Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The gynecologist at the gym

Hello There My Little Desserts,

So lately I have been taking a Make Senorita Cry Like A Little Bitch class. It involves kickboxing and abs. We'll see how long I last. Basically my little chocolate eclairs, the class consists mainly of chicks, and once in a while we get a man or two, other than the male instructor.

I don't know why there aren't any more men in the class, as we do some martial arts. I think, what it is, is that because we're mainly women that they think that it's easy and that the class is for pussies.

Anyway we had a new guy try out the class on Monday. A guy who is older, has a bad combover, and a gut. You'll see why this is relevant later.

The instructor loves to torture us with ab work, and most of it involves us women putting our legs in the air and spread apart like we're going to the freaking gynegologist. You know, the splits in the air, and reaching up to touch each toe.

He also has us open our legs and swirl them around in circles and the same time. And then go in the opposite direction. What was funny about it was not that us ladies were exposing our hoohas, but that Mr. Middle Aged Balding Gut guy was the only one whining and moaning like he was giving birth. All of us ladies were sucking it up and doing it, but Mr. Combover sounded like he was birthing Moby Dick. I thought that was bad, but after about 30 seconds, he then graduated from moaning to sounding like a woman having sex. I kid you not. That was aaaaawwkward !!!!!

The teacher wasn't done torturing us then either. At the end of the class he had us do the Dying Turtle. Which was worse than the previous exercises. If you want to know what The Dying Turtle is, lie on your back, lift up your back at a 45 degree angle and spread out your arms, and then lift up and spread your legs in the air, and slowly lower them until you feel your abs burn.  It was bad enough that we were all reliving the gynecologist experience. What was worse was the instructor coming by and opening our legs more and lowering them to feel the burn. What was even worse was Mr. Middle Aged Bald Guy with his legs in the air crying like a whale was about to slide out of his vagina.

I get that I may go to Hell for laughing at that man, but I couldn't help myself. I fully support people getting back into shape, but damn ! You can shut your piehole in the process. I didn't laugh out loud, but it definitely made doing my exercises harder.

That is all for now. Please pray for me and ask Jesus to forgive me for my sins.

Muchas Gracias !




Shelly Rayedeane said...

Well at least he tried the routine even though he knew people were laughing at him.

He probably assumed the class would be easy just because his classmates were all female.

This just goes to prove people should not judge a book by its cover.

The eyes never show a person a complete picture of everything. I personally would have never gone to that class until I was in better shape, but that is just me. I know the exercises you are mentioning because I used to do some of them when I was in the fire department. And I know what it takes physically to keep up.

It isn't that I care what others think about me either. It is because I know it serves the body no purpose to do more advanced exercises before properly conditioning the body.

But then what in the hell do I know? I just put on my gortex rain gear today and took my fat ass out and did two miles in a rain storm.

I'm certain people laughed at me but I didn't care.

If one cares what other people think, the end result is usually failure.

I'm curious as to whether your moaning gym member will return for another gynecology appointment.

I commend anyone who doesn't quit, but I would probably laugh if somebody was making weird noises while I was working out too.

At least he didn't fart. Some of those ab exercises make me feel like doo dooing in my undies!

* Ashleigh * said...

Imagine if he had the speculum put into him....

Jon said...

I admire that guy...

Doing the acrobatics in a room full of senoritas laughing at him....

Anonymous said...

New people to an exercise glass have to go thru the pain!
The price of admission, the initiation, it's fair.


Anonymous said...

I saw where you said that you wanted your "college body back." That would be fine but if you're gonna do that, can I have the current one if you don't want it? ;)

Big Mark 243 said...

Sounds like that would have been me in there!! I avoid classes like that as if they spread the bubonic plague PRECISELY for the reason that this guy should have taken a pass.

But if that is the only level he can begin at, then he had to know what was coming!!

Irredento Urbanita said...

I will pray your sins can be forgiven. But you don't need it.



The Pipster said...

You are hysterical, as always...Make Senorita Cry Like A Little Bitch! I also wanted to let you know that I have awarded you the Kreative Blogger Award. You can grab the badge from my site's sidebar. I am tring to hyperlink to your site. Your little dessert, Pippi

Senorita said...

I think I may have given the wrong impresson. None of the other women were laughing at him. I wasn't laughing at him doing the exercises. I struggle a lot with those exercises too. And I wouldn't dare dream of laughing at someone exercising.

I was laughing at the noises coming out of his mouth. I was laughing at the fact that the women were quiet and he was pretty much crying. I just have never seen a grown man moan like that.

I would like to reiterate before I go....... for people at the gym that are struggling with exercises, I am not laughing at you. I applaud you for getting out there. But if you decide to sound like you are giving birth while your legs are in the air, I will laugh !

Candice said...

Be thankful the noises he was making came from his mouth and not his ass. Yes, this has happened during an exercise class I attended. Some woman apparently was full of air and decided to release it all during a yoga class. I had to leave because I was laughing so hard.

Nasty hag.

Haddock said...

That was funny

Kerrie said...

I would have laughed inside as well. x

Shelly Rayedeane said...

I hope I didn't come across wrong hon. I didn't think you were laughing at his effort at all.

I know why you were laughing. I've done the same thing before.

When I used to be a firefighter, the captain would always put me next to the rookie men at fires. Do you know why he did this?

Because often times big muscular men would give out after about an hour who were new to the force. So they would put them next to me to humiliate them by showing them the girl could outdo them.

A lot of new men quit. I used to not like them doing that but I paid my dues too.

It wasn't like I was in shape when I first started that job, ya know? I was the only female on and all male crew.

Case and point. Perception is often wrong. The truth is very short men often outdo big muscular ones.

What most people don't realize is the difference between being anaeorbically fit and aerobically fit.

Big difference. That's what I meant.

Sorry for the confusion.

MindyMom said...

Yikes, how distracting. Ya think the guy would be embarassed and try to refrain. I would have laughed, I'm sure.

dadshouse said...

My daughter did a kickboxing class last week, and it kicked her ass! Too funny, since she's in great shape from running, x-country and track. But kickboxing is something else entirely.

mac said...

Guys don't take those cardio Kickboxing classes because they're too darned hard!

I was teaching TaeKwonDo in Florida and decided to attend one of our Cardi classes, just for giggles. Pussies? No way!!!

See, I train for pain. Every punch, every kick is done with intentions of destroying my target. Well those ladies were just moving right along, knowing that pacing was called for. I completed the class without giving birth (too funny), but I darned sure didn't think they were pussies after that :-)

The Yoga? No thanks. I can't watch all those positions...I might start moaning for an entirely different reason ;-)

Jimmy's Journal said...

I don't know about the old guy, but I'm already tired just reading your entry.

We had to do the "dying turtle" in the Army. I hated it then and I hate it now.


Red Shoes said...


Of course, I shouldnt say anything... I'm in a bootcamp class that is kicking my ever loving ass...!!!

The ab work... the leg work... the arm work... its unbelievable... but I am loving most of it...

I posted about a spinning class I have been taking... and how this young lady in that class, when exerting a great deal of energy, would sound like a woman having an orgasm...

I also posted about getting to learn first hand about her orgasm sounds... :oD

Out of a class of 20 or so, I'm the only guy in the class... but I am taking it for admirable reasons... the exercise aspect...


Choleesa said...

that is hilarious. Im proud of you for not laughing out loud, cause I woulda...


I'd be curious to see if he returns.