Monday, December 19, 2005

Just Rambling

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I went on the most boring date. Sorry if the guy ever finds out that I said this, but whatever. I am willing to take that risk. Not really his fault. There was absolutely NO chemistry whatsoever. Not only that but there were many moments of silence. And I also had to initiate a lot of conversation. Never have I looked forward to going home so soon. So very awkward.

My love life is horrible. It is full of men that are really nice and outgoing to me at first, but end up being emotionally unavailable a couple of weeks later and disappear. Its also full of men that I have no chemistry with. Once in a blue moon I meet a guy thats a complete jerk. At least I have had a few really good dates in between. At least not all is lost.

I can't complain anymore. This is something I've accepted and I am willing to live the rest of my life like this. Because I keep going out with the best of intentions. And I keep my head up and hope that I'll meet someone that I at least click with. I am not even really looking for a relationship right now. Just a good person that I click with. And it hasn't happened. And it may never will. And I realized that after today I would be okay with that because I know how to take care of myself. And besides, I have wasted enough time wondering.

I know that its just not the right time for me right now. Thats obvious because I am always met with bad luck. Who knows what the man up above has in store for me. I wish I knew.

My life is in transition and I am very confused. Sometimes I feel like I may never get it together. It is so hard to earn a decent living. I can can't even afford my own room. I SO miss having my own place with my own large bed. My job pays so little. I work my ass off and make no commissions on what I sell. Not to mention that I have to clean cars in my business suit and high heels. A lot of my paycheck goes to my student loans and other bills and my 401K. I am saving up for retirement but I really could use all that money right now.

I don't know if it will get any better.

I am gonna go now. This is not a pity party and I am not looking for charity here. I honestly just don't know where my life is headed. And I just needed to express my frustrations. Once in a while I just wanna break down and lose my shit. But I know there are a lot of people in my situation too, so I know I am not alone.

Byefor now.


kdwsunshine said...

I have the same sort of luck that you do. Being single isn't the end of the world, I get lonely somtimes, but then I see a lot of my friends that are in miserable relationships and I remember that I am fortunate to not have to deal with all that.

happinessdreams said...

Hey girl. Its okay... I go through the same thing. Oh the life of us single girls. It will get me. You are doing a good thing by investing into your 401 k.
Enjoy your life as a single girl. Many women would love to be in our shoes.

zoorisk said...

Dating is not easy, its a jungle out there.  Things do get better as time goes by, for now take care of things that do matter your career and your health.  After that everything else will fall into place, for now enjoy life as much as possible.  Remember you have accomplished more than most people can say they have done all there life.  Mother hen..