Sex and The City and my Thoughts

Hello there my lovelies,

Happy Memorial Day ! I wrote yesterday's entry about Memorial Day because I didn't think I would update today. But here I am again.

I spent my day doing nothing but watching TV. Well, I did do a little food shopping and some cleaning.

Right now I am watching Sex In The City. I have watched all the episodes over and over and I still like it. I am watching the episode where Carrie went to Paris and told Big off. Six years of her wanting him and him stringing her along. And when he realizes that she is moving to Paris he finally decides that he is in love with her. When she was by his side and hoping for his affection he tossed her aside. And when she decided to move away he ended up roaming the streets for her until he found her.

Big is like the men that I have gone out with. They are real nice at first and at first it seems like they are really interested in being with you. But after some dates and after you realize that you really like the guy, he is emotionally unavailable.

I really liked a guy named Chad. Who am I kidding ? His name is Brad. I am not gonna hide his name anymore. He knows who he is and it doesn't matter because he doesn't read this.

 I went out with him earlier this year and at first he seemed into me. And as we went out, I realized that I really liked him.  And then some stuff in his life came up and he practically tossed me aside and never really took my calls. Once in a while he would return my calls. This all happened just as I decided that I was ready to get to know him better and possibly have a relationship with him.

I know he has some serious stuff to deal with right now. But telling me that he's into me and really wants to be with me and then not calling me for weeks at a time just confuses me. I don't expect to see him, just for him to communicate with me while he is dealing with his issues. It was too much for him and it hurts my feelings.

I still like him and call him once in a while. I'm not just sitting around and waiting for his calls. I am going out and having fun, but I still miss him. I haven't liked a guy like this for a really long time. Part of me still thinks that things will be all normal again. That's because I still really like him and haven't let him go. And I wish I could forget about him. I guess I am too busy seeing him for what I want him to be instead of who he really is.

I am dealing with this slowly. First of all, I am not beating myself up for liking him still and calling him. I am also starting to focus more on myself and what I want out of life. I've been going out, but haven't really put myself out there, but soon I will. I know that I'll be over this soon. Just a matter of time.