and he didn´t have to. I told him to visit me in CA because when he does I will go out of my way to show him around and help him learn English. It´s the LEAST I could do after what he´s been through to help me.

Anyways I am sure that you can tell that I am very upset about me not getting papers. I was so close but the law changed at the last minute and the door slammed in my face. The whole thing was a slap in the face, but I am dealing. Kinda like a movie where everything is peachy at first, but of course it´s not a movie without a conflict. I still have my fingers crossed that the ending will be happy. Shoot, I wish that MTV could make a reality show about me. Oh man, all the emotions and drama are there not to mention that the wierdest shit happens to me here.

Okay, gotta go. Feel free to send me flaming mails if you want. My mailbox is kinda empty anyways.